Authors' Note: Oh I cannot tell you how thrilled I am with all the reviews I have received, almost 200! That is more than I could ever have expected! Thank you all so much! Here is my fifteenth chapter which I have decided to post early because of all the great reviews that you have given me. Thanks again! I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Tolkien's work.
Chapter 15 Stifled
My quill moved feverishly across the parchment. The sound of its scratching carried throughout the flet along with the scent of winter, heavy in the cold air. Wax dripped from the burning candle giving me light (not that I needed it) to see my writing. The spirit to find my place once more had continued to flow strongly through my veins. It had been another month and I still felt anger boiling within me. Haldir seemed to have sensed my rage, apologizing the minute he had entered the door on that fateful day. He said he had been misguided, not completely understanding what I had meant when I had asked him to come home. I suppose I am a fool, for I believed him. He was my husband and my love for him would never falter. Over the next few weeks my anger towards him ebbed and I allowed him to return to his normal ways, letting him cradle me in his arms and massage the spot at which our child grew. But my feelings toward Lintelin however, remained sour. I refused to see her, I avoided her company completely. If I had not been pregnant I would have done more. In my younger guard days, I will admit that I would not have hesitated to slap her. But now, I was concerned with the safety of my child. All she would have to do was push me and my baby could be put in grave danger. No, I had to put that aside now, things had changed. I was going to be a mother and a mother could not go around picking fights with ellith. I would fight back in a more passive manner. My old talent for music composing was coming back strong and clear. The notes flowed from my mind and the lyrics unfolded like flower petals. I was already thinking ahead. The Summer Festival, a popular one indeed, would be a good time to showcase my talents. I could perform, in the presence of the Lord and Lady themselves. Lintelin would also be present and for her, there would be no escape. But until then, I still showed my husband my love, confident that he would not stray. I just had to concern myself with Lintelin leading him to stray before then. I tired to keep the house clean. I had plenty of time now that I rarely left the flet. For now I was not worried about him, but of the she-elf who would turn to any means to claim him for her own. But maybe I was being naïve. Maybe I was too trusting of him. Maybe I should have clung to his arm during his leave taking, begging him to stay with sorrowful eyes. And as I nestled myself near his collarbone at night, perhaps I should have sobbed, shed all my worries and fears until he comforted and assured me that all was right. But as I did lie in his arms, I kept all my fear and anxiety to myself instead, biting back the tears until my head swam and my throat ached. And as he walked out the door, I smiled softly and watched him go, not moving from my seat. All the while I ran my new mantra through my head. Haldir will not leave. Haldir will not leave, will he?
Haldir's POV
Our swords meet briefly, hers scraping the edge of mine as we moved deftly to disarm one another. She was very skilled, possessing the swordsmanship and marksmanship of a true Lorien guard. It would not be long now. Soon she would be ready for work on the borders. I even thought of taking her on as a partner, requesting her rank raised so that she could become a commander. It would be nice to have her on duty with myself. I had grown quite fond of her over these past few months. She had a ready laugh and bright smile, not to mention a kind manner. I had always wondered why her and Elenwen had clashed the way they did. It was because of this that I could not have her to my home. I did want to spend more time with her, but Elenwen had become most distressed when I was late in my homecoming, so that possibility was washed away. I had to finally admit to myself that I felt a slight degree of animosity towards my wife now not that my love for her had waned, but in a sense, I began to tire of her lack of a social life. Perhaps if she had a friend she would not cling to me so. I felt stifled, sometimes wanting to push her away gently as she wrapped her arms around me too tightly. She did not want to let go, she would not let go. It was through this that I know I found myself drawn to the company of Lintelin, who offered a release from her. But still I tried to be loving and caring, promising myself that it was just the effect of the pregnancy and that it would soon cease.
"You are slow in your parries today sir," Lintelin remarked suddenly, ripping me from my thoughts.
"Oh," I lowered my weapon signaling for her to stop. "My mind is preoccupied," I answered. There was silence for a few minutes, Lintelin fiddled with her sword and then finally, spoke.
"Sir, may I ask you something, if it is not too intrusive?"
"What is that," I was intrigued, what could possible be intrusive?
'Why did you marry your wife Elenwen?" she asked, her breath coming out in a rush as she looked at me rather pensively, expecting an onslaught of my temper. But I did not anger, in fact I was quite puzzled by her question.
"Why do you ask? Isn't it obvious that I love her dearly?" I kept my voice as calm and unthreatening as I possibly could, wanting truthful answers to my queries.
"Well," the maiden dropped her eyes once more and squirmed, "it appears to me that you are very different people. Usually couples have certain things in common which I have not seen in you and your wife." I did not answer, not knowing how. As I was mulling over my thoughts, I noticed that the elleth was edging her way closer towards me. I backed up automatically for some reason, wondering why as I did so. Her next question stunned me deeply. "She stifles you doesn't she? That shouldn't be." I turned away quickly pretending to be involved with my short knives and willing my heart to cease its rapid beating.
"Come," I was eager to change the subject, "we have much more training to attend to if you wish to be placed on the borders by summer."
Ellith: female elves
Elleth: female elf