((A/n: See how many puns you can find in each chapter. At the end of
each, I'll post the number of deliberate puns that I used. But be sharp. .
.Some of them are pretty subtle.))
There was no time to think now. The creatures were upon them, and Melody whipped out her sword and struck at one that was lashing out at Bindaer. Kerredis stood beside Whelmyn and protected him in a similar fashion.
"Bindaer!" called Melody as she fought off three of the beasts, "Look! A sack full of gold coins!"
Bindaer blinked his eyes in confusion as awareness returned to him. Quickly, he pulled out his short sword and joined in the battle.
The skirmish was over shortly after Bindaer joined the clash, and the four heroes stood over the bodies of the bizarre creatures. "What are they?" asked Bindaer, kicking one as if to make sure it was really dead. One of the strings vibrated from the blow.
"Wait a minute. . ." said Melody, kneeling beside one of the carcasses. She began plucking the strings and a beautiful tune filled the air. She rose to her feet with a mixture of comprehension and astonishment on her face. "They're . . . harpies!"
"What?" said Kerredis, "They're not harpies! Harpies are winged hags who charm their prey with song. We've battled them before. You know what they look like."
"Harp . . ." Melody struck a chord and let the note ring out, then indicated the shape of them. "E's. I just realized where we are. We're in Xanth!"
"Xanth?" Bindaer guffawed, "Are you daft, wench?! Xanth is no more than a fairy tale made up by another of you bards!"
"Not even that, Bindaer," Whelmyn added, "Xanth is a self-created illusion in the minds of madmen and those mentally unstable with a queer send of humor. There is no such plain of existence as Xanth and I should say . . ."
"Be that as it may," Melody interrupted before he could go into a longwinded speech disproving the reality of Xanth, "If that's true, then we've all simultaneously gone mad, and are having the same hallucination. So tell us, Mr. Pendalton, what are the odds of that?"
"574,789,023,749 to one."
As the group continued to argue over their situation, a lean, pasty man with baby-blue eyes and a queer hat that failed to conceal his lack of hair meandered over to them and cleared his throat loudly. When he finally had their attention, he tipped his had to them in greeting. "Good evening, strangers. My name is Collin, and you are . . .?"
"Whelmyn Lightweaver Pendalton, combat arcanologist."
"Excuse me?" said Collin.
"He's a mage," Melody translated.
"Oh."
"I am Lady Kerredis Goldenleaf, priestess of the order of Lathander."
"I am Bindaer Dundatt, 37th son of King Vishahadna Dundatt of the desert kingdom of Rogalundalala."
"And I am Melody Lyreheart, the smiling troubadour, daughter of Lady Kerredis."
Collin smiled at her and kissed the back of her hand with a flourishing bow. "It is an honor to meet you, fair Melody. And the rest of you as well," he said, acknowledging the Whelmyn, Kerredis, and Bindaer. "Welcome to Xanth, my friends." Melody cast a smug glance at her companions that seemed to say "I told you so." "The good wizard sent me to greet you. He usually sends Drew out to do things like this, but he tends to get carried away with this sort of thing."
Bindaer raised an eyebrow. "Drew gets carried away?"
"Yes, but not to worry. I shall help you to make a mockery of your quest."
"Right, Collin . . . a mockery," said Melody.
"What do you mean by 'our quest'?" asked Kerredis.
Collin looked at her as if surprised that she didn't know. "Well, if you hope to return to your own world, you must complete a quest here. And I understand you were already on business of great urgency. Time is of the essence, so follow me, and I shall give you a place to begin." With that, he turned and started leading them north toward a citadel, towering high above them.
((A/N: There are three deliberate puns in this chapter.))
There was no time to think now. The creatures were upon them, and Melody whipped out her sword and struck at one that was lashing out at Bindaer. Kerredis stood beside Whelmyn and protected him in a similar fashion.
"Bindaer!" called Melody as she fought off three of the beasts, "Look! A sack full of gold coins!"
Bindaer blinked his eyes in confusion as awareness returned to him. Quickly, he pulled out his short sword and joined in the battle.
The skirmish was over shortly after Bindaer joined the clash, and the four heroes stood over the bodies of the bizarre creatures. "What are they?" asked Bindaer, kicking one as if to make sure it was really dead. One of the strings vibrated from the blow.
"Wait a minute. . ." said Melody, kneeling beside one of the carcasses. She began plucking the strings and a beautiful tune filled the air. She rose to her feet with a mixture of comprehension and astonishment on her face. "They're . . . harpies!"
"What?" said Kerredis, "They're not harpies! Harpies are winged hags who charm their prey with song. We've battled them before. You know what they look like."
"Harp . . ." Melody struck a chord and let the note ring out, then indicated the shape of them. "E's. I just realized where we are. We're in Xanth!"
"Xanth?" Bindaer guffawed, "Are you daft, wench?! Xanth is no more than a fairy tale made up by another of you bards!"
"Not even that, Bindaer," Whelmyn added, "Xanth is a self-created illusion in the minds of madmen and those mentally unstable with a queer send of humor. There is no such plain of existence as Xanth and I should say . . ."
"Be that as it may," Melody interrupted before he could go into a longwinded speech disproving the reality of Xanth, "If that's true, then we've all simultaneously gone mad, and are having the same hallucination. So tell us, Mr. Pendalton, what are the odds of that?"
"574,789,023,749 to one."
As the group continued to argue over their situation, a lean, pasty man with baby-blue eyes and a queer hat that failed to conceal his lack of hair meandered over to them and cleared his throat loudly. When he finally had their attention, he tipped his had to them in greeting. "Good evening, strangers. My name is Collin, and you are . . .?"
"Whelmyn Lightweaver Pendalton, combat arcanologist."
"Excuse me?" said Collin.
"He's a mage," Melody translated.
"Oh."
"I am Lady Kerredis Goldenleaf, priestess of the order of Lathander."
"I am Bindaer Dundatt, 37th son of King Vishahadna Dundatt of the desert kingdom of Rogalundalala."
"And I am Melody Lyreheart, the smiling troubadour, daughter of Lady Kerredis."
Collin smiled at her and kissed the back of her hand with a flourishing bow. "It is an honor to meet you, fair Melody. And the rest of you as well," he said, acknowledging the Whelmyn, Kerredis, and Bindaer. "Welcome to Xanth, my friends." Melody cast a smug glance at her companions that seemed to say "I told you so." "The good wizard sent me to greet you. He usually sends Drew out to do things like this, but he tends to get carried away with this sort of thing."
Bindaer raised an eyebrow. "Drew gets carried away?"
"Yes, but not to worry. I shall help you to make a mockery of your quest."
"Right, Collin . . . a mockery," said Melody.
"What do you mean by 'our quest'?" asked Kerredis.
Collin looked at her as if surprised that she didn't know. "Well, if you hope to return to your own world, you must complete a quest here. And I understand you were already on business of great urgency. Time is of the essence, so follow me, and I shall give you a place to begin." With that, he turned and started leading them north toward a citadel, towering high above them.
((A/N: There are three deliberate puns in this chapter.))