Disc: don't own it

Warnings: implied slash, uh…some material that some peeps might find offensive…

A/n: ha, this was a really, really random idea that came to me after reading a funny story about Draco having a brain tumour (thanks, who ever that was, v. funny) and it probably doesn't make that much sense, but I was bored and not really in the mood for something serious. So, haha, enjoy, and review if you if you find it utterly ridiculous. Or if you don't, for that matter!

"You're doing it the wrong way!"

"Well I'm trying -argh- as hard as I –ooh- possibly can."

"Obviously not hard enough!"

Severus Snape sat back on his heels and wiped an exhausted hand across his sweat-laden brow.

"Maybe we'll find it easier if you stay still."

"I'm trying to stay still, " Harry snapped. "It's not my fault if you can't push it in right!"

"Well I'm afraid of breaking it!"

Harry turned and regarded him, over his shoulder. "It's not made of glass, Severus."

Severus scowled. "You have to hold it open, then."

"I am holding it open."

"Open it wider."

"I can't! It's not elastic. You can't just stretch it. It isn't a rubber band."

Severus sighed impatiently. "There's no need to go over board."

"Will you just hurry up and shove it in!"

There was a slight pause.

"I'm not sure if I'm doing it right."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake!"

"Well the instructions aren't very clear!"

"It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. You just push into the hole. Come on, even I can do that."

"Fine, lets swap places then, if you can do it."

"Oh, don't get all snarky."

"I am not getting snarky."

"Whatever. Can we do this sometime today please?"

Severus sniffed. "I'm not sure if I'm in the mood anymore."

Harry groaned in frustration.

"Severus, please. We've been waiting for this for weeks. How can you not be in the mood?"

"Well I didn't know then exactly what it would entail. It's not the sort of thing one sees everyday."

Harry sighed. "It is perfectly natural."

"It is perfectly unnatural," Severus replied. "How can it be natural? All that up and down, in and out?"

"Right that's it," said Harry. "I'm going, I can't take anymore of this. I'll do it with someone else."

"You can't do it with someone else!" Severus cried in outrage. "It's meant to be for you and me, not just anyone. This means something, Harry."

"The only thing it means right now," Harry muttered. "Is that I'm going to wring your neck." He wiggled a finger tentatively. "I think I'm getting cramp."

"Don't be ridiculous," Severus snapped.

"Well get on with it then!"

"Alright, alright."

Severus prepared again to push, then stopped suddenly.

"Maybe we shouldn't do it on the rug."

"Severus…"

"Well it's a nice rug!" Severus replied defensively. "It could messy or ruined."

Harry closed his eyes in frustration.

"I should have known something Albus recommended could never be that simple," he muttered. "Severus, just do it. I'm dying here."

"Alright." He paused. "Ready?"

"Ready."

With a great groan, Severus pushed. It slid into the hole, and Harry pulled his fingers back just in time.

There was an audible click.

Harry peered over his shoulder. "Is it in?"

"It's in."

"Don't pull it out again."

"I'm not going to pull it out!"

Carefully, both men stood and took a step back, surveying the Hamster Heaven Wonderland through critical eyes.

"Do you think Fluffy'll like it?" Harry asked, eyes travelling up and down the numerous plastic tubes they'd spent the best part of the day assembling.

"He'll love it," replied Severus firmly.

"Honest?"

"Bloody hell, yes."

At Harry's slightly wounded look, Severus reached out and took his hand.

"Come on. Let's get the insidious fluff ball. Show him his new home. And we must thank Albus for the recommendation."

And after that, Severus thought, a nice, stiff firewhisky. The day's exertions had been very exhausting.

Fin.