Let Me Make It Alright
Chapter 31: "Falling Into You"
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"Hey… good to see you awake," he finally cooed huskily.
The brunette stared up at him full of incomprehension and with a strange glow in his gaze. Suddenly, a fit of shivers rippled through his body, causing it to tremble violently and Squall to wrap his arms around himself helplessly. Seifer's face slanted, and he sank down onto the mattress with every ounce of his being radiating concern. His own chill and discomfort vanished quickly when he saw the SeeD shaking so miserably.
"You need to get out of those clothes," he stated calmly, one hand grasping Squall's shoulder to steady him, "And you need a bath or a shower."
When Squall had re-gained his composure, he nailed his gaze to the ceiling as if in embarrassment. Seifer recognized it as such and tried to crack a carefree laugh.
"Don't get all shy on me now, ya hear? I've seen you naked before. We used to take baths together all the time as kids, remember?"
The brunette's eyes narrowed and he coughed.
"That… was a long time ago," he gurgled hoarsely.
Seifer nodded and dispensed with making one of his typical sarcastic remark; he wasn't in the mood for their familiar insulting game. He was just tired and wanted both of them to warm up. The cold had caught up with him again at last, and the prospect of a hot shower was more than just tempting. Hence, relocating Squall to the bathroom would be his next task, and he wasn't quite sure how to tackle it.
"Want me to carry you into the bathroom?"
He just prayed that the direct approach would be the best. Judging by Squall's upset expression though, it obviously hadn't been. He sighed and drew back his hands in defeat.
"I don't really think you should walk. You're just going to collapse," he explained, a strain to his voice.
Squall merely intensified his scornful glare.
'Great, he's whipping up the death glare.'
"Fine. Suit yourself then, stubborn."
Seifer stood up copiously and waited for Squall to follow his example, but the brunette made no attempt at removing his persistent stare from the ceiling. The older man scratched his head in bewilderment. He didn't know what exactly Squall was trying to achieve with his behaviour. Mentally, he cursed himself for calling Squall "ice princess" so many times. Now that the SeeD was about to literally turn into an icicle, Seifer wanted nothing more than for him to get warm quickly.
"Look, I don't care if you're trying to kill yourself or not, Squall. You're not doing this shit while I'm around, got it? If you aren't going to walk to the bathroom, I'll carry you."
As soon as he started to approach Squall again, however, the boy turned on his side with an angry grunt and weakly scrambled into a seating position. As he fought for balance, Squall kept his head low and his facial expression blank, purposely avoiding Seifer's watchful gaze. The slender brunette was still struggling with the memories of what had happened in the forest. He didn't know how much time had passed since then, but it couldn't have been too long ago since he was still wearing his wet and cold clothes. And cold they were, there was no doubt about that. He did want to take a warm shower, and at the same time, he didn't. As soon as his thoughts returned to Laguna and Rinoa, to seeing them together, he just wanted to die. Nobody cared about him or his feelings - they all just pretended and then left him in his grief. Seifer was no exception.
Anger rose inside Seifer when he saw the withdrawn and distant look on Squall's stark face. Just as he had finally started to gain the brunette's trust, Laguna and Rinoa had to show up and squash everything into nothingness. Squall had always been fragile, but he had never attempted to commit suicide. His father and his ex-girlfriend, and everyone else for that matter, had managed to push him that far. What was left for Seifer Almasy to do now but pick up the debris of Squall's shattered soul and hope that he could fix it somehow?
"Be careful…" he breathed almost inaudibly for no particular reason as he watched Squall's struggles.
Squall worked himself up into a standing position. Shakily, and ignoring Seifer's helpfully extended hand, he took his first two steps into the vague direction of the bathroom.
'This... isn't going to... w... work...'
As soon as that realization had struck him, he swayed and found himself rushing towards the ground after his muscles had simply caved in. Mentally, he prepared himself for the impact, but his body never connected with the floor. Instead, he suddenly felt himself being encircled by a pair of chilly but surprisingly strong arms, and he heard a chiding voice that whispered almost intimately into his ear and sent shivers to lance down his spine.
"I told you."
Seifer turned him around and gathered him into his arms with ease, swiping his legs off the floor as if it was nothing. Inside, the blonde was praying for his strength to hold out just a little while longer; he had already gone far beyond his limits. On the other hand, he alone had brought that responsibility upon himself, and for nothing in the world was he going to give it away.
Seifer's powers did not fail him, and Squall remained astoundingly quiet in his embrace. They reached the bathroom, and the blonde staggered just slightly before he lowered Squall to sit onto the edge of the bathtub. Of course, the Commander avoided meeting his gaze and simply stared downwards at the spotless white tiles. He was rather shocked to find Seifer suddenly kneeling in front of him and working on unlacing his boots.
"W-what are you doing…?"
The taller blonde looked up at him and cocked his head in subtle amusement. For a moment, he wondered at the alien glow in Squall's storm blue eyes that he couldn't quite place, then adjusted his focus to the mud spotted and rain soaked boots again.
"What does it look like?" he muttered, not even so sure that Squall could hear him.
Undoing the laces proved to be rather difficult; his cold and numb hands were having trouble with the intricate movements, and more than one curse spilled from his lips during the process. His skin felt prickly as if studded with needles and he had always been rather clumsy when it came to delicate handiwork. Finally, he managed to untie the pair and dropped them to the floor with a sickening wet smack. Squall's toes were almost blue as he removed his dripping black socks, and another concerned frown washed over Seifer's handsome features.
"Crap. You definitely need to warm up."
He rose and immediately reached for the hem of Squall's shirt. The brunette started to protest weakly, but Seifer was too determined and his patience had run too thin for him to give in to the childish thickhead another time. With his fingertips grazing chilly, porcelain skin, he peeled the soaked fabric from Squall's body and over his head. He was surprised to find the younger man's torso unbandaged. The wounds seemed to have healed well - purple bruises and brownish cut outlines were already fading into ivory perfection.
Squall shuddered, but refrained from crossing his arms in front of his chest. He was already showing too much frailty and weakness - he saw no need to take it any further. Thus, he clamped his gloved hands around the rim of the tub in defiance and immediately winced at the unexpected wave of pain shooting from his fingers through his entire arms.
"Shit, be careful!"
Seifer grasped Squall narrowly above his wrists and pried his hands off the tub, which almost caused the brunette to lose his precious balance. He stared up at Seifer, who seemed to be boiling with anger. Apparently, he was stringing the older man's patience quite a bit.
'Like I care.'
After snorting to himself, he roughly shot to his feet, and this time it was Seifer who had to fight for his equilibrium. The blonde staggered backwards, astonished by Squall's sudden movement and his somewhat firm stance.
"Dammit, Squall! What the fuck is the matter with you?"
The brunette wordlessly brushed past him and started towards the shower. Seifer arched an eyebrow.
"You shouldn't-"
"I'm taking a shower," Squall bit back harshly. "That's what you wanted, isn't it?"
Disbelieving, Seifer watched how Squall turned his back to him and pulled off his gloves in two sharp movements. He dropped them onto a rack and started to fidget with his belt buckle. The young SeeD did a much better job at loosening his belt than Seifer had done with his boots; seconds later, he already worked at pulling down his stiff black leather pants, miraculously managing to remove them without having to bend over in a revealing fashion. Seifer stared at the pale curves of Squall's aesthetically muscled legs and butt, flawless in all the details that the blonde managed to soak up in such a short time. Gulping, he let his gaze travel upwards along Squall's spine, roaming every inch of milky white skin until it came to a halt at the mess of chocolate brown hair that covered the head still turned away from him.
Brusquely, Squall pushed the shower curtain aside, stepped into the roomy basin and pulled the water repellent fabric close again. All the while, Seifer hadn't managed to pry his emerald eyes off the rather intoxicating sight. A welcome heat tingled through his entire body, and he manually had to adjust his breathing to a more calm rhythm to keep the heat from reaching certain areas of his body.
'Pull yourself together, this really isn't the time.'
Heaving a deep sigh, he decided to take a bath since Squall was occupying the shower and most definitely hadn't displayed any interest in company. As soon as he heard the rush of water, he started to remove his own boots and pants. Just as he stood perfectly naked, a pang of concern twitched his heart; maybe it wasn't the best of ideas to leave Squall without immediate supervision. He turned his head towards the shower, and was promptly proved correct.
A stifled thud rung from behind the obscuring veil, and Seifer didn't have to guess long over what could have possibly caused that disturbing sound. Hesitating but a second, he drew a determined breath, pushed past the curtain and stepped inside the basin.
As the plastic fabric drew close behind him, he was greeted by steam and a gush of hot water. To his feet and facing the showerhead kneeled Squall, fiercely struggling to scramble back onto his feet. He was having a hard time, as the slick walls didn't offer much support. Seifer stared at him quietly for a moment, figuring that the proud tantrum Squall had thrown just seconds earlier had probably sucked up the brunette's last bits of energy.
'If anything is going to kill him, it's his damn pride.'
He bent down and turned his head so the water wouldn't beat right into his eyes. His hands reached out for Squall, and they found the stubborn SeeD's shoulders.
"Come on," he said, gathering his powers as he started to pull. "On your feet."
With Seifer's aid, the brunette managed to achieve a fragile stance once more. Ashamed, he didn't dare to turn around. His arms hung slack against his sides, and Seifer's hands were still curled about the rounds of his shoulders. They stood about the distance of a breath apart, and ever so slowly, Squall came to realize that he didn't understand anything anymore. Seifer was always there, breaking his fall or picking him up to put him back on solid ground. Why? That question filled his conscience until it started to burn and stood etched into flames before his closed eyes. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He just wanted to know why.
Seifer saw Squall dropping his head, almost black hair now hiding the pale face. At his gentle touch, that vulnerable body was quivering once more and the shaking hands curled to tight fists, tearing the delicate flesh wounds open anew.
"Squall…"
With his heart beating faster now, he closed the space that parted them. Slowly, he let one arm travel from Squall's right shoulder across his collarbones, reaching all the way around with ease as soon as his body spooned against the smaller brunette's. The SeeD stiffened immediately. Seifer ignored it and used his other hand to wrap it around Squall's wrist. His larger hand cupped Squall's and eased it open with skilled gentleness.
"Stop. You have to stop. You're hurting yourself."
He lowered his mouth to Squall's ear and whispered ever so softly, waiting patiently until Squall's muscles unclenched. He smiled, and his breath against the brunette's ear and cheek caused the younger to tremble once more.
When he felt no more resistance against his embrace, he let go of Squall's hand and used his arm to wrap it around the boy's narrow waist. He pressed against the taut abdomen, pulling the other so close that he even filled the empty space that the arch of Squall's lower back created between them. The brunette stood perfectly still, succumbing to the protective hug at last. Despite the fact that Seifer's body was cold and the water was hot, the blonde's touch offered so much more comfort.
Even so, Squall's breath jarred at the unusual closeness and the never before experienced warmth. He shuddered yet again, but Seifer didn't let him go.
"Shhh…"
The blonde held his younger love calmly under the comforting warm waterfall that gushed from the showerhead above them. He buried his face in Squall's hair, cherishing their difference in height, tasting through half parted lips the dirt and rainwater that spotted Squall's head. He didn't mind. Anything that was Squall seemed to taste good, seemed to smell good. He loved everything about the stubborn SeeD Commander. In any other situation he probably would have felt more aroused at the feeling of the other man's body spooned against his, the curve of the other's butt pressing just barely below his crotch, but nothing about them and that moment was ordinary or usual. For the time being, he just wanted to make Squall feel better - nothing more, nothing less.
"Squall… I…"
Still, he was overcome by the urge to put his feelings into works. He wanted to tell him; for the first time in his life he felt like he couldn't bear the secret any longer, but somehow, he managed to bite it down yet again.
'Don't scare him… don't scare him…'
He tightened his embrace and breathed a soft kiss against the wet mop of hair. Squall was still rendered motionless at the contact, and Seifer could feel his stomach and chest rising in an anxious rhythm against his arms. The longer he held the brunette that way, the less he wanted to let go. He wondered how he had lived all his life without that intimacy, that gentle bodily contact. Instead, he had scarred the brunette so many times and slashed his marble skin down to the blood, as if mutilating Squall would have ever changed anything. In fact, his fingertips felt for a soft bump just above the SeeD's right hipbone that was a scar inflicted by the tip of Hyperion.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, more to himself than anyone else.
Of course, Squall had to have been oblivious to the meaning of that apology, but Seifer didn't really want to elaborate. He just wanted to savor the moment, knowing only too well that physical proximity was a rather fragile concept where Squall Leonhart was concerned.
Indeed, he suddenly felt the body in his arms shifting. Squall wasn't exactly pulling away, but he broke into short, quick fits of tremors. It didn't take long before the matching sobs pressed past the Commander's lips and he erupted into tears once more. Squall had already had a hell of a time composing himself in Seifer's protective and… loving hug, but hearing those words from the blonde's mouth had broken all of his hastily slammed up defenses. For all he remembered, Seifer had never seriously apologized for anything, and yet there he was, whispering words that couldn't have sounded more sincere. He wasn't even sure what Seifer was apologizing for, or if he was truly apologizing at all, but he sounded like he genuinely cared, he acted like he cared. It was a feeling so new and so overwhelming, that with all the emotional pain already leadening his soul, he couldn't hold back any longer.
Once more, Seifer found himself steadying Squall's worn out body. He could feel how the SeeD's legs gave in and buckled beneath him, and while making sure to grasp Squall securely, he lowered both of them to the bottom of the wet shower basin. The brunette was kneeling doubled over, hugging himself and crying uncontrollably while mumbling things that Seifer couldn't understand. The blonde mirrored his position and kneeled pasted against him, his arms firmly in place.
"Squall… it's okay… it's alright…"
He brought his head even closer to Squall's and rested his chin on top of the younger man's right shoulder. Finally, he could hear some of the seemingly senseless muttering that Squall pushed desperately into the waterfall.
"Why… why… they all… just... why... I can't... I can't stand it... everyone just leaves..."
Seifer shook his head immediately, even though Squall could only feel and not see the gesture.
"I'm right here, Squall. I'm not going anywhere."
"I… what… what did I do…"
"You didn't do anything, Squall, you hear me? You didn't do anything wrong."
"Why… she said she loved… me… she… why…"
For once, the tall blonde was at a loss for words. What was there to say? That Rinoa did love him but had chosen to betray him with his father? That Rinoa had never loved him in the first place? None of those options sounded too comforting in Seifer's ears. Finally, he chose to put all his love in one gentle motion and one gentle word as he folded his fingers softly against Squall's parted lips and placed the sweetest of kisses on a hardly noticeable scar between Squall's shoulder blades.
"Shhh."
He had found the right thing to say at last.
.
.
.
.
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To be continued!
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howls like a siren fluff alert, fluff alert Heeheee. Yes, I know, Squall is quite the puppy, isn't he? Gosh he is helpless, I wouldn't be surprised if Seifer gets fed up with him soon. It's kinda cute, though Mister "I-don't-give-a-flying-beeeeeep" all little and helpless… Seifer to the rescue/jumps around in a superman cape/ Kyahaha!
Erh, getting a little carried away again, sorry! Another fluffy, angsty, weird sort of chapter. I hope you don't mind! Thanks for all the reviews for chapter 30, glad to see some people stuck with me and some new people showed up :)