Tainted
by Apple-chan
Disclaimer: Not mine not mine not mine. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go cry somewhere.
Warnings: Shounen ai, Hao/Yoh. PG-13 for the aforementioned, and for implied sex. And also, some warnings for the OOC bit.
Dedicated to black-cat125, otherwise known as Yoh in the SKRP Community at LJ. Now, if da-mouse would only honestly admit that she likes Hao/Yoh, I'd be dedicating this to her as well.:P Heh.
-
He stood at the entrance of the tent, arms crossed, his face blank and emotionless. His long, dark brown hair fluttered in the breeze, along with his cape, but he paid them no heed.
He couldn't feel anything, because he didn't want to feel.
Pain was all around him. Pain, and sadness.
He wanted neither.
A soft, resigned sigh. Then, a slight rustle sounded as the tall, distinctive figure of someone inside the tent stepped out...and stood beside him.
His brother. Siblings--that's what they were. More than the ordinary set of brothers...they were twins.
A couple of years back, they used to be enemies. Rivals.
Then.
Things changed. What used to be a rivalry became a friendship of sorts between brothers. And what used to be just simple, straightforward brotherhood...became something else. Something that felt right, but was very, very wrong.
Lovers.
If asked how it had changed, and if it was for the better, or for worse...neither one of them can probably give an answer.
The long-haired one shifted his head slightly to gaze at his brother. "...Are you leaving now?" His tone was flat, quiet.
A hurt expression crossed over the other's features. "Iie. Oniichan, why would you think that?"
The older one sighed, and his face softened ever-so-slightly. "You KNOW why." He raised his hand up slowly, attempting to touch his brother's face...
The younger one caught his brother's hand in his, clasping it tightly, his face the epitome of seriousness. "I'm NOT leaving you."
"Why not?" This question was uttered in a soft, quiet tone.
"...Because I can't." His brother answered simply. "You need me."
An ironic laugh. "Need you?" He shook his hand forcefully out of the other's grasp. "I don't need you." He stated tonelessly. "I don't need anyone." He started to walk away from his brother. Away from the only person who can give him happiness...as well as sadness. Pain.
The worst pain.
...Enough of this, he thought silently. No more.
A sob of anguish made him stop in his tracks. He stood still, and silent, clenching his teeth as he felt the incredible wave of his brother's pain washing over him.
"Why are you doing this?" His brother whispered brokenly. "Why are you doing this to me? Why, Hao?"
And his walls crumbled.
"Because I can't have you." He stated flatly, even thought deep inside, his heart was slowly breaking into pieces. But this is all for the best. He can never have Yoh. He had to let go, for his brother's sake as well as his own. He didn't want to feel pain anymore. This is the only option...the best option.
...Wasn't it?
Yoh's pain-stricken eyes gazed at him intently. Eyes that were so like his, yet so different. Full of innocence, happiness, warmth, and love...whereas his own--they were tainted, defiled. Evil, and sinful.
Sad, and hurting.
Yet, strangely enough...there was also love there, albeit small, and very difficult to see. It had taken a special person to see it, to draw it out...and save him. That special person was Yoh.
But he knew then, just as he knew now: it was too late for him. He was far too tainted to be saved.
"Oniichan..." Yoh's pleading gaze beckoned him, pulled him...willed him to open himself once more. "Please...don't do this to me."
"It's better this way," he told his brother in a calm, firm voice. "Yoh...I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"Hurt me?" A confused, disbelieving look crossed over Yoh's features. "You don't want to hurt me? Then...what do you think you're doing right now?"
"Making it easy for the both of us," he answered simply.
Silence reigned as the younger one contemplated what the older one had said.
And then, "...Do you really want me to leave?" Yoh held his gaze, awaiting his answer.
"It DOESN'T matter what I want," he insisted quietly. "I can't have you, and you can't have me. We can't have each other. It's that simple."
"No it's NOT," his brother rose up, approached him, and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It was never that simple from the very beginning, I know. We both knew this wasn't going to be easy...but we resolved to try. Didn't we?"
He gave a sigh, touching his brother's hand and squeezing it gently. "...We never succeeded, though, did we?"
"But we can still try!" Yoh's face was extremely hopeful. "Can't we try again? For you. For me. For us. We still have a chance..."
"Iie." He shook his head, and smiled sadly at his brother. "Right from the start, I knew we weren't bound to last. But still, I had to try, if only for that singular chance that I can be with you, that you can perhaps...save me, but I know now." He paused, and sighed. "...I can never be saved."
"Oniichan...Hao..."
"Yoh." He held up his hands to silence him. "You should go."
"NO!" Yoh shook his head vehemently. "I won't leave you. I'll NEVER leave you--"
"GO." He stated firmly, his voice giving no room for an argument.
With a final, resigned sigh, Yoh turned his back, and went inside the tent to pick up his things.
Hao stood in front of the tent, silently watching his brother, an inner turmoil raging inside his mind...and his heart. He was giving up the one and only person who cared for him. He was giving up his one and only chance to be saved from the hell he had put himself in, long ago. He was foregoing his only chance for salvation...and love.
It's all for the best.
"Oniichan?" Yoh was gazing at him intently. He was holding his things, but apparently still debating on whether he should leave or not. He didn't want to leave, Hao knew that much. But he had to--for both their sakes. For everyone's sake.
He can never have Yoh, and Yoh can never have him. They can never have each other.
They had to let go, even though it hurt.
"Yoh..." An odd expression crossed over his face then, as he looked back at his brother. "I--"
And suddenly, his younger brother rushed into his arms, embraced him like he never wanted to let go...and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.
He realized, there would be no tomorrow. Because tomorrow...Yoh wouldn't be with him anymore.
And he couldn't help himself. He kissed his brother fervently, holding him as tightly as he could manage. He wanted to memorize every single inch, every little detail about his brother. He wanted to engrave them into his mind, and his heart...the memory of Yoh. Of what he had given up for everyone's sake...to ease everyone's pain, save for his own.
As they fell into each other's arms right there on the tent, the two of them sank into oblivion, savoring every kiss, every touch, every caress that the other one gave, and relishing each and every single fiber that the other one offered. For one last time, and one final night, they allowed themselves to love each other...not as brothers, but as lovers, in the most ultimate sense.
For the last time.
-
When he woke up the next morning, his older brother was nowhere to be found.
Sighing, he slowly began to put on his clothes, his eyes roving all over the place, drinking in every little detail, memorizing every line. He'll never see this place again.
This place...as well as the person who owned it.
Ignoring the pain that stabbed into his heart at that thought, he stood up, picked up his things, and stepped out of the tent.
He left his headphones behind.
Looking over at the distance, at the sky, he took a deep breath; and then, he turned around, walked over the plains, and vanished into the sunlight.
The words he couldn't utter echoed carelessly in the wind.
..Sayonara, Oniichan...
-
At a small clearing, somewhere not very far away, sat the long-haired figure of Hao, on top of a jutting rock. His brother's goodbye did not escape his senses, and as it passed over him, he could feel his heart clenching. His heart...as well as his soul.
Goodbyes were always painful...but no pain could ever compare to what he was feeling now.
It's all for the best.
He stood up, and slowly walked out of the clearing, back into his tent.
As he entered the tent, he stared at the orange headphones on top of the pillow--the only tangible remembrance he had of his brother.
His brother. Yoh.
...He would never come back.
-
OWARIMASHITA.
-
End notes:
Yes, I know...I suck at writing them, I suck at writing angst, and I suck at writing shounen ai. With all my heart, I promise, the next time I write this pairing (if there's ever going to be a next time), I'll try not to make it suck so much.
Yoh/Anna fans (as well as to the other hetero non-canon pairings fans), please take heart. I remain, true and through, still a Yoh/Anna fan. And yeah, I'll be updating Promenade real soon. Sometime before the week ends, I hope.
Lastly, if anyone wants to kill me, please do so. I would appreciate that very much.