Moment of Change
Eight Years Later
"I can't believe you had a one night stand! What happened? Did you just go out, get drunk and go home with a guy or what!?"
Shinobu quailed under Naru's verbal assault and her spreading blush suggested that Naru had come fairly close to the truth.
"Kami-sama I do not believe this!" Naru exclaimed, standing up and beginning to pace back and forth across the living room of the apartment she shared with Kitsune.
"I do not believe this!"
"For pity's sake Naru could you lay off! Shinobu's entitled to a personal life you know!"
"Don't you start Kitsune! I should have known you'd defend her!"
"What's that supposed to mean!?" Kitsune shot back furiously. "If there's something you want to say to me then say it! Don't go casting snide little allusions! And besides, Shinobu shouldn't need defending!"
"She shouldn't . . . she's going to be an unmarried mother for crying out loud!"
"So? That doesn't give you the right to carry on like she just killed someone! It's the twenty-first century Naru! Get with the times already!"
"That doesn't excuse-"
"Enough."
That one word, spoken by Haruka with quiet intensity, was sufficient to gain everyone's attention.
"Shinobu didn't ask to talk to us all so the two of you could use her as an excuse to tear strips off each other. She needs our help and we're going to give it. If the two of you want to continue your argument you can do so in private, especially since it doesn't have anything to do with Shinobu."
Naru and Kitsune needed only a glance at Haruka's face to know she was telling the truth. The two of them winced in unison at the sight of Shinobu's fearful expression as her gaze skittered fearfully between the two of them. Silence reigned for a moment, before Shinobu spoke up.
"I really didn't want to upset anyone" she murmured, her eyes now focused on the floor, "but I just . . . I just needed to talk to you."
Which meant, they all knew, that she needed their support.
"Oh Shinobu . . ." Naru murmured.
"We didn't mean to . . ."
"I just got angry because I worry . . ."
"Me too! I mean . . ."
"Enough."
Once again Haruka silenced Naru and Kitsune, but this time there was a trace of humour in her voice as she interrupted their overlapping apologies.
"You can save you self-recriminations for later as well. That's not why we're here."
"How did it happen?" Su asked suddenly before Haruka could continue. She'd arrived at Naru and Kitsune's apartment moments after Shinobu and had immediately settled down next to her, patting her friend's back and making soft little soothing noises. When Haruka had arrived and sat down on Shinobu's other side she'd moved from the couch to a chair in the corner of the room and watched events with an unreadable expression on her face.
"Su, I don't think that's any of our-"
"I was lonely."
Shinobu quietly cut across Haruka's voice, apparently unaware that the older woman had even been speaking.
"I was lonely and it was the same date that, that, you know . . . when he left, so I went out and . . ." Shinobu's voice trailed off.
"I see" Haruka said wearily. "Well, what are you going to do?"
Shinobu twisted suddenly to stare straight at Haruka, her expression stunned.
"I meant," Haruka continued "are you going to-"
"I know what you meant" Shinobu told her before Haruka could complete here sentence. There was a coldness in her voice that the others were unaccustomed to hearing as she went on.
"I'm keeping my baby. I can't believe you'd think I wouldn't."
"I'm sorry" Haruka replied, unable to meet Shinobu's gaze in that moment. "I wasn't thinking."
"It's alright" Shinobu replied softly.
"So . . ." Naru said after a few seconds "what are you going to do?"
"Well" Shinobu began hesitantly "I've checked with my boss and she said I could get maternity leave so that's okay, but I'm not sure what I'll do after the baby is born."
"I can babysit" Kitsune volunteered, surprising them all.
"You!?" Naru exclaimed incredulously.
"Sure" Kitsune replied, looking slightly hurt. "I mean, I can't do mornings but I'm up and around before one and I don't go into work until nine or ten - you know that - so I can babysit most afternoons, no problem. I'm serious" she added, seeing the uncertain expressions of some of the others.
"Are you sure, Kitsune?" Shinobu asked.
Kitsune crossed the room to kneel down in front of Shinobu.
"I'm sure" she said softly. "You're like the little sister I never had."
Haruka smiled.
"And I can look after the baby in the morning" she said with an air of finality "so you can keep working."
"Really?" Shinobu asked hopefully. On seeing Haruka's answering nod she sprang forward to throw her arms around both Kitsune and Haruka in gratitude. Naru looked from them over to Su, expecting to see the relieved smile she knew she was wearing there mirrored on the younger woman's face. Her smile faded when she saw that Su did not look in the least bit happy. Instead her expression hovered between anger, misery and . . . jealousy? Almost as if she realised Naru's attention was on her she forced her features into a more amenable expression and went over to congratulate Shinobu.
"Hey, so can I be godmother or what?"
Naru banished her apprehension when Kitsune's lighthearted question interrupted her reverie and went to join the others. It looked like the 'crisis meeting' was going to become an impromptu baby shower she thought as her smile returned.
"So . . . you were lonely" Su said quietly.
Shinobu turned from the passenger side window of Su's car, out of which she'd been watching the night time cityscape rush past, to face Su. She'd agreed to her friend's offer of a lift home because she thought they needed to talk privately, but now she wondered if it was such a good idea. Su's face was pinched into an expression of suppressed pain that Shinobu was pretty sure only she had ever seen.
Because I'm the only person who's ever caused her this kind of pain Shinobu reflected morosely.
"I'm sorry Su" Shinobu replied, fighting down a feeling of helplessness.
"Why?" Su asked, her voice unnaturally devoid of emotion.
"You know why. For . . . for hurting you."
"We've been through this before. It's not you fault that-"
"I'm still sorry."
"I know" Su sighed, exhaling heavily. To Shinobu it seemed that something left Su with that sigh, the tension sliding away from her frame and her face.
"I want you to be her godmother" Shinobu said impulsively.
Su looked over, startled.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes" Shinobu said with certainty, knowing as that her snap decision had been the right one.
"I can't imagine a better role model for my daughter."
Su barked out a curt laugh. The sound was a little ragged, but not without humour.
"Really?" she asked dryly.
"Really" Shinobu told her firmly. "Just because I don't have . . . certain feelings . . . doesn't mean I love you or respect you any less."
Su shook her head in bemusement but Shinobu could see the smile threatening to break out and breathed a silent sigh of relief at the sight. It looked like her words had been enough.
And you wonder why I love you Su thought as she turned her attention back towards the road.
Author's NotesI bet you thought I wouldn't update as fast as I said, didn't you? Well, the next two chapters (both of them longer than this one) are already complete and by the time I've released them the rest should be as well.
I've never been a believer in the whole 'Su is bisexual/gay' theory but as I was writing the part where Shinobu announces her pregnancy it just slipped into the story. I found it added an extra dimension to the story, so I left it in.