Disclaimer: You know the drill; I don't own .Hack, just like writing the
fiction.
Additional note: Brackets- [ ] indicates internal monologue. I'm no good at html code so they should be italics but...that's the best I could do.
Remnants of a Shattered Heart
Chapter II - Echoes
Alone, cold and scared, the shapeless form of the shivering Wavemaster sat in perfect silence, knees pressed against his chest, his eyes staring into the empty nothingness of The World around him. The game wasn't fun any longer, not since Mia...
He shivered again at the thought of his lost companion, trying unsuccessfully to contain the heavy sobs that tore through his body. There was no where he could go, no one to turn to, just like the real world, his very existence had become something of an unwanted alienation.
[So why are you beating yourself up over it?] The voice within his head chimed, taunting him yet speaking what he knew was true. [Why? Because it's your fault, that's why you blame yourself. You're unwanted, no one cares for you and no one wants you around either.]
"Th...that's not true." Elk whispered into the echoing darkness. "Mia cared about me."
[And where's Mia now? Face it; you as good as killed her. You're cursed, a jinx, a burden and unwanted thing to everyone who meets you. Why would anyone care for some pathetic throwback like you?]
"Shut up." Elk said again, this time so softly that his words were not even audible to his own ears, tears he fought to contain were now pouring from his eyes.
[Oh, shut up you say? It's true isn't it? You only joined The World because you wanted to feel you belonged somewhere, to give some meaning to your useless life. So here you are, in the bottom of a dungeon, crying about a virtual cat girl who isn't alive and only seemed content to use you. Look around you, you don't belong anywhere.]
"Please just shut up." Elk pleaded, yet the thoughts inside his head continued to berate him.
[Sure, maybe she did use you. Maybe Kite and BlackRose and all the others used you too, but you felt like you belonged. You thought you had friends...]
"Please..."
[So how did you repay them Elk? By betraying them, all of them. You should hate yourself more than anyone could ever hate you. And that's what your afraid to face isn't it? The fact that all of it, every miserable detail in your pathetic life is your fault. You're unwanted. Because who could ever love you?]
Elk didn't answer; he could no longer find the strength to speak. He simply buried his face into the folds of his sleeves and howled into the uncaring darkness. He hated it, life, The World, the smothering loneliness he faced everyday of his life. He hated it all, but deep down what he hated more than anything was who he was. Perhaps if he was someone else, anyone else, then he could be loved. But he was a no body, and he hated knowing that every echoing thought from within his mind, all the taunting he mentally voiced over the last hour was true. And the tears, no longer restricted by his crumbling will, fell freely from his eyes and threatened to drown him in his grief.
--Two hours prior--
Delta-Plenteous Smiling Hypha-
Elk stood alone, waiting for the Twin Blade Kite to come to his summons. He thought it was arrogant of himself to think Kite would immediately rush to him just because he Flash Mailed him, but he knew Kite well enough to know he'd desperately want to justify his actions to the timid Wavemaster. This was how Elk perceived it at any rate.
He chose this particular field because this is where he had come with Mia so many times before. It was their favorite field before it got infected and was ultimately ruined. By some standard, Elk could still feel Mia's presence here, and that gave him a degree of hope that he was doing the right thing.
The chime of musical tones and spiral of golden circles announced Kite had finally arrived at the field, but Elk would not turn to face him. "Elk..." Kite said, staring at the back of the Wavemaster who had not yet acknowledged the Twin Blade's arrival. For his own part, Elk bowed his head and refused to look at Kite, afraid his intentions may be discovered. Absentmindedly fumbling with the tarot card in his pocket, the Wavemaster took a deep breath. He needed to know the one question that was burning inside him. The one question he must know the answer to before doing what he felt he must.
"How could you?" Elk asked quietly, his voice shaking slightly as he tried to contain the bitter sorrow within his heart that seemed to eat at him from within. "How could you betray her like that?"
Kite stood silently, shifting the weight of his body from one foot to the other in a nervous sort of dance as he attempted, without success, to answer the question. It wasn't the question he expected, he thought, hoped really that Elk would simply ask 'Why?' that would have been easier to answer. Yet deep down, Kite and Elk both new why. It was necessary, as hard as it was accept, it had to be done. But as easy as it was to understand, that didn't make the fact any easier to acknowledge.
Kite had not initially thought of it as betrayal, not in those words exactly. He did what had to be done, but destroying Mia was simply the hardest task he had to undertake while cursed with the bracelet and the damning weight of trying to save The World and the coma victims. But as he thought more about it, perhaps this was a test of The World. Perhaps Mia was planted into his party intentionally by the very construct he was battling against, a means by which to test his resolve, to destroy a member of his party and a friend and shake the foundation of his own faith that he was doing the right thing. Placed in those words, Kite wasn't so sure about his commitment any longer. How much more could he endure if The World thought to challenge him again? What if The World chose to claim BlackRose?
"Answer me!" Elk pleaded, turning around to face Kite at last and snapping the Twin Blade from his tortured thoughts. "Tell me why?"
But Kite stood silent, staring at Elk as if he didn't recognize him, his own guilt threatening to overwhelm him. He couldn't seem to find the words to tell Elk he hadn't betrayed Mia, they battled Macha to save the coma patients. But despite that, Kite couldn't bring himself to justify sacrificing one life, even if that life existed only within The World, to save so many others. Was he truly right in what he did, or was he simply vain enough to think he might make a difference? Yet as Kite's mind was preoccupied with all that had happened, he failed to see Elk pull the tarot card from his pocket.
"Maybe I shouldn't have asked." Elk said silently, looking at Kite in his shy, pained eyes. "I think I'll have to find that answer for myself. I'm sorry." And with that, Elk raised the spell card The Moon in his left hand, casting slumber over the Twin Blade. Unprepared for the situation, Kite made no effort to block the spell until it was too late. Exhaustion beyond anything he ever knew possessed him as he dropped heavily to his knees and fell forward, unconscious.
"I...I'm sorry." Elk said to the sleeping Twin Blade, aghast at what he had done. "I hope you'll forgive me, but...I have to bring Mia back." It was the only hope within his sorrow that gave him strength enough to endure the uncertain fear. Blind faith, after all, was more comforting than unchallenged despair.
With as much haste as his nervous hands would comply, the terrified Wavemaster searched the item pouch and key items of Kite before finding a small square algorithmic disk the size of a computer chip. He was sure this was the virus the enigmatic Morganna had wanted him to bring to her. With this, he was closer to reviving Mia.
Stowing it away in his key items, Elk stood up and saw that Kite was beginning to stir. Not wanting to be there when he awoke, Elk gated out of the field and found himself in Mac Anu, the Root Town for Delta Server. He paid no attention to the inhabitants or the shops that peppered the virtual city, but hurriedly teleported himself to Omega Server and then entered the preset Key Words into the Chaos Gate, sending his virtual self to the field where Morganna awaited him.
"Uh...hello?" Elk asked, looking around the field for signs of the unseen Morganna, hoping she was still within this server. Walking a bit further from the location where he had gated into the field, Elk began to feel the pressure and anxiety squeeze his heart as he began to fear she might have deserted this field already.
"Please...I did what you asked me to do." Elk called again into the empty air. "If you're here, please let me know where I can find you to give you this."
"Elk..." The familiar voice called out to him, "I am everywhere, you needn't worry yourself."
"Um...okay." Elk said again, looking at the sky. "I...I brought the virus you asked me to bring you. The virus for Mia being revived, right?"
"To business then..." Morganna stated, sounding delightedly pleased as her voice rolled through the empty air, coming from all directions. "Elk, place the virus on the ground in front of your feet, I must verify its legitimacy. I do hope you'll understand."
Elk didn't hesitate to take the virus from his key items and lay it where instructed. His only thoughts were that he would soon be back with Mia.
"Quite clever, I expected nothing less from Helba. The virus is nothing more than a basic worm program with a few added features. Quite cleaver to use a simple, uncomplicated virus, I would have over-extended my own protective field. Bur with the algorithm now, I should be able to construct a proper anti-virus. I thank you Elk, your services have been most appreciative."
"Now...you'll bring back Mia?" Elk asked shyly, yet unable to hide the smile that crept to his face at the thought of seeing his beloved friend again.
The answer did not come immediately from the bodiless voice; it was silent as if still studying the virus code. "I can see no reason Elk, why I should bring her back."
It was as if Elk had been plunged into and icy lake, fear and despair had again seized his body and he struggled to take several gasping breaths, trying hopelessly to gather enough air in his lungs to plead for his friend again. "But...you promised. You said if I brought you the virus, you'd bring Mia back. You promised..."
"Indeed I did, but I also said Morganna does not break her promise to those she holds in esteem. In all The World, I have not found any as of yet whom I should hold in esteem, least of all you." Her sharp words cut Elk as deeply as if she had thrust a blade into him. "You humans are all so pathetically predictable. Did you believe that I would have any use for Maha now that she has served her purpose? For what I have no use for, I have no need for. Maha has served her purpose, as have you. I have no use for either of you." And with that, the voice was gone, and with it, all hope of bringing Mia back.
Elk collapsed again to his knees, weeping bitterly at his own foolish betrayal. He was blinded by hope, by his blinding desperation to bring Mia back. But his own foolishness, his own desperate hope cost him everything, Mia, and the trust of his companions. He was left alone with nothing but the shattered pieces of his heart and a broken promise of a dream.
###
Author's note: Thanks so much for all the great reviews everyone sent me. As you can tell, I've left another cliffhanger on this chapter. But if you've beaten the game, you know what happens. Still, its kind of fun to write all the brooding angst of Elk. And most of the chapter is flashback, not sure if I made it clear enough or not but hope everyone likes it. Please R&R. Thanks much to everyone again.
Additional note: Brackets- [ ] indicates internal monologue. I'm no good at html code so they should be italics but...that's the best I could do.
Remnants of a Shattered Heart
Chapter II - Echoes
Alone, cold and scared, the shapeless form of the shivering Wavemaster sat in perfect silence, knees pressed against his chest, his eyes staring into the empty nothingness of The World around him. The game wasn't fun any longer, not since Mia...
He shivered again at the thought of his lost companion, trying unsuccessfully to contain the heavy sobs that tore through his body. There was no where he could go, no one to turn to, just like the real world, his very existence had become something of an unwanted alienation.
[So why are you beating yourself up over it?] The voice within his head chimed, taunting him yet speaking what he knew was true. [Why? Because it's your fault, that's why you blame yourself. You're unwanted, no one cares for you and no one wants you around either.]
"Th...that's not true." Elk whispered into the echoing darkness. "Mia cared about me."
[And where's Mia now? Face it; you as good as killed her. You're cursed, a jinx, a burden and unwanted thing to everyone who meets you. Why would anyone care for some pathetic throwback like you?]
"Shut up." Elk said again, this time so softly that his words were not even audible to his own ears, tears he fought to contain were now pouring from his eyes.
[Oh, shut up you say? It's true isn't it? You only joined The World because you wanted to feel you belonged somewhere, to give some meaning to your useless life. So here you are, in the bottom of a dungeon, crying about a virtual cat girl who isn't alive and only seemed content to use you. Look around you, you don't belong anywhere.]
"Please just shut up." Elk pleaded, yet the thoughts inside his head continued to berate him.
[Sure, maybe she did use you. Maybe Kite and BlackRose and all the others used you too, but you felt like you belonged. You thought you had friends...]
"Please..."
[So how did you repay them Elk? By betraying them, all of them. You should hate yourself more than anyone could ever hate you. And that's what your afraid to face isn't it? The fact that all of it, every miserable detail in your pathetic life is your fault. You're unwanted. Because who could ever love you?]
Elk didn't answer; he could no longer find the strength to speak. He simply buried his face into the folds of his sleeves and howled into the uncaring darkness. He hated it, life, The World, the smothering loneliness he faced everyday of his life. He hated it all, but deep down what he hated more than anything was who he was. Perhaps if he was someone else, anyone else, then he could be loved. But he was a no body, and he hated knowing that every echoing thought from within his mind, all the taunting he mentally voiced over the last hour was true. And the tears, no longer restricted by his crumbling will, fell freely from his eyes and threatened to drown him in his grief.
--Two hours prior--
Delta-Plenteous Smiling Hypha-
Elk stood alone, waiting for the Twin Blade Kite to come to his summons. He thought it was arrogant of himself to think Kite would immediately rush to him just because he Flash Mailed him, but he knew Kite well enough to know he'd desperately want to justify his actions to the timid Wavemaster. This was how Elk perceived it at any rate.
He chose this particular field because this is where he had come with Mia so many times before. It was their favorite field before it got infected and was ultimately ruined. By some standard, Elk could still feel Mia's presence here, and that gave him a degree of hope that he was doing the right thing.
The chime of musical tones and spiral of golden circles announced Kite had finally arrived at the field, but Elk would not turn to face him. "Elk..." Kite said, staring at the back of the Wavemaster who had not yet acknowledged the Twin Blade's arrival. For his own part, Elk bowed his head and refused to look at Kite, afraid his intentions may be discovered. Absentmindedly fumbling with the tarot card in his pocket, the Wavemaster took a deep breath. He needed to know the one question that was burning inside him. The one question he must know the answer to before doing what he felt he must.
"How could you?" Elk asked quietly, his voice shaking slightly as he tried to contain the bitter sorrow within his heart that seemed to eat at him from within. "How could you betray her like that?"
Kite stood silently, shifting the weight of his body from one foot to the other in a nervous sort of dance as he attempted, without success, to answer the question. It wasn't the question he expected, he thought, hoped really that Elk would simply ask 'Why?' that would have been easier to answer. Yet deep down, Kite and Elk both new why. It was necessary, as hard as it was accept, it had to be done. But as easy as it was to understand, that didn't make the fact any easier to acknowledge.
Kite had not initially thought of it as betrayal, not in those words exactly. He did what had to be done, but destroying Mia was simply the hardest task he had to undertake while cursed with the bracelet and the damning weight of trying to save The World and the coma victims. But as he thought more about it, perhaps this was a test of The World. Perhaps Mia was planted into his party intentionally by the very construct he was battling against, a means by which to test his resolve, to destroy a member of his party and a friend and shake the foundation of his own faith that he was doing the right thing. Placed in those words, Kite wasn't so sure about his commitment any longer. How much more could he endure if The World thought to challenge him again? What if The World chose to claim BlackRose?
"Answer me!" Elk pleaded, turning around to face Kite at last and snapping the Twin Blade from his tortured thoughts. "Tell me why?"
But Kite stood silent, staring at Elk as if he didn't recognize him, his own guilt threatening to overwhelm him. He couldn't seem to find the words to tell Elk he hadn't betrayed Mia, they battled Macha to save the coma patients. But despite that, Kite couldn't bring himself to justify sacrificing one life, even if that life existed only within The World, to save so many others. Was he truly right in what he did, or was he simply vain enough to think he might make a difference? Yet as Kite's mind was preoccupied with all that had happened, he failed to see Elk pull the tarot card from his pocket.
"Maybe I shouldn't have asked." Elk said silently, looking at Kite in his shy, pained eyes. "I think I'll have to find that answer for myself. I'm sorry." And with that, Elk raised the spell card The Moon in his left hand, casting slumber over the Twin Blade. Unprepared for the situation, Kite made no effort to block the spell until it was too late. Exhaustion beyond anything he ever knew possessed him as he dropped heavily to his knees and fell forward, unconscious.
"I...I'm sorry." Elk said to the sleeping Twin Blade, aghast at what he had done. "I hope you'll forgive me, but...I have to bring Mia back." It was the only hope within his sorrow that gave him strength enough to endure the uncertain fear. Blind faith, after all, was more comforting than unchallenged despair.
With as much haste as his nervous hands would comply, the terrified Wavemaster searched the item pouch and key items of Kite before finding a small square algorithmic disk the size of a computer chip. He was sure this was the virus the enigmatic Morganna had wanted him to bring to her. With this, he was closer to reviving Mia.
Stowing it away in his key items, Elk stood up and saw that Kite was beginning to stir. Not wanting to be there when he awoke, Elk gated out of the field and found himself in Mac Anu, the Root Town for Delta Server. He paid no attention to the inhabitants or the shops that peppered the virtual city, but hurriedly teleported himself to Omega Server and then entered the preset Key Words into the Chaos Gate, sending his virtual self to the field where Morganna awaited him.
"Uh...hello?" Elk asked, looking around the field for signs of the unseen Morganna, hoping she was still within this server. Walking a bit further from the location where he had gated into the field, Elk began to feel the pressure and anxiety squeeze his heart as he began to fear she might have deserted this field already.
"Please...I did what you asked me to do." Elk called again into the empty air. "If you're here, please let me know where I can find you to give you this."
"Elk..." The familiar voice called out to him, "I am everywhere, you needn't worry yourself."
"Um...okay." Elk said again, looking at the sky. "I...I brought the virus you asked me to bring you. The virus for Mia being revived, right?"
"To business then..." Morganna stated, sounding delightedly pleased as her voice rolled through the empty air, coming from all directions. "Elk, place the virus on the ground in front of your feet, I must verify its legitimacy. I do hope you'll understand."
Elk didn't hesitate to take the virus from his key items and lay it where instructed. His only thoughts were that he would soon be back with Mia.
"Quite clever, I expected nothing less from Helba. The virus is nothing more than a basic worm program with a few added features. Quite cleaver to use a simple, uncomplicated virus, I would have over-extended my own protective field. Bur with the algorithm now, I should be able to construct a proper anti-virus. I thank you Elk, your services have been most appreciative."
"Now...you'll bring back Mia?" Elk asked shyly, yet unable to hide the smile that crept to his face at the thought of seeing his beloved friend again.
The answer did not come immediately from the bodiless voice; it was silent as if still studying the virus code. "I can see no reason Elk, why I should bring her back."
It was as if Elk had been plunged into and icy lake, fear and despair had again seized his body and he struggled to take several gasping breaths, trying hopelessly to gather enough air in his lungs to plead for his friend again. "But...you promised. You said if I brought you the virus, you'd bring Mia back. You promised..."
"Indeed I did, but I also said Morganna does not break her promise to those she holds in esteem. In all The World, I have not found any as of yet whom I should hold in esteem, least of all you." Her sharp words cut Elk as deeply as if she had thrust a blade into him. "You humans are all so pathetically predictable. Did you believe that I would have any use for Maha now that she has served her purpose? For what I have no use for, I have no need for. Maha has served her purpose, as have you. I have no use for either of you." And with that, the voice was gone, and with it, all hope of bringing Mia back.
Elk collapsed again to his knees, weeping bitterly at his own foolish betrayal. He was blinded by hope, by his blinding desperation to bring Mia back. But his own foolishness, his own desperate hope cost him everything, Mia, and the trust of his companions. He was left alone with nothing but the shattered pieces of his heart and a broken promise of a dream.
###
Author's note: Thanks so much for all the great reviews everyone sent me. As you can tell, I've left another cliffhanger on this chapter. But if you've beaten the game, you know what happens. Still, its kind of fun to write all the brooding angst of Elk. And most of the chapter is flashback, not sure if I made it clear enough or not but hope everyone likes it. Please R&R. Thanks much to everyone again.