It was a perfect day for a funeral, if there is such a thing.
The sky was gray and clouds hung ominously over our heads all throughout the morning. But the rain held off for a few hours. It didn't rain all during the morning, when I broke down while getting dressed. And it didn't rain when I first saw Lindsay enter the church, clinging to her aunt's hand and looking lost. And it didn't rain during the service, while the preacher spoke of Catherine's troubled past and her struggle to rise above the hard times and turn her life around.
It didn't rain until we got to the cemetery. It wasn't until we all gathered in a small circle around her grave, a small group of us that only consisted of Catherine's immediate family and her coworkers. That's when the sky finally opened up.
The rain fell down over us. It mingled with the pools of black mascara and tears that already raced down my face. They mixed together and landed on the ground in microscopic black pools of sorrow.
Nick's hand on the small of my back brought me back to the moment. I looked up. The funeral was over, and everyone was heading back to their cars.
"Are you ready to go, Sara?" Nick asked gently, steering me towards the street where my car was parked. I nodded.
"Are you gonna stop by Cath's house?" Warrick asked, suddenly appearing by my side. It took me a moment to remember that Catherine's sister was greeting guests at Catherine's house.
"I don't think so," I answered. "I'm gonna head home and get some sleep before shift tonight."
The two men nodded thoughtfully as we reached my car. I said goodbye and got into the car, keeping the radio turned off. For the first time in a long time, I actually welcomed the silence.
I was so lost in thought that I didn't realize where I was until I reached my final destination. Blinking in confusion I looked around. How did I end up in front of Catherine's house?
I watched a thin line of people walking up the drive and into Catherine's house. Cath's sister, Janet stood by the door, greeting the mourners and collecting baskets of fruit and muffins and pastries.
I sat there in my car watching for a few minutes before getting out of the car. I forced myself to walk up the driveway and into the house without stopping to think. I didn't want to chicken out of doing this.
Janet opened the door right as I got there. "Hi," I said quietly. "I'm Sara Sidle. I work...worked...with Catherine."
She smiled faintly and a thin layer of tears formed in her eyes. "I know who you are," she replied. "Catherine talked about you a lot. She really respected you."
I blinked back tears from my own eyes. "I really respected her too," I answered quietly, trying so hard to steady the shaking of my voice. She motioned me further into the house.
We stood in an awkward silence for a few moments. "So...how's Lindsay?" I asked.
She covered her eyes with her hand and rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache. She shrugged. "I guess she's taking it as well as possible. I don't know if it's completely sunken in yet. She still seems confused about it all, a little angry even."
"That's normal," I said softly, looking down. "I mean, she only lost her father a few months ago. She's just confused and doesn't know what she's supposed to feel."
She nodded and I saw her struggle against an onslaught of tears. "I just...I don't know what to say to her," she said shakily, finally giving in to the sobs. I put my arm around her and steered her to a chair, helping her sit down and handing her a box of tissues.
"Thank you," she whispered, drying her eyes.
I looked around. I saw Janet's son, Jeremy sitting in the corner of the room playing with a puzzle. I continued gazing around the room. I didn't see Lindsay. "Where's Lindsay?" I asked Janet.
"I don't know," she whispered.
I nodded, suddenly worried about the little girl that Catherine had left behind. I went upstairs and checked all of the rooms. Finding no sign of Lindsay, I decided to check outside.
I slipped out the back door and went out to the backyard. I looked around. Finding no sign of her, I slipped down to my knees beside. The cold ground seeped through my stockings.
I put my head in my hands and finally allowed myself to cry. "God, why did you do this?" I whispered, praying for the first time since I was a little girl. "Catherine has this beautiful, precious little girl that's been left behind. Why couldn't it have been me in the bathroom? Why couldn't I have been the one to get shot?" I took a deep breath and tilted my head up to the sky. The sun was out and was drying the tears on my face.
I gasped and spun around as a hand fell upon my shoulder. My breath got in my throat. Lindsay stood there, tears streaming down her face. "It's not your fault," she whispered softly. And then she opened her arms and hugged me.
The End
The sky was gray and clouds hung ominously over our heads all throughout the morning. But the rain held off for a few hours. It didn't rain all during the morning, when I broke down while getting dressed. And it didn't rain when I first saw Lindsay enter the church, clinging to her aunt's hand and looking lost. And it didn't rain during the service, while the preacher spoke of Catherine's troubled past and her struggle to rise above the hard times and turn her life around.
It didn't rain until we got to the cemetery. It wasn't until we all gathered in a small circle around her grave, a small group of us that only consisted of Catherine's immediate family and her coworkers. That's when the sky finally opened up.
The rain fell down over us. It mingled with the pools of black mascara and tears that already raced down my face. They mixed together and landed on the ground in microscopic black pools of sorrow.
Nick's hand on the small of my back brought me back to the moment. I looked up. The funeral was over, and everyone was heading back to their cars.
"Are you ready to go, Sara?" Nick asked gently, steering me towards the street where my car was parked. I nodded.
"Are you gonna stop by Cath's house?" Warrick asked, suddenly appearing by my side. It took me a moment to remember that Catherine's sister was greeting guests at Catherine's house.
"I don't think so," I answered. "I'm gonna head home and get some sleep before shift tonight."
The two men nodded thoughtfully as we reached my car. I said goodbye and got into the car, keeping the radio turned off. For the first time in a long time, I actually welcomed the silence.
I was so lost in thought that I didn't realize where I was until I reached my final destination. Blinking in confusion I looked around. How did I end up in front of Catherine's house?
I watched a thin line of people walking up the drive and into Catherine's house. Cath's sister, Janet stood by the door, greeting the mourners and collecting baskets of fruit and muffins and pastries.
I sat there in my car watching for a few minutes before getting out of the car. I forced myself to walk up the driveway and into the house without stopping to think. I didn't want to chicken out of doing this.
Janet opened the door right as I got there. "Hi," I said quietly. "I'm Sara Sidle. I work...worked...with Catherine."
She smiled faintly and a thin layer of tears formed in her eyes. "I know who you are," she replied. "Catherine talked about you a lot. She really respected you."
I blinked back tears from my own eyes. "I really respected her too," I answered quietly, trying so hard to steady the shaking of my voice. She motioned me further into the house.
We stood in an awkward silence for a few moments. "So...how's Lindsay?" I asked.
She covered her eyes with her hand and rubbed her forehead as if she had a headache. She shrugged. "I guess she's taking it as well as possible. I don't know if it's completely sunken in yet. She still seems confused about it all, a little angry even."
"That's normal," I said softly, looking down. "I mean, she only lost her father a few months ago. She's just confused and doesn't know what she's supposed to feel."
She nodded and I saw her struggle against an onslaught of tears. "I just...I don't know what to say to her," she said shakily, finally giving in to the sobs. I put my arm around her and steered her to a chair, helping her sit down and handing her a box of tissues.
"Thank you," she whispered, drying her eyes.
I looked around. I saw Janet's son, Jeremy sitting in the corner of the room playing with a puzzle. I continued gazing around the room. I didn't see Lindsay. "Where's Lindsay?" I asked Janet.
"I don't know," she whispered.
I nodded, suddenly worried about the little girl that Catherine had left behind. I went upstairs and checked all of the rooms. Finding no sign of Lindsay, I decided to check outside.
I slipped out the back door and went out to the backyard. I looked around. Finding no sign of her, I slipped down to my knees beside. The cold ground seeped through my stockings.
I put my head in my hands and finally allowed myself to cry. "God, why did you do this?" I whispered, praying for the first time since I was a little girl. "Catherine has this beautiful, precious little girl that's been left behind. Why couldn't it have been me in the bathroom? Why couldn't I have been the one to get shot?" I took a deep breath and tilted my head up to the sky. The sun was out and was drying the tears on my face.
I gasped and spun around as a hand fell upon my shoulder. My breath got in my throat. Lindsay stood there, tears streaming down her face. "It's not your fault," she whispered softly. And then she opened her arms and hugged me.
The End