A/N: I am annoyed by the sudden up rise of Mary-Sue and CYOA fics in the Yu Yu Hakusho section. No, I am more then annoyed. I am outraged. And I am sure there are other's out there who are just as outraged as I am. I am writing this for you, my friends.

Kuronue: No, you're writing this for your own sick enjoyment.

Ammy:…That too.

Disclaimer: If I owned Yu Yu Hakusho, I would never allow the Mary-Sue and CYOA authors to write these horrible things about my precious characters. But because I don't own it, the little horrors continue to control the YYH section.

Kuronue: Oooh…dramatic.

Ammy: Oh, shut up!

Warnings: Shonen ai, HieixKurama, others in the future, Mary-Sue bashing.

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Chapter One

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            "Our plan is fail proof!" A tall, graceful female youko with long, glistening gold hair and bright blue eyes giggled, her tail swishing back and forth.

            Her companion, a rather short fire demon with waist length red hair styled in two pig tails nodded, a smirk evident on her lip-gloss coated lips.

            The two were Mary-Sues, or perfect original characters. They were demented vixens, who thought that no man could resist them. You see, the Mary-Sues possessed a certain perfume, a deadly and dangerous concoction, that didn't smell very good at all. But that didn't matter. The perfume had a secret. One spritz, and every man for miles would come to them drooling.

            These two Mary Sues were currently drenched in that perfume. So why were there no drooling men surrounding them, worshipping their perfect bodies? Because that wasn't part of the plan. To make this plan work, the two had moved to a ghost town, where they were the only two inhabitants. They had built themselves an inescapable, stainless steel fortress with their own two hands, and broke quite a few nails in the process. A manicure had fixed that up, though.

            Sakura, the youko, was currently leafing through a spell book, which she couldn't understand all that well, but it made her look smart, so what the heck? Crystal, the fire demon was filing her nails, scowling all the while, because it made her look tough.

            "That is like, so going to give you wrinkles!" Sakura said, looking up from the book.

            Crystal didn't say anything, but stopped scowling right away. If scowling was going to ruin her perfect skin, she'd just settle for looking bored.

            "I found it! I found it!" Sakura yelled, clapping her hands together, her golden tail swishing back and forth.

            "YAY!" Crystal cried, then she remembered that she was tough. "I mean, uh, oh yeah… Hn."

            "They are so gonna love us!" Sakura giggled.

            "I know!...Err, umm, wait, that isn't right…err…oh yeah! Just read the spell, baka." Crystal said.

            "Like, okay!" Sakura giggled, again, and began chanting.

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            "Well, that took care of 'em!" Yusuke said, lowering his hand. He'd just delivered the final blow. The Reikai Tantei had been fighting a particularly tough band of youkai that had been causing trouble in Makai. Koenma had been very worried, so he'd assigned the Tantei to take care of them.

            "Piece o' cake!" Kuwabara said, laughing loudly.

            "Hai…" Kurama said, before he let out a little yelp, clutching his arm and sinking to the ground.

            "Are you okay, kitsune?" Hiei asked, kneeling down next to the injured fox.

            "Ah, yes Hiei, just a minor wound." Kurama smiled weakly.

            "You're bleeding pretty heavily," Hiei observed. He ripped off a strip of his coat, wrapping it tightly around Kurama's arm. "That'll stop the bleeding until we can get you to Yukina."

            "Thank you," Kurama said, beginning to get up. Hiei wrapped an arm around the kitsune's waist, slinging the fox's good arm over his shoulders. Kurama looked surprised at Hiei's sudden act, but then he smiled. "Thank you again."

            "…Those two are sickeningly sweet." Yusuke said, making a face.

            "Ugh, Kurama with the shrimp. And I thought he had good taste, too!"  Kuwabara groaned.

            "I heard that, carrot top-" Hiei started to say, but a bright light surrounded him and Kurama, and a mysterious female voice was chanting, and she was rather off-tune at that. Slowly, Hiei and Kurama started to disappear, leaving behind a very shocked Yusuke and Kuwabara. The last they heard of the two was Hiei shouting "WHAT THE F-?!", before the two completely disappeared, along with the freaky light and tone-death chanting.

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            "It worked! It worked!" Sakura screamed in glee, dancing in delight. Her sapphire blue eyes shone with happiness. That, and she'd used a bit too much eye-brightening make-up.

            Crystal was yelling "Oh my God, oh my God!" until she remembered that she was the tough one. She promptly folded her arms across her all too busty chest and said "Hn." while looking all pouty. Maybe it was because she'd emptied a couple tubes of lip-gloss that morning.

            A bright light shone in the center of the room, and slowly, two figures became visible through it. When the light cleared, the two figures were revealed as Hiei and Kurama who both looked very confused.

            "Where the hell are we?" Hiei growled. Kurama opened his mouth to answer, but something collided with him, promptly knocking the wind out of our poor fox.

            "Koibito!" Sakura exclaimed, hugging Kurama so tightly she was probably cutting off his air supply.

            "Excuse me," Kurama said, as he untangled her arms from around his waist, "Do I know you?"

            "You've forgotten about me?" She cried in mock-disbelief, "Oh, Kurama, how could you? I'm only your soul mate!"

            "…Soul mate?" He asked, emerald green eyes know wide with confusion, shock, and slight fear. He knew youko was a slut, but to have slept with something that wore this much makeup?

//Don't blame this on me! I don't know her either!// Youko hissed.

            "Yes! Soul mate! You promised to love me and only me forever!" She said, bright blue eyes coated with mascara now glaring at him.

            "Would you care to explain to me how I know you?" Kurama asked, putting a hand on Hiei's shoulder. The little fire youkai was shaking with rage.

            Sakura's golden fox ears perked up, "Okay!" She yipped in delight at the chance to tell the story of how she met her 'love'. "I was a simple girl, not of a very high class,  but no one in my village cared very much, seeing as they all thought I was so very beautiful and they were won over by my, like, charming personality!" She flipped her hair over her shoulder, her voice lowering to a dramatic whisper. "And then…" She sniffed, her eyes glistening with tears, "my village was attacked by rabid demons. They killed everyone…except me. You saved me, my love! Oh, you were so heroic-" Youko made gagging noises, and personally, Kurama agreed.- "and brave! And after you rescued me, you comforted me and we made passionate love and then you promised to always love me!" Of course, this sickening tale was completely false.

            "Kuronue and I never rescued any females from rabid demons," Kurama said, once again trying to untangle himself from the girl who was currently glomping him.

            "Kuronue?" Sakura looked up. "Who's that? Another woman?" Her eyes narrowed.

            "No, Kuronue was my partner in thieving. If you don't know of him, then I doubt Yoko and you ever met." Kurama said, raising an eyebrow at the rather surprised looking fox demon staring at him.

            "A glitch!" Sakura shouted, throwing her arms in the air. "How could this have happened? How?" She looked over at Crystal, expecting the other girl to give her an answer. Crystal was simply standing in a corner, scowling, and shooting glances at Hiei. "Crystal? You're supposed to, like, tell me how this happened now." Sakura pointed out.

            "What?" Crystal asked, pausing in her drooling over Hiei activities for a minute.

            Sakura scowled, grabbing Crystal by the arm and dragging her out the hallway, bolting the door behind them so the two bishounen trapped inside couldn't get away. Poor, poor bishies.

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            "Something was overlooked," Sakura stated, pacing back and forth. "Some guy named Kuronue, we didn't know of his existence, and now Kurama doesn't believe my story." She paused, "I wonder if this Kuronue guy's hot?"

"Hiei isn't paying attention to me!" Crystal whined, momentarily forgetting her tough act. "He's supposed to see me and fall madly in love!"

            "Kurama should have proposed by now!" Sakura exclaimed. "The perfume obviously isn't working! Maybe it's expired?"

            "No, it doesn't expire for another millennia," Crystal said, frowning. Something was wrong. The perfume should have worked. It had worked in all the tests they'd performed.

            Sakura dug a bottle of the perfume out of her pocket. "Maybe there's something wrong with it?" She sniffed the contents and scanned the label several times. "Look's normal to me."

            "Let me see!" Crystal grabbed the bottle. Her eyes fell on the small warning label on the bottom of the bottle. Squinting at the small type, she read aloud, "Warning: May cause…blah blah blah…yatta yatta yatta...It's just the same old stuff…wait, what's this?" Crystal's eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

            "What? What?!" Sakura yipped impatiently.

            "Look what it says right here, in the really small type." Crystal pointed. Sakura squinted at the type. "Mary-Sue Love Magic Perfume will only work on straight men." Sakura read. It took a few moments for this information to sink in before both girls turned to each other and said in unison.

            "…Oh shit."

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            When the two entered the room again, they found Hiei and Kurama in a rather 'interesting' position. Crystal made gagging noises and the two looked up, Kurama blushing and Hiei…well, Hiei didn't care all that much.

            Sakura, determined to make Kurama hers if it was the last thing she did, spritzed a bit more perfume on. When nothing happened, she scowled. Things were not going her way. Things were always supposed to go Mary-Sue's way! Then, by some surprising act of observance, Sakura noticed Kurama's blood soaked sleeve.

           "Oh my God!" She screamed, rolling up his sleeve. "You're bleeding!...And I've totally got blood on my hands now! Ewwww!"

            "Get your hands off of him." Hiei growled, twitching. He really wanted to set this place on fire. So why didn't he? Because the Mary-Sues had put wards all over the place, sealing both his and Kurama's youki. However, since they were Mary-Sues, Sakura and Crystal both still had their youki. Sickeningly twisted, no?

Crystal rolled her eyes and sent a meaningful glance at Hiei. Only to be ignored. Again. She stamped her foot in frustration.

            Sakura, after washing her hands several times with disinfectant soap and strapping on latex gloves, had her hands hovering over Kurama's injured arm, her eyes closed, her golden hair fanning out behind her. Slowly, a super sparkly light enveloped Kurama's arm, healing him. "There!" Sakura stepped back to admire her handy work.

            "A youko with healing powers?" Kurama blinked, looking at his now healed arm.

            "Don't question them, kitsune. They're Mary-Sues. They can do just about anything." Hiei said, glaring at Sakura and Crystal.

            Sakura beamed, "Did I mention I'm Miss USA?"

            "Who cares about beauty contests?" Crystal said, looking at Hiei again. He made a rather rude gesture at her. She pouted, kicking the wall in frustration.

            Kurama sighed. He had to get out of here. These girls were psycho. Completely psycho. He'd dealt with a lot of psychos, most of them crazy fanfiction authoresses, but he'd never faced anything so…so…creepy.

            He looked at Sakura, who was looking at him with what he supposed was a sexy look. He shuddered. Didn't they get it that he was not interested in them? He really wasn't interested in anyone except Hiei. And Youko was still grieving over Kuronue, but that didn't matter much.

            One thought was running through our favorite kitsune's head, and that thought was: WE GOTTA ESCAPE!!!

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            Tara stood at the entrance to the ghost town, leaning against the sign announcing that she was now in "Middle of Nowhere, Fanfiction Town". Her mascara framed eyes narrowed as she observed the steel prison Sakura and Crystal had built. Oh, she knew them well. They had stolen her spell book in order to summon some bishies.

            Tara laughed bitterly. They thought they could escape her. But she had tracked them down. And it hadn't taken her that long. She was a one-woman-Reikai-Tantei after all.

Yep, Tara was a Tough-Gal-Mary-Sue. She was a human with an enormous amount of Reiki, and a Reigun blast that rivaled Urameshi Yusuke's. And that's why she and Yusuke were perfect for each other. And that's why she had to get her spell book back so she could summon him. Her beloved. She sighed, then snapped her head back up. No, she couldn't be weak. She started walking towards Sakura and Crystal's hideout, ignoring the fact that her black spandex shorts were riding up.

Sakura and Crystal were going to regret crossing Tara's path.

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…Yuck…

Kuronue:*Twitches* That bitch wants to get her hands on my Youko?! You had better not allow this, author chick.

Ammy: Don't worry. Hiei would kill me too. O.o;;

Kuronue:*Twitch* Uh-huh. Am I in this?

Ammy: Yeah. Sometime in the next chapter, I think.

Kuronue:…MexYouko, huh?

Ammy:…I'm addicted. -.-;; I'm so sad.

Kuronue: Yep. ^.^

Ammy:…Just tell the readers to review.

Kuronue: Review! Or the Mary-Sues will have their way! And no one wants that!

Ammy:*Shudders* Yeah…Scary, scary Mary-Sues. Leave a review and the Mary-Sues will get theirs! XD