This chapter is one that was hard to write. Unlike the other chapters where
I could draw on personal things plus everything else from the series and
various discussions I've had this one and the next one were unable to be
all drawn on. And also, I wanted to do a specific thing with the next two
chapters...
The case Vaughn Pearson - Don't abandon me!
Vaughn stood in a football field. People ran around him. No one stopped to talk to him. No one acknowledged he was there. Pain was etched on his face.
"This is my life. Loneliness."
Why do you fear this?
"Because it happens."
Why do you fear this?
"Because I hate being alone!"
Why do you fear this?
"Because if I'm not acknowledged by anyone, then do I exist?"
You fear you will lose your identity?
"Yes."
You fear you will cease to be?
"Yes. My self and the self's world will cease to be."
Thus, you form bonds?
"The bonds are what keeps me here! They make me human!"
So, you form those bonds?
Josie put her hands over his shoulders and leaned into him. "So I'm just here so you can be? I am no more in your heart than you are in the others?"
"No, it's not that," he said quietly.
"If I can't have you all to myself, then I don't want you at all!" She pushed him forward and he fell to the ground. "I despise you."
"No!" He yelled.
If they abandon you, you don't go after them?
"Why should I? They left me!"
And so, you leave them be?
"Of course, if I go after them and make them like me, how do I know they won't abandon me again?"
Do you fear being loved?
"What?"
Do you fear being loved?
Vaughn entered the college dorm with a bottle of champagne. Josie sat on the end of the bed a subtle smile on her face.
"Do you love me?" He asked.
"Yes," she replied.
"Will you abandon me?"
"No," she replied.
"Why not?"
"Is that what you want?" She asked, brushing her hand along his face.
"I thought it wasn't, but now I'm not sure."
"You want to loved? You want someone to keep you close? Is that what you want then?"
"I thought it was, but now I'm not sure."
Josie slapped him hard across the face. He clenched his hand into a fist and relaxed it immediately. "You're impossible!"
You want to be abandoned. So, you can blame others.
"That's not real! It can't be!" He yelled.
He woke up in his own bed. "Why don't you accept me?"
You do not allow people to.
"That's not true!"
The reality is, you are afraid.
"I'm not afraid... I'm... unsure," he said trailing off.
This is reality.
"No it's not reality!"
This is reality.
"How is this reality?"
Josie appeared again. This time in front of him. "It's what you want. Your truth. You don't want to be abandoned. You want to be loved."
Lucas appeared to his side with his back turned. "But you believe that if you allow people to love you, if you allow yourself to love, that they will abandon you in time. Is that why you wanted me to love Josie?"
"But you do..."
"Reality is as you perceive it. Anywhere can be heaven as long as you make it so," Josie said monotone. "If your reality perceives rain as making you sad and sunshine as making you happy you will always believe it. Even if you can enjoy rainy days."
This is reality.
"Being abandoned is reality?"
No. What you feel. What you see and what you desire are all a part of reality.
"So, I can exist, even if the others don't want me?" He asked. "I can exist even if nobody takes any notice of me as long as I notice me?"
"It's taken you this long to realize that?" Josie asked mockingly.
"As long as you want yourself, as long as you love who you are," a loving female voice said. "You will need nothing else."
Like an angel.
Her hand touched his face.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
This is reality.
The case Vaughn Pearson - Don't abandon me!
Vaughn stood in a football field. People ran around him. No one stopped to talk to him. No one acknowledged he was there. Pain was etched on his face.
"This is my life. Loneliness."
Why do you fear this?
"Because it happens."
Why do you fear this?
"Because I hate being alone!"
Why do you fear this?
"Because if I'm not acknowledged by anyone, then do I exist?"
You fear you will lose your identity?
"Yes."
You fear you will cease to be?
"Yes. My self and the self's world will cease to be."
Thus, you form bonds?
"The bonds are what keeps me here! They make me human!"
So, you form those bonds?
Josie put her hands over his shoulders and leaned into him. "So I'm just here so you can be? I am no more in your heart than you are in the others?"
"No, it's not that," he said quietly.
"If I can't have you all to myself, then I don't want you at all!" She pushed him forward and he fell to the ground. "I despise you."
"No!" He yelled.
If they abandon you, you don't go after them?
"Why should I? They left me!"
And so, you leave them be?
"Of course, if I go after them and make them like me, how do I know they won't abandon me again?"
Do you fear being loved?
"What?"
Do you fear being loved?
Vaughn entered the college dorm with a bottle of champagne. Josie sat on the end of the bed a subtle smile on her face.
"Do you love me?" He asked.
"Yes," she replied.
"Will you abandon me?"
"No," she replied.
"Why not?"
"Is that what you want?" She asked, brushing her hand along his face.
"I thought it wasn't, but now I'm not sure."
"You want to loved? You want someone to keep you close? Is that what you want then?"
"I thought it was, but now I'm not sure."
Josie slapped him hard across the face. He clenched his hand into a fist and relaxed it immediately. "You're impossible!"
You want to be abandoned. So, you can blame others.
"That's not real! It can't be!" He yelled.
He woke up in his own bed. "Why don't you accept me?"
You do not allow people to.
"That's not true!"
The reality is, you are afraid.
"I'm not afraid... I'm... unsure," he said trailing off.
This is reality.
"No it's not reality!"
This is reality.
"How is this reality?"
Josie appeared again. This time in front of him. "It's what you want. Your truth. You don't want to be abandoned. You want to be loved."
Lucas appeared to his side with his back turned. "But you believe that if you allow people to love you, if you allow yourself to love, that they will abandon you in time. Is that why you wanted me to love Josie?"
"But you do..."
"Reality is as you perceive it. Anywhere can be heaven as long as you make it so," Josie said monotone. "If your reality perceives rain as making you sad and sunshine as making you happy you will always believe it. Even if you can enjoy rainy days."
This is reality.
"Being abandoned is reality?"
No. What you feel. What you see and what you desire are all a part of reality.
"So, I can exist, even if the others don't want me?" He asked. "I can exist even if nobody takes any notice of me as long as I notice me?"
"It's taken you this long to realize that?" Josie asked mockingly.
"As long as you want yourself, as long as you love who you are," a loving female voice said. "You will need nothing else."
Like an angel.
Her hand touched his face.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
This is reality.