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"Olivia, I'm sorry. It's my fault. I just made assumptions. Can we pretend I didn't just throw myself at you? Ha, ha. You didn't notice it, right? Yeah, okay. So back to normal on Monday, ri-" beep
Olivia replayed the message and stalked around her apartment like a rat in a cage. What the fuck, what the fuck, the fuck? Yeah, Monday, normal. One more mask to wear. Normal.
Monday came and went. And another and another. They steered clear of each other at first, letting professionalism cover their discomfort. Then late one evening, Detectives Benson and Stabler tracked the ADA down at a restaurant. She knew they assumed she was on a date with Langen. Olivia relaxed a bit after that. And Alex pretended not to notice the effect her red dress had had on the detective that night.
"This job can change people, twist them," Alex finally offered some time after Elliot had led the cuffed suspect out of the interrogation room. Olivia was clearly disturbed by the guy. She'd paced the small room with a restless vigilance throughout the interview with David Hecht, an SVU detective suspected in a string of violent rapes involving prostitutes. He was claiming that the "rough sex" was consensual, paid for. She finally stopped moving and sat across from Alex who was growing impatient. "Some people work out their issues in the bedroom," Alex concluded without making eye contact. She watched Olivia's hands unwind a paperclip.
"Or avoid them in the bedroom." Olivia quietly laid the clip on the table. She had said it as an apology. For running out, for not explaining herself properly. She wanted to explain herself. But Alex wasn't about to touch that line.
"Well, maybe he just got addicted to the sense of control. Ironic. Out of control violence and rape for the sake of feeling in control. I don't think we'll ever really know why rapists rape." Alex kept throwing words up, waiting for Olivia to, what? Something. To get to whatever Olivia was trying to get to. They'd been not quite getting there for the past five minutes.
"Maybe that's why ... I prefer being with men. To be in control," she paused, saying half of it. Her voice was harder than she intended.
"Oh, I see," said Alex, although she didn't. She didn't see what the hell this had to do with anything. 'I prefer being with men,' my ass. I shouldn't have let you off the hook so easily before. "Sometimes, Olivia, it's good not to be in control. Sometimes it's the best part. You know, there have been more than a few occasions when I was damn happy to prefer women," her voice grew quieter, but not softer. "The physical parity, one would have a better chance in a physical attack by a woman than a man." Fuck your illogical, lame-ass excuse.
Olivia mumbled out the rest, "Not to control someone else. To be in control of myself." She pulled at the collar of her t-shirt then continued, "I'm afraid to get carried away, if I get too caught up...."
Oh, Alex thought as Olivia fell mute. Oh, shit, Olivia. "You're not-"
"Yeah, right, I know. No, I know I'm not. I'm not Hecht. I'm not...." Waving her hands, she didn't say it, unsure whether she'd run out of words or out of conviction. She took a deep breath and blinked hard. Alex leaned forward at a loss for anything else to do. Olivia pressed her palms on the tabletop. She felt snagged, caught between her confession and the sharp edge of her life. "Okay, so...okay," she said as if they had just settled something, and the detective stood and left the ADA to gather her paperwork.
"Olivia, I'm sorry. It's my fault. I just made assumptions. Can we pretend I didn't just throw myself at you? Ha, ha. You didn't notice it, right? Yeah, okay. So back to normal on Monday, ri-" beep
Olivia replayed the message and stalked around her apartment like a rat in a cage. What the fuck, what the fuck, the fuck? Yeah, Monday, normal. One more mask to wear. Normal.
Monday came and went. And another and another. They steered clear of each other at first, letting professionalism cover their discomfort. Then late one evening, Detectives Benson and Stabler tracked the ADA down at a restaurant. She knew they assumed she was on a date with Langen. Olivia relaxed a bit after that. And Alex pretended not to notice the effect her red dress had had on the detective that night.
"This job can change people, twist them," Alex finally offered some time after Elliot had led the cuffed suspect out of the interrogation room. Olivia was clearly disturbed by the guy. She'd paced the small room with a restless vigilance throughout the interview with David Hecht, an SVU detective suspected in a string of violent rapes involving prostitutes. He was claiming that the "rough sex" was consensual, paid for. She finally stopped moving and sat across from Alex who was growing impatient. "Some people work out their issues in the bedroom," Alex concluded without making eye contact. She watched Olivia's hands unwind a paperclip.
"Or avoid them in the bedroom." Olivia quietly laid the clip on the table. She had said it as an apology. For running out, for not explaining herself properly. She wanted to explain herself. But Alex wasn't about to touch that line.
"Well, maybe he just got addicted to the sense of control. Ironic. Out of control violence and rape for the sake of feeling in control. I don't think we'll ever really know why rapists rape." Alex kept throwing words up, waiting for Olivia to, what? Something. To get to whatever Olivia was trying to get to. They'd been not quite getting there for the past five minutes.
"Maybe that's why ... I prefer being with men. To be in control," she paused, saying half of it. Her voice was harder than she intended.
"Oh, I see," said Alex, although she didn't. She didn't see what the hell this had to do with anything. 'I prefer being with men,' my ass. I shouldn't have let you off the hook so easily before. "Sometimes, Olivia, it's good not to be in control. Sometimes it's the best part. You know, there have been more than a few occasions when I was damn happy to prefer women," her voice grew quieter, but not softer. "The physical parity, one would have a better chance in a physical attack by a woman than a man." Fuck your illogical, lame-ass excuse.
Olivia mumbled out the rest, "Not to control someone else. To be in control of myself." She pulled at the collar of her t-shirt then continued, "I'm afraid to get carried away, if I get too caught up...."
Oh, Alex thought as Olivia fell mute. Oh, shit, Olivia. "You're not-"
"Yeah, right, I know. No, I know I'm not. I'm not Hecht. I'm not...." Waving her hands, she didn't say it, unsure whether she'd run out of words or out of conviction. She took a deep breath and blinked hard. Alex leaned forward at a loss for anything else to do. Olivia pressed her palms on the tabletop. She felt snagged, caught between her confession and the sharp edge of her life. "Okay, so...okay," she said as if they had just settled something, and the detective stood and left the ADA to gather her paperwork.