Brown eyes met blue. There was no truce in this moment. Eyes did not have permission to wander without consequence, and trespasses would not be forgiven. Is that what I want? Her nervous system jangled one answer, her heart pounded the other. She had to make a choice, a move.
"Yes," Olivia answered. She took a hesitant step forward and paused. Alex didn't give way. Ah, right. Fuck.... "Um, do you want me to?"
Alex stared at the brunette. "You don't get to have whatever you want just because you decide you want it." Her voice was soft but clear.
"I didn't. I mean, just expect, or decide," her eyes darted from side to side, looking for a safe place to rest. "I didn't know-"
"But you did, didn't you? Know." Alex, eyebrow raised, dared her to deny it.
"Yes," she answered again. Alex couldn't tell if it was surrender or advance she saw in Olivia's expression, but she let Olivia in anyway. As she passed through the doorway, Olivia felt the hair on the back of her neck rise. The apartment felt smaller than she remembered. They stood awkwardly for a while, Alex's arms crossed over her chest. Olivia wished Alex had left a window open. She took as deep a breath as she could get and said, "Look, I wish I'd been... or done...," she shifted her shoulders nervously, "whatever you needed me to before. Before you, before this." She watched Alex set her jaw.
"What I needed? Olivia...," she gave an exasperated sigh and ran her hand through her hair. She understood what she was trying to tell her even if she got it all wrong. "I wished you'd worked through this crap before, too." And she meant it. She wanted nothing more than to walk that woman right into her bedroom, and nothing less than to deal with the aftermath.
"Alex, I can't have already fucked this up. Please, not now." Olivia took a step toward her, holding her palms up. Alex could see her shaking, and her resolve weakened.
"Okay," she put her hands on Olivia's shoulders but kept her at arm's length. "It's okay. I'm sorry." What was she sorry for? I'm sorry you're a closet case. I'm sorry I'm a closet case too. Maybe if I'd been more open from the start you could have, I don't know, gotten used to the idea before my less-than-suave seduction scared the hell out of you. She was about to say all these things when Olivia came forward and kissed her. Her lips were as warm as she remembered. We should talk, Olivia. And as soft. Alex opened her mouth and let the kiss deepen. She could feel Olivia's heart beating against her chest. She ran her hands up to her shoulders and slipped off her leather jacket, which landed softly at their feet. Olivia put one hand on Alex's hip, and slid the other up her back. She marveled at how small her back was, how narrow her shoulders. To hold her felt so foreign, so right.
Alex felt Olivia grab the back of her shirt and tug. The kiss grew demanding, bruising. Alex leaned away and broke the kiss. Breathing heavily, Olivia fell back. Something between shock and panic flashed across her eyes. Quickly, Alex pulled her close again and whispered in her ear, "You don't have to be afraid to lose control. You do have to tell me what you want."
"Want?" Alex's breath against her neck drove multi-syllabic words out of her reach. "You?"
Alex chuckled softly. "Okay, I like that, but it won't get you everything you want." She tilted her head back to catch Olivia's wide eyes. "You have to tell me. You have to say it, understand?" She understood the warmth of Alex's skin inches from her own. Olivia nodded. Alex smiled at the lie. "I'm not going to touch so much as one hair on your head unless you tell me you want it."
Olivia swallowed. She raised her hand to Alex's face and ran her thumb across the soft, pale cheek. She let her fingers curl into the silky blonde hair while she placed light kisses gently long her neckline. She wanted to feel all of Alex. Needed to feel her. She pulled her closer, hip to hip, breast to breast. "Kiss me." And Alex did.
Olivia untucked Alex's shirt and touched skin. The contact was enough for a moment. The moist warmth against her fingertips made her palm ache. But only a moment. She pushed the shirt up and over Alex's head, running both hands down her arms, shoulders, sides, hips. She stole a quick peek before returning to Alex's mouth. Alex rested her hands on Olivia's shoulders, eventually letting one slowly roam along the path only her eyes had been allowed to fall on before. Loose collar around the neck, the triangle of smooth skin in the V of the shirt, then button, button, button, belt buckle, coaxing a small moan from the brunette. She felt Olivia arch into her and shiver. "What do you want to do about that?"
"I want you to touch me," she said and reached to unbutton her shirt. But Alex had been waiting a very long time for this particular pleasure. She bowed her forehead to Olivia's so she could be as close as possible to her lips and still see. Her knuckles grazed Olivia's breasts on the first button. Mmm, button... button... and no more V. Alex smiled lazily as she ran her nails over Olivia's stomach. She unhooked the clasp in the front of her bra and pulled the thing, along with her shirt, off Olivia's shoulders down to her bent elbows. She was exactly as she had imagined. Alex began to bend her head to Olivia's breasts and stopped. Olivia whimpered and raised her eyes, clinging to Alex's hips for support.
"God, yes," she managed. Alex put her lips to her neck, kissing a hot trail downward. She took her right nipple into her mouth, sucking, biting gently, running her tongue over and around the taut, sensitive flesh. Olivia swayed forward slightly. Alex dropped one hand to the waistband of Olivia's jeans. She slipped a finger into the waistband and traced the edge of Olivia's panties. Heat rolled from Olivia body, and her breathing grew shallow. When Olivia put her hand on the back of her head, Alex thought she wanted to increase the pressure, but she wove her fingers into her hair and pulled her up. Her eyes were closed, and her voice rough as she whispered, "Alex, I can't stand up anymore."
Alex bowed her head to the overwrought woman and teased her tongue along Olivia's bottom lip. Olivia opened her eyes and looked at Alex, "I need to lie down." Alex nipped at her lip and smirked. "Sweetie, I need you to take me to your bedroom. Now."
In the morning, Olivia ran her hands gingerly down her own body, from her face to her thighs. Closed eyes, the smell of her lover on her hands, the breath that rushed from her lips, the pulse in her neck, the sweat. Grazing the overly sensitive skin of her breasts and stomach, rounding her hips, palms flat on her now weak thighs. Like braille in flesh, reading the sensations left by another's touch. It felt like freedom, and she laughed out loud.
"Yes," Olivia answered. She took a hesitant step forward and paused. Alex didn't give way. Ah, right. Fuck.... "Um, do you want me to?"
Alex stared at the brunette. "You don't get to have whatever you want just because you decide you want it." Her voice was soft but clear.
"I didn't. I mean, just expect, or decide," her eyes darted from side to side, looking for a safe place to rest. "I didn't know-"
"But you did, didn't you? Know." Alex, eyebrow raised, dared her to deny it.
"Yes," she answered again. Alex couldn't tell if it was surrender or advance she saw in Olivia's expression, but she let Olivia in anyway. As she passed through the doorway, Olivia felt the hair on the back of her neck rise. The apartment felt smaller than she remembered. They stood awkwardly for a while, Alex's arms crossed over her chest. Olivia wished Alex had left a window open. She took as deep a breath as she could get and said, "Look, I wish I'd been... or done...," she shifted her shoulders nervously, "whatever you needed me to before. Before you, before this." She watched Alex set her jaw.
"What I needed? Olivia...," she gave an exasperated sigh and ran her hand through her hair. She understood what she was trying to tell her even if she got it all wrong. "I wished you'd worked through this crap before, too." And she meant it. She wanted nothing more than to walk that woman right into her bedroom, and nothing less than to deal with the aftermath.
"Alex, I can't have already fucked this up. Please, not now." Olivia took a step toward her, holding her palms up. Alex could see her shaking, and her resolve weakened.
"Okay," she put her hands on Olivia's shoulders but kept her at arm's length. "It's okay. I'm sorry." What was she sorry for? I'm sorry you're a closet case. I'm sorry I'm a closet case too. Maybe if I'd been more open from the start you could have, I don't know, gotten used to the idea before my less-than-suave seduction scared the hell out of you. She was about to say all these things when Olivia came forward and kissed her. Her lips were as warm as she remembered. We should talk, Olivia. And as soft. Alex opened her mouth and let the kiss deepen. She could feel Olivia's heart beating against her chest. She ran her hands up to her shoulders and slipped off her leather jacket, which landed softly at their feet. Olivia put one hand on Alex's hip, and slid the other up her back. She marveled at how small her back was, how narrow her shoulders. To hold her felt so foreign, so right.
Alex felt Olivia grab the back of her shirt and tug. The kiss grew demanding, bruising. Alex leaned away and broke the kiss. Breathing heavily, Olivia fell back. Something between shock and panic flashed across her eyes. Quickly, Alex pulled her close again and whispered in her ear, "You don't have to be afraid to lose control. You do have to tell me what you want."
"Want?" Alex's breath against her neck drove multi-syllabic words out of her reach. "You?"
Alex chuckled softly. "Okay, I like that, but it won't get you everything you want." She tilted her head back to catch Olivia's wide eyes. "You have to tell me. You have to say it, understand?" She understood the warmth of Alex's skin inches from her own. Olivia nodded. Alex smiled at the lie. "I'm not going to touch so much as one hair on your head unless you tell me you want it."
Olivia swallowed. She raised her hand to Alex's face and ran her thumb across the soft, pale cheek. She let her fingers curl into the silky blonde hair while she placed light kisses gently long her neckline. She wanted to feel all of Alex. Needed to feel her. She pulled her closer, hip to hip, breast to breast. "Kiss me." And Alex did.
Olivia untucked Alex's shirt and touched skin. The contact was enough for a moment. The moist warmth against her fingertips made her palm ache. But only a moment. She pushed the shirt up and over Alex's head, running both hands down her arms, shoulders, sides, hips. She stole a quick peek before returning to Alex's mouth. Alex rested her hands on Olivia's shoulders, eventually letting one slowly roam along the path only her eyes had been allowed to fall on before. Loose collar around the neck, the triangle of smooth skin in the V of the shirt, then button, button, button, belt buckle, coaxing a small moan from the brunette. She felt Olivia arch into her and shiver. "What do you want to do about that?"
"I want you to touch me," she said and reached to unbutton her shirt. But Alex had been waiting a very long time for this particular pleasure. She bowed her forehead to Olivia's so she could be as close as possible to her lips and still see. Her knuckles grazed Olivia's breasts on the first button. Mmm, button... button... and no more V. Alex smiled lazily as she ran her nails over Olivia's stomach. She unhooked the clasp in the front of her bra and pulled the thing, along with her shirt, off Olivia's shoulders down to her bent elbows. She was exactly as she had imagined. Alex began to bend her head to Olivia's breasts and stopped. Olivia whimpered and raised her eyes, clinging to Alex's hips for support.
"God, yes," she managed. Alex put her lips to her neck, kissing a hot trail downward. She took her right nipple into her mouth, sucking, biting gently, running her tongue over and around the taut, sensitive flesh. Olivia swayed forward slightly. Alex dropped one hand to the waistband of Olivia's jeans. She slipped a finger into the waistband and traced the edge of Olivia's panties. Heat rolled from Olivia body, and her breathing grew shallow. When Olivia put her hand on the back of her head, Alex thought she wanted to increase the pressure, but she wove her fingers into her hair and pulled her up. Her eyes were closed, and her voice rough as she whispered, "Alex, I can't stand up anymore."
Alex bowed her head to the overwrought woman and teased her tongue along Olivia's bottom lip. Olivia opened her eyes and looked at Alex, "I need to lie down." Alex nipped at her lip and smirked. "Sweetie, I need you to take me to your bedroom. Now."
In the morning, Olivia ran her hands gingerly down her own body, from her face to her thighs. Closed eyes, the smell of her lover on her hands, the breath that rushed from her lips, the pulse in her neck, the sweat. Grazing the overly sensitive skin of her breasts and stomach, rounding her hips, palms flat on her now weak thighs. Like braille in flesh, reading the sensations left by another's touch. It felt like freedom, and she laughed out loud.