My spirits lifted, oh wait that wasn't me...
So much for forward motion, eh? I haven't been updating in a while,
because, well, I haven't needed to. My personal demons left me alone, and
my spirts lifted.
Oh wait...
It seems that just when we think everything is going just peachy, things
come crashing down around us. As you could tell from the last chapter,
things have been a little rocky in the last few weeks. And lately, they've
only gotten worse. I'm moving to California, from the midwest (talk about a
change!), the ACT, SAT, and three AP tests are just around the corner, and,
to top it all off, I have a bad grade in Chemistry when I've had straight
A's since first grade. All day, I've been fighting a breakdown, so now...
like always, I'm giving my feelings the likeness of Kurt Wagner.
Forward Motion is harder than it sounds.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Watashi-no Yokai (japanese for "my demons")
Kitty poked her head through Kurt's door and realized that now just wasn't the time to borrow his Chem book. She could tell by the points of his ears sticking out at funny angles that he had his headphones on, and that was a clear "leave me alone" signal. He also had his head buried in his hands, and muttering to himself something about too much stress. Silently, she phased back through the door and sauntered down the hall to see if Evan had his book. Not like he ever did, but no harm in asking, right?
Kurt knew Kitty had been in his room, but said nothing. He wanted to be left alone, and if he said a word to her, he knew she wouldn't leave for at least 15 minutes. Kurt rubbed his temples and glanced at the blank computer screen. The last week had been a trip through hell and back. After all, it had been less than two weeks since he decided to be real with himself and ditch the image inducer. THAT was no easy task, and he had taken a lot of crap for it. Now, he stared longingly at the watch on his bookshelf and considered for a minute returning to "holo-Kurt". It was safer, and he woulnd't be persecuted half as much.
Ah, but what was the use? Nearly everyone in the school had seen him without it, and after a week of being blue and fuzzy in public, he'd only be a hypocrite if he started wearing it again.There was absolutely no point in doing so.
Stuck on the side of the road Emotion overload He'll seek and destroy Everything that I enjoy But I won't be the one he takes down No I won't break down...
His grades were poor in that verdamt Chemistry class, too. It was no use if Mr. McCoy helped him out... all that stoichiometry and equilibrium stuff made NO sense no matter who was teaching it. To make matters worse, due to added stress, he had contracted an illness that caused the cartiledge of his ribcage to swell, so that it hurt to even breathe. Forget bamfing, that was like driving a spike into his lungs. His argument with Duncan hadn't made things any better, and he was dreading the next day.
I can't hold my self together. There is just so much added
stress these past few days, that it feels like I'm going to collapse
in the middle of the hall and start crying. And there is no way I can
keep my dignity and do that. But things are just way to hard these
past few days. I can't even put a number on the number of times I've
had my tail yanked, my ears rubbed or poked, been called "mutie,"
"freak," or "weirdo." I swear, if one more person tries to pet me, I
will bite them. Ah God, my life is falling apart. I want to break
down...
No, no tears can't start falling right now! Not here, not while
Logan or Scott, or worse, Kitty can just barge in with any reason to
at any minute! Maybe if I sit on the balcony then I can be alone. No,
that never works either. Someone always comes out to give me some dumb
life lesson and talk about some "pivotal" moment. The Professor must
have a camera out there so that whenever I sit out there, someone can
come and bother me.
Oh God, where are you? Have you simply abandoned me, left me to
fight the demons chasing me all alone?
It's too much, too much. I can't handle it all alone!
A soft knock on the door startled him out of his anguish. Quickly, he wiped his eyes and nose. The good thing about having fur was that no one could tell if he had been crying. He opened the door a crack and saw Rogue standing outside with a small book under her arm.
"Vat do you want?" He demanded accusingly, remembering her little fit from that day.
"Kurt? Ah thought, maybe, that with, ya know, all this stress that this mahght help..." she drawled, offering him the book opened to a page. Gingerly, he took the book from her and realized that it was an old and battered Bible.
"Irene had it in her basement. Some guy, Ah ahlways thought he was one of those Holy Rollers, told me ahbout this, and, Ah don't know, it always helps me out. After all, Ah've got enough problems of mah own, raight?" She scuffled a boot on the carpet and waited patiently for him to read the hi- lited verse.
"First Corinthians 10:13... God doesn't give us anything we can't bear... and when we are put through hard times, he always gives us a way out so that we can stand under it." Kurt read aloud. He raised an eyebrow at Rogue, and she shuffled nervously.
"Sometimes, life cahn really get ya down... but it helps ta know that someone's lookin' out fer us, raight?"
Kurt smiled. It did indeed.
Kitty poked her head through Kurt's door and realized that now just wasn't the time to borrow his Chem book. She could tell by the points of his ears sticking out at funny angles that he had his headphones on, and that was a clear "leave me alone" signal. He also had his head buried in his hands, and muttering to himself something about too much stress. Silently, she phased back through the door and sauntered down the hall to see if Evan had his book. Not like he ever did, but no harm in asking, right?
Kurt knew Kitty had been in his room, but said nothing. He wanted to be left alone, and if he said a word to her, he knew she wouldn't leave for at least 15 minutes. Kurt rubbed his temples and glanced at the blank computer screen. The last week had been a trip through hell and back. After all, it had been less than two weeks since he decided to be real with himself and ditch the image inducer. THAT was no easy task, and he had taken a lot of crap for it. Now, he stared longingly at the watch on his bookshelf and considered for a minute returning to "holo-Kurt". It was safer, and he woulnd't be persecuted half as much.
Ah, but what was the use? Nearly everyone in the school had seen him without it, and after a week of being blue and fuzzy in public, he'd only be a hypocrite if he started wearing it again.There was absolutely no point in doing so.
Stuck on the side of the road Emotion overload He'll seek and destroy Everything that I enjoy But I won't be the one he takes down No I won't break down...
His grades were poor in that verdamt Chemistry class, too. It was no use if Mr. McCoy helped him out... all that stoichiometry and equilibrium stuff made NO sense no matter who was teaching it. To make matters worse, due to added stress, he had contracted an illness that caused the cartiledge of his ribcage to swell, so that it hurt to even breathe. Forget bamfing, that was like driving a spike into his lungs. His argument with Duncan hadn't made things any better, and he was dreading the next day.
I can't hold my self together. There is just so much added
stress these past few days, that it feels like I'm going to collapse
in the middle of the hall and start crying. And there is no way I can
keep my dignity and do that. But things are just way to hard these
past few days. I can't even put a number on the number of times I've
had my tail yanked, my ears rubbed or poked, been called "mutie,"
"freak," or "weirdo." I swear, if one more person tries to pet me, I
will bite them. Ah God, my life is falling apart. I want to break
down...
No, no tears can't start falling right now! Not here, not while
Logan or Scott, or worse, Kitty can just barge in with any reason to
at any minute! Maybe if I sit on the balcony then I can be alone. No,
that never works either. Someone always comes out to give me some dumb
life lesson and talk about some "pivotal" moment. The Professor must
have a camera out there so that whenever I sit out there, someone can
come and bother me.
Oh God, where are you? Have you simply abandoned me, left me to
fight the demons chasing me all alone?
It's too much, too much. I can't handle it all alone!
A soft knock on the door startled him out of his anguish. Quickly, he wiped his eyes and nose. The good thing about having fur was that no one could tell if he had been crying. He opened the door a crack and saw Rogue standing outside with a small book under her arm.
"Vat do you want?" He demanded accusingly, remembering her little fit from that day.
"Kurt? Ah thought, maybe, that with, ya know, all this stress that this mahght help..." she drawled, offering him the book opened to a page. Gingerly, he took the book from her and realized that it was an old and battered Bible.
"Irene had it in her basement. Some guy, Ah ahlways thought he was one of those Holy Rollers, told me ahbout this, and, Ah don't know, it always helps me out. After all, Ah've got enough problems of mah own, raight?" She scuffled a boot on the carpet and waited patiently for him to read the hi- lited verse.
"First Corinthians 10:13... God doesn't give us anything we can't bear... and when we are put through hard times, he always gives us a way out so that we can stand under it." Kurt read aloud. He raised an eyebrow at Rogue, and she shuffled nervously.
"Sometimes, life cahn really get ya down... but it helps ta know that someone's lookin' out fer us, raight?"
Kurt smiled. It did indeed.