Here it is, folks. The last chapter of Forward Motion. Over the past three months, I've learned a lot. My mom asked me the other day what I had learned this year, and I wasn't sure how to answer. But I know what I've learned now, and I couldn't have learned it without all of you.

Thank you for your support, and I hope you all find Forward Motion in your lives and overcome your Personal Demons.

Watashi-no Youkai

Wo-ah, I've been banging my head against the wall For so long it seems I knocked it down Yeah it got knocked down. . .

For three years, I've been fighting an uphill battle with myself. I've been struggling with my faith, with fitting in and with living my life. You see, I tend to just let my life pass me by. I'm afraid of what'll happen if I do something about my circumstances. I never stop to consider that the worst thing that could happen is often not that bad. I haven't been to a school dance because I'm afraid of being rejected, it took me two months to tell Mom and Dad about my activity on this website because I was afraid they wouldn't think me their perfect little girl, and I was afraid to make a move for God because I was scared of being teased and losing friends.

Deep down inside, I was still the scared little 5-year-old who got made fun of all the time.

They say that banging your head against the wall burns 150 calories. While I hadn't been doing so physically, I was giving myself a mental and spiritual concussion because I was afraid to stand up for myself.

But when you keep running your head through support beams, eventually your world crashes down around you.

I kept silent in hopes that that event would never happen.

And my cleaning bill went through the roof And the wall I knocked down was the proof That my landlord needed to kick me out. . .

I got evicted now I'm living on the street My spirits lifted, oh wait that wasn't me Too many turns have turned out to be wrong This time I learned that I knew it all along When car crashes occur then I'll be what you were When I see what I should when I see that it's good. . .

And so I drifted right through 9th and 10th grade. My life was externally happy, what was I to care? Sure, my best friend started to hate me because her new friends were "cooler" and less Christian than I. Sure, I sat in my room for hour after hour doing nothing in particular because I was bored and never went out with friends. Sure, I was doing less than I wanted in debate because I never did any decent preparation. Sure, my life was running past me and I didn't do anything about it.

I didn't care. So long as I was able to keep a smile on the outside, what did I care? Besides, I had an awesome summer to look forward to.

The summer was awesome. I met so many new people and finally got a chance to be myself, instead of pretending that I was someone else. I blissfully found new obsessions, new friends and new found confidence.

Too bad the only thing that lasted was the obsession. I was scared to death of my parents finding out about my obsession with Evo. I don't really know why, when they did eventually find out they were pretty much okay with it. IN fact, a few months after the event was Christmas, and my mom bought me an Evo DVD, watched X2 with me, and even tried to watch Evo, asking me who was who and why was that guy blue, and why did she save them when she's supposed to hate them, etc. I should have learned my lesson then and there; my mom and dad are a lot more understanding than I gave them credit for.

I was okay, but I still felt like my world was falling apart. I kept telling lies and pretending that everything was okay in my life.

But I felt further from God than I'd ever felt before. I was depressed, alond, down the wrong road, and wating for almost a miracle to get me out of the place I was in.

That it's good To experience the bittersweet To taste defeat than brush my teeth Experience the bittersweet To taste defeat then brush my teeth

'Cause I struggle with forward motion I struggle with forward motion We all struggle with forward motion And Forward motion is harder than it sounds Every time I gain some ground I gotta turn myself around again It's harder than it sounds Every time I get some ground I gotta turn myself around again

When I discovered Fanfiction.net, my world seemed a little brighter. Yeah, I was disobeying my parents by signing up a secret email account, but so what? I'd already lied to them, I could do it again.

Then I began Forward Motion. As much as this has been about Kurt's struggle, it's also been about me. Every thing that happens to Kurt in this story is a direct reflection of what was going on in my life. The verbal arguments with Duncan can be paralleled to my verbal battles over Christ with Kyle. The poor grades in Chemistry: mine. The hurt, the turning away from God, the distance from the utmost important thing I know; I drew lines between me and Kurt and wrote this story.

I realize now that I never should have turned to a cartoon or a group of people I don't even know, but instead I should have turned to my Lord and King, Jesus Christ. This is not the end of Forward Motion, its the beginning. And I'm starting where I should have-- with God.

I never was able to move forward until I realized that I needed his help to make any sort of progress. Only with his help can I conquer my personal demons.

After telling mom and dad about FF.net, I felt better than I had in three years. I was finally learning to stand up for myself. I'm not ashamed of what I've written, or that I even have this account. If all goes according to what I hope, I'll be merrily writing more fiction in the very near future. But this time it'll be with the assurance that I'm not doing anything wrong by my parents or by my God, because their opinion is what matters most.

It's been bittersweet. Swallowing your pride is the hardest thing to do, and it tastes terrible going down, but it leaves the best aftertaste, knowing that you did something right. It hurts to admit I was wrong, and even more so to tell the people who trusted you that you've violated that trust.

But after it's all over, one step in the right direction has been made. And even one step constitutes forward motion.

This year, I learned that forward motion is gained only by action. By doing the right thing. I thought I could vindicate myself by defending Christ to this nonbeliever in my class, yet I didn't do it with the right attitude. As a result, I only hindered myself more.

Forward motion IS harder than it sounds. . . but once you've made it, there's no telling what'll happen. I'm ready to face my fears, to do the right thing, and to go for it for God. My personal demons are done chasing me, and only because I decided to stop living a lie and give my life back to Christ.

If you feel like you've been away from God, don't hesitate to run back to him. He's always been waiting there for you, just like he was for me.

After all, we ALL struggle with forward motion.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Kurt rubbed his eyes sleepily and checked the clock. It was almost 11 pm: definetly time for bed.

He turned to the computer screen and read the last line: "After all, we ALL struggle with forward motion." He knew it to be true in his life, for sure. But things were starting to look up for the fuzzy one. Duncan was leaving him alone, Rogue was being nicer, and he'd finally stopped being afraid of his own relflection. He felt the confidence to walk down the halls of Bayville High as he was.

Blue, Fuzzy, Christian, and 100% himself.

Personal Demons, your days are numbered.

He smiled, closed the window, and shut down the computer. Saying his nightly prayer, Kurt knew that tomorrow would definetly be his brighter day to come.