Underneath it All

A/N : Another chapter… That last one was quite long, lolz. I'm writing a lot since it's Christmas break, and there is no homework to be done!! =) So, enjoy the long chapters!! And the more chapters as well, if that makes sense, lolz. And don't forget to leave me reviews! =)

Oh yes, and if you know how to bolden italicize or underline words so that they show up like that when uploaded, please tell me!! It would make things a heck of a lot easier for you guys to read. (E-Mail - lilmisspurrfection@hotmail.com | AIM - o0Purrfection0o) Just send me the code, thanks. =D

(hp/charmed obsesed - Thanks for the idea, I'm trying it here!! =))

DISCLAIMER : All characters and places are brought to you by JK Rowling - not me.

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Thanks:
hp/charmed obsesed - Thank you! I'd say more, but, I don't want to spill the plot, lolz.

Ashes Kittyhawk - That is strange…
Amandaliini - Thanks, and just you wait. =P

noseyMCnosey - Aw, thanks!! =) 
aubey michelle - Thanks, and yes I am. =) It doesn't pay much, but, I have the whole thing worked out… Lolz, it's all an inside joke from a field trip we took to the Career Centre one day…

BBLLPMLover - You'll just have to wait and see… ; )


Now we begin...

September 20th,

This morning, I woke up quite late, and was rushing to get all of my things packed – I didn't have enough time for breakfast! So, I was running around the Common Room and my dormitory - Ron and Harry were quite amused, and Ron kept trying to say something. Finally, I just let him say what he wanted to say. Apparently, he had packed my bag for me this morning because I had been sleeping. It turns out, that I was going around searching for nothing! Although, it was quite sweet of him…

The only thing was, was that he had packed everything wrong… I didn't tell him or anything, since I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But, it took me some more time to find the right books. As I was repacking my bag, I found my gifts from last night – I hadn't opened them. I really wanted to find out what they were, but, time wouldn't allow it. It's days like these I really wish I had my Time Turner again.

Because it took me so long to pack, I was late for my first class – Defense Against the Dark Arts. Now, it wouldn't have been that bad, since Professor Parlink would have understood. As luck would have it, he wasn't there! Snape was filling in! The last time he had filled in for the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Lupin had turned out to be a werewolf…

Snape, being Snape, offered no explanation, and took off 20 points from Gryffindor!! Honestly, 20! I was only 5 minutes late too – but, I suppose he was right… It was, after all, a NEWT Class, and if I wanted to do well, I couldn't afford to miss any class time.

Ron was positively fuming when that happened! I could tell he wanted to yell at Snape, or harm him in any means possible… I think Snape noticed, since he smirked in Ron's direction… Now, I know that he's on our side, and that he's helped our side a lot, but, I can't help but hate him at times…

I mean, he can be down-right rude when he wants to be! Like, back in Third year when he filled for Lupin…

He only made us copy out notes from our text book on Chapter 2: Dementors. The class went by quite slowly though, and it didn't help that Ron kept muttering things under his breath about how much he hated Snape…

The rest of the day went by quite smoothly… Until lunch that is. During lunch, I spilt my tea on myself! I had to hurry and change before classes started. And, wouldn't you know it, the seam of my bag split as I was leaving Gryffindor Tower! So, I had to go back, find a new bag, and repack it.

Of course, I was late for History of Magic. Professor Binns, as usual, seemed surprised that someone was in his class. Luckily, he didn't take off any points. I've no idea what he was talking about though… I was just so frazzled from running around and rushing, that I just couldn't pay attention. That, and my mind kept drifting off to a certain blonde headed boy that just happened to be sitting in front of me…

Luckily, Ron and Harry dropped History of Magic, so, I didn't have to worry about giving them my notes, and having to endure their teasing for not paying attention. I got the notes from Susan Bones – she really is quite nice; in a shy, sweet way.

After History of Magic, I had Charms, and that was that. Friday's were always light on my schedule. I figure that since it's the end of the week, I may as well relax and thin ka bit less about school. Now, don't get me wrong. School is important, but, it's nice to something forget about it… I asked Professor McGonagall if she wouldn't mind making my schedule lighter on Fridays… Now, I know that it wasn't right to do that, but, I just thought that I may as well… It's better for me, right?

After classes were done and over with, I was heading for the Common Room when I bumped into Ron. He asked me if I wanted to take a stroll around the grounds with him before it got to dark – I was more than happy to go! It was quite a nice stroll – we chatted a bit, and then just sort of enjoyed company at other times.

We headed for the Great Hall for dinner right after the stroll; after all, we were getting a bit hungry. After dinner, I decided to stop by at the Library to get a book. Actually, everyone kept asking me if I was going to the Library, so I just decided that I may as well. Obviously, I wasn't wanted.

I debated going to Hogsmeade or not, but, I figured that I may as well just go to the Library. I wasn't in the mood to sneak around, and I did want to catch up on my reading. Well, about a half hour later, Harry came to the Library; he said that I should take a break from all of this reading, and go to the Common Room and just have fun.

So, I packed up my things, and headed up for the Common Room with Harry. All the way, he kept smiling, and then trying to hide it. It seemed like he wanted to tell me something, but, whenever I asked him, he told me it was nothing, and then looked away. It was quite odd, really… I can't remember the last time he seemed to excited, it seemed. I suppose it's all Voldemort's doing… It's a pity that Voldemort has singled out Harry, I always wonder why he chose Harry and his parents…

Well, when we got to the Common Room, it was pitch black – which was a first. I was a bit suspicious since Harry had said that everyone was there playing a game or chatting around the fire. But then, everyone lit their wands, and yelled, 'Surprise!' I was so shocked – and there was a huge banner that said 'Happy Birthday Hermione!' Everyone was there – even the First and Second Years! They left to go off and do their own thing after a while though. The party went on for a long time – well past midnight! There was lots of food, sweets, and butterbeer – I suppose Ron and Harry snuck out to get some from Hogsmeade.

It really was a lovely party. I had lots of fun, and so did everyone else, but, something was making me uneasy. There was something at the back of my mind that was bothering me – I just couldn't figure out what it was! I didn't think anything of it, after all, it couldn't be that important if I couldn't remember…

The party ended and everyone went upstairs to get some sleep. Only Ron, Harry, and I remained. We sat in front of the fire, and had a good long talk. We hadn't had one of those in a while. It feels like lately, I've been drifting away from them, and they feel the same way. I suppose it was bound to happen eventually. I mean, they have their Quidditch and guy stuff, and I'm a girl… Sure we're still friends, but, we're not as close as when we were younger. I have my girl friends and girl stuff now…

It saddens me, how, over one summer, everything's changed. I mean, I've become friends with Lavender and Parvati, but, at the same time, I've separated myself from Ron and Harry.

And then there's the whole Draco thing… I'm so confused about that! One night, we're chatting all day long; missing class and not even noticing or caring! And then the next, it's back to being distant from each other, and just ignoring one another… I wish I knew what was going on. It's not like I like to hate him – I suppose it's only because Ron hated him, and I was always around him, so, I got that instilled in my mind. And his mudblood remarks – sure, they bothered me, after all, who likes to be put down for things that are out of their control? But, at the same time, I didn't really care. It became part of my life, and I just brushed it aside… Never completely though – it would always hurt.

But then he stopped calling me a mudblood, and there I was, thinking that we could have a neutral relationship… I suppose we still can, it's just that it's hard when you can't understand what the other person wants…

Anyways… Ron, Harry, and I stayed up a good two hours chatting – the fire was just dying out when Ron decided to call it a night. He gave me a peck on the cheek before leaving… Now, don't get me wrong, I love having Ron returning my feelings, but… It just feels like we're not right for each other.

When I first met him, I developed a crush on him, and, as the years went by, that grew stronger. But, now I'm wondering if maybe it was only a strong love as a brother… It just didn't feel right! I've known him for so long, and I know him so well – I'm one of his best friends! I suppose that it might be that I'm not used to having a boyfriend or anything… I don't know… Only time will tell…

After Ron left, me and Harry stayed up for another hour or so, chatting. Now, with Ron, it's all fun and games. Sure he can be serious, but, there's always that hint of humor with him. With Harry, it's always serious… He knows how to have fun, but, it's just not the same… Though we didn't talk for too long, I learned so many things.

I always knew that Harry was a strong, brave person. I always knew that he hid his feelings and thoughts behind his independent exterior as well – I just didn't know how much he hid. He has such a burden on his shoulders!

I was reading over one of my journal entries, and I was complaining about how much I had to deal with. I can't believe I was so selfish!! Now, I know that I have the right to complain about hardships and problems, but, when I think about Harry…

Think about it: he lost his parents before he even got to know them; he lost Sirius – the one thing that was even close to family; he has to live with the Dursley's – though they're family, they treat him like dirt, that he doesn't even refer to them as family; he's had to watch so many people die and suffer under the hands of Voldemort…

On top of that, he told me why it all happened. I was shocked; I couldn't believe it! A prophecy was made several years ago, and, Voldemort hears snippets of it. Basically, since Voldemort thought that Harry fit the description of the boy from the prophecy, Harry has to either be a murderer, or be murdered! Only he can murder Voldemort – neither can live while the other survives.

Now, add on to that Quidditch, homework, friends, and other guy stuff… My heart broke for him. I wish there was something I could do to lighten his burden, but, he said that it was his to carry, and that he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he knew that I was carrying it for him…

Before we went upstairs to try and get some sleep, Harry told me what he wanted to do with his life. He told me that in previous years, he had wanted to become and Auror and battle evil. But now, he said that all he wants to do, is vanquish Voldemort, and then just settle down and lead a calm and peaceful life. He told me that all he wanted was some peace and harmony in his life, and to be able to be a normal person.

I wish him that. I wish him to defeat Voldemort. I wish him to lead a life of calmness and peace. I wish him a normal life. I wish him everything wants. Because, you see, if anyone deserves to have their heart's desire fulfilled – it's Harry.

So, I asked him what it was, that, maybe I could help him. And he told me, he told me that I couldn't… That no one could get it for him… At first, I didn't understand. After all, you can accomplish anything that you set your mind to. But then, it hit me. He wanted a family. He wanted to have his parents by his side once more. He wanted to relive his childhood as a normal person with his parents…

I wish I could help him… But there's nothing I can do…

~*~

September 21st,

Sometimes, I really do wonder whether or not I have insomnia… Last night, I just couldn't get to sleep. I just lay there in bed, thinking and looking out the window. I tried for hours to get to sleep, but I just couldn't do it – I had too much on my mind. That chat with Harry really opened my eyes…

Well, since it was already 5 in the morning, and I had yet to get a wink of sleep, I decided that I may as well head outside to watch the sunrise again. So, I packed up a blanket and a cloak, and then decided to head down to the Kitchens first to get something to eat. There weren't many house-elves up yet, and they were too tired to do anything, so, I just got myself something to eat.

I brought everything outside, and found myself a spot by the Forbidden Forest. I wasn't rally hungry, so, I just left the food aside for when I did.

The sun started to rise a few minutes after I was all ready and comfortable. Now, I've seen several sunrises in my life, well, parts of them, at least. I've only seen the full sunrise from beginning to end once in my life before that. But, I knew something was different.

The sky is usually an orange or pink colour, but, it was red. It was a deep red that almost looked like blood… And the sun, which is normally a dark yellow or light orange, was a ginger colour – red mixed with orange. It was quite odd; I wonder if it meant anything…

A few minutes into the sunrise, Draco Malfoy came out – I wonder if he comes out to watch the sunrise everyday, or only on weekends, or if it's just a coincidence that I've seen him… Anyways. I was hidden by the trees, so, he didn't see me.

I didn't think much of him – I was too busy with my thoughts. My talk with Harry kept replaying itself in my mind… I wish I could do something for him; make his life easier, or something. I just feel so helpless. He's suffering – I know he is. And I hate being so helpless and being unable to do anything for him.

As I was pondering something to do to help ease his pain, the sunrise was almost finished. And, it seemed that the moment it had fully risen, I was energized. I suddenly had the perfect idea – I knew exactly how to help Harry!

I found it a bit odd that it happened right at the moment of the risen sun, but, I'm sure it was just a coincidence… Either that, or I just happened to clear my head because of the tranquility and beauty of the sunrise. Maybe that's all I need; maybe I only need the sun, and then I can concentrate more…

As soon as I got the idea, I must have made a noise, because Draco's head turned in my direction, and we made eye contact. I was blushing like mad… it was so embarrassing, although, I've no idea why; it was only Draco Malfoy…

Well, he must have also seen the basket of food that I had brought, because he came over to me, sat down on my blanket, and helped himself to some food. I had no idea what to do, so, I just grabbed some food for myself, and let him eat what he took.

We sat there for quite some time, because by the time we started heading into the castle, many people were already awake.

While we were sitting together, my mind kept drifting off to that room we were in… This reminded me so much of our conversation there. We didn't speak any words this time, but, it was such a comfortable silence, and I truly enjoyed his company… I must be going mad… If Ron or Harry found out any of this…

I didn't bother going to the Great Hall since I had already eaten, so, I just went up to Gryffindor Tower and put everything away. I didn't feel like sitting around and reading or doing nothing all day – I felt like doing something! I felt ready to tackle anything! Unfortunately, no one else did. I asked around a few people, but, they said that they just wanted to relax and cool off from a busy week of classes.

Well, I wasn't going to let that stop me! I just kept asking other people, until finally, someone agreed to do something with me. Eva Hoffman; a Hufflepuff that I have Arithmancy with, was also feeling energetic. So, with our newfound energy, we decided to go around the Hogwarts grounds and explore. We'd never gone around the whole grounds since they're so big. And we had to whole day ahead of us, so, we packed a lunch, and then set off.

After about an hour or so, and only seeing grass and the Forbidden Forest, we started to get bored, and began to wonder whether or not we should continue. We decided to keep going a bit longer, just in case there was something interesting, after all, we could always turn back.

Well, we didn't see anything, and I wanted to turn back. But, Eva ran into the Forbidden Forest! I couldn't just leave her there alone, so, I had no choice but to run after her. I don't know how far I chased her into the Forest, but, we ran into an empty clearing and decided to stop there for lunch before turning back.

We ate our lunch, and as we were packing it up, we saw that we were surrounded by fairies. They were much smaller than us, and they had delicate wings. They looked so delicate and fragile, that we didn't think they would harm us. But just in case, I cast a Shield Charm around us.

Well, those fairies were anything BUT innocent! I swear they wanted to attack us! They kept showing us their sharp glistening teeth, and growling at us. Surprisingly, they didn't do anything. I suppose they were waiting for someone…

We didn't have to wait long. In front of a group of particularly snobbish looking fairies appeared the most beautiful fairy of them all. She was so very pale, with black hair that was dark as night. She wore a dress made of a rich pink fabric that went down to the ground. Atop her head was a lovely golden crown with jewels encrusted all over it. The only piece of jewelry she wore was a silver chain with a diamond pendant in the shape of a heart…

She said nothing, but just waved her hand toward us. As soon as she did that, our shield disappeared, and two particularly strong-looking fairies took hold of us. They confiscated Eva's wand, and tried to take mine. But the moment that the fairy touched it, he shocked and burned. The fairy's pale skin became a crispy black, and he howled with pain as he gripped his hand and fell to the floor. I still wonder what caused that…

Several other fairies tried to take my wand, but the same thing happened to them. They even tried to take it away from me using magic, but nothing worked. Finally, they gave up, and let me keep my wand. It was quite odd that no one was able to take it…

All of the fairies were scared to come near me, let alone touch me, but one of them had to. Eva and I were led to a cavern and left there by the fairies. They sealed the opening so that we wouldn't be able to open it – believe me, I tried; with and without magic.

And now, here we are, all alone in the middle of the Forbidden Forest, trapped in a cavern. I've tried several charms and spells to get out of here, or to alert someone of our presence here, but all that's happened, is that we've heard the laughter of the fairies. I wonder if we'll ever get out…

~*~

September 22nd,

I didn't go to sleep at all last night – I don't trust anything in this Forbidden Forest. Anyone would be able to attack us while we're at our most vulnerable. I watched Eva sleep while I stood guard by the opening. I managed to magic some fire to keep us warm, and we still had some food leftover from our basket that we ate.

I watched faint rays of the sun penetrate through some of the gaps in the opening, and I think that that is was kept me going. I really do wonder why the sun has such an effect on me…

For several hours, we discussed how we could escape the wrath of the fairies, but we came up with nothing. As the afternoon sun's rays came through the gaps, I got an idea. Since we couldn't get out ourselves, perhaps we could bargain with the fairies to let us out. The only problem was, was that we didn't know where they were. So, ever so often, we yelled for the fairies… Not even a laugh came.

As we sat there in the cave, I thought about my life. What did I have to show for it? O's in all of my subjects? Being the smartest witch in the class? None of that could help me now… The fairies wouldn't care if I could transfigure a stone into a rat… It hadn't helped us get out of the cave… Nothing could leave it seemed…

We sat there in silence, thinking about everything. Had anyone even noticed we were gone? Had anyone even cared? Did they just think that I had gone to the Library and stayed late, and then went back very early? Would anyone bother to check? It seemed that all hope was lost; that we would never get out.

I would never see Harry and Ron again… I would never gossip with Lavender and Parvati… I would never read another book… I would never go to another class… I would never see Crookshanks again… I would never find out what was going on with Malfoy… I would never see my parents again… Would I even see the light of day again? Would I ever feel the sun beaming down on me again; not just tiny little rays? Would I rot in this cave until I died?

It was well into the evening when we heard the fairies returning. We didn't know how long they would stay; so it was now or never. But then something hit me – what if they didn't know English? I couldn't speak Fairy, or, whatever language they spoke… But it was too late for that. I just had to try…

Eva would be of no help – she was curled up in a ball at the end of the cave crying silently. It was all up to me to try and get us out. So I called for the fairies. I called and I called, until I could call no more… I must have yelled for at least an hour before they finally replied…

Although, it would hardly count as a reply; all I got was a laugh. But I wouldn't let that discourage me – at least I knew they were there. So I kept on yelling for them to let me out; for them to help me. They all just kept laughing; louder and louder; taunting me. Then they were gone… And I was alone again…

Eva had fallen asleep, and the fire had died out. I didn't bother to relight it. What was the point?

And then I did something that I hadn't done in a long time – I cried; I really and truly cried. I cried for Eva, for having to be locked in this dingy cave. I cried for Harry, who had so much to deal with in his life. I cried for Ron, whom I would never see again. I cried for Crookshanks, who would be alone. I cried to my parents, whom I would never see again. I cried for Malfoy, whose secret I would never unlock, and whose life was horrid. I cried, and cried. I had so many tears inside me, and I just cried for everything in my life…

And most of all, I cried for myself. I cried that I had never had any true friends. I cried for all of the times I had been neglected. I cried for all of the times I had been pushed away. I cried for all of the times I had been alone. I cried for everything…

And now, I've cried all I can cry – I can't cry anymore; I've run out of tears. All I can do now, is sit here and wait; wait for my fate to be decided…