Underneath it All

A/N : Happy New Year!! So, it's finally 2004. =) Only… __ more days until 2005!!!!! =P

Just to tell you all… The waits between chapters are going to be a bit longer from now on. I'm starting up school again, so, that, homework, and all of my other classes takes up quite a bit of time. But, I promise to write the chapters whenever I can; and update as soon as possible. =)

DISCLAIMER : All characters and places came from the brilliant mind of JK Rowling.

Reviews –

          Thanks…

                               Mz.Undastood-Actress - You'll just have to wait and see who it is… ; )
                        BBLLPMLover - Thanks! =) Yeah, I liked the detention scene too, lolz. You'll see… ; ) Have fun at work! Lolz.
                        noseyMCnosey - Thanks. =) And the wand thing is important to the plot. It's just further in, and, I needed to introduce it early for reasons that I can't say since they'll ruin the plot, lolz. And, you'll find out what it means and everything soon. =) And, their relationship is going to progress soon enough. I'm taking it slowly since they've hated each other for a while, so, it's not like they can wake up one day and start dating, ya know? So, just be patient and you'll see. =) And, sorry for the late update… =(
                        Amandaliini - Thank you – I'm glad they make you think and everything. =) Oh wow, longest review ever… Chocolate chip cookie for you! =D

                  

                   Now we begin…

October 6th,

I woke up bright and early – early enough to watch the end of the sunset, as luck would have it. The sunset never seems to bore me – it's always different and beautiful… It captivates me. Although, the fact that I always see Draco watching the sunset as well ignites my curiosity. I really do wonder why he does it as well. Perhaps it's sheer coincidence that every time I'm out watching the sunset he's there; or, perhaps he's stalking me; or, perhaps he just watched the sunset every morning. I wonder if I'll ever knew the true reason. I don't know why I care so much – I just have this feeling inside of me that keeps urging me to figure it out since it somehow seems important.

Oh, but Crookshanks gave me quite a fright this morning! While I was heading out of the Portrait Hole, I felt her brush against me as she sprinted out! Now, I know that she's safe on Hogwarts grounds, but, since the incident in the Forbidden Forest – you can never be too careful. After all, she doesn't know that the Forbidden Forest is dangerous – she doesn't know what creatures lurk in there, just waiting for something to come in before they pounce…

At first, I couldn't find Crookshanks inside the castle, so, I decided to check around the castle instead. It was the strangest thing though. As I was closing the doors to Hogwarts behind me, I caught a glimpse of a flash of ginger running across the grass. I started to go after it when I saw that it had suddenly stopped by a tall boy with platinum blonde hair – Draco! I didn't know what to do, so, I just stood there, watching, and waiting to see what happened next.

Well, Crookshanks started to brush up against Draco's legs – it took him a moment to notice, but, when he finally did, he looked a bit surprised. Then again, who wouldn't be – what, with having a strange cat brushing up against you early in the morning. He didn't seem to mind though; he sat down on the grass and picked up Crookshanks. I couldn't see what was happening next since he was facing away from me, but, I did hear some mumbles words when I got closer, and I think that he was talking to Crookshanks… It's times like these that I wish that Crookshanks could speak…

I just stood there; half watching the sunset, and half watching Draco and Crookshanks. I wasn't sure what I should do, so, I just stood there. After the sun had risen, Crookshanks leapt up off of Draco and ran over to the greenhouses. I suppose that Draco went back inside the castle, but, I don't know – I went right after Crookshanks. Luckily, I caught him within a few minutes.

So, I walked back into Hogwarts and straight to the Common Room to drop off Crookshanks before heading down to the Great Hall for breakfast. Just as I was going into the Common Room, Ron and Harry were leaving. They looked a bit surprised to see me, and then Ron glared at Crookshanks. I just put Crookshanks down on the floor before running after Ron and Harry. I caught up with them quite fast since they hadn't walked very far.

It felt a bit awkward once I joined up with them – it seemed as though their conversation had come to a stop once I was in hearing range. It hurt that they felt that they had to stop talking since I was there. I was their best friend! You'd think that they could trust me… Sometimes I wonder whether or not we're still best friends. I mean, they've stopped their conversations several times before when I've approached them. I can't help wondering what they're talking about that they can't let me in on.

I try to pretend that I don't notice it, and then I try to make conversation, but, it always seems strained – and this was no exception. I kept trying and trying until we reached the Great Hall – they completely ignored me then. They turned to Seamus and Dean to talk about Quidditch or girls, or whatever other things boys talk about… At least Ginny was there; so I had someone to talk to.

I really feel like I'm drifting apart from Ron and Harry… We've been best friends since First Year, and, yet, it seems like overnight we've grown apart… We've always been close, and, even through our differences, we've remained friends. But now, it seems as though those differences are pushing us apart, and not letting us stay friends. Maybe it's just me overreacting, but…

After breakfast, I decided to take a walk around the grounds. I love taking walks in the morning – it really wakes me up and gives me time to calm myself and think about the day ahead of me. I managed to get away from everyone and take the walk by myself. It took a bit of time though, since everyone kept coming up to me and trying to strike up a conversation. I didn't want to be rude, so, I stood and chatted with them for a while.

That walk really refreshed me. There was a lovely breeze – perfect for the day, and perfect to relax me. The sun was shining and lighting up everything around me. Life was everywhere! There were flowers blooming, butterflies fluttering… Everything was where it should be, and, for once, life seemed perfect… Memories from that evening kept flashing through my mind. It seems so similar to that night…

It's like the rain had cleansed me, and that was what had made me see the truth… And now, now that I've had time to reflect on everything, I can truly say that I understand what happened that evening… Now that I understand, it seems that the rest of the world understands as well. It's as though the world is rejoicing with me, and is being given life – just like I am.

I didn't know what to expect after that evening… I didn't know how I would change, or even if I would at all. Looking back, I don't think that I did. It's now that I've had time to think about it that I have the chance to change. I've always believed that for anything to change, you need to stop to think about everything – and I've had the chance to do that. Now, whether or not I change is all up to me.

People believe that changes just happen, that nothing influences them – that someone just wakes up different. But it's not like that. People start to change subtly, and it's just that when you finally notice – they've changed quite a bit overtime. Everything that happens is a choice. You don't just one day change for no reason at all. You have to have the will to change, and take the initiative of doing something to change. Then, the world will throw things your way that will help change you and lead you in the right direction – it's up to you to use them to your advantage.

Everything is a choice – nothing is just there or forced. And it's most forgotten when people make decisions. People say that they were pressured into doing something; that they didn't want to; that they had to – but the truth of the matter is that they DID want to. They may not have known it, or they may not want to admit it to themselves, but, every choice they make is what they wanted.

If everyone around if you telling you to do something, and you, with all your heart and soul, don't want to – then to matter what, you won't. It doesn't matter whether or not you're self-conscious or completely confident – it's all in what you want. If even a small part of you wants to do what others say, then even if the rest of you is protesting, then you'll eventually cave and do it. See, there is no such thing as peer pressure. There is only persuasion and yourself. Everyone is trying to persuade you to do what they want you to do – they can't control you with that.

If you're completely opposed to it, then you'll stand tall and ignore their comments and looks no matter how much it hurts. You'll stick with what you believe in, and you won't back down no matter what anyone says. But, the moment that you wonder if maybe they're right, or, wonder what it would be life – then you'll cave. Slowly, you'll start to lose the confidence you had before, and eventually, you'll be worn down and you'll give in.

Peer pressure is a word that doesn't exist in my dictionary. There is no such thing – people only use it as an excuse. Because if they really hadn't wanted to give in – then they wouldn't have. They would never have swayed or given in – they would have always believed what they wanted, and wouldn't have let anyone control them.

And it's sad how people always use that excuse. In Hogwarts, it happens quite often – most often when the older and richer kids get the younger ones to do things for them. They say that they were threatened and pressured into doing it – but, really, if they hadn't wanted to do it – they wouldn't have. They think that there is so much to gain by following their orders. They think that if they're associated with the older and more powerful people, then they'll become well-known, and rise up the ladder of popularity.

But there is nothing to be gained with that! What good is popularity if there's no one there to share it with? The majority of those popular people aren't friends – they just use each other, and milk each other for all of the popularity that they can get. Those people are all alone; they have no one to turn to. They've stepped on so many other people, that those people wouldn't help them. And their popular "friends" will just as quickly reject them. After all, what good are they after that?

I notice it the most with the Slytherins… Now, I'm not saying that I don't see it everywhere else, but, it's with the Slytherins that it's most evident. The children of the deatheaters bully younger students into doing what they say. And those children that do the bullying learned it from their parents – because their parents are rude people who will do anything to have a taste of power. And once they have that power, they'll do anything to keep it and to get more.


And their parents learned that from Voldemort – I refuse to call him Lord Voldemort; for he is nothing more than a pathetic excuse for a human being. Although, there is something to idolize in him – he is quite intelligent if you think about it, after all. You really must be to formulate so many plans, and to gather so many people to join his ranks. He is a genius – truly one of the most powerful wizards in our time. But the path that he chose will be his downfall.

It will not be Harry who destroys him – it will be Voldemort himself. Harry told me of the prophecy a while back – it said that he was the only one that could destroy Voldemort… But no one has the power to destroy anyone else. Yes they can kill – but people destroy themselves. With each new plan; with each new deaetheater; with each new glint of malice in his eyes – Voldemort is slowly destroying himself. He's living in a false sense that he has all of the power, and that soon, he will be the ruler – but he's wrong. He will destroy himself in the final battle – after all that he's become, there is no way that he can survive.

All of his carefully formed plans; all of his meticulously thought of offense and defense moves; all of his evilness – all of it will be destroyed. He will not do it to himself, and Harry will not do it to him. 'Either must die at the hand of the other -' interesting, isn't it, how everyone assumed that one would have to be a murderer? Not once did it mention that one would have to kill…. Not once did the prophecy mention anything about becoming a murderer… Everyone assumed – assumptions will be our fall.

Everyone will assume Voldemort's next attack, or what he has planned – and that will be the reason that so many will be lost… Voldemort is one of the few that tried to steer clear of assumptions… For that, I do applaud him. His plans evidently took many a month to perfect – and he assumed as little as possible. He only assumed if he was sure of it – like with Sirius. He lured Harry by assuming that he would believe him…

Everyone also assumes that Sirius is dead… Perhaps I'm wrong about this, or, perhaps I'm right… But, Sirius fell behind the veil… It seems rather silly, even for the wizarding world, to be lost to everyone by falling through a veil… He may be gone, but who's to say that it's forever? There IS a way back – I know there is… It wasn't Sirius' time to die – he had to live through the battle. I know, somehow, that he has an important part to play in the final battle… Perhaps I'm wrong; perhaps it's just the fact that I wish he was back… But, whatever it is, I've always trusted my instinct – it's always led me in the right direction.

Back to the prophecy… Who's to say that dying at the hand of another means murder? Perhaps, if Voldemort DOES slowly destroy himself, then he won't be killed by anyone… Perhaps it will be the universe that kills him? The universe works in many ways, and perhaps self-destruction will be its way to rid him of the world, once and for all? Perhaps it will be that Harry simply experiences Voldemort deteriorating into nothing? Or, perhaps Harry will deliver the last blow, and it will all be too much for Voldemort to handle?

Though he may be in the form of a human, that doesn't mean that he IS a human. The body can only protect you so much… It's your soul that gives you your true protection… And as far as I know – Voldemort lost his soul the moment he pledges allegiance to the Dark Side. Or, perhaps, he still had his soul then… Perhaps it was lost when he first met Harry… I'll never know the answer to that – all I can do is share my thoughts – perhaps they'll be worth something. If only someone would listen…

But no one does. I'm invisible… I have no need of an Invisibility Cloak or of a potion – I'm already invisible. I'm unseen to the world in my times of need. I'm nothing but a faceless person in the crowd when I seek someone… I'm only there when I'm needed… When I'm not, I just slip back into my invisibility, only to be lost once more…

I may have friends, and they may be good friends most of the time – after all, no body's perfect. But, tell me this… I'm there whenever I'm needed; I go out of my way to help them; I do whatever I can to make them happy – and yet… Perhaps I'm just being selfish; or, maybe I'm just overreacting… But, I can't help but feel a little neglected…

There are times when I feel so lucky to have such wonderful friends… But, especially with Harry and Ron; when I try to talk about something serious – other than Voldemort, then they just try and change the subject. I guess that they sometimes forget that I'm a girl, and just seem to notice then… And when I'm with Lavender and Parvati, they only want to gossip or talk about boys… If I try to have a deep conversation, they just don't want to… Ginny is the one that I can have the deepest conversations with… And even with her…

In fact, I think that the only time I've truly had a good conversation was with… Draco… Back when I ran out of Potions because of the potion… Ironic, isn't it?


Well, I nearly lost track of time during my walk – I was so lost in thought! If I hadn't tripped and fallen over my own robes, then I wouldn't have snapped back to reality. Luckily, there were only a few people around, so, I wasn't as humiliated… It was still quite embarrassing though – I was started to blush as I got up and tried to leave as quickly as possible.

Nearly everyone was already seated and tucking in to lunch… No one questioned my lateness – after all, where else could Hermione Granger be but at the Library? I was still lost in my thoughts, so, once almost everyone had finished and left, I was still buttering the same piece of toast. Ginny finally snapped me back to attention – literally. She told me that she had been trying to get my attention for the majority of lunch…

I ended up going to the Library after I finished eating… I really wanted to read up a bit on my wand and see what else I could find out. But, before that, I decided to check up on my potion. Myrtle said that it was fine; she said that she liked it since it was yellow – her favourite colour. I must admit though, it was a lovely yellow… It was so light, that it nearly looked white – like the stars. It kept swirling around on its own… It was so hypnotic… The light yellow kept blending with a white and a darker yellow… The colour never seemed to change, even though, by logic, it should have darkened or lightened…

I left Myrtle's bathroom after a few minutes of chatting and just wandered around until I reached the Library. I headed straight for my favourite spot at the back of Library after finding a few books that could help me. I just barely opened my book when I felt like I was being watched… So, I put down the book, and looked around, trying to look casual. I couldn't see anyone, except for one person that seemed to be looking at some books. I decided not to think much of it, and decided to get back to my book.

Soon enough, the book had me under its spell, and nothing could make me put it down. But, then I had that feeling again. I tried to ignore it and push it to the back of my mind, but, the feeling persisted until I finally gave in and looked around. Again, I didn't see anyone. Well, I couldn't get back to my reading – I just kept getting that nagging feeling in the back of my head… I wouldn't give up though, so, I kept trying. Finally, I had enough. And then, the feeling subsided. It was quite strange; the whole thing, really.

I went back to my book, and read for about half an hour. Then, I felt a presence around me… It wasn't a person – something just kept telling me what it wasn't a person; and yet, it was… Oh, I'm not making any sense! It was like… It was like a ghost – sort of. More like… A spirit! That's it – a spirit of a person! It still doesn't make much sense to me though… Why would I feel a spirit? And, what was a spirit doing there? I wonder, perhaps the spirit was what I felt watching me…

No… No, I'm sure that THAT was a person. See, I knew it was a person… There wasn't anything different apart from the fact that I felt that I was being watched. I know that it was a person watching me – I don't know how to prove it, but, my intuition says that it was a person. With the spirit – it felt different. I could FEEL them there. I could FEEL a spirit near me…

At first, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end – I know that that may have nothing to do with it, but, I remember reading somewhere that that happens when a spirit is present… Then, I felt a pressure on the top of my head – it was light, almost as if nothing was there… It wasn't the touch of a person, and it couldn't have been a ghost – ghosts can't touch you; only pass through you, and when they do – it's cold.

And, it was the strangest thing… I suddenly felt a soft fragrance of flowers – I just can't put my finger on which flower it was... It was so delicate and faint; that I could barely smell it… But it was there; and the scent lingered long after I felt the spirit leave my presence… After the spirit left, I heard a small pop – as if someone was apparating, but, it was much too quiet for that…

I decided that I'd had enough of the Library, so, I decided to go to the Common Room to see what everyone else was doing. Perhaps the spirit came to get me out of the Library and to stop my research; perhaps it came to make me go to the Common Room and be with everyone else; or, perhaps it came because it knew that I already had what I needed… See, when I arrived at the Common Room, I noticed that I had left one of my books on an arm chair. I decided to flip through it before I put it away, and that was when I found something…

I don't even know how I did it – it felt as if the pages of the book were turning by themselves until they finally reached a certain page – they, they stopped. The page was near the end of the book, and, had I not flipped through the book, then I wouldn't have found that for quite some time… It may not seem like much information, but, I just felt so excited that I had finally found something – anything!

Basically, to make the core compatible with Alsophila australis, it must be a hair – but, not just some random hair; it must be the hair of the maker of the wand… So, would that mean that the core of my wand is Ollivander's? Well, I suppose that I won't find out until the potion is done… Although, it wouldn't seem right that it was Ollivander's… There's a piece of the puzzle that I'm missing; and without it, I can't see the bigger picture…

All through dinner I was thinking about that. I tried to continue on Ginny's attempts for conversation, but, I just had too much on her mind. I think she noticed since she got angry with me… Tomorrow I'll have to talk to her about that…

After dinner, I decided that I would get whatever I needed for the potion ready, and then head out to the bathroom. I got sidetracked on the way by several people that just wanted to talk or play a game… Luckily, I made it in time, and I added the unicorn hair at the right time. After I finished stirring, the concoction went from the light yellow to a silvery white… It was gorgeous! The potion seemed to shimmer and it was such a light silver that it was practically white.

Myrtle wasn't anywhere to be seen, and, I didn't feel like waiting for her, so, I just left after a few minutes. I decided to go to the Common Room and play Exploding Snap or something… Only, fate decided to take an unexpected twist…

When I got there, the Common Room was practically empty, so, I asked around to see where everyone was. They said that they had all gone outside to play Quidditch – by now, the lovely sunshine of the day had disappeared behind storm clouds, and a huge storm was raging outside. I decided to check around the castle to see if maybe they went inside, but, I found no one. I did bump into a red-faced Ginny though. Her face was streaked with tears, and she kept breaking into new fits of sobs. She kept trying to tell me something, but all that she got out was "Hospital Wing."

I tried to comfort her, but, she kept pushing away and finally, she ran away, bursting into a fresh fit of tears… Now, I was really curious as to what could have caused her to become so distraught, so, I decided to act on the only thing I had – Hospital Wing. I didn't know what to expect when I got there; I didn't really stop to think about it, actually. I just, sort of, ran towards the Hospital Wing.

Well, what I saw was a shock – I wasn't prepared for it… I can't believe it was real... I just, can't… It can't be!!

It was… oh, it was horrible! I just ran in there… And… And… And I saw him there… And… Oh, Merlin… How could that happen?! And to HIM… Why to HIM!! HIM of all people!! He's already got so much…

At least he wasn't in pain. Thank Merlin for those potions… If he was in a muggle hospital… Oh, Merlin… I don't even want to think of the possibilities.

He looks so peaceful; so serene; so calm… He looks like an angel… If I couldn't see his chest rise and fall with every breath he took I would think that he was truly an angel – a fallen angel. And he was so close… So close to the end… But it wasn't his time… He's got so much more to do…

And he will wake up. He will! I know it! He has to… Already, everything feels strange without him… I just wish I knew that he would come back to us soon… I wish I knew that he would be alright…

If only he hadn't gone out to play Quidditch! If only it hadn't been storming! Oh, if only he hadn't reached for the Snitch… If he had just let it go, then the… Oh, Merlin… If he had only been a few centimeters over… If only that stupid Snitch hadn't gone there!

Oh Merlin, what if he never waked up?! What if he never comes to us?! Oh, Merlin… I don't know what I would do without him… He's my best friend – he's like a brother to me! He was there for me whenever I needed him… And then, the one time that he needs my help – I can't give it to him… It's just another battle that he has to fight for himself…

At least Ron was there… The moment I laid eyes on Harry; lying in the bed in the Hospital Wing; I started to bawl my eyes out… At least Ron was there… He held me… He comforted me… I don't know what I would have done without him… I didn't want to let go of him… He's all that I have left. We were the closest to Harry… And now, all we have is each other. I'm sure that, together, we can make it through… We have to be strong… For… For Harry…

~*~

October 7th,

I've no idea how long I stayed up just crying… But, I'm in for more of it tonight – I've already started… I just can't believe that Harry isn't here… Madam Pomfrey said that he was the only one that could help himself, and that we would just have to wait… Oh, I hate this! It's just not the same without seeing Harry's deep green eyes, hidden behind those glasses; his untidy black hair… I don't know much longer it will be until he wakes up… But, quite frankly, I don't even know how much longer I can hold out.

Thank Merlin that Ron's there… He's going through the same thing as I am, pretty much… We were both close to Harry; and to not have him with us is just so… Strange… Ron knows when I feel especially sad… And then, he just holds me… He holds me until I can gather myself up and face the world. Sometimes, I wish that he wouldn't let go… I feel so safe when his arms are wrapped around me – it's like nothing in the world can harm me.

It just so happens that Draco followed by Crabbe and Goyle, saw us one particular time. Of course, they couldn't resist slipping in a little remark. And, although Draco's cruel words hurt, they didn't seem to be out of spite… It may just be me, but, there was something about them that made me think that he was saying them for the sake of his reputation – as if he didn't want to say them.

And I could swear that he turned around and looked at me sadly right before he left… Ron was positively seething with rage by the time Draco had left… I don't know what made him not take action and just keep holding me, but, whatever it was – I'm grateful for it.

Classes were so strange without Harry… I have Defense Against the Dark Arts and Transfiguration with him on Mondays, so, I'm usually his partner when we practice… And just his presence makes it easier to go on – he's been through so much, and to see him laughing and talking is enough to make anyone go on. I think that everyone felt the same way… Classes went by so slowly, and there wasn't the same happy atmosphere as there normally is… Harry has no idea how much he's missed.

In all of my classes, I only copied notes… Lots of people complained about having to write notes all day long, but, I'm glad we did… To perform proper magic, you must be able to fully concentrate… I could barely eat my lunch without struggling not to break down. To have me attempt a spell would just not work out… Who knows what I would end up doing?

After my last class of the day – Astronomy – I decided to stay in the Astronomy Tower and just look out and think. No one ever went up there, so, I knew that I wouldn't be disturbed. It was then that I remembered, not too long ago, how Harry comforted me… I just broke down and cried… I just cried and cried… Finally, I was out of tears, and I knew that I had to go on. I couldn't keep crying – Harry wouldn't want that.

I never realized how much I took him for granted. I always just assumed that he would always be there, and never really thought of him as something that important… Don't get me wrong, I always thought of him as someone important; and integral part of my life. But, now that he's not there… You know, I never told him how much he meant to me… In fact, I don't think that I ever told him how much I loved him, and how special he was to me…

"Never Take Someone For Granted... You'll Never Know When They'll Be Gone… And It Will Be Too Late To Tell Them How You Really Feel" My mother always said that… I kept it stored in the back of my mind, but, I never really thought much of it… It's so true… So very, very true… I shouldn't have taken him for granted; I should have always told him how much he meant to me – how special he made me feel… And now, now it's too late… He's gone now – not forever… But until he wakes up – it will be forever to me.

The moment that he wakes up – I swear that I'm going to tell him how wonderful he is; how much I love him – everything that I've kept to myself and failed to tell him. And I'm not just going to tell him.

Oh no, there are so many other people that I take for granted; people that I don't tell how I really feel. They all have to know – before it's too late… I need to tell everyone how important they are to me; how much they mean to me; how I can't imagine my life without them! They deserve to know – and I won't be able to live with myself until I finally tell them all.

After I finally calmed down in the Astronomy Tower, I decided to visit Harry… I knew that it was no use; since he wasn't awake. But, just having him near me might help me. Nobody was there – the Hospital Wing was completely deserted. Harry just looked so peaceful and serene… I just took a nearby chair, and sat down near his bed… I started talking to him as if he was there – even though I knew that he wasn't.

I told him everything that I had wanted to tell him… I know that he probably couldn't hear me, but, what if he could? What if he could hear every word I said? I kept telling myself that there was still a chance that he COULD hear me… So I kept talking. I talked until Madam Pomfrey came up and asked me whether or not I wanted to go for dinner.

I didn't want to leave Harry, but, I was feeling quite empty… I have a feeling that I'm going to be going back to visit him quite often until he finally wakes up – until he comes back to us. And everyday, I'll tell him how wonderful he is, and how much I care about him. It may not mean anything to him while he's sleeping, but, I just keep thinking that maybe it may do something… I've read so many stories about remarkable recoveries all because someone was talking to them… And maybe, just maybe, me telling Harry all of this will help him… Maybe if he knows what an impact he's made in my life, then he'll push a bit more every time until he's finally back…

I tried to put on an act and be all happy and cheery so that no one would wonder what was going on… No one has to know about what I'm hiding behind my smile… Though I will tell everyone how I feel, they don't need to know how I feel at this moment… I don't think that anyone suspected anything – I can be a good actress if it's needed…

After dinner, I got the Boomslang Skin that I needed for the potion, and headed down to the bathroom. Myrtle was there, so, while I waited for the right time, I chatted with her… She was the first person – other than Harry – that I told my feelings to. Even though she may not be an overly close friend, I still consider her a good friend of mine. Many people would consider me insane – for saying that about a ghost, let alone Moaning Myrtle – but I don't care. She's a wonderful person, well, ghost… And she's great to talk to…

In the middle of our conversation though, she reminded me about my potion – just in time! If she hadn't said anything, then the potion would have been worthless, and I would have had to start over. I don't know how I manage to put everything in at the exact same time, but, I'm just happy that it all works out.

As I stirred the potion, the potion changed from the soft starry white into a murkish green. I left shortly after I finished stirring, and decided to head to the Common Room… I had some homework that I really wanted to get out of the way, and it would get my mind off of Harry for a while…

No one bothered me – they must have known that I wanted to be left alone. I got all of my homework done – I worked well into the night. Once I finished, I wasn't tired enough to go to sleep, so, I decided that I may as well look through that book again… I haven't looked through it in a while, so, perhaps looking at it with fresh eyes will help a bit.

I've been reading and rereading the beginning of that book – hoping to get some more ideas. I'm taking a short break right now to gather my thoughts, and to just get away from that book… It's so confusing; not knowing what the book is about… I've had enough of it, quite frankly…

My thoughts keep drifting back to Harry… All of these horrible possibilities keep flying through my mind… I know that they're far-fetched, but… I'm just so scared… I know that Harry will get up… I know that he'll be fine… Until then though… I'll just have to wait…

Oh, I feel so tired… But I've so much on my mind – Harry. I just… I just hope that I can see those eyes again sometimes soon… I don't want to have to wait too long…

~*~

October 8th,

I'm getting stronger… It's getting easier… I can do this… Harry will be back soon, and until he's back – I'll just live my life as normally as I can. See, when I woke up this morning, I decided that there was no point in crying and being frustrated – so, I decided that from then on, I would stay strong, and be happy.

I hate how I've sounded in these past entries… I mean, the way I wrote everything makes it sound as though Harry was… Dead. He's not! He's not! He's not! He's alive… And soon, he's going to be back with us – laughing; smiling; talking; eating; hugging; playing… Soon, Hermione… Soon… I just have to wait…

What a dreadful day! There I was, so sure that I could just have a normal day, trying hard without Harry… And then I have a horrid day! You'd think that I would get a break – it's bad enough that Harry's not here and that that person is still after me… And yet, I get stuck with a miserable day! Is it really that much to ask for a calm day?

For one thing, I woke up late. For once, I'm grateful for Grace's screams… I don't know why, but she just loves to scream in the early morning – she says that it wakes her up – not to mention the rest of the castle! Honestly – how loud can one girl scream?! Although, I must say, if it wasn't for her scream, then I wouldn't have woken up when I had… I had to rush around to get ready since – I've been a muggle for too long to remember to use a spell to get everything ready.

It wouldn't have been that bad – rushing that it. But, since I was also rushing to get some breakfast and eat it, I spilt my orange juice on me, and managed to get jam on my shirt. This time though, I used a spell to quickly remove it. It's not as effective as washing it – it only makes the stain invisible. As soon as all of my classes were done and over with – I changed into something clean. Even though it's not visible, doesn't mean that you can't feel it.

Unfortunately, I spent quite a bit of time trying to remember that spell – so, I had to run all the way to Potions. I was out of breath, and Snape closed the door behind him JUST as I was about to walk in. He probably knew that I was there and did it out of spite. Honestly! That man can be so vile at times… I have to keep reminding myself of all that he's probably been though, and all that he's done for our side to keep from hexing him when I get especially angry.

I just sort of stood there for a moment before I realized what had just happened… Then, I took some time to calm down so that I wouldn't explode, took a deep breath, and walked into the Potions' dungeon. The moment I walked in, all eyes turned on me – Hermione Granger, late?! I could tell from their expressions that that was what they thought… I didn't want to get into trouble, so, I decided to just casually slip into a seat, and ignore everyone's stares and concentrate on Potions. Well, things didn't work out exactly how I had hoped…'

For one thing, I slipped on the remains of a potion on the floor, and fell flat on my back just as I was walking in. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry… So, I just got up, trying to pretend that nothing happened. But, Jason, a Slytherin with whom I have potions with, decided to be difficult. He decided to shout out 'Walk much!' just as I was picking myself up off the ground. Several of the Slytherins in the class laughed – but, I've long ago stopped caring what they think.

They're just a bunch of cruel people who care about nothing but themselves. They find pleasure in inflicting pain on others, and I want nothing to do with them. They're highly ambitious, and don't let ANYTHING stand in their way - no matter what. Of course, there ARE some exceptions. According to Hogwarts, a History and the Sorting Hat, they're only ambitious and cunning. I've met several Slytherins that are quite nice; but put on an act when surrounded by other Slytherins. It's quite sad, actually…

I didn't really stop to think about where I would sit – I just sort of figured that there would be an empty seat somewhere nearby – there were none. I scanned the room as casually as I could, and started to blush red before Jason cleared his throat, smirked, and looked to the spot next to him – empty – the ONLY empty one in the room. So, I took my things, and went to that seat. What a lovely start for the day.

The Potions class went by better than I had expected… We were brewing the Fluto Potion – it's supposed to keep you afloat in water. I do hope that mine turned out alright… Snape collected them at the end of class so that he could mark them. The only thing bad about the class was that Jason kept hissing 'Mudblood' at me under his breath… It's pathetic how he thinks that his one and only insult can hurt me… I've become desensitized to it thanks to Malfoy. Besides, you'd think that he could be creative… Maybe, oh, I don't know… Asking me how I can see from behind all of that bushy hair or something…

After Potions I had to run outside to the grounds for Care of Magical Creatures… Luckily, I wasn't late. And, even if it was, I'm sure that Hagrid would have understood. Hagrid brought in a Fire Crab… Now, they're quite interesting creatures, but, it's really quite an easily frightened creature. I was leaning in to take a closer look at it, and, well, it must have thought that I was trying to attack it… And when Fire Crabs think they're being attacked – they shoot flames out of their rear ends… It's times like these that I'm amazed at how wonderful magic is…

Hagrid had Sarah; a Hufflepuff from the class, to rush me over to the Hospital Wing so that Madam Pomfrey could get rid of the burn – we had managed to stop the fire, but, I was left with a singed shirt, and a nasty burn on my stomach. The Fire Crabs don't look very vicious, but, believe me; when they burn, they BURN. Luckily, Madam Pomfrey could easily heal a burn with the flick of a wand. I still had to hold an ice pack to get rid of the redness – there are somethings magic just can't fix… After I changed my shirt, I went back to the class. Although, I stayed a good deal away from the Fire Crab for the remainder of the class – I did not want to get burned again.

After Care of Magical Creatures it was time for lunch. I wasn't really hungry, so, I decided to stay with Hagrid for a bit until he went inside to eat. We just chatted while he put away the Fire Crab, and got the things he needed for his next class ready. It was small talk, really – just an excuse to talk. Until, of course, we got onto the topic of Harry…

We ended up skipping lunch and went into Hagrid's hut to drink some tea while we talked about Harry… I don't know how we started that discussion – it's as if one moment, we were talking about the weather, and the next – Harry. Hagrid had to get something from inside his hut, so, I just followed him in, and we stayed there since that was when we got on the topic of Harry…

I've no idea how I managed not to cry – I felt like I was about to burst into tears throughout the whole time. I just felt the need to be strong. And, I remembered what I had told myself when I woke up – about how I wouldn't breakdown and cry anymore. That's going to be a big help until Harry comes back – something that I hope will happen soon.

We talked about from the moment we met him, up until our most recent memories of him. We weren't even really talking – just sharing memories of Harry. It really helped… Talking about it to someone ALWAYS helps… And the thing is, we weren't even really talking… It was more like, talking, but to ourselves – for our own sake. I know it doesn't really make much sense when it's written, but, I just don't know how to explain it – it's hard to explain this sort of thing. Sure, I can explain a complex potion or charm to someone, but, when it comes to my own feelings… I just have trouble with that.

We forgot about the time, and I was nearly late for History of Magic – thank goodness that the classroom is nearby, and that some students decided to arrive early. I was actually one of the first people to arrive at the History of Magic classroom. I chatted a bit with Cassie – she's a Hufflepuff in quite a few of my classes. We didn't get too much time to chat though – Professor Binns came in shortly after, and everyone else drifted into the class.

History of Magic is my smallest class – almost everybody dropped it as soon as they had the chance. I know that Professor Binns can be a tad boring at times, but, history is just so fascinating! I just take what he's taught us and find out more about it or re-teach it to myself so that it's more interesting. I've actually been wondering whether or not I should start a group for it… Basically, if someone wanted to be taught History of Magic in a non-boring form, then I would do it for them… It would be like a small tutoring session; but with other people from their year. I don't know whether or not I'm going to do it, but, I'm sure that at least a few people would turn up…

I'll talk to a few of my closer friends about it and see what they think. I told Cassie about it – she thought it was a great idea. She said that if I DID start it, then she would definitely go. We talked about it and ideas for it on our way to Arithmancy, and while we waited for the class to start as well. Cassie thinks that a lot of people would show up since they need to pass History of Magic, and it would be much easier if someone other than Professor Binns explained it.

I'm still not sure about it yet, but, I probably AM going to start it. I'll think about it, and maybe start it next week, or something. Then again, I don't really have much of a choice… Cassie told a few people about it while we were going to Arithmancy. Most of them thought that it was a great idea too, and that they would show up for sure.

It shouldn't be that hard to do make it all interesting, and I remember all of the important facts… The only problem would be meeting times – there would be so many people that there would be conflicting schedules. Well, I still have quite a bit of time to think about that, so, I'm not going to worry about that just now.

After Arithmancy, I decided to visit Harry and just sit there and chat. It's quite comforting to just go there and talk about anything. I find that saying things out loud really helps if you have a problem or to clear your mind… So, I brought my homework, and, while I did it, I was talking to Harry…

Ron came in while I was talking about the meetings I wanted to start. I didn't notice – everything seems to fade away when I talk about things that I truly care about. So, there I was, going on and on about how I felt about forming that club, and Ron walks in. Now, I know that it's not embarrassing, but, Ron couldn't help but tease me… He just happened to walk in when I was talking about the importance of history to witches and wizards. Honestly, what's so bad about finding school important?

Then, there's also the fact that I was talking to Harry… Ron asked me if I was alright – he probably thought that I was crazy. After a while thought, that was forgotten. For a few moments, we just sort of sat on opposite sides of Harry and looked at him, or at things around the room. Then we started to make small talk. It felt a bit awkward between us though… There was this tension everytime that there was a lull in the conversation.

I suppose that Harry's presence kept the peace between us, and kept the tension and awkwardness away… We kept getting into insignificant little rows for no reason at all… They were so pathetic and pointless… I know that we argue quite a bit, but, it's not like we do it ALL the time – it seems like, lately, whenever we're together; we constantly fight. It's quite annoying actually, but, I just can't help it… I just have to voice my opinion and tell him what I think. We have such different opinions and views…

We stayed there for quite some time. It was dinnertime when we were just getting up to leave. We were practically out the door when I felt something. I don't know what it was, but, it made me stop for a moment. Ron said to ignore it, so, we just went on. But then, I felt it again – it was as if someone was trying to contact me. I just… I just had this – this feeling. So, I told Ron that I would be right there if he would just give me a moment. Ron left without a second thought – hunger was calling.

I decided to wait a few minutes, and, if anything happened, then I would decide from there. I looked around the Hospital Wing, and, for some reason, my eyes stopped on Harry. He looked… Different. I don't know how he did, just… Did. I wasn't sure what I should do – should I call someone? Should I leave? Or, what? Well, before I could react, I heard someone breathing. It was heavy breathing – as if frightened, but not…

No one else was in the Hospital Wing with me; except for Harry. But it couldn't have been him… At least, that's what I thought. I leant in closer to Harry's bed to see if it was him. As I was looking at him for any signs of awakening, I saw his eyes flutter open. And then, I found myself staring into his emerald green eyes.

I was so happy to see him awake that I scream – at the top of my lungs! I almost immediately clamped my hand over my mouth – Harry's hearing must have been quite sensitive. I was just so happy though – he was finally awake!! After I finally calmed down and took a seat by him, Harry asked where he was – so I answered, the Hospital Wing. He sort of nodded – it was as if the answer was meaningless. I didn't think anything of it, but, now, it's making me wonder…

Then, he asked me what he was doing in the Hospital Wing. Well, I myself didn't know why – I hadn't really bothered to ask anybody.  Luckily, Madam Pomfrey came in. She must have heard my scream and came to see what had happened. Well, as soon as she saw that Harry was awake, she shooed me out and got busy helping Harry. I was just so ecstatic that he was awake that I didn't care what she did to him. Although, it would have been nice if I had gotten to spend a bit more time with him…

I went straight for the Great Hall; I was quite hungry. Everyone around me was chatting animatedly about their days and about the latest gossip. This time, I actually took part in them… How can you not be happy and not sulk when your best friend has woken up?! It was all random insignificant chatter, but, it was still something that you could easily get sucked into and addicted to hearing. Lavender, Parvati, and I just chatted about the latest gossip, who was seeing who, and other girl stuff like that. I must say, it is quite nice to do that once in a while…

I didn't tell anyone about Harry though. For one thing, I was actually quite into the conversations going around me, so, I was a bit busy with that. Then there's the fact that I didn't really want to… See, if everybody knew that Harry was awake, then they would all rush there and he would feel smothered… Madam Pomfrey would get angry, and we would talk about nothing else but that. And, tonight, I felt like talking about pointless things that won't have a huge impact on my life – just gossip.

Also, I wanted it to myself. That sounds quite strange, but, I liked the fact that I was the only one that knew about Harry… It's quite silly, but, well, that's just me. Besides, I would have more time with him alone. Because, by the time everyone knows, they're all going to rush over, and I'm not going to get a chance to talk to him until much later.

So, tomorrow, I'm going to see Harry during lunch, and then tell everyone after classes are over. It's much more logical that way – no one's going to think that I'm hiding it… I don't know why I'm so worried about that actually.

Anyways… Lavender fell asleep quite early, so, Parvati and I were left to continue our late not gossip session. But, Parvati drifted off to sleep soon after that. I'm not very tired, so, I decided to write about everything… There's just something about nighttime that makes me want to do something.

I don't know why the night has such an effect on me… Perhaps it's the fact that it's dark, and that makes everything all hidden and mysterious – as if you can get away with anything. Or, maybe it's because I'm always busy in the day with school and homework that at night I just feel the need to go wild… Whatever it is though – it sure keeps me from sleeping…

~*~

October 9th,

What a beautiful morning! Isn't life simply wonderful? The moment I woke up; I knew that it would be an amazing day. It was just… One of THOSE days. One of those days when everything seems to go your way… It's as if everything is perfect for you – for that one day. Then, the next, it's back to normal…

I woke up all smiling and happy for no reason at all… I was walking around the entire day with this HUGE smile plastered on my face – grinning like a maniac at anyone and everyone – even more so than when I felt that freedom a while back…

I'm sure that everyone thought that I had gone insane. After all, what kind of person wakes up at 4 o'clock in the morning, watches the sunset, jumps around the grounds, then heads in for breakfast with a gigantic smile on their face? I could see their looks… And good! Let them think I've gone mad.

It was as if nothing was standing in my way today – nothing could bring me down! I was full of energy, and I felt like just skipping classes and doing whatever I wanted to do. Of course, I could never do that. I'm at Hogwarts for a reason, after all. It's a wonder I even got accepted; I can't just go around skipping classes and having fun while I should be learning. But still, you must admit, it would be quite exhilarating…

All through breakfast I chatted with everybody around me. There were conversations coming at me from every direction – it was actually a tad confusing. Quite a few people came up to me and asked me about the History of Magic club – I told them that I was going to have it. After all… Why not?!

I even scheduled the first meeting. It's for the Seventh Years, and it's going to be this Saturday in the afternoon. All of the Seventh Year Gryffindors that are taking History of Magic said that they would be there. The majority of the Hufflepuffs said that they would go as well; and quite a few Ravenclaws told me that they would come. I can't wait – it should be quite an interesting afternoon.

I'll never forget the look on Snape's face when I walked into his class all smiling and in a cheerful mood. No one walks into the dungeons happy – it was quite amusing to see everybody's reactions. It wasn't as though they were overly surprised, but, I could tell that they were a bit surprised that someone was actually in high spirits at the start of a Potions class.

We were brewing a Confusing Concoction today. Snape decided to put us into pairs with our least favourite people, as usual. He's getting to be quite predictable with these partnerships. I mean, Neville is always with Pansy or Millicent, or one of the Slytherin girls. I'm always with Draco; since Harry doesn't have Potions with me. And Ron always gets Crabbe or Goyle. You'd think that Snape could spice it up a bit, and perhaps change the partnerships? Ah well; I don't mind working with Draco. We have a mutual relationship now; sort of.

We set to work right away on brewing the Confusing Concoction. Draco prepared most of the ingredients while I got everything else ready and set up to actually brew the potion.

I kept humming under my breath, and, ever so often, it would get a touch louder. Soon enough, I was humming quite loudly. Then, someone joined in. And then, someone else did. Soon enough, all of the students, apart from the Slytherins, was humming. Snape was positively fuming. In Potions, you always work in silence – you don't hum. But, like I said, it was one of THOSE days… Besides what was he going to do, take points off for humming? Actually, I'm surprised that he didn't.

By the time that it was time to actually brew the potion though, I stopped humming. There were a few people left humming, but, much softer than before. I need total concentration when I'm brewing a potion – everything must be perfect for it to work. Luckily I wasn't paired with Crabbe. Poor Ron – they had to redo their potion several times since Crabbe kept knocking things into the cauldron – although, I suspect that several times it was on prupose.

Draco and I finished our potions quite fast, and looked around the class as it simmered and sat; waiting to be flasked and handed to Snape to be graded. I was going to start humming again, but, I think that Draco gathered that much since he told me not to. Honestly, it's just HUMMING; it's never hurt anyone before.

The remainder of the class went by quite fast, and as soon as everyone else was done, we took a sample of our potion and put it on Snape's desk. Everyone seemed to make a run for the doors to leave the dungeons as soon as possible – no one likes to stay in them longer than necessary.

I caught up to Ron who had been one of the first to get out. We went to the Great Hall together. There was a big difference though… Ron walked along looking sad and hunched over as if thinking and depressed; whereas I skipped – literally skipped, all the way to the Great Hall. That only added to my "insanity" – after all, I had just finished Potions.

I decided to grab something to eat and then head over to the Hospital Wing to see Harry for a bit. I figured that he would probably be hungry as well; seeing as how Madam Pomfrey probably wouldn't let him eat much other than chocolate or her potions.

Madam Pomfrey was reluctant to let me in, but, I convinced her to let me in for just five minutes. Although, there was this look in her; this look that I couldn't quite understand. I wonder what it was…

Harry was awake when I went into the Hospital Wing; and he looked quite happy to see me. We didn't get to chat for too long though. True to her word, Madam Pomfrey gave me exactly five minutes. I promised Harry that I would visit him later in the afternoon after classes were over – he seemed happy enough with that answer.

Having seen Harry and having gotten the chance to chat with him, I bounced along to the Ancient Runes classroom. That class went by quite fast, actually. The study of Runes is really quite fascinating. It's like this one big puzzle. And to solve it, you need to figure out what each little piece is… Most people don't like Runes because it's so much work decoding everything, but, once you're done it all, it's amazing to think that you actually translated something from symbols to English…

Charms seemed to go by in a blur! We practiced the 'Simulo Charm' for the entire lesson. By the end of the class, we ended up with duplicates of pretty much everything in the classroom. Professor Flitwick said that we would be practicing duplicating people in our next class, and perhaps even ourselves. The replicas of people won't do anything – they'd just stand there. It takes quite advanced magic to make them speak or move.

After all of my classes were over, I decided to go to the Common Room to do my homework before visiting Harry. By then, everybody had heard that Harry was fine, so, they were all rushing to the Hospital Wing to see him. That meant that I had nearly the entire Common Room to myself – free of distractions.

I finished all of my homework within two hours, and then I decided to try and translate that book again… It's a bit like my Runes translations… Except, with Runes, I have a key that I know of, and I can make out everything. In this book, the writing is faded, and there's a certain code that I still need to decipher. At least I'm not completely oblivious as to what's in the book – I know a few of the words.

It takes forever to figure out what the words are… If only it wasn't so faded… Then I could figure out faster. Somehow, I think that maybe it's only English – perhaps olden English? Mixed with some code? Oh, it's so complicated! But, I can do it. Like all things in the world, it'll take time. But, eventually, I'll be able to read that entire book and understand it. I just wish that it would be sooner rather than later.

Well, I put the book down after the words started to blur in front of me. That book is going to drive me crazy! I wish I could understand it… I hate not knowing what it all means… There's something important bout that book – I can feel it. And I just hope that I figure it out before it's too late…

I visited Harry after dinner – but then, everybody was rushing to finish up homework that they had left for the last minute. Everybody was done visiting Harry, and they wanted to go and have fun at night – it was the perfect time to visit.

Ron decided to come with me; even though he had spent practically the entire day in the Hospital Wing with everyone anyways. But, it was quite nice how it was just the three of us again. It felt like we were back in our younger years… Back when we were closer…

We chatted a great deal, but, Madam Pomfrey kicked us out after an hour and a half. She said that Harry needed his rest, and that we could visit him tomorrow. I don't know why she doesn't just let him leave – he's perfectly fine. I suppose she just wants to make sure, but still. It's not good to miss too many classes…

After Ron and I left the Hospital Wing, we went to the Common Room for a bit. But, soon after, we had to head out for Prefect duties. Nobody was outside after hours, and we were getting quite tired, so, we didn't stay out too late. We went back to the Common Room quite early actually.

I went straight up to the dormitory after I bid everyone a good-night. I'm so tired! But I had such a brilliant day! Tomorrow's going to come too soon…

~*~

A/N : Fluto = Latin. Meaning – to float.

          Simulo = Latin. Meaning – to copy.

Fire Crab: Despite its name, the fire crab resembles a large tortoise with a heavily jewelled shell. The fire crab has its own defensive mechanism: It shoots flames from its rear end when attacked. Fire crabs are exported as pets. (Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them)