Underneath it All

A/N : I tried to make this chapter a bit longer to make up for the other shorter ones. Sorry if it's not too long! =D Enjoy it anyways though, lolz.

DISCLAIMER : All characters and places came from the brilliant mind of JK Rowling.

Reviews –

Thanks…

Amandaliini - Oh, wow, long review, thanks! Lolz. Have a cookie. ; ) Don't worry, Ron's suffering ends here – I wouldn't be THAT cruel, lolz. And the surprises jut keep on coming! =D That's life. =P

hp/charmed obsesed - That I am, lolz. Thanks – here's your update. =)

Ashes Kittyhawk - Thanks! =D

noseyMCnosey - Thanks! =D I love to add the twists – what's the fun in reading a predictable story after all?

Now we begin…

October 19th,

I must say, I did have quite a lovely day today. From beginning to end everything seemed to be going just right. It's about time that I had a good day… It seems as if recently everything's been going wrong… Everything has been so hectic and there have been so many surprises… Surprises are nice, but, not when they're one after that other… But that's life… It's never been in a nice pattern that you can follow; you can never expect what's going to happen next. One day, you're all happy and smiling; feeling as if you're on top of the world – and the next day, you're sad and angry; feeling as if the world has turned its back on you.

Nothing in life is ever predictable… If it was, then there would be no fun in living. It's the unpredictability and the many surprises that make life interesting… Would you really want to keep living if you knew what was going to happen next? I mean, you would be able to prepare for it, get over it, and then wait until the next thing happened…

If everything made complete logical sense then there would be no imagination… We wouldn't have anywhere to escape from the harsh world of reality… Because if we believed everything was set in stone and made perfect sense, then you wouldn't stop to think 'what if…' It's those 'what ifs' that make life so wonderful…

Now, you're welcome to believe that our world is a nice, logical, safe place… You'll be wrong, but, that hasn't stopped other people from believing that… After all, it's what you believe that makes your life what it is. If you honestly believe that everyone out there is kind and cares about you, then you will end up getting hurt… That still may not stop you from believing it, but, it's true.

And for our world being safe? Hah! That's all I have to say… Just look around yourself and you'll see just how unsafe the world really is. Julia, for example. If that's qualified as safe, then I really wouldn't like to know what danger is. And then there's also the small fact of Voldemort… All of the suffering he has caused to people all over can hardly qualify as safe…

And since life is so unpredictable, you can't get ready for anything… You have no way of knowing what to expect in life, or what to prepare for. Even the most carefully made plans will fall through because of a little thing called life… You can have every second of your day planned so meticulously that there are no flaws in it whatsoever… But then life will throw something your way, and it will all be destroyed…

I've long ago stopped planning things. There's no point in planning ahead because how are you to know if you'll even be around when tomorrow comes? What's the point in spending so much time planning things out, when, in reality, they will more than likely fall through?

Of course, I still study and do my homework – that's just common sense to do. But plan for the future? Not a chance! I admit, I do have general ideas of things that I would like to do. But they're not completely exact as to what I want. I mean, if they happen, that's great. If not, that's fine as well.

Because life is like that. It'll ruin your plans that you though were so perfect… And then in the end, you'll realize that it was for the better. Because all of those ruined plans and ideas were destroyed for a reason… Obviously you weren't meant to go through with them… And since we humans aren't smart enough to figure that out; life has to do it for us.

And once in a while, life gives us a break. Once in a while, life will give us a day where everything is wonderful… Once in a while, we'll be able to have a good day without having to worry about life's problems… And I believe that you should take advantage of those days – milk them for all they're worth! Because you never know when the next one will come along; if another comes along.

Do you know that feeling that you get when you wake up and just know that it's going to be one of those days? I had that feeling when I woke up this morning… I couldn't wait to get up and out of bed… Whenever I get that feeling, I want to hurry up and get on with the day; I don't want to miss any of it. I've been given this day as a break, so I may as well use it; rather than waste it sleeping.

I woke up quite early as well… Early enough for the sunrise! It's getting colder outside in the mornings now because it's nearing winter… But, I'm a witch and I can use magic – a basic heating charm can easily solve the cold. So I got a blanket, cast the heating charm, and headed outside to watch the sunrise.

It's happened before, but, today, it seemed stronger… Whenever I feel the rays of the sun on me, I feel so energetic – as if I can do anything and that nothing can stop me… It's the same effect with raindrops falling on me. Today though, the rays from the sunrise seemed to affect me even more… I felt so rejuvenated… I just knew that something good would happen today… I knew that it was going to be a good day.

As soon as the sun had fully risen, I headed back up to the castle to grab a bite to eat for breakfast before going on with my day. The Great Hall was deserted, and there wasn't any food on the tables – perhaps it was a bit early to go there for breakfast. So I headed for the Kitchens; the house-elves would surely be up preparing breakfast by now.

Now, the thing about eating in the Kitchens is that you can eat whatever you want… It really is quite nice. In the Great Hall, the meal is served – you don't have much to say on the menu. I'm not complaining about the food that we're served – because it is delicious; but I do like to choose my meals myself.

So, whenever I go to the Kitchens, I ask for whatever my stomach desires. The house-elves are more than happy to make it for me… And it's nice to know that they're at least paid for their work. I heard from Dobby that the house-elves always find Galleons hidden under their pillows every week. Whenever I visit the Kitchens, Dobby always seems to be there waiting for me and we have chats.

He was more than happy to make me some fluffy pancakes… I haven't had those in a while it seems… Normally we have bacon and eggs or something healthy and filling. Pancakes aren't that filling, but, they can taste simply heavenly if made just right…

I didn't get to talk to Dobby, or any house-elves for that matter. They were quite busy preparing breakfast – bacon and eggs. As soon as I finished I decided to leave them to work… I get the feeling that I was in their way and that they would rather that I wasn't there while they worked.

By then, several students were already in the Great Hall. I stopped by there and chatted with a few people, but, I didn't stay too long. I headed back up to Gryffindor Tower shortly after… I wasn't in any rush, so, I took the long way up. After all, it would be quite some time before everybody else was up…

Everyone was awake sooner than I expected – I suppose it was because there was the Quidditch game against Ravenclaw after lunch. It was quite good for me, because that way I wouldn't have to wander around alone. There's nothing wrong with being left alone with my thoughts, but, I just felt like being surrounded by people today.

By the time I got to the Gryffindor Common Room, almost everyone had gone back downstairs. I decided to stay up there because it was more than likely that everyone would be coming up soon after they ate breakfast. Sure enough, people started trickling back into the Common Room. Soon enough, nearly all of the Gryffindors were in there trying to find ways to keep themselves busy until the Quidditch match.

I played quite a few games of Exploding Snap and just chatted with several people before everyone started to head down for lunch. Down in the Great Hall, you could feel the excitement that a Quidditch math always creates… There was a buzz of enthusiasm that you could feel the moment that you entered the Great Hall.

It wasn't a big game or anything, but it was still a game. The biggest energy can be found during the Slytherin/Gryffindor matches… Those are the most interesting matches to watch. I'm not saying that the other games aren't fun, but, the Gryffindor/Slytherin ones are just the ones with the most excitement.

Then again, it doesn't really matter to me who's playing… I'm sure that Quidditch is a fun game, and I'm always happy when Gryffindor wins, but, I will never understand what's so wonderful about this sport; along with all other sports, as a matter of fact. But all of the excitement is catching… And I become quite excited whenever there's a Quidditch game because of that.

Everyone was crowding around the Quidditch team wishing them good luck and telling them how good they were… I didn't get a chance to even speak to any of them the entire time… I did manage to wish Harry good luck when he was passing by me with the rest of the team to get ready… I knew that he heard me because he turned and smiled at me.

Quidditch is one of the few things that keeps Harry happy nowadays… Whenever he talks about Quidditch, you can see the same old Harry again… His eyes gleam with a passion and joy that he used to have all of the time… But now, even a flicker of that is rare… It's so sad how someone who was once quite happy can be so unhappy now…

At least he has Quidditch though. If he didn't, then I would never be able to see Harry anymore… The Harry that I met back in First Year on the Hogwarts Express… The Harry that helped to save me from that troll that year… The Harry that has always made me laugh and feel happy… Every time I see a glimmer of that Harry I feel so happy. I hate having to see him like this… And lately, he's been getting worse…

It's been getting to be even rarer to see that Harry back… He's become quite withdrawn… I haven't had a true conversation like the ones we used to have all the time in a while… He's pulling away from everyone; pushing us all away from him… It's not like one day it started all dramatically; it happened bit by bit over time… I wish that there was something that I could do to help him, but, there isn't much I can do when he won't let me…

I've been trying to understand Quidditch a bit better so that I can talk to Harry and see his eyes light up as he talks about it… I haven't had much luck with it; there's only so much that you can learn from a book. At least when there's a Quidditch practice or game then I can comment on what I saw. Which was also part of the reason that I was so happy about the game.

Everyone started to go down to the Quidditch Pitch shortly after the two teams left. The best seats always got filled up fast, so, you had to be quick if you wanted to have a good one. I found Lavender and Parvati near the front of the stands, so, I pushed through the crowd to get to them.

For most of the game they chatted; unless there was something big happening or if Gryffindor scored. Half the time when that happened, I don't think that they even realized what had happened – they just started to cheer madly when everyone else did. It didn't really matter what they were doing; I was concentrating on the game.

It was quite a close game… Ravenclaw had more points before the Snitch was caught; but only by about 20 points. The game lasted for quite some time as well; the Ravenclaw team put up a good fight. After the game had ended, everyone, as usual, rushed out onto the Quidditch pitch to congratulate Gryffindor or to comfort Ravenclaw.

Once all of that had died down, all of the Gryffindors headed up to the Common Room to party well into the night - as is tradition whenever an occasion comes up. I didn't much feel like partying at the moment then, so, I decided to walk around Hogwarts for a bit; let the party start, and then return to the Common Room.

I did notice that a certain redheaded Keeper was missing from the festivities… He seemed to slip out from the crowds while everyone – apart from me – was heading to the Common Room. I always like to go to the Room of Requirement to relax before going back to have fun and be loud well into the night. It helps me gather up my energy before I let loose – yes, I, Hermione Granger know how to let loose; I'm not completely ruled by books and schoolwork.

So, I slipped away from the huge group of Gryffindors and took a stroll to the Room of Requirement. The strange thing about Hogwarts is that when you're just sort of wandering without thinking where you're going, you always end up where you want to be – which is how it always is when I go to the Room of Requirement. It's as if the castle can pick up on where you need to be, and it takes you there… It seemed especially strong this time… I just kept getting the feeling that someone was calling to me from there; that the room was calling to me, if you will.

I was just about to open the door to the Room of Requirement when I felt this strong urge to go in there… It was quite strange; I've never felt that before… It was as if I needed to go in there as soon as possible… And my feet just moved on their own accord from there.

Whenever I go to the Room of Requirement, I don't stop to think about something certain that I need. I think that for it to give you what you truly want, you should just think normally – pretend it's not there. And it always seems to give me what I want when I do that…

Anyways. So, as I opened the door to the Room or Requirement, I was greeted by the scent of lavender drifting around the room; which was covered in glowing candles… There were rose petals all over the floor, and there was soft music playing in the background – it looked like something from a romance novel!

And in the middle of the room, holding a single rose, stood none other than Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy! Draco Malfoy!! Of all the people to be standing there – Draco Malfoy. I stood by the door in momentary shock as my eyes fell upon Draco's face, which was looking at me with a look in his eyes that I couldn't recognize. The room was fairly dark with only the light of the candles – so at first, I thought that it must be someone else. But when I saw the white-blonde hair…

I had no idea how to react to all of it… It was defiantly not something that I had expected. I suppose Draco must have sensed this, because he then called my name – it was in such a soft, sweet voice; as if just saying my name was something special. Me, being pathetic as I am, stood there and nodded slightly as he said my name.

Before I knew it, the gap between us had become much smaller, and Draco had extended his hand to hand me the rose. I took it while staring into his eyes… Those are eyes that you could get lost in… They're such a cloudy grey, and they always look as if they're hiding something from the world; and as if they've lived through so much. But at that moment, there was something else in his eyes… Something that I can't quite put my finger on…

We stood there looking at each other for a few moments before I noticed that Draco's lips had started moving. I had been so mesmerized by his eyes, that I hadn't noticed that I had begun to speak to me… Luckily, I snapped back just in time to hear him ask me to go to Hogsmeade with him. I wish that I hadn't tuned out during his little speech… I wish I knew what he had said… But that didn't stop me from slowly nodding a yes to him – I was still lost in his eyes.

None of us were sure of what we should do then; should we hug, kiss, shake hands, just stand there even? Finally, I managed to lean in towards him and wrap my arms around him in a hug – soon enough, I felt his arms wrap around me to return the hug. We stood there hugging for a few moments before I heard the door open from behind me.

And then I heard a familiar voice yelling 'Hermione! What the bloody hell are you doing?! Get OFF her Malfoy!' The next moments passed by in a whir… Draco let go of me, and slightly pushed me to the side so that he could get a clear view of Ron; who had walked over to us and was beet red, glaring at Draco. Draco, on the other hand, looked calm and composed.

Before I knew it, I saw Ron's fist fly out from his side and hit the side of Draco's face. Before Draco had a chance to defend himself or even fight back, Ron threw another punch. And on it went, with Ron giving Draco just enough time to realize what had happened before he hit him again. As Draco was about to throw a punch, however, I had snapped back to reality and yelled Ron's name out loud.

How dare he?! Who did he think he was – punching out someone just because they were hugging me?! He had no right whatsoever to do that! Just because he hates Malfoy, doesn't mean that he can go around punching him!

That stopped Draco from punching Ron – it was as if time had frozen; the two boys were breathing heavily, while Draco still had his arm our, ready to throw a punch. It was as if the two boys had just realized that I was there when I screamed out Ron's name. And then, all hell broke loose… I started screaming and yelling at Ron for what he had just done, and for what he had done to me before. I just stood there yelling, slowly advancing on him; while he slowly backed away from me; growing red in the face.

Now, Ron knew not to cross my path when I was angry, so he remained silent until I was out of breath. Of course, he had to use that one pathetic word that I despise the most after that entire spiel – 'sorry.' He just had to say that he was sorry, didn't he?!

Honestly, I loathe that word! Because it's just that – a word. It's nothing more than a mere word that people use to get out of their messes. It's a meaningless word that's thrown around whenever there is a need for it. And the sad thing is that people actually accept it… All you have to do is say 'I'm sorry' with some fake expression, and you're off the hook. It's so stupid because it's just a word!

Ron knew that he had blown it right then and there… He knew as soon as he finished saying that word that he had made a mistake… I was just so angry! After all that he had done - he had the nerve to utter that 5 letter word… I didn't trust myself to speak… Ron was expecting me to yell; I could tell. But I surprised him when I simply glared at him before leaving the Room of Requirement.

What happened there after I left, I've no idea… All I know, is that when Ron came back into the Common Room late into the night, he looked angry, sad, and confused, and it looked as if he had been beaten up pretty bad… Everyone was crowding around him as he fed them all some pathetic story – so, here I am, upstairs in the dormitory; I had to get away from it all.

~*~

October 20th,

Well, I did it… I don't know what made me do it; but, I did… I'm wondering whether or not I should have done it, but, it's too late now to change the past… Perhaps it's for the best, I mean, was it really worth holding a grudge? Yes, I was angry, but, come now, did it honestly have to go on for much longer?

When I woke up this morning, I was wondering what I would do with my day… I didn't quite want to chat with Ron, and that would require his avoidance; which might prove to be a problem. But I didn't want to have to waste my entire day avoiding him and checking to see if he was there – it wasn't how I wanted to spend my day off.

I didn't have to worry about that until lunchtime though… Not many people were up for breakfast, and after that, I worked on some homework up until lunchtime – I may as well use my time productively rather than sitting there doing nothing, or indulging in mindless chatter. Once lunchtime came, however, I was faced with a minor dilemma – should I go to the Great Hall for lunch, or stay here and eat at the Kitchens afterwards?

I decided to go to the Great Hall since I'm pretty sure that the house-elves wouldn't like me going by too often; and I didn't feel like changing my regular day because of that. But then another question arose; where to sit? There were a variety of people that I could sit with, but, I suppose that what I was really asking myself was if I was going to sit with Harry and Ron or not.

Well, I chose to face the situation head first – I would go and sit with them. After all, I wasn't angry with Harry, and I hadn't sat with him in a while. Besides, it's not like there weren't other people there.

Before I could even enter the Great Hall, however, Ron stopped me. He just sort of reached for my arm and stopped me before I got a chance to walk through to doors. I really didn't know what to expect, so, I just sort of stood there. I really didn't want to stay angry at Ron, but, I didn't want to give in so easily… If I did, then he would think that he could do anything and get away with it. But, like I said, I didn't say anything; if he wanted to talk, he could talk – I wouldn't stop him.

For a few moments, Ron sort of stood there, as if waiting to say something. Now, normally, I would have gladly waited patiently for him – but then, I was hungry, and not very happy with him in the first place. As I made to leave, Ron must have found his voice; because he pulled me back and said 'wait.' So, I turned and looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

He started to talk about First Year – about when we first me; and about how much I bothered him in the beginning. Then, he went on to say that over time, those feelings grew to respect and friendship. And several years later, he realized that he wanted to be more than just friends. Finally, he went on to say how happy he was when he had asked me out and when I had said yes; and how much it had hurt him to have to break it off and how much he regretted it.

By then, people were already coming out of the Great Hall – almost everyone had finished eating lunch; and Ron still wasn't finished. But everyone else didn't matter; I don't think that he noticed that anyone else was there… I only noticed because I heard whispers from around and saw that several people had stopped to see what was happening.

Ron went on to explain all about the attacks and how he had been so confused and hadn't known what to do. And then he finally spoke about yesterday; and about how much more confused he became when he saw me hugging Draco; and how angry and jealous he was that it was Draco being hugged and not him. Finally, he looked me in the eye, held the gaze for a few minutes, and said one, simple word – sorry.

Except, this time, it had meaning. It wasn't just him saying that he was sorry to get off the hook… He was truly sorry for what he had done, and he just wanted my forgiveness… I don't know how I knew that this was for real; perhaps it was his eyes… I had been watching them the entire time, and I knew that each and every word he had uttered was the truth.

For a few moments, I was looking into those eyes, thinking about everything that he had just said, and wondering what I should do. I could tell that Ron was about to burst; I had, after all, been standing there for quite some time just looking at him. He called my name softly, and the moment he did, my eyes brimmed with tears… Perhaps it was after all that I had just heard that made me start to cry… I'm not one to cry; I don't like it.

Before Ron could say anything, I leaned towards him, and wrapped my arms around him; pulling him closer to me in a hug. It took him a few moments for him to respond, because he returned the hug a bit later. Before I broke apart the hug, I whispered in his ear that it was OK – that I forgave him… As soon as we had parted, I saw a smile light up his face – never before had I seen such a big smile on his face.

I never knew that I, Hermione Granger, bookworm and know-it-all, could cause someone so much confusion and love… I never thought that I could be capable of making someone smile so hard… I've never been the prettiest girl – all I have are my smarts; and most boys don't like that. So, I wasn't popular with them… And the girls didn't interest me because they only wanted to talk about boys and clothes.

But when I came to Hogwarts, I met Harry and Ron – and all of that changed. Now, honestly, how could I have stayed angry with Ron for much longer? And now, I feel so much lighter… It's as if a huge burden has been lifted off of my chest… It just goes to show you what a little forgiveness can do to you.

~*~

October 21st,

For once in a long, long time, I've had a normal day. There were no surprises; no arguments; no twists – nothing! It was really quite strange, actually. I mean, I can't remember the last time that I had a day with nothing odd happening…

I went to all of my classes – they were all theoretical today; so no explosions or anything like that. And then, after school, I did homework and read a book before heading down to dinner – which went by without any odd happenings.

Before dinner, though, Dumbledore stood up to make an announcement – something he rarely does. It seems that there's going to be a Halloween Ball this year on Halloween. Halloween falls on a Thursday, so the ball won't be going to far into the night Dumbledore said – but there was a twinkle in his eyes and a smile on his lips as he said it; perhaps classes will be cancelled for Friday.

The entire Great Hall was in a buzz after Dumbledore announced the Halloween Ball. All through dinner, everyone was talking about the ball – that is to say, all of the girls. The boys just talked about Quidditch as they usually do. Lavender and Parvati were positively giddy when Dumbledore announced it – after all, any excuse to dress up and pretty yourself is a good excuse.

After dinner, everyone was finishing up any homework that they hadn't yet done that was due for the next day. Luckily, I wasn't the only one that had finished my homework – Ginny, for one, had finished before. So, we chatted for a bit about the dance and Hogsmeade before we headed up to bed.

Ginny asked me if I was going with anyone to Hogsmeade… I didn't want to lie to her, but, I didn't think that she would be overly excited if I told her that I was going with Draco; she would think that I had gone insane! Luckily, it was at that moment that Seamus' cards exploded on him during his game of Exploding Snap – it got us off track, and the topic wasn't brought up again.

Well, I'd better get to bed soon… I'm not very tired, but, I don't want to be struggling to stay awake tomorrow during class.

~*~

A/N: Look forward to… Hogsmeade… date… Halloween… dance… Draco… Library… owl… That's all I'm saying for now. =D

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