Underneath it All

A/N : Just a short interlude. =)

DISCLAIMER : All characters and places are brought to you by JK Rowling – not me.

Reviews –

                   Thank-you…

Slytherin-Gryffindor gal - Thanks! =D I know, I know, it is, but, like you said, it's fanfiction! Lolz.

Amandaliina - Glad you liked the chapter, and your friends must be very smart, lolz. ; D

Alix - I'm glad you liked it. =)

Remorseful Passion - Nice username, and I'm glad that you liked it – thanks for reviewing! =)

tkdcutie - Thanks – Hogsmeade is next chapter. =)

noseyMCnosey - Aw, thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much. =D

Now we begin...

October 22nd,

I've been wondering what my life is going to be like after Hogwarts lately. Like, what will I do with my life? What kind of job will I get? Will I keep in touch? And I can't help worrying about what's going to happen to me… The only thing that I know, is that I'm not going to leave the wizarding world. It's become so much a part of my life, that I wouldn't be able to live without it. But, at the same time, I don't want to leave the muggle world behind me forever… I do have my family there, and that was part of my life up until the age of 11… I suppose that I could always find myself a place to live in the muggle world where there are wizards around…

But it's not where I'm going to live or what kind of job I'm going to have that makes me think about the future. What really makes me think is marriage… Will I even get married? I want to have a career first; I didn't go to Hogwarts for nothing, and I'm just not the type of person to stay at home as a homemaker. But will I find that special someone? Will I get married, have children, and grow old with that person?

I think "in love" is just a made-up fantasy to give people dreams. "In love" as we call it, is an infatuation. Love, TRUE LOVE, is putting up with a person day after day and learning not to be bothered by the little things that annoy you. Love is staying with a person because you committed to doing so forever. Love is realizing that you care about the other person more than you care about yourself. Love is commitment.

Do I still think that being "in love" is a fantasy? Yes and no. I think that there is indeed such a feeling as "in love" which usually consists of strong emotional, romantic and sexual attraction. And while I believe that these feelings are important to have, I do not think that this is all it takes. I still think that honest, true love is the constant commitment and desire to see the relationship work. I'm sure that many days of marriage will not be especially fun, and I'm sure that there will be days where we both don't really like each other. But, I think that those will be the days that prove that we truly love each other - by whether or not we are willing to work on our relationship still.

I don't understand why the need for romantic love plays such an important role in our lives, I don't know why it affects us so much. Perhaps, in a way, that's what so wonderful about it all: the mystery of love. If we could figure it out, it wouldn't be nearly as exciting to experience. And maybe trying to define love in words and put it in practical terms destroys the very essence of what makes it so magical.

But, even though I think that feelings are a vulnerable, yet indispensable part of love, I still agree that you need to have a direction to follow, an idea of what you are looking for.

What I want in my future groom has remained virtually the same the past several years. I want a guy who is real and admits when they're just as lost about things as I am - he doesn't have to admit this to everyone, he just has to be honest with me. I need a guy who's wise, tough - both physically and mentally - and understanding. A halfway decent looking guy would be nice too. But... that's not overly important.

Basically, this is what I still want, but I've thought about several more things I hope to find: I want a guy who will be 100% committed to the relationship and making it work, even when things aren't going wonderful. I want a guy who is trustworthy, honest, open-minded and real. I want a guy who can balance work and play and a guy who keeps his promises. I want a guy who respects me and values what I have to say and think. I want a guy who brings out the best in me and I in him. I want a guy who makes me happy. Like I said in my first essay, I don't wish for these things as most girls do. I'm not looking for someone perfect, just PERFECT FOR ME.

I still believe that society often pushes us into marriage and the thinking that marriage and love are the end to all ails. I do not think that you have to be married to be happy. I do think, however, that I personally would like to be married someday. I don't want to be married or in love so much for the sweet little things like cards and candy, nor do I think that cards and candy are the things which would make me love someone. I WON'T love a person because of what they do for me, I'll love a person for who they are!

And I'm not going to go off and marry someone just because they're rich or have a high status in society… Because honestly, I would not be happy rich. The best things in life are the things that you have to earn yourself; that's what makes you cherish them so much. And to just get married or be born rich… That's not something that I would very much like.

I just want to find someone that makes me feel special… Someone who will stand up for themselves in the relationship… Most of all, I want to love them not for who they are; but for who I am with them… That's what I want the most – someone who will complete me and make me feel alive…

But still, I am interested in finding that someone who is worthy enough to earn my respect, encouragement, and commitment: Someone who I can love and cherish for as long as we both shall live. And in turn, I'm interested in finding that someone who deems me worthy enough to receive the same from him.

Lavender and Parvati were chatting about the perfect husband during dinner today, and I couldn't help thinking how sad it was what they wanted to find in a husband… He had to be rich, with a high status, attractive, and, if possible, a nice guy – not to mention a good shag. Honestly, do they think that that's all that marriage is? They're wonderful people to have around most of the time, but, that's just sad if that's all they want in a marriage…

I really don't know if I can ever picture myself getting married or having children… Perhaps I haven't met 'the one' yet, but, I'd like to think that I would get married to someone from my past… I would already know so much about them… I know that that sounds horribly cliché, but, I always that that it would be so sweet to end up with your childhood crush, or a friend from your childhood… Because you never know…

~*~

October 23rd,

Today in Runes we learned something quite interesting… A while back when I was in the Forbidden Forest with Eva, I found that book and letter – well, in Runes, we learned a few of the runes that I found on that piece of parchment.

The Runes that we learned about today were a particularly old set of the Cottingley Fairies. The fairies used Runes quite often as their way of communication when they weren't speaking fairy to fairy. Anyways. I recognized some of their Runes with the ones from that letter. I have the feeling that it's not only one type of writing that's been used in that letter… If I wanted to keep something secret, I would probably more than one type of writing.

That class really did help with the translation though – I got a couple of sentences; there's still quite a bit left to translate… I stand by my guess of it being connected with Voldemort – I'm guessing that it also has something to do with the Order of the Phoenix as well…

I have no idea how long it'll take me to finish translating this piece of parchment… And I know that I still have quite a bit left to translate, but, I'm just so proud of myself for even getting those couple of sentences translated. It's really quite difficult; especially since it's in more than one form of writing… There are Runes, letters, shapes, pictures, and I think that there may be some hieroglyphics in there…

It's not really the translating of the parchment that I'm most interested in… Yes, I want to translate it, but, what I really want to know is what that piece of parchment was far… What was so secretive about it, that it had to be written in such secret? It was obviously something very important…

The only problem with translating all of it, is that I don't really have that much time anymore… The further I get into the school year, the less and less time I'll have to do anything other than schoolwork… The professors have been adding a bit more homework each time… It's not like they one day give you a whole bunch of homework; it's gradually added on until you have that whole bunch of homework assigned daily.

That's why I really need to translate this as soon as I can… I will not neglect my homework because of that; my schoolwork is important to me, and I will not push it aside. I've worked so hard all of my life to gain all of this knowledge and to do well in school… Yes, translating that letter is intriguing, but, I know that if I have to choose between the two – school will win; no questions asked.

~*~

October 24th,

I've made a decision… Recently, we've been learning about human transfiguration – changing an arm, an ear, any body part basically. We just lightly touched upon the topic of transfiguring oneself into an animal at well – otherwise known as being an animagi. And I've been thinking – wouldn't it be useful to have an animagi in the Order of the Phoenix?

I've already decided that I'm going to join the Order of the Phoenix as soon as I'm of age; and the more that I have to offer – the better. Any disguise could help benefit the Order to gather information or to get into places where we shouldn't be.

I have no idea when Voldemort will be defeated – the sooner the better. But once he's gone, will that be it? Will we all just go back to regular, happy lives? I find it hard to believe that a new evil won't rise after Voldemort's defeat… If there's one thing I've learned in the wizarding world, it's that it's impossible for it to be normal and happy… There always has to be some kind of problem going on.

Becoming an animagus could really help out side with information, and even if it's not necessary in the war against Voldemort, it could still prove of some use in the future – after all, you never know what you'll be faced with. Not the mention that it would be quite interesting to be able to turn into an animal…

I would, of course, have to do this illegally. There would be no point in doing this if the Ministry of Magic knew about it and I registered – the deatheaters could easily get their hands on this information and my cover would be blown. Also, we don't even know if we can trust the Ministry, so…

I really don't know why I've decided to do this – the punishments for not registering could be quite serious, but, I think that defeating Voldemort and facing future evils is a tad more important than worrying about an illegal act against the Ministry of Magic.

With that in mind, after all of my classes were over, I headed straight for the Library to do some research on this. I checked as many books as I could, but, none of them told me how to go about becoming an animagus – I only got more detailed explanations of what they are and what I already knew about them.

Obviously the useful books would be in the Restricted Section – the only problem was to get a note… Then again, I could always sneak into the Library, but, I would be sure to get caught, and using Harry's cloak is out of the question – he and Ron will want to become animagi as well. Then again, the whole thing might be a bit better if I wasn't doing it alone, and Merlin knows that it would be useful if they were animagi… Well, I'll have to talk to them about it tomorrow after classes then.

Until then, all I can do is wait…

I wonder what being an animagus is like… Will it hurt to transform? I've seen Professor McGonagall transform on several occasions, but, I really don't know if it hurt her or not – perhaps she's used to it, but then again, she's not one to show emotion…

But what I really want to know is how you do it… It's obviously not something very simple, or else everyone would be an animagus, and the Ministry wouldn't be keeping such close tabs on the existing ones. I do hope that it's nothing too difficult that I can't do… Of course, I'll try my best and give it my all until I can give no more… But, it would be quite a shame to not be able to become an animagus after so much work, wouldn't it?

If Sirius was alive, I would have asked him about all of this… I can't very well ask Professor McGonagall about becoming an unregistered animagus – it makes no difference whether or not it's for the Order… I don't know anyone else that I could ask that's an animagus apart from Rita Skeeter – and I am not going to ask her about it; the next day, there will be articles all over the Daily Prophet about it…

I'm rather curious about how the animal that you transform into is chosen… Like, do you get to choose, or is it already chosen for you? If we have to choose, then I have no idea what animal I'd like to become… Nothing that flies, thanks – I hate flying. I really have no idea what I want to transform into… I can't wait though; it's all so exciting!

~*~

October 25th,

Tomorrow I'm going to Hogsmeade with Draco Malfoy… I never thought that I would say that – ever. If you had told me that I would be going to Hogsmeade with Draco – willingly and happily, then I would have immediately called you crazy and checked you into St. Mungo's. But, really; I don't think anybody would have guessed that we would be going to Hogsmeade together, being friends; much less tolerating each other's company!

This year has changed me so much… Last year, and in years before, it was always me against Draco… We competed for grades and being top of the class, and we also couldn't stand each other – what with his "Mudbloods are inferior" theory back then… And now, I haven't heard the word 'mudblood' all year! It just goes to show you what life can do to you…

I have no idea how, but, somehow, Lavender and Parvati learned that I was going to Hogsmeade; with Draco. So, after dinner, they bombarded me as soon as I entered the Common Room. I'm just glad that I had already finished my homework… They gave me an itinerary for my weekend!

So, today, they kept chattering about Draco and how fit he is… After an hour so of that, they went on to say how lucky I was… Which was followed by squealing about what I should wear, say, and do… The rest of the night, they planned out my outfit – which would be hidden under my cloak because of the cold, so, it really didn't matter what I wear; they said it did…

After they chose my outfit and make-up, it was well into the night… They didn't seem to mind that I was tired and that it was late, since they went into a whole new spiel… They planned out several scenarios and what I would say in each of them – they actually made me practice all of this. One of them would pretend to be Draco, and would say something, leaving me to answer.

You have no idea how funny it is to see Lavender or Parvati putting on a deep voice, and pretending to be a guy – Draco Malfoy, no less. It took all of my willpower to not burst into laughter every time they said something in their 'Draco voice.'

They even told me how to react if he, say, put his arm around me, or if he tried to hold my hand… They even told me what to do if he leaned in to kiss me – honestly, the was that they're treating it makes it seem like it's some big date – not just a simply visit to Hogsmeade.

It was actually quite a fun evening though. We had a great time making up the silliest scenarios that could happen; and then thinking up what to do to them. This was, of course, after they were positive that I was completely ready for anything that could happen to me in Hogsmeade with Draco.

They were all so serious the whole time – except for before we went to sleep when we were just being silly. It was just so much fun and such a funny night… I wonder why neither of them are going to Hogsmeade with anyone but themselves tomorrow… They wouldn't have much of a problem finding someone… I didn't ask them though; they might have been offended…

~*~

A/N : I know it was short, but, what do you expect from an interlude? =)

The next chapter is going to be quite long – it's going to finish off all of October. I have no idea how long it will take me to write, because quite a lot happens in it. So, I hope you don't mind if this chapter takes me longer to post than the rest – it will be worth it. =)

Teasers: Hogsmeade… Draco… Dance… Halloween… Tears… Library… Girl-time… Runes project…