Underneath it All
A/N : Yes, it's late – really late. I know, I know… I've had a lot going on in my life lately,
and I didn't have all that much time to sit down and write. And when I did, I just
couldn't – I couldn't find the right words to write this story. So, I'm sorry
that it took me this long to go about posting this chapter – I really am. And
I'm not promising that I'll be updating regularly anymore… But the length of
chapters will be varying greatly, and when I update will be completely random –
just so y'all know.
DISCLAIMER : All characters and places are
brought to you by JK Rowling - not me.
Now we begin…
October 26th,
I honestly have no idea what I expected to happen when I went to Hogsmeade with Draco… Parvati and Lavender were really quite excited when they saw me go off with him in one of the carriages. Quite frankly, it was a bit embarrassing to have them standing there giggling and looking at us while I was trying to ignore them. Draco was smirking the whole carriage ride while I was trying to stop blushing.
Apart from the carriage ride, the visit to Hogsmeade was quite interesting. I've read about Hogsmeade, and I've visited pretty well all of the shops back when I was younger. But when I went with Draco, everything seemed to be different… It was as if I were looking at the village through different eyes – it was rather nice, actually.
We walked around the village for a while, simply looking at window and enjoying each other's company. We didn't say anything for the longest time, and it was starting to get awkward. I'm not the blushing type, but, I found myself blushing even more than I usually do during that Hogsmeade trip… I honestly don't know why. I mean, it's not like I have any feeling for Draco… He's tormented me for the longest time, and we're just so different, it seems… But then again, when I think aobut recently, I can't help but wonder what I really do feel for him…
It was starting to get quite chilly around lunchtime, so we headed into a small restaurant for lunch. I didn't even know that it existed. I suppose it's because it looks quite expensive and very prim and proper – hardly something I could afford. I was a bit nervous when we first walked in. And quite frankly, I felt like a bit of a slob compared to everyone else. When I'd left GryffindorTower this morning, I thought I looked alright, but, once I saw everyone else in the restaurant, I didn't feel all that attractive. Although, it did help that Draco wasn't ogling any of the girls that kept looking our way. It made me feel quite special.
We had a small lunch for which Draco paid – though I insisted that I pay for some of it. I think that women should pay for their own meals when going out with men… The men shouldn't have to always pay for the meal – each should pay for their own meal. However, Draco wouldn't have it, and like a perfect gentleman, he paid for it all himself. It was rather sweet of him to do that, but, I like to do things for myself – and that includes paying for my own meals. I let it go, however – there didn't seem to be any point in arguing about it.
After lunch, we browsed around a few shops – it was much more comfortable after lunch. We started talking about random things. Every time I talk to Draco, I feel like I'm learning something new… He always says something that gets me thinking, and then before I get the chance to register it – let alone start thinking about it, he says something else that's even more interesting. I rather like being able to talk to someone like that. Whenever I talk to Ron or Harry it's about Quidditch, schoolwork, or Voldemort – never anything that's truly interesting to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm against Voldemort and want to do well in school, but, I'd rather talk about something I believe in… And when I talk to Parvati, Lavender, Ginny, or any other girls, it seems to only be about gossip or make up – things I don't particularly care about.
But that's life. You don't always do things that you like to do. You do them because you have to get along with other people if you want to survive. Life isn't supposed to be fair, and it requires sacrifices if you want it to be a happy life over all.
We got back to the castle quite late, and Draco insisted on walking me up to GryffindorTower. I was rather uncomfortable walking with him up there. I don't know what I'd have done should Harry or Ron have seen him walking with me… For one thing, he was with me – and they still think that I hate him like they do. For another, he now knows where GryffindorTower is. Granted, he doesn't know the password, but, it's not that difficult to find out what it is. Needless to say, I was glad when we didn't run into anybody.
We said goodnight and then I went into GryffindorTower. I didn't bother to stop in the Common Room – I was quite tired from all of the walking we did in Hogsmeade. I simply went right up to the dormitory. I took a nice long bubble bath, and thought about my feelings on Draco. I still don't know how I feel about him, but, at least I'm much more relaxed now and I'm getting there. I suspect Lavender and Parvati will be coming up soon to question me about my day… Hopefully they won't do it for too long. Though, knowing them, they'll ask for every tiny detail.
October 27th,
Lavender and Parvati have been bothering me all day about yesterday. It was bad enough that last night they asked me so many questions about my day that I felt like screaming. I thought that that would be it and they would forget about it. Because of that, I didn't even tell them to stop talking so I could sleep. I figured that if they got it all off their chests, they would leave me alone afterwards. However, I wasn't that lucky.
The whole morning and afternoon they stayed by my side and kept asking me questions about what he did, and what I did. I was getting quite annoyed with it all, and was quite pleased when they remembered they still had a few assignments after dinner. I'm surprised that everyone doesn't know that I went to Hogsmeade with Draco by now. I was sure that it would spread like wildfire. Surprisingly enough, nobody saw us in Hogsmeade – we stayed in a different part of it – and Lavender and Parvati haven't told anybody.
I've finished all of my homework and I'm rather bored at the moment – it seems like there isn't much going on around here. I'd go down to the Common Room and talk with Harry and Ron, but, everyone's finishing up homework assignments, so, there's no one to talk to. I suppose that I can always go about translating that piece of parchment before I decide to turn in… May as well do something productive with my life.
October 28th,
I'm not particularly fond of Slytherins at the moment. I was paired with one for a project in Ancient Runes. We've been given a book to translate over the course of the month, and I was paired up with Blaise Zabini. He's really quite a character – a piece of work, one might say.
He wasn't interested at all in doing the assignment in the class time we got to begin the work. Instead, he was more interested in trying to look down my shirt and rub up against me. It's rather odd, considering Slytherins are prejudiced against Gryffindors – particularly muggleborns. However, he didn't seem to care. As long as it's a living, breathing, female, he'll try and get close to them.
It's rather had to translate a book when he's moving closer to me and I can feel his breath down my neck while he tries to look down my shirt while pretending to read the book. I buttoned up my shirt all the way and even put on my robe, but, that didn't stop him. I've always seen things like that happening to girls like Lavender, Parvati, Pansy, and the likes. But, I never though it would happen to me. It's not like I'm all that attractive… I look decent, and I, personally, don't think that I'm ugly – then again, I don't really believe in ugliness. I think that everyone is beautiful. But by society's standard, I'm not exactly drop dead gorgeous.
And it's no secret that I'm not exactly like a girl from Witch Weekly. I hardly have any curves, and I'm still waiting to change like everyone seems to be changing once they get back from their summer vacations. But to have Blaise do that to me… It makes me feel so violated and dirty – even though I've done nothing wrong. The fact that he kept smirking whenever I blushed makes it even worse. It's as if he's doing it solely to make me feel uncomfortable.
I'm used to teasing and being called names – I can deal with that. It hurts to be called names, but, I've grown up with the sound of taunting voices in my ear, that I can block it out. Particularly when it's always the same insults from the same people. But this is a new form of insult… One I'm not used to. If this is what Blaise is going to be like the entire month, then I'm not going to be having a good month. We need to get together after classes quite often, and work together during our Ancient Runes classes translating and learning different translations. If he keeps doing that, then I won't be able to concentrate.
I want to tell him to stop, or to slap him, or just do something, but, I've never seen anyone do anything like that, and I wouldn't know what to do. And I don't want anyone to think I'm a prude or something… I know that I shouldn't care what other people think of me, but, it's hard. I've always been the one that's been left out and shunned. Here at Hogwarts, I've finally found a few people that respect me and that tolerate my existence rather than pushing me away. I don't want to throw that all away and have to be all alone for the last two years I'm here. I just wish I knew what to do.
October 29th,
I had a rather boring day today… The highlight of my day was talking with Luna Lovegood. She's an odd one, that girl. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with her, but, she's quite strange at time… Everyone calls her Loony Lovegood, and I can certainly see why. I've known her since last year, and she still never ceases to amaze me. She doesn't care at all what other people think of her, and simply does whatever she feels like doing in the moment. You can't help but admire someone that's so confident in themselves that they'll do anything anywhere – no matter what. I really have respect for her because of that…
Then there's also the fact that some of the things she says aren't all that odd once you think about them for a moment. When you first hear them, they sound like random ramblings that make no sense and you immediately push them away. However, I was talking to her during lunch, and we got to talking about labels and labeling people. She has a rather nice attitude towards it.
Of course, we got off topic quite often because she would randomly say something completely irrelevant. But for the most part, we talked about the same things… She really gave me quite a bit to think about for the rest of the day.
I, personally, believe that labels are wrong and should be scrapped completely. They make people believe that they're just one thing, and concentrate on that one aspect of themselves and forget about the other qualities they have. Labels drive people into separate groups, and make them prejudiced to people in other groups. I just think that life would be better for everyone if people weren't labeled.
Luna, however, thinks that to some extent, labels are actually quite good. She says that as long as they're not negative labels, they can make people feel positive about themselves. I agree with her, in sense, because it's true – if you're reminded of something you're good at, then you're going to feel good about yourself and work hard in that. However, most labels aren't positive and thinking about labels like that isn't good for you.
It's a rather interesting topic to discuss because of the fact that there are so many different aspects that you have to put into consideration when you're thinking about your opinion on it… it was quite nice to talk to someone about something that I really enjoy talking about, and something that can actually prove to be an interesting conversation.
October 30th,
Everyone's so excited today. I just got up from the Common Room and it's quite late. A bunch of us were simply sitting around talking quite late into the night. Tomorrow's Halloween. That marks several important things… For one thing, it's the night that Voldemort was, in a sense, vanquished – though for only 11 years. However, that also marks the anniversary of the death of Harry's parents… Which makes it quite a sad holiday for Harry. In fact, he went upstairs early. There's a ball tomorrow, and I think that he wants to get rid of his sad thoughts before the ball so he can at least try to have fun.
However, apart from that, Halloween is a wonderful holiday for people in both the muggle and wizarding world. When I was younger, I would go around door to door for sweets – it's muggle tradition to dress up as something else and go around for sweets. It's rather fun, and a good few memories were made when I was younger.
When I entered the wizarding world, Halloween is simply an excuse to spend time with friends, feast, and, well, party. Now, I enjoy spending time with my friends with food and whatnot as much as the next person, but, Halloween – as many holidays – is beginning to lose its true meaning.
Halloween is supposed to be a time to mourn over the loved ones that you've lost. It's the night where the barrier between the living and the dead is lifted, and when you feel the presence of everyone you've ever lost filling you – comforting you. It's hardly a time to stuff your face with sweets and food… Seems rather disrespectful if you ask me. But that's life for you.
October 31st,
I had such a wonderful night… It was definitely one of the best Halloweens I have ever had… Although, if you had told me that I would be saying this at the beginning of the evening, I would have pronounced you positively insane. Fate sure has an interesting way of making things some to be… Who would have thought that from a terrible day and horrible evening, something so wonderful could happen at the end? Perhaps I should start at the beginning…
I hadn't planned to go to the Halloween Ball at all tonight – everyone of my friends was going with someone else, and no matter what they said, I knew that I would be excluded since they would want to be with their dates. However, none of my friends would have that – they made me go, and they told me all about the wonderful time that I would end up having, and how I would be thanking them for convincing me to go.
That was hardly the case. The entire night, I stood by the refreshments drinking pumpkin juice and snacking on a few treats while they danced the night away, laughing and having a jolly old time. I got to watch them have fun. Not once did they even bother to come see if I was alright, or to see if I was having fun. I'll bet they didn't even notice when I slipped out. I'd simply had enough of watching it all, so, I left.
I didn't know where I should go, so, I decided to seek refuge in one of my favourite places – the Library – until I could think of something else to do with the rest of my night. I couldn't very well return to the Great Hall for the ball – I wasn't in the mood to stand there and watch everything. I could have asked someone to dance, but, I'm old fashioned like that. Though I believe that women should have the same rights as men and be equals, I'm still old fashioned at heart.
Surprisingly enough, I ended up having a wonderful time in the Library – shame it didn't last all that long. I was looking through the tomes of books in the Library, trying to choose one that I knew that I could get lost in when I heard footsteps coming into the Library. I wasn't sure what to believe. It could have been anybody. I wasn't out past curfew, and I wasn't doing anything against the rules, so I didn't worry about that all too much. But I was wondering why someone else was in the Library as well.
I found out soon enough. I started to hear soft music playing on the other side of the Library. I tried to ignore it for a while, thinking that it was simply a couple deciding to continue their fun outside of the Great Hall, but, my curiosity got the better of me, and I abandoned my search for a book to investigate. Wouldn't you believe it, as soon as I got to that part of the Library, I saw a rose floating in the air. I wasn't sure what it could possibly do, but, I reached out for it anyways – I was curious, for Merlin's sake.
Before my fingers even grazed the petals of the rose, I got the feeling that I was being watched. Turning around slowly, I was surprised to see a familiar platinum blond-haired Slytherin standing there, watching me. I didn't know what to say – though words didn't seem necessary at that moment. In moments, he was standing right up in front of me, and his arms found their way around me, and we started to dance to the music. The song seemed to end too soon, and I knew that it was getting late. Before I could say anything, however, Draco leaned down and kissed me right on the lips, before whispering 'Good night,' and turning, leaving me standing there, taking the music with him.
I stood there, dumbstruck, for the longest time. By the time I finally registered what had happened, I found myself in front of the Portrait Hole to enter the Common Room. I quickly went up to my dormitory, and I'm planning on being in bed, sound asleep, by the time my roommates come back from the ball.
I must say, the night didn't turn out as badly as I'd expected it too.