Disclaimer: The O.C. is not mine, and most of the time I'm pretty glad Marissa isn't mine.
A/N: I suffered a rage blackout and suddenly, I understood Marissa. This is the result, because that night I got it.

She wanted to pour poison down her throat and make her mother hurt . She'd done it before, in Mexico. No one understood though.
When she'd told Ryan she hadn't been trying to kill herself he'd been relieved, but he hadn't gotten it. Summer never wanted to mention that weekend again. Seth, Seth might have understood, but Marissa hadn't felt comfortable approaching him.
That night, Marissa had downed Summer's pills and chased them with Tequila to hurt her mother. And she'd gotten what she wanted. Well, not in the sense of being nearly locked up, but in the sense of getting a tearful Julie Cooper and an escape route.
Mexico hadn't exactly been Julie's fault. But it had, because Marissa wouldn't have gone if her father wasn't moving out. If she hadn't come she wouldn't have caught Luke with Holly. Luke was kind of her mother's fault anyway. All Julie Cooper wanted for her daughter was Luke Ward. Marissa would have broken up with him long ago if not for Julie. Now Marissa wondered about her mother's motives. How long ago had their affair began? Last summer? Last summer there had been Ryan, and possibility. But Ryan was gone. Her White Knight had charged off after some other damsel in distress, and left her here. Julie had never liked Ryan. Marissa knew it was petty and immature to blame everything on her mother, but it was so easy. So familiar. Marissa stared at the bottle in her hand. It was comforting having a bottle in her hand again, but more than that, it was power. The only kind of power she had ever had, the kind of power she hadn't needed with Ryan. The alcohol burned as she poured it down her throat. It made her stomach churn, and it tasted like shit. Like poison. She wanted to pour poison down her throat and make her mother hurt.