Chapter 3, at
your service!
Itachi: Why me? WHY A FRICKIN BITE?!
BPK: (sarcastically) Because I wuv you soo much, Itachi-kun.
Itachi: *rolls eyes* You know you don't mean that. You just adore me.
BPK: That's true. I got a thing for
evil guys. Well, anyway, good luck with
Suki!
Itachi: …Shit!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
CHAPTER 3
Going Home and Getting Drunk
"All right, you got hold of it,
Uchiha?"
"Got it, asshole," replied Itachi,
dangling a scroll above his head.
"Okay then, tit fucker, we're out
of here," smirked Orochimaru. Both he
and Itachi snuck out of the inn where they had stolen the owner's most powerful
scroll. They flurried out of the Mist
Country and hurried back toward the Sound Village. Though it was a far distance, they both knew many shortcuts that
saved them half the trip, at least.
They managed to reach the gates of
the Sound Village in three hours, none surprising to them. As they passed the gates into the village,
Itachi turned to face Orochimaru. "Hey,
what time is it?"
"Five forty five. Why?" said Orochimaru, glancing at a pocket
watch that he had stolen earlier in the week.
"Nothing. Just lost track of time," replied Itachi. "Hey, want some sukiyaki?" asked the
Sharingan shinobi, pointing at a small restaurant nearby.
"Nah, I'm more for barbeque or
something. I think some tonkatsu would
be nice."
"Hmm…Why not come over to my
place? Hopefully Suki cooked something."
Orochimaru smirked. "Oh, so has the renegade ninja Uchiha Itachi
finally settled down? Eh?" He nudged Itachi, who quickly faced another
direction, blushing.
"Nah, she's a friend of mine,
and she needed a place to stay for a while.
Besides," he again faced Orochimaru, smirking, "I made her clean up."
"You're brutal, man. Pure evil."
Itachi rubbed his chin as if he
were in deep thought. "Oh my, yes…"
Orochimaru slapped him on the
back. "Well, to your place it is! What time are you supposed to be home?"
"Seven," Itachi replied.
"Okay. Let's go buy some sake and bring it to your place to share with
Suki…if she likes drinks as much as you do."
"Fine by me," he shrugged. The two shinobi then headed for Iwaki's Liquor
store, where they purchased three bottles of sake.
"Hey, Suki bitch, I'm home!" yelled
Itachi, who had unlocked the door and opened it. He stepped in, expecting to trip over his duffel bag. To his surprise, he found his apartment
spotless. The dishes were cleaned and
put away, his laundry washed, dried, and folded, the entire kitchen
cleaned. Even the mop water from last
night's "trip" was nowhere to be seen.
His duffel bag was set against the couch, where he found Suki
snoozing.
His stereo was on, playing songs
from DDREXTREME and others available on the burned CD. Itachi recognized the songs: Cartoon Heroes
(Speedy Mix), Suggestion (RED SUNS – mix), Maybe Tonight, and Tooi Sora He. "Damn…that ruined my bad-ass attitude," he
grumbled as he made his way to the stereo.
He switched the CDs with the disc changer, getting it to his J-Rocker
burned CD. Dir en grey, L'arc en Ciel,
Psycho le Cemu, X Japan, and Malice Mizer overtook the techno happiness that
Suki's CD had filled the apartment with earlier.
Orochimaru sat beside Suki on the
couch, bumping his head along with Itachi to Dir en grey's "Kasumi."
ringoame katate ni naiteita…tsukiyomi sono yami he
'nee mama doko ni iru no? mimekatachi
me ni yakitsukete
dakishime
mushi ga nakizawameku hachigatsu no gionzaka to sensuya
chiisa na kono ko ga nozomu hohoenda go gatsu ha konai
kamifuusen wo sora he takaku soko ni ha namida ga afurete
akai amedama omoide ga hora issho ni tokete nakunaru
me wo samasu chiisa na nakikoega hibiku gozen yoji goro
daisuke na ehon wo yominekashitsuke kurayami no naka sayonara
kamifuusen wo sora he takaku soko ni ha namida ga afurete
akai amedama omoide ga hora issho ni tokete nakunaru
atonannen de namida ga owaru? hi ga
kareochita sono soko ha
shinjitsu to…
soyotono kaze mo nai mahiru no jyuusanji
kanojyo ha mukuchi ni ima mo tatami no shita
"Well, personally, I like Shinya
and Toshiya. But hell, it's Dir en
grey!"
Both boys turned to face Suki, who
was now wide awake and singing along with them. "S-Suki…" started Itachi.
"Geez, you owe me, y'know, for
cleaning up your hellhole. God, mold
called your kitchen home," grumbled Suki as she rambled on about Itachi's
apartment. Orochimaru merely laughed as
Itachi argued with Suki.
"Hey, we got you sake. Is that good enough, Suki?" asked
Orochimaru, holding out a bottle of the alcoholic beverage. Suki nodded yes excitedly, smiling as she
did so. She returned her attention to
Itachi. "You should be happy. I cooked too. I hope you like spicy eggplant with tofu and tonkatsu."
Orochimaru then grabbed her hands
and brought them close to his chest.
"Future Uchiha Suki, you've made me truly happy!" He released her hands
and ran toward the kitchen, where he sat himself down at the table and picked
up his chopsticks. "Itadakimasu!" He took a piece of tonkatsu and shoved it in
his mouth, the sauce dripping from the corner of his lips, and followed it up with
his rice.
"Geez, that guy must love tonkatsu,
eh Itachi?" she stood stationary by the couch, leaning on Itachi, who sat arms
crossed and scowling. He had lost
another argument to Suki, and he realized it was his fault for not keeping his
home tidy. "You okay?" asked Suki,
massaging Itachi's shoulders. "Or is it
'cuz you lost to a girl?" she taunted, punching the shoulders she had just
massaged seconds ago. She ran to the
kitchen to join Orochimaru.
Itachi remained on the couch, still
scowling. At snail's pace, he slowly
lifted himself up off the couch and trudged to the kitchen, wondering if the
two had saved him any food. To his
surprise, they had saved him almost half of each dish and enough rice to fill
two bowlfuls. Orochimaru began chugging
on his bottle of sake, whereas Suki merely sipped hers. Both didn't bother taking out the sake
dishes. He silently ate his dinner, not
minding the two opposite from him.
Orochimaru nudged Suki's arm, his
face a slight pink. "So, how's Itachi?"
he asked, grinning ear to ear.
"He's an idiot, I could tell you that."
Sip.
"No, no, no, my dear! I mean, how is he…in bed?" Suki spat
her sake back into the bottle, and the food that Itachi tried swallowing was
now clogging up his throat. Suki saw
Itachi and slyly smirked, bringing the bottle up to her lips. "He's boring."
Itachi doubled over and landed on
the tiled kitchen floor with a smack!
His face began to turn purple from lack of oxygen as he took his form in
the fetal position. Sweat ran down his
forehead and he began shaking uncontrollably.
Orochimaru had only to get up off his seat and kick the Uchiha. "Geez, you took that seriously, eh?"
Orochimaru gave Itachi a hard kick to the stomach, causing the food he
choked on to be forced down his throat.
Orochimaru then forced Itachi's
mouth open and poured the contents of the third bottle of sake down. "Swallow it. It'll clear your throat." Itachi obeyed, gulping down each drop
of the sake. It indeed helped his
throat clear up, and the blue returned to normal pale flesh color. "Now, why are we a limp noodle in the ol'
tumble cushions', Itachi?"
"None of your business, Oro-"
"Ah well, I guess you waste all the
energy on missions. No wonder you're no
fun," Orochimaru simply laughed as Suki tried not to choke on her sake, trying
her hardest not to giggle. Itachi,
however, was not in a good mood by the comment made. "Oh, come now, Itachi-kun, we're good
buddies! You know I don't mean that!"
"I'll keep my personal life private,
got that?"
"Well, I know you probably jack off
by reading all that porn you hid under the bed."
"Shut up."
RING!!!
Neither felt like picking up the
phone. Instead, they let the answering
machine take over. Hey, you've
reached the solo Uchiha. Please leave a
message, number, name, and maybe your location and I just might return the
call. If you don't comply with the
rules, I'll kill you. This is Itachi
saying, "Screw you." Oh, and have a nice day! BEEP!
"Hey bastard, it's Kisame. We've got him. Now quit fucking around and get your ass over-"
"Hello, Kisame?" Itachi ran towards the cordless phone and
quickly picked up. "You've got
him? What? Yeah. Where? Forest of Death…Damn it, that's in
Konoha! Gaah…fine. Orochimaru and I will be there-" He was
interrupted by Suki jumping onto his back, leaving Itachi to again carry her
piggy-back and cradle the phone on his shoulder. "Damn it Suki! H-Hang on,
Kisame." He turned slightly to face
Suki. "What now?!"
"You gonna leave me here…AGAIN?!"
She screamed in his ear, knowing quite well that he hated that.
"Yes! I'm not letting you come with me!"
"Why?!"
"Because…Because I said so!" He
sputtered. He didn't have to say
his exact answer…not to her, anyway.
"You don't want me hurt, am I right?"
"I didn't say that!"
"Fine then! Your 'girlfriend' will just leave and
let you live in your dump again!
Or better yet…Bust up your PS2 then leave and let you live in
your dump again!" Suki was serious.
Partly. She was serious about
letting him live in the extremely disorganized apartment; however, she was not
destroying a perfectly good gaming entertainment system. To her surprise, Itachi tightened his grip
on her legs, keeping her on his back.
"Geez, you're impossible. You can come, just stay away from the
PS2!"
"Thank you, Itachi-kun!" She pecked
him on the cheek. Itachi blushed and
loosened up, nearly dropping both the phone and Suki. He pulled himself together as soon as he heard Kisame's voice
from the receiver.
"Sorry. Nah, just my…never mind.
Tonight? All right. I'll be there in about an hour." He had Suki
hang up for him. With the persistent
girl still on his back, Itachi strode toward Orochimaru, who continued to drink
the remaining sake, including Suki's. "They've
got him."
"Great, now get your stuff ready
and let's go. You too, Suki."
"Hey Itachi. It's Kisame. We've got Naruto."
"Konoha, right?"
"Yeah, the Forest of Death."
"That's where I gave your brother
the curse during his Chuunin exams."
You're mine, fox boy…
~Let the blood stain your
soul…Return to the sheltering shadows of hell…~
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WOOT! Done with the chapter and done with exams! And even more fun! The Naruto DVD I ordered last month came in today! And I BOUGHT MORE MANGA!!! I got Vol. 3 of King of Hell and Vol.
1-4 of Battle Royale. *wants to
watch the movie so bad…Lindy, DJ, and Alysia know how much I wanna watch
it*
Oh yeah! FIC NOTICE! From hereon
in the next few chapters, there won't be as much humor as previous chapters! I will get into the serious stuff and giving
back Orochimaru's and Itachi's evil!
GYAHAHA!
Itachi: THANK YOU, YOU DUMB ASIAN AUTHOR YOU!
BPK: You're welcome!
Suki: What about me?
BPK: Oh, you…Hrm…we'll see. But trust
me, it'll help the story move along, 'kay?
Suki: Gotcha.
Thanks for the reviews!
Now…MORE!!!!! *uses Ino's soul
thingy and manipulates you into clicking on "Submit Review"*
Shikamaru: INO-CHAN!!!
Ino: *slump*
BPK: Yes, now REVIEW AND GET MY AMAZING FIGHT SCENES! And my favorite thing…*tap, tap* Oh, yours
too, Gaara.
Gaara: Humph.
BPK: Ok, now…as I was saying, my favorite thing in here…BLOOD!!! GYAHAHAA!!
(Both BPK and Gaara evil laugh their asses off. Eventually Itachi, Sasuke, and Orochimaru join in the hack fest.)
Oh, what the hell, just review! Onegai?
*reads more Battle Royale* Mimura-kun…Sugimura-kun…Gwaah…
Note: Tonkatsu is like fried breaded pork cutlets with this tangy teriyaki-type
sauce on it. It tastes hella good,
seeing that we got to make that in Japanese last month…I still have the recipe!
'Til next time, Ja ne!
Black Phoenix =^.~=
Song featured: "Kasumi" by Dir en grey.