The second chapter, yay. Thanks for the reviews.
Off we go, standard disclaimer applies as always
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I left the bar quite early leaving the monk drinking with the saru and the dragon eating. I had started before him anyway and was feeling more than a little sodden from an earlier short-lived relationship with a large bottle of wine. A cute little barmaid had given me the eye in front of Sanzo, before I had left and I been pleased at the excuse to leave, despite his rolled eyes. I had told her that I would be up as soon as I had grabbed a few things. Really, I was going to check on Hakkai and stay the night with him. He had left the dinner table early, mumbling something about going to bed.
He hadn't looked good.
I climbed the stairs easily, knowing that I had a good excuse to visit him as well because I had deliberately left my lighter up there and was now gagging for a cigarette. The surly bastard monk downstairs wasn't giving any free flames and so I would have to go get it myself if I wanted a smoke. Still, Hakkai should be up and around; it was still early. Hopefully he'd be lying in bed, clamouring to be held, kissed and made love to before we slept. I came to the door of our room and knocked first.
There was no reply. I left myself in, dramatically covering my eyes and waving my other hand in front of me shouting 'you'd better not be doing anything naughty' but he wasn't there. In fact the room was utterly spotless. I knew we had left it messy before we had all gone to the bathhouse and then gone straight to dinner so the saru wouldn't miss the first course. Hakkai had done a good job of tidying though: folding down the futon sheets and folding clothes, even emptying the ashtray and leaving my lighter in plain view. He was always so careful about these things. Always there and always thinking of you.
But he wasn't there at all. He had left every sign he had been there but no clue as to where he had gone. He couldn't have gone far, his shoes were neatly paired and sat near the door with a sock tucked in each. Somehow, this worried me. Even more so was the folded pile upon his futon of his green over-shirt and lilac sash with his shiny monocle resting neatly on top. He would be just wearing his undershirt and trousers. I looked all over for some evidence of where he had gone. He left me nothing.
Damn your niceties Hakkai. Give me a clue here.
I was definitely worried about him now. Last time he wandered off on his own, I got blasted by Chin Isou and it scraped away yet another level of his sanity. I didn't want to let something like that happen again. I leant against the wall and tried to remember what he had said earlier, searching my memories for a clue of where he could have disappeared to, especially without eyeglass, shoes or shirt.
The gardens.
He had mentioned the gardens before, about how pretty and tranquil they were. That seemed the only logical place for him to go, the town was in the sticks and the gardens were the only bit of greenery and Hakkai had always loved his nature. I went to the window and then saw the rain falling. That explained why Sanzo had been so moody at dinner and more of a bastard than usual. Rain always sent the pair of them off the scale and this rain was truly torrential. I couldn't imagine Hakkai being out there, but he could easily confuse us all simply by being out the rain. I decided to go for a look-see and went back down the stairs.
I was right. The gate to the gardens was swinging merrily open in the wind and the rain hit me like a slap to the face. Hakkai had certainly chosen a good night for a walkabout. I cursed as it soaked my hair and clothes virtually instantly. I looked around for Hakkai.
Where the fuck are you .
Then I spotted him. There was a white lump of youkai by the largest willow tree. He was curled into a ball, lying on the ground like a smashed toy, one arm lolling ahead of him. The scene looked like it had been lifted from a cheap daytime drama. I thought he was sleeping at first, but then I saw the knife glittering in the rain just a few centimetres away from his fingers. Blood was being washed off it and soaking into the ground. I stopped . stunned.
"Hakkai?" I shouted at him, walking across the grass like I was wading through quicksand.
I can't believe this is happening. He said he was okay, he swore he was okay. I reached him and pushed his hair away from his face and touched his shoulder to awaken him, still clinging onto the foolish hope that he had just cut a finger accidentally or something stupid like that. I tried to pull him upright but my hand came back sticky and red. Hakkai opened his eyes and stared back at me. Those intense green eyes swam with tears. His face was also painted with guilt at being discovered.
"You weren't supposed to come." He murmured distantly. "Go away . I don't want you to see me like this. "
My heart dropped when he said that. He had planned this, more to the point he had been simply hoping to disappear and that I wouldn't notice. It only took a second look at his expression to realise where he had stabbed himself. He'd naturally gone right through the scar. Blood was oozing everywhere and it was making me feel nauseous. I grabbed hold of him and tried to heave him upright. He moaned loudly.
"Let me stay. I have to die. It's the right time."
"Fuck it is!" I shouted at him. I was searching my soul for the calmness that had taken over years ago when I had found him sprawled on the ground with his guts hanging out. It wasn't there, only this sense of panic. I didn't want to lose him, but why couldn't I shake this anger? Angry at myself for leaving him on his own, anger at him for thinking no one cared and angry because I couldn't remain calm.
You know him now. You love him now.
I hauled him up into my arms and his head lolled back dangerously. More blood seeped through his shirt and onto my own clothes.
"Don't you dare die, Hakkai!" I yelled at him, slapping him across the face. Two glazed over green eyes opened and he let out a sob that melted my heart. I couldn't believe what he had done. He seemed happy enough when we had come into town and I thought that Chin Isou's final death had exercised some mental demons .. obviously not. The only positive thing now was that he seemed to have only cut himself once and it didn't seem as deep as it had been three years ago. I kicked the knife away in fury and started to run out of the garden. I had to find Sanzo; he'd know what to do.
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A/N: How was that? A bit pants really but I shall persevere
I left the bar quite early leaving the monk drinking with the saru and the dragon eating. I had started before him anyway and was feeling more than a little sodden from an earlier short-lived relationship with a large bottle of wine. A cute little barmaid had given me the eye in front of Sanzo, before I had left and I been pleased at the excuse to leave, despite his rolled eyes. I had told her that I would be up as soon as I had grabbed a few things. Really, I was going to check on Hakkai and stay the night with him. He had left the dinner table early, mumbling something about going to bed.
He hadn't looked good.
I climbed the stairs easily, knowing that I had a good excuse to visit him as well because I had deliberately left my lighter up there and was now gagging for a cigarette. The surly bastard monk downstairs wasn't giving any free flames and so I would have to go get it myself if I wanted a smoke. Still, Hakkai should be up and around; it was still early. Hopefully he'd be lying in bed, clamouring to be held, kissed and made love to before we slept. I came to the door of our room and knocked first.
There was no reply. I left myself in, dramatically covering my eyes and waving my other hand in front of me shouting 'you'd better not be doing anything naughty' but he wasn't there. In fact the room was utterly spotless. I knew we had left it messy before we had all gone to the bathhouse and then gone straight to dinner so the saru wouldn't miss the first course. Hakkai had done a good job of tidying though: folding down the futon sheets and folding clothes, even emptying the ashtray and leaving my lighter in plain view. He was always so careful about these things. Always there and always thinking of you.
But he wasn't there at all. He had left every sign he had been there but no clue as to where he had gone. He couldn't have gone far, his shoes were neatly paired and sat near the door with a sock tucked in each. Somehow, this worried me. Even more so was the folded pile upon his futon of his green over-shirt and lilac sash with his shiny monocle resting neatly on top. He would be just wearing his undershirt and trousers. I looked all over for some evidence of where he had gone. He left me nothing.
Damn your niceties Hakkai. Give me a clue here.
I was definitely worried about him now. Last time he wandered off on his own, I got blasted by Chin Isou and it scraped away yet another level of his sanity. I didn't want to let something like that happen again. I leant against the wall and tried to remember what he had said earlier, searching my memories for a clue of where he could have disappeared to, especially without eyeglass, shoes or shirt.
The gardens.
He had mentioned the gardens before, about how pretty and tranquil they were. That seemed the only logical place for him to go, the town was in the sticks and the gardens were the only bit of greenery and Hakkai had always loved his nature. I went to the window and then saw the rain falling. That explained why Sanzo had been so moody at dinner and more of a bastard than usual. Rain always sent the pair of them off the scale and this rain was truly torrential. I couldn't imagine Hakkai being out there, but he could easily confuse us all simply by being out the rain. I decided to go for a look-see and went back down the stairs.
I was right. The gate to the gardens was swinging merrily open in the wind and the rain hit me like a slap to the face. Hakkai had certainly chosen a good night for a walkabout. I cursed as it soaked my hair and clothes virtually instantly. I looked around for Hakkai.
Where the fuck are you .
Then I spotted him. There was a white lump of youkai by the largest willow tree. He was curled into a ball, lying on the ground like a smashed toy, one arm lolling ahead of him. The scene looked like it had been lifted from a cheap daytime drama. I thought he was sleeping at first, but then I saw the knife glittering in the rain just a few centimetres away from his fingers. Blood was being washed off it and soaking into the ground. I stopped . stunned.
"Hakkai?" I shouted at him, walking across the grass like I was wading through quicksand.
I can't believe this is happening. He said he was okay, he swore he was okay. I reached him and pushed his hair away from his face and touched his shoulder to awaken him, still clinging onto the foolish hope that he had just cut a finger accidentally or something stupid like that. I tried to pull him upright but my hand came back sticky and red. Hakkai opened his eyes and stared back at me. Those intense green eyes swam with tears. His face was also painted with guilt at being discovered.
"You weren't supposed to come." He murmured distantly. "Go away . I don't want you to see me like this. "
My heart dropped when he said that. He had planned this, more to the point he had been simply hoping to disappear and that I wouldn't notice. It only took a second look at his expression to realise where he had stabbed himself. He'd naturally gone right through the scar. Blood was oozing everywhere and it was making me feel nauseous. I grabbed hold of him and tried to heave him upright. He moaned loudly.
"Let me stay. I have to die. It's the right time."
"Fuck it is!" I shouted at him. I was searching my soul for the calmness that had taken over years ago when I had found him sprawled on the ground with his guts hanging out. It wasn't there, only this sense of panic. I didn't want to lose him, but why couldn't I shake this anger? Angry at myself for leaving him on his own, anger at him for thinking no one cared and angry because I couldn't remain calm.
You know him now. You love him now.
I hauled him up into my arms and his head lolled back dangerously. More blood seeped through his shirt and onto my own clothes.
"Don't you dare die, Hakkai!" I yelled at him, slapping him across the face. Two glazed over green eyes opened and he let out a sob that melted my heart. I couldn't believe what he had done. He seemed happy enough when we had come into town and I thought that Chin Isou's final death had exercised some mental demons .. obviously not. The only positive thing now was that he seemed to have only cut himself once and it didn't seem as deep as it had been three years ago. I kicked the knife away in fury and started to run out of the garden. I had to find Sanzo; he'd know what to do.
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A/N: How was that? A bit pants really but I shall persevere