Authors Note- Okay Liby (abbyLockhart2) and I got bored, well, actually, I got bored. So we did the thing most bored people do. We wrote a fic. Yep another one... I know what you're thinking "Don't you guys already have on of those on the go? And aren't you writing a sequel to Hate To Love And Back?" Well, yes we do haev another one on the go... BitterSweet Regrets (go check it out, if you haven't already... I'm pimping my fics, so what?" And the Hate To Love and Back, Well I wouldn't hold my breath for that... Not now at least. We were looking for something new creativily speaking. This fic is a little different then anything thats out at the moment, and I thank Liby times a billion, for doing this with me, cause it was gonna just be me... But then I asked her to do it, and it got really confusing if she was gonna do it or not... but she is... SO YAY!!! Anyways... please read and review tell us what you think...
Disclaimer- Not ours...
Spoilers- No. (Hah, I wish... Well sorta...)
Rating- PG... For now, but our fics, seem to go from PG to R in one chapter... So yah
Summary- Just read it... heh.
~*~
The warm water trickles down my back, a path of its own being created along my spine, a journey of its own, the droplets continues its way down my back, until it dies upon my buttocks. Death. The inevitable, the word that haunts me. The feeling that haunts me. I feel as though I am dead, physically speaking, I am in great health. Emotionally, well, that's another story. I run my fingers through my short cropped hair, realising how cheesy I have become over these last couple of years. If cheesy doesn't quite fit, morbid definitely will. Although, no one would know this. No one. To everyone else I am, well, I'm fine. I plaster a smile across my face, those who know me seem to buy it. Those who know me well, I don't think there are too many of those out there anymore, but the ones who do, they know that its phoney.
The water turns from its once scalding hot, to a now, lukewarm. I am slowly brought out of my thoughts. I am beginning to think of the shower as my sanctuary. A place I can go where she swarms my thoughts. Controls my every move, she is still with me when I am in here. Call me crazy, many already have, but when I am in here, I feel as though nothing has changed. The grim reaper never came a rapping, on the door. The smell of death never filled my nostrils, as I prepared my last few words to her. I never sat down at night, when I was alone, and cried myself into a restless sleep. In here it all disappears, she comes back. I can feel her presence, sometimes even hear her laugh. I reach behind me and turn the shower tap to off, and watch as the last few driblets fall off the head of the shower. I throw my towel around my waist, and watch through the ajar window as the wind tousles the leaves on the trees. I fight the urges that tottle through my mind, to close the window. I watch for a second, feeling at peace with everything. These feelings don't come often, nor last long when they do, so I try with all my might to hang onto them, when they do. I stay like this until a tiny screeching voice brings me out of my thoughts.
"DADDY!" I turn my head, my moment snapping like the neck of a frail old man. I tighten the towel and step out of my bathroom. I am met by my 7 year old. Her hair, that was once in neat braided pig tails, is now dishevelled and a mess around her chubby cheeks. Her plump fists remain balled up at her sides. I watch as the last few tears make their way down her cheeks.
"What happened, sweetie?" I say bending down to her eye level. She sniffles a few times before diverting her gaze elsewhere. I tug on a few strands of her hair, bringing her attention back to me. She looks at me, then attempts to stare off again. Just like her mother; a drama queen.
"Um-" She sniffles some more, sighs, then rubs her eyes. She is trying to milk all she can out of this. She knows I am a sucker for her. I wrap my arms around her, and set out on a mission... To find the little shit who did this. She nestles her head into my shoulder, I am familiar with this, it happens at least once a day. We make our way through the town house, managing to only trip over four items that were carelessly left on the floor. I stubbed my toe pretty good on one, yep, that's definitely going to leave a big black mark, and slowly the toe nail will rip off. I stop in the kitchen, a muffled laughter brings me to a halt. I look at my daughter, signalling for her to be quiet. She laughs, placing her hand over her mouth. I slowly reach out and open the cupboard.
"Ah- ha! I got you.." His eyes open widely, shock and terror on his little face. He pushes by me, running through the cluttered house. I follow him, holding onto my baby for dear life. Her laughter, like music to my ears, fills the air.
"Get him Daddy." She cheers, quickly he makes his way into my bedroom, closing the door. I open it, watching as he flops on the bed.
"Did you do this to your sister?" A mischievous smile spreads across his face. He shakes his head, throwing the covers over his tiny body. I move towards the bed, whipping the covers off him.
"Maddie, you squeal." He says through the gap in his mouth. I lift him up by the arm, hoisting him off the bed.
"Sebastian Robert Carter... Don't lie to me." He rolls his eye, placing his hands on his hips in mock seriousness.
"I wasn't lying dad, simply exaggerating..." He some how manages to wrap his mouth around the big word, that is somewhat out of contexts.
"Wrong use, pal." I say setting Maddie down. "Now get out of here, I have to get dressed. They stalk off, Maddie stops at the door, looking back at me.
"What about my hair, Daddy?" Her bottom lip stuck out, in a 'puppy dog pout.'
"Give me a minute." She nods her head, running out of the room. I close the door behind them. Walking over to my dresser, I sift through various things I could wear for this. "Joyous Reunion" ...Hardly, I have been dreading this day for the past three years. A part of me is anxious to get out of the house, after all that has happened to us, I didn't think I would ever be able to go on again. Yet some how I have, but not being here every waking moment, for my kids, is going to be weird, a bad weird, well at first at least. I pull out a white T- Shirt, and a pair of plaid boxers, I put them on, heading over to my closet. I rifle through a few things, managing to find something I had hoped to never see again. I finger the material through the plastic covering. Its beautiful, but it doesn't have the same effect on me, unless its on her body. I remember the way she looked the day she wore it, her curly strands of hair, bouncing upon her shoulders. Her smile wide and bright enough to light up a room. I remember the way her fingers laced through mine, as the minister spoke to us. I remember that moment so vividly, as though it was just a few days ago, not a few years ago. She would mouth the words "I love you" through out the ceremony.
"Daddy..." An annoyed voice brings me out of my thoughts, once again.
"Maddie..." I mock her. She shakes her heads running away.
"Is Daddy ready yet?" I hear Seb ask.
"No, he's still in his underwear." Madison informs him. "Its gross, why do men feel the need to be half naked all the time." I can practically hear her rolling her eyes.
"Maddie, Seb, go wait for me." I hear them giggle as they run into the front room to watch television. I leave the memory, browsing through my selection of suits. My eyes wander back to it, wondering how it ended up still being here. I remember Susan emptied my closet of all her belongings. I bring myself back to the present, and grab the first suit I see. I need to get out of here. I have spent too many years living in the past, I can no longer do that. I have to move forward. Not that I haven't tried. Those many dates Susan and others tried to set me up on didn't go anywhere. She insists its me, I think its because no of those other women match up to her. I drag myself away from the dress, and her so to speak.
Quickly dressing, I walk out of my bedroom. I grab my hair brush, the pretty brush, as Maddie calls it. Its so feminine, but she would not let me brush her hair with anything that was, "Boyish," or "Gross." Never did I think I would be raising a seven year old girl all by myself. I take the two elastics off of the brush and place them around my wrist.
"Okay, Maddie, lets get braiding, baby." She giggles, as I walk into the front room. I sit down on the couch next to Seb, picking her up, I place her on my lap and prepare to braid. I run through the brush through her hair. Sebastian looks on, with a disgusted look on his face. "What?" I shrug. He shakes his head, a hand slapping on his head.
"Daddy, you are a girl." He says turning back to the television.
"You're only five Sebastian, one day you'll braid hair too." Although, I hope he doesn't. He shakes his head at me. Maddie squirms under my hands as I braid the two separate clumps of hair. I finish, placing the two braids over her shoulders, so they are resting against her shoulders. After three years, I have become quite the hair stylist, cook, cleaner, and daddy. I should open my own day care. Madison turns around in my arms, fingering my name tag.
"Dr. John Carter..." She sighs hugging me. "Do you have to go back to work Daddy?" She looks up at me, her sad face makes me want to quit working forever, and stay home and look after them. But I have a feeling work will maintain my sanity, even if it is County that I am working at.
"Yup." I place her down on the floor, and grab her hand, reaching my other one out to Sebastian to pull him off the couch. "Off to school we go." Sebastian runs into the kitchen, grabbing the lunches off of the table, the lunches I made earlier. It could be the last lunches I make, the nanny will be doing that from now on. They shove them into their bags, I grab my brief case.
"I like the fall." Maddie tells me, as she stands outside of the jeep. I nod in agreement, the fall. It use to be my favourite time of year, now, I hate October. Unfortunately, its that exact month I chose to go back to work. Or, was it Susan's threatening phone calls that got me back? One will never know. I open the doors, Maddie jumps in first, Sebastian falls. I close their door, following suit.
"Daddy?" Sebastian says, as I pull out of our quiet street onto main street.
"Mmmhmmm..."
"Why do we have the van and never drive it." I swallow hard, preparing to answer, but Maddie jumps in for me.
"It was Mommy's." Silence engulfs us. I try to distract myself, from the thoughts that drown me. I pull into the kids school. They hop out, kissing me on the cheek. Maddie takes her brothers hand guiding him into school. I pull out of the school parking lot, channel surfing as I drive to County. I find a nice classical station and settle on it. The sound soothes me, enabling me to drive without killing myself. I pull into the parking garage, and jump out of the car. This is harder then I thought it would be, I never really thought about my return, I never thought about much but her. Now here I am. I enter, walking through the automatic doors. Chaos all around me. Here I am, standing feet away from the admit, to scared to go any further.
"Dr. Carter, nice to have you back." I look at Jerry, forcing a smile upon my lips. Good? I'm not so sure about that.
Disclaimer- Not ours...
Spoilers- No. (Hah, I wish... Well sorta...)
Rating- PG... For now, but our fics, seem to go from PG to R in one chapter... So yah
Summary- Just read it... heh.
~*~
The warm water trickles down my back, a path of its own being created along my spine, a journey of its own, the droplets continues its way down my back, until it dies upon my buttocks. Death. The inevitable, the word that haunts me. The feeling that haunts me. I feel as though I am dead, physically speaking, I am in great health. Emotionally, well, that's another story. I run my fingers through my short cropped hair, realising how cheesy I have become over these last couple of years. If cheesy doesn't quite fit, morbid definitely will. Although, no one would know this. No one. To everyone else I am, well, I'm fine. I plaster a smile across my face, those who know me seem to buy it. Those who know me well, I don't think there are too many of those out there anymore, but the ones who do, they know that its phoney.
The water turns from its once scalding hot, to a now, lukewarm. I am slowly brought out of my thoughts. I am beginning to think of the shower as my sanctuary. A place I can go where she swarms my thoughts. Controls my every move, she is still with me when I am in here. Call me crazy, many already have, but when I am in here, I feel as though nothing has changed. The grim reaper never came a rapping, on the door. The smell of death never filled my nostrils, as I prepared my last few words to her. I never sat down at night, when I was alone, and cried myself into a restless sleep. In here it all disappears, she comes back. I can feel her presence, sometimes even hear her laugh. I reach behind me and turn the shower tap to off, and watch as the last few driblets fall off the head of the shower. I throw my towel around my waist, and watch through the ajar window as the wind tousles the leaves on the trees. I fight the urges that tottle through my mind, to close the window. I watch for a second, feeling at peace with everything. These feelings don't come often, nor last long when they do, so I try with all my might to hang onto them, when they do. I stay like this until a tiny screeching voice brings me out of my thoughts.
"DADDY!" I turn my head, my moment snapping like the neck of a frail old man. I tighten the towel and step out of my bathroom. I am met by my 7 year old. Her hair, that was once in neat braided pig tails, is now dishevelled and a mess around her chubby cheeks. Her plump fists remain balled up at her sides. I watch as the last few tears make their way down her cheeks.
"What happened, sweetie?" I say bending down to her eye level. She sniffles a few times before diverting her gaze elsewhere. I tug on a few strands of her hair, bringing her attention back to me. She looks at me, then attempts to stare off again. Just like her mother; a drama queen.
"Um-" She sniffles some more, sighs, then rubs her eyes. She is trying to milk all she can out of this. She knows I am a sucker for her. I wrap my arms around her, and set out on a mission... To find the little shit who did this. She nestles her head into my shoulder, I am familiar with this, it happens at least once a day. We make our way through the town house, managing to only trip over four items that were carelessly left on the floor. I stubbed my toe pretty good on one, yep, that's definitely going to leave a big black mark, and slowly the toe nail will rip off. I stop in the kitchen, a muffled laughter brings me to a halt. I look at my daughter, signalling for her to be quiet. She laughs, placing her hand over her mouth. I slowly reach out and open the cupboard.
"Ah- ha! I got you.." His eyes open widely, shock and terror on his little face. He pushes by me, running through the cluttered house. I follow him, holding onto my baby for dear life. Her laughter, like music to my ears, fills the air.
"Get him Daddy." She cheers, quickly he makes his way into my bedroom, closing the door. I open it, watching as he flops on the bed.
"Did you do this to your sister?" A mischievous smile spreads across his face. He shakes his head, throwing the covers over his tiny body. I move towards the bed, whipping the covers off him.
"Maddie, you squeal." He says through the gap in his mouth. I lift him up by the arm, hoisting him off the bed.
"Sebastian Robert Carter... Don't lie to me." He rolls his eye, placing his hands on his hips in mock seriousness.
"I wasn't lying dad, simply exaggerating..." He some how manages to wrap his mouth around the big word, that is somewhat out of contexts.
"Wrong use, pal." I say setting Maddie down. "Now get out of here, I have to get dressed. They stalk off, Maddie stops at the door, looking back at me.
"What about my hair, Daddy?" Her bottom lip stuck out, in a 'puppy dog pout.'
"Give me a minute." She nods her head, running out of the room. I close the door behind them. Walking over to my dresser, I sift through various things I could wear for this. "Joyous Reunion" ...Hardly, I have been dreading this day for the past three years. A part of me is anxious to get out of the house, after all that has happened to us, I didn't think I would ever be able to go on again. Yet some how I have, but not being here every waking moment, for my kids, is going to be weird, a bad weird, well at first at least. I pull out a white T- Shirt, and a pair of plaid boxers, I put them on, heading over to my closet. I rifle through a few things, managing to find something I had hoped to never see again. I finger the material through the plastic covering. Its beautiful, but it doesn't have the same effect on me, unless its on her body. I remember the way she looked the day she wore it, her curly strands of hair, bouncing upon her shoulders. Her smile wide and bright enough to light up a room. I remember the way her fingers laced through mine, as the minister spoke to us. I remember that moment so vividly, as though it was just a few days ago, not a few years ago. She would mouth the words "I love you" through out the ceremony.
"Daddy..." An annoyed voice brings me out of my thoughts, once again.
"Maddie..." I mock her. She shakes her heads running away.
"Is Daddy ready yet?" I hear Seb ask.
"No, he's still in his underwear." Madison informs him. "Its gross, why do men feel the need to be half naked all the time." I can practically hear her rolling her eyes.
"Maddie, Seb, go wait for me." I hear them giggle as they run into the front room to watch television. I leave the memory, browsing through my selection of suits. My eyes wander back to it, wondering how it ended up still being here. I remember Susan emptied my closet of all her belongings. I bring myself back to the present, and grab the first suit I see. I need to get out of here. I have spent too many years living in the past, I can no longer do that. I have to move forward. Not that I haven't tried. Those many dates Susan and others tried to set me up on didn't go anywhere. She insists its me, I think its because no of those other women match up to her. I drag myself away from the dress, and her so to speak.
Quickly dressing, I walk out of my bedroom. I grab my hair brush, the pretty brush, as Maddie calls it. Its so feminine, but she would not let me brush her hair with anything that was, "Boyish," or "Gross." Never did I think I would be raising a seven year old girl all by myself. I take the two elastics off of the brush and place them around my wrist.
"Okay, Maddie, lets get braiding, baby." She giggles, as I walk into the front room. I sit down on the couch next to Seb, picking her up, I place her on my lap and prepare to braid. I run through the brush through her hair. Sebastian looks on, with a disgusted look on his face. "What?" I shrug. He shakes his head, a hand slapping on his head.
"Daddy, you are a girl." He says turning back to the television.
"You're only five Sebastian, one day you'll braid hair too." Although, I hope he doesn't. He shakes his head at me. Maddie squirms under my hands as I braid the two separate clumps of hair. I finish, placing the two braids over her shoulders, so they are resting against her shoulders. After three years, I have become quite the hair stylist, cook, cleaner, and daddy. I should open my own day care. Madison turns around in my arms, fingering my name tag.
"Dr. John Carter..." She sighs hugging me. "Do you have to go back to work Daddy?" She looks up at me, her sad face makes me want to quit working forever, and stay home and look after them. But I have a feeling work will maintain my sanity, even if it is County that I am working at.
"Yup." I place her down on the floor, and grab her hand, reaching my other one out to Sebastian to pull him off the couch. "Off to school we go." Sebastian runs into the kitchen, grabbing the lunches off of the table, the lunches I made earlier. It could be the last lunches I make, the nanny will be doing that from now on. They shove them into their bags, I grab my brief case.
"I like the fall." Maddie tells me, as she stands outside of the jeep. I nod in agreement, the fall. It use to be my favourite time of year, now, I hate October. Unfortunately, its that exact month I chose to go back to work. Or, was it Susan's threatening phone calls that got me back? One will never know. I open the doors, Maddie jumps in first, Sebastian falls. I close their door, following suit.
"Daddy?" Sebastian says, as I pull out of our quiet street onto main street.
"Mmmhmmm..."
"Why do we have the van and never drive it." I swallow hard, preparing to answer, but Maddie jumps in for me.
"It was Mommy's." Silence engulfs us. I try to distract myself, from the thoughts that drown me. I pull into the kids school. They hop out, kissing me on the cheek. Maddie takes her brothers hand guiding him into school. I pull out of the school parking lot, channel surfing as I drive to County. I find a nice classical station and settle on it. The sound soothes me, enabling me to drive without killing myself. I pull into the parking garage, and jump out of the car. This is harder then I thought it would be, I never really thought about my return, I never thought about much but her. Now here I am. I enter, walking through the automatic doors. Chaos all around me. Here I am, standing feet away from the admit, to scared to go any further.
"Dr. Carter, nice to have you back." I look at Jerry, forcing a smile upon my lips. Good? I'm not so sure about that.