Rating- PG 13 (swear words... are peppered through out though, so if you don't like that sort of thing, don't go further then this)
Chapter Seven
My fingers run along the worn out material of the bear, choices swarming my thoughts. I finger the tag, the writing blurred together. The blackness of the outdoors engulfing me, hovering above me, the sadness in her voice wills me back. I turn on my heels, knowing that it is probably not the best thing for me right now. She appears so strong, obviously it is just a facade, and act she puts on for the world to see. Susan seems to have pulled of some of the mask, but so much is still there. I see it in her eyes, I hear it in her voice. The way a small laugh, is really replacing the tears that threaten to fall, the ones that hang onto each eye lash for dear life, every night, as she empties her heart into her pillow. I don't know what is bothering her, I doubt she will tell me, but asking can't hurt. My knuckles rap against the door, I can hear her gasping, not expecting a visitor, well another, visitor. The door opens with a creak. Her shadow presents its self at the door once more. Her eyes lock on mine.
"Abby..." I start, not sure where I am going with this, she looks lost, totally and completely lost. I reach a thumb out, brushing away a fallen tear. She rests her head against my hand. I pull her into my arms, her head immediately finds a crevasse in my neck. Snuggling up against me, soft tear drops land upon my shoulder. I realise, that she doesn't need words. Of all the people in the world, I should know that words don't help when you feel like shit. When the world has collapsed around you, and those measly Popsicle stick supports, people offer aren't doing anything, you just need to let it all out. I can't fix her, hell, I can't even fix myself, but I can be there for her. She pulls away from me, her hands still clutching my biceps, our eyes meet once again. The darkness prevents us from seeing one another clearly, but for some reason, that's okay. I don't need to see her to know exactly what she is thinking and feeling. I feel her breath upon my skin, moving closer and closer to me. Our lips are mere centimetres apart, she's so close I can taste her, her hand slowly massages my arm, sending shivers down my spine, her other hand finds my neck, playing with the hair on the nape of my neck. Causing every other hair to stand up on end. Her tongue slides across her lips, she pulls me closer to her, just as our lips graze one another I pull away, realising exactly what I have done. She looks at me, hurt and taken aback, by my actions.
"Abby-" I try, she shakes her head, emitting a bitter laugh, tear drops falling down her cheeks, she wipes them away as quickly as they come.
"No... Its okay, I mean... Its fine John... I-I have to- I'm gonna go." With that the door is slammed in my face, and I am left wondering what the hell happened. I stare for a few moments, until I remember my kids are in the car, my heart jumps into my throat. I quickly swivel around, hoping to god neither of them witnessed that. Seb's head is pressed against the window, eyes closed, Madison's leg is resting on his head. Thank god they are still asleep.
~*~
"There's this Nurse-"
"Okay, I think I've heard enough already, Susan." I say, shoving another Chicken wing into my mouth. She shakes her head, holding her finger up, trying to convince me to let her continue. I sigh, rolling my eyes. She swallows her chicken, maybe she'll swallow a bone? Well, one can hope.
"No. She's not in the ER, so you won't have to worry about the whole, 'work and personal life' hoo-haw. She's an old friend from ICU, she's nice, cute-" She elbows me, a smile spreading across her lips.
"I'm sure she's great, but..." She sighs, tossing the skinned bone into the 'bone bowl.' Its stacked up to the rim, with chicken bones, its a fairly deep bowl too. I wonder how many chickens we ate. She smacks me in the head, interrupting my chicken musings. "Owe, hey what was that for?"
"John, she's not great, she's terrific. And you're not a nice guy, you're a moron. Of course I won't tell her that when I tell her about you." I shake my head, Susan's a great friend, but I don't know, dating? "Look, I know Becky, knew Becky." She corrects herself, her voice suddenly getting very serious. "She loved you very much, she loved Maddie and Sebby, very, very much. But she'd want you all to move on with your lives. Not forget her, but not forget to live, because of her." I nod, she's right. Maybe I should move on.
"Okay." A huge grin crosses Susan, and she's pulling me into a hug, that I can't fight my way out of. I forget to mention one little detail, that I kissed her vulnerable, aching, depressed, best friend last night. Whom I thought, would become a close friend of mine. But now I'm not so sure she wants to speak to me again. Oh well, only minor details, well for now at least. Susan releases me as Maddie shuffles into the kitchen, her hands in her pockets, she's up to something.
"Hey, Daddy." She props herself onto my lap. Her hand drapes around my neck, a kiss is planted on my cheek. Oh, here it comes. "Can I have more cake?" Susan laughs loudly, and Maddie, shoots her a dirty look.
"No." I say picking up my beer, and having a sip. She rests her head on my shoulder, pouting once again. I roll my eyes, refusing to look at her. "Madison get out of here." She sighs, and hops off of my lap, running back to watch the movie. "That's a no for Sebastian too." I holler at her. Susan watches me again, she seems thrilled that I am actually going through with this. Not that I haven't before, but this time she's not going to have to drag me kicking and screaming, by my hair, to the restaurant. "What?" I ask her after a long pause.
"I'm so happy, that you're going to do this." I sigh, yeah I'm sure she is. She won't be when she finds out what happened last night, I'm sure it won't be hard too. Either Abby will tell her, or the tension will be palpable when we are together. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to avoid thinking about it. I'm not even sure what came over me when I did it, or we did it. It's not really clear who initiated the kiss. But I am definitely not the type of guy to kiss another guys girlfriend. I was shocked by my own actions, but at that moment, I was drawn to her. Which I mentally slap myself for. Being drawn to a women is one thing, but being drawn to a women in that mental state, well, its not right. Its going to just cause more confusion for her, not to mention me. A week and a half ago, I didn't want or need women in my life, besides Susan and Maddie, and Gamma, but... Now its seems they are encompassing my every thought. Susan sighs looking at the clock.
"What?" I ask looking at her.
"I told Chuck I'd meet him, at nine." She runs her fingers through her hair, Chuck? Oh yeah, Chuck. She has mentioned him a lot lately. I had just assumed they were over with, I guess I was wrong, although she doesn't look too thrilled to have to see him. I wonder what is going on with that.
"So?" She sighs, rolling her eyes, acting as though I am completely clueless.
"So? SO? It's just... before I met Chuck, everything was so simple." Yeah well, before I met Abby everything was so simple, now between me, Luka, Abby and this new women, we have one hell of a 'love rhombus' going on. Thanks a lot Susan, you made me go back to work. Confusion is hell, yet it seems to be making my life all the more interesting. I run my fingers through my hair.
"Complicated can be good." I assure her, she gives me a who-the-hell-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-Carter look. I shrug at her, taking our plates over to the sink.
"Complicated, says the guy, who just a second ago was fighting me tooth and nail, on going out on a date." Okay, well, I've had time to think, and now she's right. Dating is not so bad, well, dating is hell, but the after part is pretty good. So what? No one will match up to Rebecca, but I don't want to go through life having my children think of me as a pathetic old man who can't get a date. Although, they might think that either way, I don't want to encourage it. Chuck, sort of, he completes Susan, and despite what she says I know she really loves him. How complicated is that? Now trying being in a love rhombus. Not so fun. Although it's interesting. Maybe because my life has been so bland for the last few years, I am welcoming this love rhombus idea with open arms, when in fact it could be deadly. "Well, I'm off." She plants a kiss on my cheek, then goes into the living room to say good bye too Maddie and Seb. I roll my eyes, leaning back in my chair. For some reason, Abby is the only thing I can focus on right now. I'm worried about her, I hope she is okay, calling her is always an option...
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Chapter Seven
My fingers run along the worn out material of the bear, choices swarming my thoughts. I finger the tag, the writing blurred together. The blackness of the outdoors engulfing me, hovering above me, the sadness in her voice wills me back. I turn on my heels, knowing that it is probably not the best thing for me right now. She appears so strong, obviously it is just a facade, and act she puts on for the world to see. Susan seems to have pulled of some of the mask, but so much is still there. I see it in her eyes, I hear it in her voice. The way a small laugh, is really replacing the tears that threaten to fall, the ones that hang onto each eye lash for dear life, every night, as she empties her heart into her pillow. I don't know what is bothering her, I doubt she will tell me, but asking can't hurt. My knuckles rap against the door, I can hear her gasping, not expecting a visitor, well another, visitor. The door opens with a creak. Her shadow presents its self at the door once more. Her eyes lock on mine.
"Abby..." I start, not sure where I am going with this, she looks lost, totally and completely lost. I reach a thumb out, brushing away a fallen tear. She rests her head against my hand. I pull her into my arms, her head immediately finds a crevasse in my neck. Snuggling up against me, soft tear drops land upon my shoulder. I realise, that she doesn't need words. Of all the people in the world, I should know that words don't help when you feel like shit. When the world has collapsed around you, and those measly Popsicle stick supports, people offer aren't doing anything, you just need to let it all out. I can't fix her, hell, I can't even fix myself, but I can be there for her. She pulls away from me, her hands still clutching my biceps, our eyes meet once again. The darkness prevents us from seeing one another clearly, but for some reason, that's okay. I don't need to see her to know exactly what she is thinking and feeling. I feel her breath upon my skin, moving closer and closer to me. Our lips are mere centimetres apart, she's so close I can taste her, her hand slowly massages my arm, sending shivers down my spine, her other hand finds my neck, playing with the hair on the nape of my neck. Causing every other hair to stand up on end. Her tongue slides across her lips, she pulls me closer to her, just as our lips graze one another I pull away, realising exactly what I have done. She looks at me, hurt and taken aback, by my actions.
"Abby-" I try, she shakes her head, emitting a bitter laugh, tear drops falling down her cheeks, she wipes them away as quickly as they come.
"No... Its okay, I mean... Its fine John... I-I have to- I'm gonna go." With that the door is slammed in my face, and I am left wondering what the hell happened. I stare for a few moments, until I remember my kids are in the car, my heart jumps into my throat. I quickly swivel around, hoping to god neither of them witnessed that. Seb's head is pressed against the window, eyes closed, Madison's leg is resting on his head. Thank god they are still asleep.
~*~
"There's this Nurse-"
"Okay, I think I've heard enough already, Susan." I say, shoving another Chicken wing into my mouth. She shakes her head, holding her finger up, trying to convince me to let her continue. I sigh, rolling my eyes. She swallows her chicken, maybe she'll swallow a bone? Well, one can hope.
"No. She's not in the ER, so you won't have to worry about the whole, 'work and personal life' hoo-haw. She's an old friend from ICU, she's nice, cute-" She elbows me, a smile spreading across her lips.
"I'm sure she's great, but..." She sighs, tossing the skinned bone into the 'bone bowl.' Its stacked up to the rim, with chicken bones, its a fairly deep bowl too. I wonder how many chickens we ate. She smacks me in the head, interrupting my chicken musings. "Owe, hey what was that for?"
"John, she's not great, she's terrific. And you're not a nice guy, you're a moron. Of course I won't tell her that when I tell her about you." I shake my head, Susan's a great friend, but I don't know, dating? "Look, I know Becky, knew Becky." She corrects herself, her voice suddenly getting very serious. "She loved you very much, she loved Maddie and Sebby, very, very much. But she'd want you all to move on with your lives. Not forget her, but not forget to live, because of her." I nod, she's right. Maybe I should move on.
"Okay." A huge grin crosses Susan, and she's pulling me into a hug, that I can't fight my way out of. I forget to mention one little detail, that I kissed her vulnerable, aching, depressed, best friend last night. Whom I thought, would become a close friend of mine. But now I'm not so sure she wants to speak to me again. Oh well, only minor details, well for now at least. Susan releases me as Maddie shuffles into the kitchen, her hands in her pockets, she's up to something.
"Hey, Daddy." She props herself onto my lap. Her hand drapes around my neck, a kiss is planted on my cheek. Oh, here it comes. "Can I have more cake?" Susan laughs loudly, and Maddie, shoots her a dirty look.
"No." I say picking up my beer, and having a sip. She rests her head on my shoulder, pouting once again. I roll my eyes, refusing to look at her. "Madison get out of here." She sighs, and hops off of my lap, running back to watch the movie. "That's a no for Sebastian too." I holler at her. Susan watches me again, she seems thrilled that I am actually going through with this. Not that I haven't before, but this time she's not going to have to drag me kicking and screaming, by my hair, to the restaurant. "What?" I ask her after a long pause.
"I'm so happy, that you're going to do this." I sigh, yeah I'm sure she is. She won't be when she finds out what happened last night, I'm sure it won't be hard too. Either Abby will tell her, or the tension will be palpable when we are together. I run my fingers through my hair, trying to avoid thinking about it. I'm not even sure what came over me when I did it, or we did it. It's not really clear who initiated the kiss. But I am definitely not the type of guy to kiss another guys girlfriend. I was shocked by my own actions, but at that moment, I was drawn to her. Which I mentally slap myself for. Being drawn to a women is one thing, but being drawn to a women in that mental state, well, its not right. Its going to just cause more confusion for her, not to mention me. A week and a half ago, I didn't want or need women in my life, besides Susan and Maddie, and Gamma, but... Now its seems they are encompassing my every thought. Susan sighs looking at the clock.
"What?" I ask looking at her.
"I told Chuck I'd meet him, at nine." She runs her fingers through her hair, Chuck? Oh yeah, Chuck. She has mentioned him a lot lately. I had just assumed they were over with, I guess I was wrong, although she doesn't look too thrilled to have to see him. I wonder what is going on with that.
"So?" She sighs, rolling her eyes, acting as though I am completely clueless.
"So? SO? It's just... before I met Chuck, everything was so simple." Yeah well, before I met Abby everything was so simple, now between me, Luka, Abby and this new women, we have one hell of a 'love rhombus' going on. Thanks a lot Susan, you made me go back to work. Confusion is hell, yet it seems to be making my life all the more interesting. I run my fingers through my hair.
"Complicated can be good." I assure her, she gives me a who-the-hell-are-you-and-what-have-you-done-with-Carter look. I shrug at her, taking our plates over to the sink.
"Complicated, says the guy, who just a second ago was fighting me tooth and nail, on going out on a date." Okay, well, I've had time to think, and now she's right. Dating is not so bad, well, dating is hell, but the after part is pretty good. So what? No one will match up to Rebecca, but I don't want to go through life having my children think of me as a pathetic old man who can't get a date. Although, they might think that either way, I don't want to encourage it. Chuck, sort of, he completes Susan, and despite what she says I know she really loves him. How complicated is that? Now trying being in a love rhombus. Not so fun. Although it's interesting. Maybe because my life has been so bland for the last few years, I am welcoming this love rhombus idea with open arms, when in fact it could be deadly. "Well, I'm off." She plants a kiss on my cheek, then goes into the living room to say good bye too Maddie and Seb. I roll my eyes, leaning back in my chair. For some reason, Abby is the only thing I can focus on right now. I'm worried about her, I hope she is okay, calling her is always an option...
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