Authors Note- Welcome, well, hello. Another update for today... Hope you enjoym thanks for all the reviews, we appreciate them... Oh the responses are in this chapter... So for the lack of them lately, I haven't had the time... But I will try to do them at least every other chapter if not every chapter.
Disclaimer- Not ours... None of it... You know it, you've seen it somewhere else, means we don't own it.
Rating- Umm we'll say PG 13 for this.
Chapter Eight
I look up at the ticking clock on Susan's wall. She's off at work and I'm staying here until he leaves. Then I'm going to find a new place as soon as I possible can. I don't know why I agreed to move in with him. Money was tight on my side; I needed to get away from Brian. Everything seemed okay at the time but now I realize it was an extremely bad move. Every second that ticks by it gets closer to Luka's lift off. He's really leaving. He hadn't even tried calling. I take the ring off my finger. It had been a simple gift from him for no apparent reason. I twirl it around my finger and then summon all my energy and fling it across the room. I never want to see it again. The tears I had been holding in all night finally fall now. I let them. No one is around, no one will see me. I wipe them away and run my hands through my newly washed hair. I sit at the table with a cup of tea and nothing better to do but wonder what could have been. What could have been if I was never born. Eric would have been an only child and would have learned to fend for himself. Richard wouldn't have made a huge mistake in marrying me. I wouldn't have killed my defenceless child. I wouldn't have broken Luka's heart completely. The world would have been a safer and more happy place. I hear a rapping at the door and I shuffle over to it. I unlock the chains and open it. This reminds me of a dream I had last night where he came back for his daughter's teddy bear and we mistakenly kissed. It wasn't such a bad dream. Too bad it would never happen in real life. I give him a forced smile and run my hands over my red eyes and cheeks. He looks uncomfortable and gives me an awkward grin.
"I was worried about you." I look down at the floor and play with the metal chains.
"I'm fine. Really. I just had a bad night..." I glance at him quickly but he seems unmoved.
"Do you wanna take a walk? It's really nice outside." I really don't think it would be a good idea. I'm just so tired and out of it today. I can't deal with everything at once; especially a friendship with a total stranger. I start to shake my head but he gives me a pleading look.
"I just... I don't know." I look back at the clock. It seems to engulf my every thought right now. I feel like if I could just take the battery out of the white clock in Susan's kitchen I could stop time complete. Then I could stop him from leaving. I know that it's impossible. I look back at him and he's digging his hands into his pockets.
"You need to get out sometime." I shrug my shoulders and reluctantly nod my head. I put on my shoes and grab a sweater of Susan's from her closet. I doubt she will mind. I pull on the sweater and practically have to force myself out the door. I'd rather curl up in a dark corner of the world, where the sun doesn't shine for months. Darkness seems to suit me better than the defying sunlight that is present outside right now. We walk a few blocks in silence; I doubt I have ever heard the streets of Chicago this silent before. It's almost creepy. We reach Lincoln Park and descend down the stairs towards the shore. We walk on the path. The cold wind nips at my face and I pull my arms closer around myself. Our hair is flying in every which way but I doubt it bothers either one of us. We finally reach an empty bench and sit down. The water is a tinted shade of grey and green. The more you look out, the bluer it gets. He stands and picks up a rock from the side somewhere. He throws it into the water with a satisfying plump. He finds two more and hands me one. I roll my eyes at him. I'm not three and skipping stones does not impress me. I throw the rock into the water and he sits back down.
"I'm sorry." I look out towards the Pier and the boats by the dock. I can't look at him. Why do I feel guilty of something. I've barely known him for three days and I've never done anything to him.
"For?" He gives me an strange look and concentrates on the water in front of us.
"Last night. I didn't mean for it to happen the way it did." I squint my eyes from the sun. I wasn't dreaming. It really happened. I almost can't believe it.
"You didn't mean for it to happen at all." Out of the corner of my eye I can see him look at me. I don't know. My heart is suddenly lost in an endless pit of quicksand and I'm sinking deeper and deeper. There is no way out. No hope at all. He stays quiet.
"You don't want me. Run away, Carter... Run as fast as you can." My voice comes out almost unheard. The wind seems to whip it to another planet. Yet I have the satisfaction that he heard me. I give up on trying to feel love. I want a heart of stone where no one can hurt me. I want to be heartless and cold. I want to be able to fall in love and never feel the pain.
I curl my knee up to my chin and rest my head on it. I'm freezing right now, but I'll just sit here and weather away. I have a shift tonight that I'm not so sure I can handle. I have a mother that has probably gone off her meds again, I have a brother whom I love more than life itself, and an ex boyfriend who will be fighting to stay alive in the upcoming months. I also have a new friendship; a new weakness; a sudden attraction that has taken me by storm and I'm terrified of it all coming down at once. I look back at his sombre face. He hasn't moved an inch since my last sentence.
I stand up and start to walk again. I hear his feet hit the pavement behind me and he catches up to speed with me. "You can't honestly believe that?" I shrug my shoulders. It's a fact. Anyone that gets involved with me will suffer pain and misery so why bother.
"Luka's a lucky man." I hear the bitter edge of sarcasm on his voice. I think I've officially started to push him away from me. It will all be for the better in the end.
"Was." I simply state it. We were something once. At the very beginning, I was mesmerized by him. He was such a gentle giant. He did everything in his power to help me and comfort me. He stood by me every single night. He set out roses for no reasons. He was absolutely perfect. But all good things came to an end. He finally realized there was no changing me. I only grow worse and he gave up. We were physically there for each other. We never talked. It had been a disaster from the very beginning. I'll never find someone who can understand me. I've given up hope. I'll just settle for being alone.
"I'm sorry." I shake my head, dismissing his existence altogether. I wish I could just disappear from the face of the earth.
"Not your fault." We keep walking in our uncomfortable silence. The sun is shining happily, the water calm and tranquil. Yet I'm the complete opposite. I"m the raging storm that has to come in and I'm the aftermath of that storm. I'm the death and destruction.
"I know what if feels like." He grabs my attention. How could he possible know anything that I'm feeling right now. "I know what it feels like to have the world against you... The only colour you can see is black... Your best friends have become your worst enemies... You feel like you can't go on... Like life has lost meaning.. I still feel like that ninety-nine percent of the time..."
I stop dead in my tracks. It seems like he's read my mind and summarized everything I'm feeling right now in a few simple short sentences. I look at him, for the first time, truly look at him. His eyes are dark brown pools of emptiness. He looks wrought by loneliness and longing. There is so much more to him than meets the eye. He looks so professional, so together, during work. Yet he's just like I am: mentally unstable and destroyed.
"But you're worth something... Even if it's just to one person... I might be that one person."
I start to shake my head. No. This is not happening. I am not hurting him like I've hurt everyone else. "No... No. You don't want me. You don't want anything to do with me. You're getting your life back together, the last thing you need is my friendship."
It took all the force and willpower I had to leave him there. I pray to god he does not follow.
~Review Responses~
smilez4eva- Thank you, we rae glad you are still interested in this story, cause we have a lot more, hopefully, to do with this story. I read your story, I reviewed it too.
Caitlin015- Thank you, yah in each of our stories, together and seperate, we try to put different and interesting spins on the relationship and how it started...
Kayla- Awwww yeah, Abby's pretty depressed lately.
smilez4eva - Thank you, don't worry we will.
Kayla - Thank you, we go for originality.
smilez4eva- Yeah, I had a feeling that people might be a little taken aback by the first chapter, but its all good once you hit the second. We're in it for the long haul too.
Caitlin- Luby had great chemistry on the show, but we aren't Lubies... So don't worry:)
Marina- Angst and Carby interactions... Ahhhh makes my day
carbybubbles- Thanks we enjoy writing
Lilkimi88- Thank yah... I'm glad you like our story... Glad you like my other one too...
~Preview~
"Come to my place tonight..." A look of utter confusion falls over her. She looks at me for a second, a smile creeps upon my lips, and she sighs, then tension that once hung over us, like a dark cloud, is gone. Everything has changed, the mood especially. "Come for dinner"
Disclaimer- Not ours... None of it... You know it, you've seen it somewhere else, means we don't own it.
Rating- Umm we'll say PG 13 for this.
Chapter Eight
I look up at the ticking clock on Susan's wall. She's off at work and I'm staying here until he leaves. Then I'm going to find a new place as soon as I possible can. I don't know why I agreed to move in with him. Money was tight on my side; I needed to get away from Brian. Everything seemed okay at the time but now I realize it was an extremely bad move. Every second that ticks by it gets closer to Luka's lift off. He's really leaving. He hadn't even tried calling. I take the ring off my finger. It had been a simple gift from him for no apparent reason. I twirl it around my finger and then summon all my energy and fling it across the room. I never want to see it again. The tears I had been holding in all night finally fall now. I let them. No one is around, no one will see me. I wipe them away and run my hands through my newly washed hair. I sit at the table with a cup of tea and nothing better to do but wonder what could have been. What could have been if I was never born. Eric would have been an only child and would have learned to fend for himself. Richard wouldn't have made a huge mistake in marrying me. I wouldn't have killed my defenceless child. I wouldn't have broken Luka's heart completely. The world would have been a safer and more happy place. I hear a rapping at the door and I shuffle over to it. I unlock the chains and open it. This reminds me of a dream I had last night where he came back for his daughter's teddy bear and we mistakenly kissed. It wasn't such a bad dream. Too bad it would never happen in real life. I give him a forced smile and run my hands over my red eyes and cheeks. He looks uncomfortable and gives me an awkward grin.
"I was worried about you." I look down at the floor and play with the metal chains.
"I'm fine. Really. I just had a bad night..." I glance at him quickly but he seems unmoved.
"Do you wanna take a walk? It's really nice outside." I really don't think it would be a good idea. I'm just so tired and out of it today. I can't deal with everything at once; especially a friendship with a total stranger. I start to shake my head but he gives me a pleading look.
"I just... I don't know." I look back at the clock. It seems to engulf my every thought right now. I feel like if I could just take the battery out of the white clock in Susan's kitchen I could stop time complete. Then I could stop him from leaving. I know that it's impossible. I look back at him and he's digging his hands into his pockets.
"You need to get out sometime." I shrug my shoulders and reluctantly nod my head. I put on my shoes and grab a sweater of Susan's from her closet. I doubt she will mind. I pull on the sweater and practically have to force myself out the door. I'd rather curl up in a dark corner of the world, where the sun doesn't shine for months. Darkness seems to suit me better than the defying sunlight that is present outside right now. We walk a few blocks in silence; I doubt I have ever heard the streets of Chicago this silent before. It's almost creepy. We reach Lincoln Park and descend down the stairs towards the shore. We walk on the path. The cold wind nips at my face and I pull my arms closer around myself. Our hair is flying in every which way but I doubt it bothers either one of us. We finally reach an empty bench and sit down. The water is a tinted shade of grey and green. The more you look out, the bluer it gets. He stands and picks up a rock from the side somewhere. He throws it into the water with a satisfying plump. He finds two more and hands me one. I roll my eyes at him. I'm not three and skipping stones does not impress me. I throw the rock into the water and he sits back down.
"I'm sorry." I look out towards the Pier and the boats by the dock. I can't look at him. Why do I feel guilty of something. I've barely known him for three days and I've never done anything to him.
"For?" He gives me an strange look and concentrates on the water in front of us.
"Last night. I didn't mean for it to happen the way it did." I squint my eyes from the sun. I wasn't dreaming. It really happened. I almost can't believe it.
"You didn't mean for it to happen at all." Out of the corner of my eye I can see him look at me. I don't know. My heart is suddenly lost in an endless pit of quicksand and I'm sinking deeper and deeper. There is no way out. No hope at all. He stays quiet.
"You don't want me. Run away, Carter... Run as fast as you can." My voice comes out almost unheard. The wind seems to whip it to another planet. Yet I have the satisfaction that he heard me. I give up on trying to feel love. I want a heart of stone where no one can hurt me. I want to be heartless and cold. I want to be able to fall in love and never feel the pain.
I curl my knee up to my chin and rest my head on it. I'm freezing right now, but I'll just sit here and weather away. I have a shift tonight that I'm not so sure I can handle. I have a mother that has probably gone off her meds again, I have a brother whom I love more than life itself, and an ex boyfriend who will be fighting to stay alive in the upcoming months. I also have a new friendship; a new weakness; a sudden attraction that has taken me by storm and I'm terrified of it all coming down at once. I look back at his sombre face. He hasn't moved an inch since my last sentence.
I stand up and start to walk again. I hear his feet hit the pavement behind me and he catches up to speed with me. "You can't honestly believe that?" I shrug my shoulders. It's a fact. Anyone that gets involved with me will suffer pain and misery so why bother.
"Luka's a lucky man." I hear the bitter edge of sarcasm on his voice. I think I've officially started to push him away from me. It will all be for the better in the end.
"Was." I simply state it. We were something once. At the very beginning, I was mesmerized by him. He was such a gentle giant. He did everything in his power to help me and comfort me. He stood by me every single night. He set out roses for no reasons. He was absolutely perfect. But all good things came to an end. He finally realized there was no changing me. I only grow worse and he gave up. We were physically there for each other. We never talked. It had been a disaster from the very beginning. I'll never find someone who can understand me. I've given up hope. I'll just settle for being alone.
"I'm sorry." I shake my head, dismissing his existence altogether. I wish I could just disappear from the face of the earth.
"Not your fault." We keep walking in our uncomfortable silence. The sun is shining happily, the water calm and tranquil. Yet I'm the complete opposite. I"m the raging storm that has to come in and I'm the aftermath of that storm. I'm the death and destruction.
"I know what if feels like." He grabs my attention. How could he possible know anything that I'm feeling right now. "I know what it feels like to have the world against you... The only colour you can see is black... Your best friends have become your worst enemies... You feel like you can't go on... Like life has lost meaning.. I still feel like that ninety-nine percent of the time..."
I stop dead in my tracks. It seems like he's read my mind and summarized everything I'm feeling right now in a few simple short sentences. I look at him, for the first time, truly look at him. His eyes are dark brown pools of emptiness. He looks wrought by loneliness and longing. There is so much more to him than meets the eye. He looks so professional, so together, during work. Yet he's just like I am: mentally unstable and destroyed.
"But you're worth something... Even if it's just to one person... I might be that one person."
I start to shake my head. No. This is not happening. I am not hurting him like I've hurt everyone else. "No... No. You don't want me. You don't want anything to do with me. You're getting your life back together, the last thing you need is my friendship."
It took all the force and willpower I had to leave him there. I pray to god he does not follow.
~Review Responses~
smilez4eva- Thank you, we rae glad you are still interested in this story, cause we have a lot more, hopefully, to do with this story. I read your story, I reviewed it too.
Caitlin015- Thank you, yah in each of our stories, together and seperate, we try to put different and interesting spins on the relationship and how it started...
Kayla- Awwww yeah, Abby's pretty depressed lately.
smilez4eva - Thank you, don't worry we will.
Kayla - Thank you, we go for originality.
smilez4eva- Yeah, I had a feeling that people might be a little taken aback by the first chapter, but its all good once you hit the second. We're in it for the long haul too.
Caitlin- Luby had great chemistry on the show, but we aren't Lubies... So don't worry:)
Marina- Angst and Carby interactions... Ahhhh makes my day
carbybubbles- Thanks we enjoy writing
Lilkimi88- Thank yah... I'm glad you like our story... Glad you like my other one too...
~Preview~
"Come to my place tonight..." A look of utter confusion falls over her. She looks at me for a second, a smile creeps upon my lips, and she sighs, then tension that once hung over us, like a dark cloud, is gone. Everything has changed, the mood especially. "Come for dinner"