Authors Note- Hey... Okay, so this chapter is shorter, but thats okay, cause its written by Liby and its absolutely Amazing... So please, read and review... There are no review responses for this chapter... But htere is a preview.
Chapter Ten
I lie on the feather-soft sofa with Sebastian in my lap with his head against my chest. My fingers run up and down his tiny arm in a comforting pattern. I know he's fallen asleep; I've known for the last hour. I just couldn't bare to wake him or having him taken away from me. Sebastian and I took and instant liking to each other. I don't know where it came from. Madison, on the other hand, hates me. She hasn't left Carter's side. I look over at her. He's holding her limp body in his arms and trying to manoeuvre her without waking her. I look up and he motions me towards the stairs. I gently pick up his small body and start off behind me. I climb up the stairs, having him lead me. I've gotten lost once tonight, and it was enough. He opens the door expertly for me and whispers to lay him down. I walk into the huge room and lay him down on his soft bed. I see him beginning to squirm and I pull the covers from under him and throw them over his frame. He opens his eyes and looks at me. He gives me a small smile and I return it. I brush the strands of hair away from his forehead and pull the comforter closer around him. His hands reach up and grasp around my neck. He pulls me in closer to him. I have no clue what he's trying to do. I feel a kiss upon my cheek and his half-awake voice telling me goodnight. I return the motion and start to get up as he curls up to his left side and falls back asleep.
I walk out of the room and shut the door behind me. I practically walk into Carter who was standing just outside. He turns the hall light on and leads me down the stairs. I look at my watch, it's about ten o'clock. He leads me back towards the den and we resume positions opposite each other. I look out the balcony doors towards the dark sky. I could have had a son or daughter. I gave it up out of my own cowardice. I could have had someone to love, to hold during those cold evil nights. I was so afriad. I was terrified I would screw this little person up. I can't give them a perfect life. It's impossible, especially with me. It was for the better. Everything was for the better.
"Do you wanna see the grounds?" He catches my attention and I shake my head. It's cold and I should be heading home before I do something I regret.
"No, I really should get going." I see him look back out at the same exact place I had just focused on. I feel a chill run through my body. There's something so comforting about having him a few feet away from me. Yet it also scares me in a way. I don't want to impart upon this man all my problems and insecurities. All the doubts and fears I have ever had would drown him. It would cause him so much more pain and suffereing that he has ever needed to feel. My words have left my mouth but we both know I have no intention of moving. I pull my arms closer around myself and the awkward silence between us seems to grow louder and louder by the second. I hear the fire crackling in the fireplace and his breathing. It would be perfect moment if only I was the perfect woman. I'm not. I'm as opposite the perfect woman as is possible. A chilling scream breaks through the house and we both jump on edge. Carter automatically starts in a run towards the stairs and I jet after him. We reach Sebastian's bedroom in a matter of seconds and he's entwined in a mess of blankets and pillows, tears streaming down his eyes. Carter instantly picks him up and starts to rock him. I walk up a few feet closer to him and Sebastian pulls out his chubby little arms towards me. I move closer and take him into my own arms. His head rests on my shoulder and I rock him back and forth. My hand glides up and down his back. My mouth mutters comforting sayings as his tears dry and his eyes close. His arms are wrapped so tightly around my neck that it almost hurts. I prick at his fingers playfully and he lets go a bit, but he's still holding on. I shoot a look towards Carter and he has an empty expression on his face. He notices me looking at him and glances away. He starts towards the door and I hold Seb in my arms and follow him. We go back to the den and I rock Seb in my arms until he falls back asleep yet once again.
I glance back at Carter and he looks distraught; lost into a different world. "You alright?"
He shakes his head, mentally coming back into the present time frame. "Yeah... He asleep?"
I nod my head and run my fingers over Sebastian's face. He's going to look exactly like his father when he gets older. "It's just.."
I divert my attention back to my host. "...you looked exactly like Rebecca in the light, in the moment.... and its hard because I do everything to push her out of my thoughts..." I see begin to crumble again. He's been trying so hard to rebuild his life, yet he knows he never will fully be able to forget her. I watch him get up off the sofa and pace the floor in front of the fireplace. I move Sebatstian's sleeping body to my left on the empty stretch of sofa. I place a pillow under his head and walk up towards the lost.
I reach up towards his face. I can barely see him; the orange and red from the fire blur his expression. I brush away the sparkling tears from his face; my fingers wet with the salty acid. He holds my hand in the palm of his, my hand is flat against his cheek. His hands is on top of mine. He's looking at me; he's looking into me. I move closer to him. He engulfs me in his arms and I melt into all that he is. My head rests against his chest; his chin is comfortably placed on top of my head. I hold his weeping body closer to mine. We're all allowed our moments. Mine just happen alone at night when I have no one to judge me. Another sob escapes him and I hold him just like I was holding Sebastian. I lean up to him on my toes, placing a light kiss on his cheek. His hands run play with the ends of my hair. No. This is not happening. No. I'm not taking advantage of him. I'm not letting him get involved with me. No. Not tonight, not ever.
"I'm sorry." I push away from him, and start running towards the door. I grab my coat and purse from the table by the door. My keys are out of my pocket in under three second. I doubt he'll even know what happened tomorrow morning. I'm not bringing him down with me. We can't just be friends. I think we both know that. There is so much more at stake right now.
~Preview~
"Look, Abby, I've told you where I stand with us. Friends. I know you don't want more, that's fine, just don't hurt what we could have, because of it. Don't be afraid." Her eyes are glued on me.
Chapter Ten
I lie on the feather-soft sofa with Sebastian in my lap with his head against my chest. My fingers run up and down his tiny arm in a comforting pattern. I know he's fallen asleep; I've known for the last hour. I just couldn't bare to wake him or having him taken away from me. Sebastian and I took and instant liking to each other. I don't know where it came from. Madison, on the other hand, hates me. She hasn't left Carter's side. I look over at her. He's holding her limp body in his arms and trying to manoeuvre her without waking her. I look up and he motions me towards the stairs. I gently pick up his small body and start off behind me. I climb up the stairs, having him lead me. I've gotten lost once tonight, and it was enough. He opens the door expertly for me and whispers to lay him down. I walk into the huge room and lay him down on his soft bed. I see him beginning to squirm and I pull the covers from under him and throw them over his frame. He opens his eyes and looks at me. He gives me a small smile and I return it. I brush the strands of hair away from his forehead and pull the comforter closer around him. His hands reach up and grasp around my neck. He pulls me in closer to him. I have no clue what he's trying to do. I feel a kiss upon my cheek and his half-awake voice telling me goodnight. I return the motion and start to get up as he curls up to his left side and falls back asleep.
I walk out of the room and shut the door behind me. I practically walk into Carter who was standing just outside. He turns the hall light on and leads me down the stairs. I look at my watch, it's about ten o'clock. He leads me back towards the den and we resume positions opposite each other. I look out the balcony doors towards the dark sky. I could have had a son or daughter. I gave it up out of my own cowardice. I could have had someone to love, to hold during those cold evil nights. I was so afriad. I was terrified I would screw this little person up. I can't give them a perfect life. It's impossible, especially with me. It was for the better. Everything was for the better.
"Do you wanna see the grounds?" He catches my attention and I shake my head. It's cold and I should be heading home before I do something I regret.
"No, I really should get going." I see him look back out at the same exact place I had just focused on. I feel a chill run through my body. There's something so comforting about having him a few feet away from me. Yet it also scares me in a way. I don't want to impart upon this man all my problems and insecurities. All the doubts and fears I have ever had would drown him. It would cause him so much more pain and suffereing that he has ever needed to feel. My words have left my mouth but we both know I have no intention of moving. I pull my arms closer around myself and the awkward silence between us seems to grow louder and louder by the second. I hear the fire crackling in the fireplace and his breathing. It would be perfect moment if only I was the perfect woman. I'm not. I'm as opposite the perfect woman as is possible. A chilling scream breaks through the house and we both jump on edge. Carter automatically starts in a run towards the stairs and I jet after him. We reach Sebastian's bedroom in a matter of seconds and he's entwined in a mess of blankets and pillows, tears streaming down his eyes. Carter instantly picks him up and starts to rock him. I walk up a few feet closer to him and Sebastian pulls out his chubby little arms towards me. I move closer and take him into my own arms. His head rests on my shoulder and I rock him back and forth. My hand glides up and down his back. My mouth mutters comforting sayings as his tears dry and his eyes close. His arms are wrapped so tightly around my neck that it almost hurts. I prick at his fingers playfully and he lets go a bit, but he's still holding on. I shoot a look towards Carter and he has an empty expression on his face. He notices me looking at him and glances away. He starts towards the door and I hold Seb in my arms and follow him. We go back to the den and I rock Seb in my arms until he falls back asleep yet once again.
I glance back at Carter and he looks distraught; lost into a different world. "You alright?"
He shakes his head, mentally coming back into the present time frame. "Yeah... He asleep?"
I nod my head and run my fingers over Sebastian's face. He's going to look exactly like his father when he gets older. "It's just.."
I divert my attention back to my host. "...you looked exactly like Rebecca in the light, in the moment.... and its hard because I do everything to push her out of my thoughts..." I see begin to crumble again. He's been trying so hard to rebuild his life, yet he knows he never will fully be able to forget her. I watch him get up off the sofa and pace the floor in front of the fireplace. I move Sebatstian's sleeping body to my left on the empty stretch of sofa. I place a pillow under his head and walk up towards the lost.
I reach up towards his face. I can barely see him; the orange and red from the fire blur his expression. I brush away the sparkling tears from his face; my fingers wet with the salty acid. He holds my hand in the palm of his, my hand is flat against his cheek. His hands is on top of mine. He's looking at me; he's looking into me. I move closer to him. He engulfs me in his arms and I melt into all that he is. My head rests against his chest; his chin is comfortably placed on top of my head. I hold his weeping body closer to mine. We're all allowed our moments. Mine just happen alone at night when I have no one to judge me. Another sob escapes him and I hold him just like I was holding Sebastian. I lean up to him on my toes, placing a light kiss on his cheek. His hands run play with the ends of my hair. No. This is not happening. No. I'm not taking advantage of him. I'm not letting him get involved with me. No. Not tonight, not ever.
"I'm sorry." I push away from him, and start running towards the door. I grab my coat and purse from the table by the door. My keys are out of my pocket in under three second. I doubt he'll even know what happened tomorrow morning. I'm not bringing him down with me. We can't just be friends. I think we both know that. There is so much more at stake right now.
~Preview~
"Look, Abby, I've told you where I stand with us. Friends. I know you don't want more, that's fine, just don't hurt what we could have, because of it. Don't be afraid." Her eyes are glued on me.