Last chapter and I am really sad to see it go. I have really enjoyed writing this despite its distraction from my work and hope you have enjoyed reading it too. Thanks for the reviews and hope you like the extra-long last bit.
Bloodied Rain
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The brunette was sat against the tree drinking in the air and the sunshine and letting the breeze ruffle his hair. He had been entranced by the blue sky he could see from his bed as he had woken. The realisation of stuffiness and warmth of the little room had provoked him to rise from his bed despite being ordered to rest and go to the window. The realisation then that there was a pleasant little clearing immediately outside his window made him long to breathe clean air with no traces of smoke. He had then thrown up the sash and climbed out of the window, each movement letting cramped muscles relax and fall into their naturally graceful movements.
Hakkai had kicked off his shoes and socks, and then settled himself against a tree half in sun and half in shade. He was intending to enjoy a few moments peace before Goku returned with their bags and Sanzo was demanding him to start driving again. Hakuryu had also followed him out of the window and had curled up next to his master, enjoying a brief bought of sunbathing before it turned back into Jeep form, especially enjoying the fact that Hakkai was scratching its head also. The dragon purred contentedly under his ministrations and Hakkai felt relaxed by the unspoken affection.
This pleasantry was infinitely comparable to staying asleep. He knew he was supposed to be resting, but he couldn't escape the smoke-and-flame- infested dreams that sought to taunt him. Despite Goku's constant reassurances that Gojyo was perfectly fine, Hakkai couldn't get rid of the mental image of his lover burning out of his mind. That was another reason why he was out here; he desperately needed to calm down before he sought out his lover. He knew how much Gojyo worried and knew that if he didn't calm down, he would become hysterical. He decided that he would let Hakuryu rest a little longer, then go and find Gojyo in a while...
...But Gojyo found him first. The redhead came pelting towards him like a hurricane, limping a little and with crimson strands of hair flying about him. He fell to his knees in front of Hakkai, gasping out profanities and exclamations of worry. Tears rolled uncontrolled down his handsome face that was now contorted with fear and anguish. Hakkai was shocked and all thoughts of him trying to stay calm were overridden by his protective instincts.
"Gojyo! ... Your wounds! ... Oh, Gojyo what's wrong?! ..." he asked frantically holding his arms out. Gojyo fell into them, running his hands all over the brunette checking that it was indeed him and he wasn't injured.
"Don't do that again!" Gojyo cried out, his voice touching frenzy levels. "Fuck, Hakkai! You don't know what I thought just now." He gulped in a breath and placed his hands either side of Hakkai's face, examining him properly. "Are you alright?"
Hakkai frowned in confusion but revelled in the warmth of Gojyo's hands against his cheeks.
"Yes, of course." He said calmly, soothingly. Gojyo's fierce stare still didn't stop although his tears had stopped flowing. "I'm feeling a little tired but the doctor said that was to be expected." He took hold of one of Gojyo's hands. "Come, sit, you look like you've seen a ghost."
Gojyo didn't reply, just leaned in for a kiss, letting his lips rest softly on Hakkai's own, just checking once again that it was him and he was real. Hakkai gave a serene sigh against his kiss and Gojyo pulled back to swipe away the remaining tears.
"How are you feeling?" asked Hakkai breathlessly, running his fingers down Gojyo's face.
The redhead raked his hair back with trembling hands.
"Aside from you giving me the fright of my life, I think I'm alright. Don't ever do that to me again!" He exclaimed, then reached over and nudged the dozing dragon who was utterly unaware of Gojyo and Hakkai's frantic discussions. "Hey dragon, Sanzo wants you ready to roll by the way."
Hakuryu lifted its head and blinked it's ruby eyes sleepily looking at Hakkai for confirmation. Hakkai ran his hand over the soft fur and tickled it under the chin. "Better follow that, you know how Sanzo gets." He said softly. The dragon opened its wings, fluttered a little way into the air and then took off, heading back through the window. Hakkai watched him go and then turned back to Gojyo. He kissed the redhead softly and Gojyo sank down to sit next to him.
"You really did a number on yourself this time." Said Gojyo softly letting his fingers dance across his lover's neck and shoulders, he didn't want to break the touch. Hakkai leaned against him.
"I know, but I could hardly have sat back and done nothing. Gojyo, it was truly awful seeing you there." He looked down at the tan-fabric pants. "How are your legs now?"
Gojyo scratched at one of bandages.
"Itchy and tingly." He said. "You did a great job. They've been bandaged up with this squishy cream now to stop the skin from splitting." Hakkai nodded.
"That's good." He said, "You do look a little burnt though." He added, looking at the skin of Gojyo's shoulders that were tinted pink. Gojyo gave a half-hearted grin, which then became serious. He had to know why. He just had to know why Hakkai had tried to kill himself. It was bllody stupid if Hakkai expected him to forget.
"I suppose... Why'd you do that, Hakkai?" he asked, leaning his head against the brunette's. "You nearly died."
The brunette looked thoughtful
"But I didn't." he said. "My body went into shutdown for a day or so simply to recover my energy, not even Goku could have awoken me." He squeezed Gojyo's hand with another reassuring smile.
Gojyo looked uncomfortable, that was not what he wanted to talk about but he didn't know how to approach it, especially when his heart with threatening to break out of his chest.
"How's your wound?" he asked softly, letting his hand drift down towards the scar hoping that his lover would take the hint and start talking. Hakkai jerked slightly and stared down at his green shirt, beneath which was a simple dressing.
"It's been stitched up properly now and there was no infection." He reported faithfully. "It wasn't as deep as was first thought and it seems to be healing well."
Gojyo gave a sigh at his failure and leaned over to kiss Hakkai again, this time letting his tongue reach out for Hakkai's own. Hakkai responded in kind and they held each other close for a moment, Hakkai's hands coming out to snake around Gojyo's neck and Gojyo's hands finding places on the healer's waist and back pulling him in closer. They remained that way a little longer, just enjoying the sensation of a deep, good and much-missed kiss. When Gojyo drew away, he could see the familiar twinkles back in Hakkai's emerald eyes.
"What was that for?" asked Hakkai, a little breathless.
Gojyo didn't answer, just went back to his original position of sitting next to Hakkai, worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. He couldn't get the picture of Hakkai lying in the rain, bleeding heavily from a self-inflicted stab wound, telling him to leave, out of his mind. Hakkai wasn't taking any of his hints to start talking either. He then realised that there would never be a good time and came out with what he wanted to say.
"Hey Hakkai, you gonna tell me what happened out there?" he said offhandedly, rummaging for cigarettes, then remembering he couldn't smoke. He mentally cursed as he saw that Sanzo had seen to this and taken all the hi-lites out of the packet already. No doubt the bastard would smoke them all himself rather than give them back. He dropped the packet aimlessly.
Green eyes blinked at him.
"Out where?"
"In the gardens at that god-awful place. You and the knife." Gojyo's ruby eyes turned sorrowful. "You were crying, something about lies and Kanan, and you told me to leave when I tried to help you and that I wasn't supposed to be there. You said it was the right time to die... After everything we've been through, Hakkai? You tried to kill yourself." He said in a rush. Hakkai looked thoughtful. "Why, Hakkai? It's been killing me, I've been so worried."
Hakkai breathed out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding and drew his legs up, resting his arms on them. Gojyo's face looked like it could shatter at any moment.
"That draught they put into the wine I drank had a hallucinogenic effect on me." He said softly, trying to fathom out a way of explaining this sensibly. "When I told the doctors about it they said that that town is famous for exporting a kind of drug which the locals here call the lunacy tonic, it's crushed henbane, nightshade and opium, amongst other things, then brewed into a heavily concentrated tonic. Usually only a bit is used in food. The doctors seemed convinced that I was given almost a whole bottle, due to the extreme reactions."
He looked at Gojyo; the redhead was hanging onto his every word with widened scarlet eyes. However, realising that Gojyo didn't want to hear a complete biology lesson right now, he went back to his original explanation.
"Anyway the drug created false memories and erased other ones, in its normal dose it usually just makes people forget their worries, like a mental relaxant, but the overdose seemed to send me mad, possibly because I'm youkai. It made me think false thoughts, about Kanan, about my past, even about you." He took hold of his lover's hand and squeezed it. "I am truly sorry it happened."
Gojyo looked anywhere between upset and angry and looked ready to leave much to Hakkai's brief dismay. He raised himself up but manoeuvred his body so that he was sat with Hakkai resting between his legs. He then enfolded his lover in a protectively warm embrace as much for his own protection as Hakkai's. He rested his lips near Hakkai's left ear, breathing gently on the cuffs and silently motioned the brunette to continue. Hakkai relaxed a little into his arms, glad that Gojyo hadn't left.
"I thought that everything I had with Kanan was false and forgot so many memories both happy and sad. I only remember wanting to end it all in the garden and thinking that this would somehow make it all better. I thought you didn't care about me and when we were imprisoned, I kept having visions where you left me too." Hakkai drew in a breath that sounded heavy and guilt-filled and danced his fingers along Gojyo's leg feeling the bandages yield beneath his touch. "During the worst times, I couldn't even remember who any of you were; you were all just voices in my head, saying things I didn't understand, or want to understand." He stared blankly ahead, his eyes stinging with unshed tears. "I lost myself, Gojyo and there were points where I thought I wouldn't come back. I am so sorry." His voice faltered and he leaned back against Gojyo's warm chest, breathing in the distinct scent of tobacco, warm fabric and metal that was unique to him.
Gojyo wrapped his arms tighter around Hakkai and also breathed in his scent. It was fresh like water but with hints of soap, cold air and trees.
"But you did come back." He said softly into Hakkai's hair hoping that this wouldn't add to the long list of deeds Hakkai felt he needed to do penance for. "Hey, you may have thought all that stuff, but you now know it's not true. You did love her, with one hell of a passion. Although it didn't end well, it wasn't your fault, and before that even happened, you had happy times with her. As for me..." he paused and felt the muscles Hakkai's shoulders tighten. "I'm not leaving you ever now." He gave a grin. "Hey, you saved my life, I can't repay you by leaving, can I? And who's gonna remember to feed the saru and most importantly, who's going to stop us murdering Sanzo-sama when he gets onto that god-damned soapbox of his and waving that gun around." He kissed the pale skin at Hakkai's neck, determined to wrench a real smile from the brunette.
Hakkai gave a weak smile but his eyes still shone.
"I guess it was atonement," He continued "One side of my mind was telling me how guilty I should be and how I should end it all and the other side was lucid and screaming at me to gain some sense." He sighed.
"Hey, at least you came back to me." Gojyo said and decided now would be perfect to change the subject before his lover became too melancholy. There would be another time that would be more appropriate for him to tell Hakkai that he loved him. Not now. Besides, if he didn't see it already then Hakkai needed a lot more than that monocle. "Are you okay to drive because our Sanzo-sama will throw an absolute fit if we stay here much longer." He asked.
Hakkai stretched gently in his embrace, flexing his hands and stretching his legs with the air of someone who has slept a lot longer than they usually do.
"Yes, I'm sure I can drive." He said softly and leaned back, enjoying the embrace while it lasted; he and Gojyo never seemed to find time alone these days.
As if to prove his silent thought correct there was the sound of feet: the slow steps of Sanzo and the loud thumps of Goku as they stepped off the porch of the inn. Gojyo sighed.
"Bakasaru!" came a distant shout. "Get in the damn jeep and shut up! Where's that fucking kappa? We have to leave! Hakkai get here now!" he sounded as irritated as usual. It was always amusing when Sanzo was REALLY irritated. It was almost a gauge to see how worried he had been about his companions.
Gojyo gave a rueful grin and raised himself up behind Hakkai.
"I think that was our wake-up call." He said, stepped around Hakkai and then rested on his heels to face his lover at eye-level. He felt a weight lift from his shoulders now he knew what had really happened, and saw that Hakkai's green eyes were calm and focused directly on him with their usual intensity. "Hey 'Kai? You comin? Are you sure you're okay to drive?" he added with a glance of concern.
Hakkai leaned over and kissed him on the lips, lingering just a little longer than he intended.
"Yes, I'm pretty sure I can drive, Nurse Gojyo." Said Hakkai sitting back against the tree and closing his eyes with a sly smile. "As long as I don't sleep alone tonight."
Gojyo gave a drawn-out chuckle and winked at him. Hakkai gave a genuine smile of delight, glad that he had cheered up his lover.
"Of course." Gojyo responded. "You can be guaranteed of that much, Nurse Gojyo always does the best for his patients." He looked Hakkai up and down, his gaze one of obvious desire. "Just don't be expecting the little hat and the dress routine, I forgot to pack them."
"Oh dear, I suppose I'll make do with what I've got then," answered Hakkai coyly. Gojyo grinned and pushed himself up onto his feet, feeling the creams under his bandages squish happily.
"You coming, then?" He asked holding out a helping hand.
A pair of relaxed green eyes gazed back at him full of the familiar love and devotion. Gods how he'd missed that look. Those eyes seemed to go on forever and they could tell you everything or nothing. Gojyo had once scorned the idea of eyes being the window to the soul, but looking at Hakkai's now he had been wrong.
"I'll just be a few more minutes." Hakkai said softly, breaking the moment. Gojyo nodded, then bent down, squeezing his lover's shoulders and dropped the softest of kisses on his forehead.
"'kay, but don't be long, I'll worry." He said gently. Hakkai gave him another genuine smile.
"I'll always come back to you." He murmured softly. Gojyo gave the tenderest smile Hakkai had ever seen as he eased himself up again and slowly put one hand on his heart as if in pain. Hakkai saw the unspoken message and echoed the gesture with his own hand. He stared into the widened scarlet eyes and gave the most imperceptible nod of agreement. It didn't need to be spoken, they just knew. At this silent declaration of love, Gojyo turned to go and for the first time in over four years of knowing him, Hakkai saw the redhead blush as he left.
Hakkai beamed in pleasure then reached down for his shoes and socks getting ready to go. As he did so, noticed that Gojyo had left an empty cigarette carton where he had been sitting. He picked it up and put it in his pocket meaning to depose of it later. He then finished pulling on his socks and slid each shoe on carefully so as to make driving more comfortable. He then wrapped his arms around his knees and gazed all around him on final time. It was indeed a beautiful day, even more so now he had witnessed that truly touching gesture of Gojyo's and had finally had chance to reciprocate his feelings. Hakkai looked up at the blue sky, almost everything had been put to rest. Almost everything.
"Hey, I'm sorry." He said softly. "I know how hurtful those thoughts must have been to you, but I will never forget you. The memory of you will always burn strong in my heart, I swear. I only ask you to let Gojyo in too; he has become special to me. You know I never liked being alone." He bowed his head and closed his eyes. "Forgive me."
A calm and gentle breeze swept across the road and through the trees, ruffling grasses and leaves and setting branches swaying gently. The breeze shook free several pale pink cherry blossoms. Hakkai felt the breeze gently caress his cheek almost like a hand and a single bloom landed on his knee standing out like a pale pink kiss-mark against the beige material. He smiled and picked up the delicate flower, cradling it in his hands like the most precious of diamonds.
"Thank you." He said softly, and with a sudden thought, drew out the cigarette carton. He then reached into his other pocket and pulled out the broken pocket watch he carried as a talisman and treasured keepsake of the woman he had loved. He slid the watch into the cigarette carton and then placed the delicate cherry blossom in too, creating a little packet of treasures. He then closed the box and drew in the mingled scents and raised himself up, walking through the trees and over to Jeep that was ready to go.
"Kyu!" It called out.
"Hakkai! Where have you been! Make Gojyo give me back my meat buns! The stupid erokappa keeps taking them!"
"Shut it saru! Hakkai get in here and tell this badly-dressed ape that if he eats anymore he'll burst and tell him not to call me a gods-damned erokappa!"
"Hakkai, get in this jeep and drive up to a cliff so I can throw these idiots off it!"
Hakkai smiled and got into the drivers seat. It felt so natural to be sat here with these people.
"West again?" he asked chirpily, smiling warmly at those around him.
"Funny." Replied Sanzo. "You shouldn't hang around with yourself if you're gonna start on jokes like that." However his whole demeanour visibly relaxed at seeing Hakkai acting like himself.
"Don't worry, Sanzo." Said Hakkai with a grin, eyeing Gojyo lounging in the backseat in the mirror, the redhead winked at him. "I don't think I could even if I wanted to."
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A/N: Aww man, it's finished sings requiem mass. I'm gonna miss it, but I have another one in the works. Hope you've enjoyed reading it and I always appreciate reviews so if you could that'd be cool. I won't recommendation any soundtrack songs because I have been daft this time and have been listening to all the recent Eurovision Song Contests entries. May the stars shine on cheesy music. Thank you everybody!