Chapter Twelve
I sink into the scalding hot water. The smell of lavender floats through the room and mixes with the vanilla scent streaming from the burning candles. My head finds a comfortable spot on the back of the tub as I feel all the pains and aches of the day slowly disintegrating from my body. The white foam floats around me and I close my eyes. The water is burning my skin; but a burning very much needed. It's opening all my pores and shifting away all the weight I carried through the last week. I undo my ponytail and let my hair soak in the water. My toes reach the end of the tub and I could stay in here forever. I don't want anything to disturb me. There is nothing but silence. No noise at all; no cars, no horns, no trains. Complete and utter silence. I finally begin to unwind and relax. I'm not thinking of anything. My mind needs to stay in complete darkness until I step out of my sanctuary. Otherwise I'm going to crumble into a million pieces that will never be recovered. I roll my neck from side to side and feel the muscles in my shoulders and back letting go their tight hold. The world is still for me. Even if its for a few seconds. I hear a bitter knocking in my subconscious. I want to ignore it but I know I can't. I lift my heavy body out of the warm water reluctantly and quickly wipe away some of excess water. I throw my hair up into a quick spiral and wrap my robe loosely around me. I head towards my door and quickly open it. If whoever was still there, they must be really patient or really desperate.
Just as I suspected I see a desperate looking man standing in front of me. There are two children with him and both are sleeping on each shoulder. I wipe away a stray stream of water that sank out of my hair. He gives me an awkward smile and I pull Sebastian from his left side into my arms.
"Abby, I'm so sorry for showing up like this. We tried calling you but you didn't pick up. There's a big accident and I have to go on scene. Susan's working and I don't trust anyone else with these two. Please. It's only for a few hours." I run my hand over my towel and pull my robe closer around me. They are asleep now, but what if they wake up. I can't deal with two kids alone. What if they won't listen to me? I can't do this. I give him a sigh and shake my head, opening the door wider for him. I lead Carter towards my bedroom and I motion towards my bed. He lays Maddie down gently and she barely stirs. He throws the covers over her and kisses her on the cheek. I proceed to do the same with Seb, but I hear a moan in protest. He holds on to me and I pull him back up. Carter shoots me an apologetic look and I brush it off. I walk back towards the door, leaving my bedroom door open. I carry Sebastian in my arms and Carter quickly gives him a kiss on the cheek. My fingers play with Seb's hair as he does so. I look back towards the bedroom and I know Carter senses my uncertainty. As I'm about to close the door he leans down and gives his son another kiss. I hear a muttered thank-you under his breath and a gentle peck on my own cheek. I'm not worthy of him; nor of the love of his children. Why am I the only one that understands this? He can have someone so much better than me; someone who actually wants to have kids and a family. I don't want that. I've had a broken one all my life, I don't know what a real family is like.
I walk back towards the sofa and place Sebastian down. He pulls towards me in his half awake-state and I whisper that I'm going to get some clothes on. I'm still in a bathrobe that is too lose and too revealing. And Carter just saw me in it. I walk into my room and pull a pair of sweatpants and a shirt from my closet. I look back at Maddie and she's fast asleep with her teddy bear in her arms. I walk into the bathroom and put out all the candles. I stack them back under the sink and let the cold water out of the tub. So much for soaking in hot water for a few hours. I towel dry my hair and pull it back. I throw on my clothes quickly and walk back into the living room. I sit down next to Sebastian and he migrates to my lap. This little kid has grown so attached to me for no apparent reason. He rests his head like he did before. His body in my lap, his head against my chest. I wrap my arms around him and rock him back and forth. My hands go back and play with his hair. He pulls on the ends of my own soaking wet hair. He's going to fall back asleep soon, it's just going to take a few minutes. I keep rocking him until I see him stick his tongue out and start sucking on it. When I'm finally sure he's down I rest him against the couch and prop his head up with a pillow. I pull a blanket from the closet and throw it over his little form. He seems to sink into the fabric.
I walk back into the kitchen and start to put the dry dishes away as quietly as I can. I don't think I've ever had to care whether or not I was bothering someone most of my life. After I finish that, I run a damp sponge over the counters and table, quickly finishing my late night cleaning. I take a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and put it on the table. I have a few things to finish, some drug reports, nursing schedules, the usual. And since I'm not going anywhere tonight might as well get that out of the way. I pull out a chair and right before I sit down I hear a soft sob coming from the direction of my bedroom. I start to walk over there, maybe I'm imagining things. I get closer and see Maddie's cheeks streaked with tears. I walk closer to her but she quickly turns away from me.
"I want my daddy." I run my hands through my hair. Wasn't I worrying about something like this happening before I said yes?
"Your dad's not here. He's at work helping people... He'll be back soon." I watch the little girl curl up into a tighter and tighter ball she forms around herself. I do the same thing.
"I don't want 'em to." I move closer towards her and sit down on the bed next to her back.
"He'll be back in a few hours." I see her hugging her teddy bear so tightly I think that the head is going to come off the body.
"I want my daddy. I don't want you!" Her voice shrieks throughout the apartment and I pray that Sebastian is a heavy sleeper, especially right now. And people ask me why I don't want kids?
"Madison..." Her crying starts again and I test my boundaries. I put my fingers on her little arm for a few seconds and when she doesn't revolt I put my whole hand on her shoulder. I run it up and down for a little while before I hear her starting to settle. I take both hands and pull her towards me. She has a determined expression on her pudgy little face, but her cheeks are stained red. I pull her head into my lap and she complies, which was really unexpected for me. I play with her loose brown curls and she wipes away her own tears. She finally calms down and crawls under the blanket. I look at my bright green illuminated alarm clock on the edge of the dresser. It's 3:41. Almost 5 hours since he left his two beautiful children with me. I walk back towards the living room and dim the lights a little bit more. Sebastian is still fast asleep. I pull the blanket tighter around him.
The knock on the door I recognize as my uninvited guest and I quickly walk to answer it. I pull the chains out and the lock clicks. I open the door and start to walk towards the kitchen. I think he knows to shut the door and follow me. I finally see him in the regular light and there is a gash above his brow that is still bleeding.
"What happened to you?" He reaches up to his brow, pats it, and looks down at his fingers that are covered in blood. He makes a strange face and looks up at me.
"Hazards of the workplace." I start to head towards my medicine cabinet. I should have some saline or alcohol to at least clean it out. It looks deep enough for stitches but I'm not entirely sure from the distance between us.
"Sit down. I'll wash it out." He obeys my orders like an obedient little puppy and I find what I was looking for. I pull out a few sterile pads, some saline, and some antibacterial ointment. I brush his hair off to the side and dab the pads in the saline. I press it against the wound and he jumps a little in a shock. I do it again and he starts to moan. it's not that bad, it's only saline. I'm not using the alcohol until later. I rinse it out as he sits there patiently. I'm in control for a few minutes, and I need the break. I look at it, but its only superficial. It will heal with time. I find a big enough bandage and put it on. He laughs a little and I start to place the supplies away.
"Thank you." I shrug my shoulders and head over to the cabinet to place the saline and gauze pads away. I feel his presence behind me. His hand lingers on my hip for a few moments before he goes any further. I don't want him to. This only drags us both down deeper. I hope to god he has enough sense to stop because I will not be able to stop him. I can feel his warm breath on the nape of my neck and drawing closer and closer to me.
"Really.. Thank you... For everything..." He whispers slowly and cautiously into my ear. Both his hands rest near my waist, his lips touch my skin gently. An almost invisible scene, yet I felt it as if it had been the longest, strongest one ever. My body rejoices yet screams in protest. I turn my head to met his lips. My body turns around to face him. I can feel his lips begging for more, my body wanting to be with him. His tongue seeks entrance into mine, I don't let him. I can't let him. Common sense needs to reclaim the top spot. My body rests so close to his I can barely breathe. We have to stop this. This can't happen. I feel his hands running up and down the small of my back. We'll regret it.
~Review Responses~
Carby6- We're gonna try and update everyday:)
Kayla- Seb adores Abby:)
Marina- Hmmm we'll try and write more with the kids! Thanks for reviewing.
trish- Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed that chapter!! Thanks for the review.
Kayla- Hope oyu enjoyed this chapter as much as you enjoyed the preview.
smilez4eva- Here yah go!
~Preview~
"I don't need another reminder, okay, just don't-" I look at her quizzically, sensing the desperation in her voice. I nod my head slightly, watching as a small tear falls, landing on her eye lashes, she quickly wipes it away. She is breaking, I can tell.
I sink into the scalding hot water. The smell of lavender floats through the room and mixes with the vanilla scent streaming from the burning candles. My head finds a comfortable spot on the back of the tub as I feel all the pains and aches of the day slowly disintegrating from my body. The white foam floats around me and I close my eyes. The water is burning my skin; but a burning very much needed. It's opening all my pores and shifting away all the weight I carried through the last week. I undo my ponytail and let my hair soak in the water. My toes reach the end of the tub and I could stay in here forever. I don't want anything to disturb me. There is nothing but silence. No noise at all; no cars, no horns, no trains. Complete and utter silence. I finally begin to unwind and relax. I'm not thinking of anything. My mind needs to stay in complete darkness until I step out of my sanctuary. Otherwise I'm going to crumble into a million pieces that will never be recovered. I roll my neck from side to side and feel the muscles in my shoulders and back letting go their tight hold. The world is still for me. Even if its for a few seconds. I hear a bitter knocking in my subconscious. I want to ignore it but I know I can't. I lift my heavy body out of the warm water reluctantly and quickly wipe away some of excess water. I throw my hair up into a quick spiral and wrap my robe loosely around me. I head towards my door and quickly open it. If whoever was still there, they must be really patient or really desperate.
Just as I suspected I see a desperate looking man standing in front of me. There are two children with him and both are sleeping on each shoulder. I wipe away a stray stream of water that sank out of my hair. He gives me an awkward smile and I pull Sebastian from his left side into my arms.
"Abby, I'm so sorry for showing up like this. We tried calling you but you didn't pick up. There's a big accident and I have to go on scene. Susan's working and I don't trust anyone else with these two. Please. It's only for a few hours." I run my hand over my towel and pull my robe closer around me. They are asleep now, but what if they wake up. I can't deal with two kids alone. What if they won't listen to me? I can't do this. I give him a sigh and shake my head, opening the door wider for him. I lead Carter towards my bedroom and I motion towards my bed. He lays Maddie down gently and she barely stirs. He throws the covers over her and kisses her on the cheek. I proceed to do the same with Seb, but I hear a moan in protest. He holds on to me and I pull him back up. Carter shoots me an apologetic look and I brush it off. I walk back towards the door, leaving my bedroom door open. I carry Sebastian in my arms and Carter quickly gives him a kiss on the cheek. My fingers play with Seb's hair as he does so. I look back towards the bedroom and I know Carter senses my uncertainty. As I'm about to close the door he leans down and gives his son another kiss. I hear a muttered thank-you under his breath and a gentle peck on my own cheek. I'm not worthy of him; nor of the love of his children. Why am I the only one that understands this? He can have someone so much better than me; someone who actually wants to have kids and a family. I don't want that. I've had a broken one all my life, I don't know what a real family is like.
I walk back towards the sofa and place Sebastian down. He pulls towards me in his half awake-state and I whisper that I'm going to get some clothes on. I'm still in a bathrobe that is too lose and too revealing. And Carter just saw me in it. I walk into my room and pull a pair of sweatpants and a shirt from my closet. I look back at Maddie and she's fast asleep with her teddy bear in her arms. I walk into the bathroom and put out all the candles. I stack them back under the sink and let the cold water out of the tub. So much for soaking in hot water for a few hours. I towel dry my hair and pull it back. I throw on my clothes quickly and walk back into the living room. I sit down next to Sebastian and he migrates to my lap. This little kid has grown so attached to me for no apparent reason. He rests his head like he did before. His body in my lap, his head against my chest. I wrap my arms around him and rock him back and forth. My hands go back and play with his hair. He pulls on the ends of my own soaking wet hair. He's going to fall back asleep soon, it's just going to take a few minutes. I keep rocking him until I see him stick his tongue out and start sucking on it. When I'm finally sure he's down I rest him against the couch and prop his head up with a pillow. I pull a blanket from the closet and throw it over his little form. He seems to sink into the fabric.
I walk back into the kitchen and start to put the dry dishes away as quietly as I can. I don't think I've ever had to care whether or not I was bothering someone most of my life. After I finish that, I run a damp sponge over the counters and table, quickly finishing my late night cleaning. I take a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and put it on the table. I have a few things to finish, some drug reports, nursing schedules, the usual. And since I'm not going anywhere tonight might as well get that out of the way. I pull out a chair and right before I sit down I hear a soft sob coming from the direction of my bedroom. I start to walk over there, maybe I'm imagining things. I get closer and see Maddie's cheeks streaked with tears. I walk closer to her but she quickly turns away from me.
"I want my daddy." I run my hands through my hair. Wasn't I worrying about something like this happening before I said yes?
"Your dad's not here. He's at work helping people... He'll be back soon." I watch the little girl curl up into a tighter and tighter ball she forms around herself. I do the same thing.
"I don't want 'em to." I move closer towards her and sit down on the bed next to her back.
"He'll be back in a few hours." I see her hugging her teddy bear so tightly I think that the head is going to come off the body.
"I want my daddy. I don't want you!" Her voice shrieks throughout the apartment and I pray that Sebastian is a heavy sleeper, especially right now. And people ask me why I don't want kids?
"Madison..." Her crying starts again and I test my boundaries. I put my fingers on her little arm for a few seconds and when she doesn't revolt I put my whole hand on her shoulder. I run it up and down for a little while before I hear her starting to settle. I take both hands and pull her towards me. She has a determined expression on her pudgy little face, but her cheeks are stained red. I pull her head into my lap and she complies, which was really unexpected for me. I play with her loose brown curls and she wipes away her own tears. She finally calms down and crawls under the blanket. I look at my bright green illuminated alarm clock on the edge of the dresser. It's 3:41. Almost 5 hours since he left his two beautiful children with me. I walk back towards the living room and dim the lights a little bit more. Sebastian is still fast asleep. I pull the blanket tighter around him.
The knock on the door I recognize as my uninvited guest and I quickly walk to answer it. I pull the chains out and the lock clicks. I open the door and start to walk towards the kitchen. I think he knows to shut the door and follow me. I finally see him in the regular light and there is a gash above his brow that is still bleeding.
"What happened to you?" He reaches up to his brow, pats it, and looks down at his fingers that are covered in blood. He makes a strange face and looks up at me.
"Hazards of the workplace." I start to head towards my medicine cabinet. I should have some saline or alcohol to at least clean it out. It looks deep enough for stitches but I'm not entirely sure from the distance between us.
"Sit down. I'll wash it out." He obeys my orders like an obedient little puppy and I find what I was looking for. I pull out a few sterile pads, some saline, and some antibacterial ointment. I brush his hair off to the side and dab the pads in the saline. I press it against the wound and he jumps a little in a shock. I do it again and he starts to moan. it's not that bad, it's only saline. I'm not using the alcohol until later. I rinse it out as he sits there patiently. I'm in control for a few minutes, and I need the break. I look at it, but its only superficial. It will heal with time. I find a big enough bandage and put it on. He laughs a little and I start to place the supplies away.
"Thank you." I shrug my shoulders and head over to the cabinet to place the saline and gauze pads away. I feel his presence behind me. His hand lingers on my hip for a few moments before he goes any further. I don't want him to. This only drags us both down deeper. I hope to god he has enough sense to stop because I will not be able to stop him. I can feel his warm breath on the nape of my neck and drawing closer and closer to me.
"Really.. Thank you... For everything..." He whispers slowly and cautiously into my ear. Both his hands rest near my waist, his lips touch my skin gently. An almost invisible scene, yet I felt it as if it had been the longest, strongest one ever. My body rejoices yet screams in protest. I turn my head to met his lips. My body turns around to face him. I can feel his lips begging for more, my body wanting to be with him. His tongue seeks entrance into mine, I don't let him. I can't let him. Common sense needs to reclaim the top spot. My body rests so close to his I can barely breathe. We have to stop this. This can't happen. I feel his hands running up and down the small of my back. We'll regret it.
~Review Responses~
Carby6- We're gonna try and update everyday:)
Kayla- Seb adores Abby:)
Marina- Hmmm we'll try and write more with the kids! Thanks for reviewing.
trish- Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed that chapter!! Thanks for the review.
Kayla- Hope oyu enjoyed this chapter as much as you enjoyed the preview.
smilez4eva- Here yah go!
~Preview~
"I don't need another reminder, okay, just don't-" I look at her quizzically, sensing the desperation in her voice. I nod my head slightly, watching as a small tear falls, landing on her eye lashes, she quickly wipes it away. She is breaking, I can tell.