Authors Note- I answered your reviews at the bottom. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, thanks a lot!!!
Rating- R... R content in this chapter.
Disclaimer- Not ours, never have been... Never will be- Well, maybe... We can always wish!!!
Chapter Sixteen
I open my eyes to the harsh light breaking through the blinds. I begin to feel the throbbing pain in my head and my eyes register my surroundings. My heart stops beating. I'm not in my apartment. I'm not in my bedroom. I'm not in my bed. The contrasting dark paint to the mahogany wood makes me realize I'm not in Kansas anymore. And I definitely do not have Toto to keep me company. I turn onto my back, and the throbbing in my head starts up again. I look around the room. What happened? Have I died and gone to heaven? The dark blue silk sheets and soft pillows support my claim. All I would want right now is a bottle of water and some Tylenol. Now if I could just conjure up a prince charming and the afterlife would be good. I lie back down against the soft covers. Wait. I look under the covers. I'm still fully-clothed. Okay. So it can't be that bad. Although feeling these sheets on bare flesh wouldn't have been so bad. I hear a slight knocking at the door and the wooden panel swings open. I raise my head to look back at who it is. I instantly want to sink back into the covers and never show my face again. I start to slowly sit up. I have to face the music sometime. Except it would be nice if he wasn't standing a few feet away from me in a towel and soaking wet. The droplets of water drip down his toned body and I can name a few hundred positions we can try on these silk sheets. The world around me begins to spin and I lay back down.
"How do you feel?" I start to open my mouth, but nothing comes out except for a loud moan. Yes, the hangover is setting in. I curl to my left and pull the comforter around my body. The springs signal to me that he's sitting down on the mattress. I look up at him and he wipes away the strands of hair in front of my eyes.
"I'm sorry..." Words are starting to come out. This is a good sign. Well maybe not. He's going to make me talk now.
"Advil's on the corner table." I nod my head and he starts to stand up. I reach out towards him and grab his arm. I pull him back onto the bed and his face closer towards me. I run my fingers over his newly-shaved face and indulge in the sweet scent of shampoo and soap. I pull his lips towards me and gently run my tongue over them. I start the kiss, soft and slow, testing my boundaries, how far he is willing to go. He starts to push onto the bed, he's working his way on top of me. I run my hand over his chest, brushing away the beads of water. Stupid surface tension. My hand goes lower and lower, the towel is slowly falling down. My hand hesitates a little before skimming over the ever-growing lump under the luscious cream-coloured towel. My clothes come off in a matter of minutes. Our bodies are intertwined under the covers, skin against skin, I need him like I've never needed anyone before in my life. I feel his tongue against my breast... His body against mine... Him slipping into me...
The annoying knocking on the door causes aching pain that shoots through my body. My eyes dart open and I try to erase any recollection of the dream I've just had. I look around the room. It wasn't a dream. The dark blue walls match the mahogany furniture and the bedspread is soft as silk. I close my eyes, my heart racing with every second. What am I doing here? What kind of an idiot have I made of myself this time? The door swings open, and I see him enter. He's fully clothed, in black pants and a pale blue shirt. He walks towards me, a glass of water and two pills in hand. He sets the things on the side table, avoiding all eye contact with me. I second that motion. The only thing I can see right now is his body without the clothes. I close my eyes and sink back into the bedspread. This isn't right. I shouldn't be here, burdening him. I don't' even know why I turned to him. It seemed like the best thing to do, but right now I know it was the worst thing.
"Carter... I'm sorry.." I manage to choke out the words, but he doesn't even acknowledge me.
"I'm taking the kids to school. I'll be back in about twenty minutes." He walks out the door, quickly slipping a belt around his waist. I lean up and look across to the mirror in front of me. I'm a complete wreck, completely sick of myself. My hair falls every which way around my scattered head. My eyes encompass deep circles, my eyes themselves bloodshot. Streams from salty tears cried within the night leave their mark against my face. I run my hand through my hair, nothing will fix me. I don't deserve to be here.
I wish I could remember what happened last night, but it all blurs together into one big mess. I lie my pounding head down against the pillows and inhale his scent. This is his bedroom. This is the closest I'm going to get to being with him, so might as well prolong the moment. The reality of the situation makes me want to cry and I quickly get up before the tears start falling. I start towards his bathroom, which is adjacent to his bedroom. I turn on the scalding water and quickly shed my clothes. I step under the facet and let the warm water take away some of the pain. Why do I always do this to myself? I'm sick of myself. I shouldn't be alive. I quickly finish my shower and step out, grabbing a fresh towel from the pile. I dry myself off and take his robe from it's hanging place on the back of the door and tie it tightly around my waist.
I make my way down the stairs and somehow manage to make it to the kitchen. I find a mug and pour myself a freshly brewed cup of coffee. I sit down at the counter and slowly sip the dark brown liquid as I watch the sun rise over the small lake. Another beautiful day that I don't' deserve to be a part of. I hear the door slam shut and footsteps leading closer and closer to me. I make eye contact with him but he only glares at me. I can tell he isn't too happy about me being here. I don't blame him.
"Carter..." I watch him walk over to the patio doors and open then, letting fresh air circulate through the room.
"Don't. I don't want to hear it." He walks over the pot and pours himself a cup. He's distancing himself away from me more and more.
"John.." My words seem to have no effect on him, he simply disregards them.
"Don't apologize. I don't want to hear it.... Just... Just make me a promise?" I run my hand through my damp hair. I take a deep breathe and I have a feeling I know what is going to happen.
"Yeah?" I shoot a look down at my coffee. I can't bare to look at him. The damage that is about to be caused will be permanent.
"Promise me you will stay out of my life outside of work?" I nod my head obediently and start to get up. There's no point in discussing this, he knows what he wants. I trudge up the stairs and search for my discarded clothes. I quickly change and make myself look somewhat presentable. I grab my purse and shift down the stairs, toward the door. He's standing there, as if waiting for me to leave so he can go on living his life. I reach for the handle, and let the door swing open. He stops me for a second, his hand rests against my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek. He stops himself. I know he does. I don't care. I've fought back emotions and I've also forced them. I start out the door and it slams as soon as I get out. Another mess I've gotten myself into. Another heartbreak I will have to nurse. Another reason for me not to be on this planet. I start the long journey toward my empty apartment, toward my hopeless life, wanting to get away from myself.
~Review Responses~ (If I missed you, sorry, but I will have it in the next chapter!)
Robin- Yay... We update daily, so you can read this everyday:)...
Kayla- Angst lasts for a while, heh, but its not really bad angst. I duno, well it is. But... You'll just haev to see:)
trish- No you're the best:) lol, glad you enjoy the fic.
smilez4eva- Thanks!
~Preview~
"You're a drunk," it comes out as more of a statement, a clarification. She stands up slowly, her eyes meeting mine.
"What do you care? You said you didn't want me in your life-" She spits, her voice heavy with anger, tears on their way down her cheeks.
Rating- R... R content in this chapter.
Disclaimer- Not ours, never have been... Never will be- Well, maybe... We can always wish!!!
Chapter Sixteen
I open my eyes to the harsh light breaking through the blinds. I begin to feel the throbbing pain in my head and my eyes register my surroundings. My heart stops beating. I'm not in my apartment. I'm not in my bedroom. I'm not in my bed. The contrasting dark paint to the mahogany wood makes me realize I'm not in Kansas anymore. And I definitely do not have Toto to keep me company. I turn onto my back, and the throbbing in my head starts up again. I look around the room. What happened? Have I died and gone to heaven? The dark blue silk sheets and soft pillows support my claim. All I would want right now is a bottle of water and some Tylenol. Now if I could just conjure up a prince charming and the afterlife would be good. I lie back down against the soft covers. Wait. I look under the covers. I'm still fully-clothed. Okay. So it can't be that bad. Although feeling these sheets on bare flesh wouldn't have been so bad. I hear a slight knocking at the door and the wooden panel swings open. I raise my head to look back at who it is. I instantly want to sink back into the covers and never show my face again. I start to slowly sit up. I have to face the music sometime. Except it would be nice if he wasn't standing a few feet away from me in a towel and soaking wet. The droplets of water drip down his toned body and I can name a few hundred positions we can try on these silk sheets. The world around me begins to spin and I lay back down.
"How do you feel?" I start to open my mouth, but nothing comes out except for a loud moan. Yes, the hangover is setting in. I curl to my left and pull the comforter around my body. The springs signal to me that he's sitting down on the mattress. I look up at him and he wipes away the strands of hair in front of my eyes.
"I'm sorry..." Words are starting to come out. This is a good sign. Well maybe not. He's going to make me talk now.
"Advil's on the corner table." I nod my head and he starts to stand up. I reach out towards him and grab his arm. I pull him back onto the bed and his face closer towards me. I run my fingers over his newly-shaved face and indulge in the sweet scent of shampoo and soap. I pull his lips towards me and gently run my tongue over them. I start the kiss, soft and slow, testing my boundaries, how far he is willing to go. He starts to push onto the bed, he's working his way on top of me. I run my hand over his chest, brushing away the beads of water. Stupid surface tension. My hand goes lower and lower, the towel is slowly falling down. My hand hesitates a little before skimming over the ever-growing lump under the luscious cream-coloured towel. My clothes come off in a matter of minutes. Our bodies are intertwined under the covers, skin against skin, I need him like I've never needed anyone before in my life. I feel his tongue against my breast... His body against mine... Him slipping into me...
The annoying knocking on the door causes aching pain that shoots through my body. My eyes dart open and I try to erase any recollection of the dream I've just had. I look around the room. It wasn't a dream. The dark blue walls match the mahogany furniture and the bedspread is soft as silk. I close my eyes, my heart racing with every second. What am I doing here? What kind of an idiot have I made of myself this time? The door swings open, and I see him enter. He's fully clothed, in black pants and a pale blue shirt. He walks towards me, a glass of water and two pills in hand. He sets the things on the side table, avoiding all eye contact with me. I second that motion. The only thing I can see right now is his body without the clothes. I close my eyes and sink back into the bedspread. This isn't right. I shouldn't be here, burdening him. I don't' even know why I turned to him. It seemed like the best thing to do, but right now I know it was the worst thing.
"Carter... I'm sorry.." I manage to choke out the words, but he doesn't even acknowledge me.
"I'm taking the kids to school. I'll be back in about twenty minutes." He walks out the door, quickly slipping a belt around his waist. I lean up and look across to the mirror in front of me. I'm a complete wreck, completely sick of myself. My hair falls every which way around my scattered head. My eyes encompass deep circles, my eyes themselves bloodshot. Streams from salty tears cried within the night leave their mark against my face. I run my hand through my hair, nothing will fix me. I don't deserve to be here.
I wish I could remember what happened last night, but it all blurs together into one big mess. I lie my pounding head down against the pillows and inhale his scent. This is his bedroom. This is the closest I'm going to get to being with him, so might as well prolong the moment. The reality of the situation makes me want to cry and I quickly get up before the tears start falling. I start towards his bathroom, which is adjacent to his bedroom. I turn on the scalding water and quickly shed my clothes. I step under the facet and let the warm water take away some of the pain. Why do I always do this to myself? I'm sick of myself. I shouldn't be alive. I quickly finish my shower and step out, grabbing a fresh towel from the pile. I dry myself off and take his robe from it's hanging place on the back of the door and tie it tightly around my waist.
I make my way down the stairs and somehow manage to make it to the kitchen. I find a mug and pour myself a freshly brewed cup of coffee. I sit down at the counter and slowly sip the dark brown liquid as I watch the sun rise over the small lake. Another beautiful day that I don't' deserve to be a part of. I hear the door slam shut and footsteps leading closer and closer to me. I make eye contact with him but he only glares at me. I can tell he isn't too happy about me being here. I don't blame him.
"Carter..." I watch him walk over to the patio doors and open then, letting fresh air circulate through the room.
"Don't. I don't want to hear it." He walks over the pot and pours himself a cup. He's distancing himself away from me more and more.
"John.." My words seem to have no effect on him, he simply disregards them.
"Don't apologize. I don't want to hear it.... Just... Just make me a promise?" I run my hand through my damp hair. I take a deep breathe and I have a feeling I know what is going to happen.
"Yeah?" I shoot a look down at my coffee. I can't bare to look at him. The damage that is about to be caused will be permanent.
"Promise me you will stay out of my life outside of work?" I nod my head obediently and start to get up. There's no point in discussing this, he knows what he wants. I trudge up the stairs and search for my discarded clothes. I quickly change and make myself look somewhat presentable. I grab my purse and shift down the stairs, toward the door. He's standing there, as if waiting for me to leave so he can go on living his life. I reach for the handle, and let the door swing open. He stops me for a second, his hand rests against my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek. He stops himself. I know he does. I don't care. I've fought back emotions and I've also forced them. I start out the door and it slams as soon as I get out. Another mess I've gotten myself into. Another heartbreak I will have to nurse. Another reason for me not to be on this planet. I start the long journey toward my empty apartment, toward my hopeless life, wanting to get away from myself.
~Review Responses~ (If I missed you, sorry, but I will have it in the next chapter!)
Robin- Yay... We update daily, so you can read this everyday:)...
Kayla- Angst lasts for a while, heh, but its not really bad angst. I duno, well it is. But... You'll just haev to see:)
trish- No you're the best:) lol, glad you enjoy the fic.
smilez4eva- Thanks!
~Preview~
"You're a drunk," it comes out as more of a statement, a clarification. She stands up slowly, her eyes meeting mine.
"What do you care? You said you didn't want me in your life-" She spits, her voice heavy with anger, tears on their way down her cheeks.