Authors Note- Okay, my computer is slowly whithering away lol. I should be getting it fixed soon, so that could mean a few days without chapters. I will be calling to get that done next week sometime, so I am just for warning everyone... Anyways heres the next chapter. I was in an odd mood when I wrote this. Anyways, enjoy!
Chapter Twenty One
Death. The smell haunts me. Every day of my life I breathe it in, remembering her smell. Remembering the scent of her as she slowly withered away. Today I smell it again. Almost as strongly as that fateful day. It rips through me, pierces every part of me, I tingle, beads of sweat form. I stare at the door. That door, her door. I move my hands closer, shaking, each breath gets shallow, I can't do it. Its impossible. I can't see her like this, I can't see her. No. I push off my designated spot. I turn towards the elevator, I frantically press the buttons. Every sound getting louder, louder, echoing through me. I can hear the nurses whispering, ogling at me. The elevator comes to a halt, the doors open abruptly. I push past the exiting people throwing myself to the back corner. Free from everything. I can't do it. I can't see her like that. Running a shaky hand through my hair, I feel eyes on me. Boring into me.
"You okay man?" I look over, Pratt. Pratt? I smile weakly, unconvincingly. I turn away slowly, I don't have to answer to him. I shake my head, my eyes set upon the dirty floor. I close my eyes, trying to forget it all. Trying to bury myself in my work. That's why I'm here, isn't it? To free myself of her. She's only a few floors above me. She's so close I can feel her, at the same time I know it will never be the same. She will never be the same. I crack my knuckles nervously, as the doors open to let us out. I rush ahead of Pratt. I can see him out of the corner of my eye, he turns and begins talking to Susan. Susan, the one person who won't let me be. She's the same now as she was then. When Becca died. When I held her limp body in my arms, her purple skin , her frail fingers laced in mine. Her last breath so short. Her glow, that glow she had about her. She lit up a room, at that moment, the life was dragged out of her. She hung on till the bitter end. Hope was scarce, yet we held onto every last thread.
"John-" I turn around, holding the chart I have been 'looking' at, for the past few minutes, in my hand.
"Yeah?" Susan stares at me, trying to read me. Impossible. The walls I've built up are strong enough so she will never get in.
"You should go see her." Been there, tried that. It took me four hours to see Rebecca. After begging for me. Holding Sebastian in her arms, crying out for me. I resisted. I didn't want to see her like that. I didn't want to remember her like that. Susan reminded me that it wasn't about me. It was about Rebecca. If I loved her I would see her, hold her one last time, kiss her, say goodbye. I remember her smiling face. Even in the face of death she still was grinning, maybe not as bright, but a smile none the less. Abby's not the same. She doesn't want me there. I was the reason that car hit her. Trying to free herself of me. Maybe if I let her go, let her be, she would be here. Probably ignoring me, but its better than the way she is now.
"No. I'm working." Susan shakes her head at me. She doesn't understand, she doesn't get it. She only sees one side. She wasn't there. She didn't hold Abby's lifeless body in her arms. I was breathing for her for awhile, trying, fighting for her. Begging of her to come back, not to leave me like that.
"John..." She reaches out a sympathetic hand, placing it on my arm. "You did all you could do." That's not what this about. Don't they get it? Leave me alone. I've done enough damage already. She didn't want me around when she was awake, why would she want me there now.
"Susan, can you do me a favour?" Her ears perk up. I swallow, preparing to drop the bomb.
"Pick my kids up from the babysitter and watch them tonight. I'm pulling a double." I know what she's thinking. This is a repeat of when Becca died. Those long shifts that I worked, trying to dull her memory.
"Sure." Its barley audible, but I hear it. I turn to leave, but she reaches out and grabs my arm one more time. "John... Grieve. Cry. Anything." She pleads. I shake my head, yeah, just like I grieved for Becca, or Bobby... What good does it do, it doesn't help me, it doesn't help my children.
"Trauma is coming in shortly... I gotta go." I say, leaving her to watch after me. I briskly walk out to the ambulance day, the beautiful Chicago day awaits me. Sun shining, wind blowing, birds chirping... I kind of want to throw rocks at those birds. Knock the song right out of them. I reach down to pick up a rock as Chen bursts through the doors.
"Hey Stranger, How yah holding up?" I look at her, she's not like the others, in the sense that she is rather cold. A good friend, but sometimes I wonder if she has a heart or if its just a block of ice in between those two stones she has for lungs. I shake the thoughts out of my head as I prepare to nod and smile in response. Something I have master over the years. "I heard they called her boyfriend..." I hope to god she is talking about the patient..."Abby's boyfriend. Luka..." Boyfriend? I thought they broke up. "Well Ex Boyfriend, but apparently they had dated for years... So..." That guy didn't give two shits about her he better not show up...
"And..." Hey look at that, I found my voice. Welcome back to planet Carter.
"He said to call if she wakes up." For some weird, selfish reason, a sense of relief washes over me. "If she ever does." Sometimes I just want to kick this women. Wind up and take a big ass kick at her, sending her far into orbit. When I was a child I got a valentines day card that said 'you send me to orbit and back.' Just said Chen to orbit, no back, do not pass go, do not receive two hundred dollars, just get the hell away from me. She must sense my bitterness, she shoots me a confused look.
"Shut the hell up..."
~Review Responses~
(Chapter 16)
Kayla- There will be more sexual tension... I think... lol.
Tracey - Thank you!
(Chapter 17)
trish- We try to make it so people keep coming back for more:)
Selphie- The way Becca dies will be told... it will just take a few chapters heh.
Kayla- Thank you!
Maven- Yeah Carter and Abby are runners!
(Chapter 18)
march- Abby dying? Hmmm... you'll have to keep reading.
fiery red-haired girl- Not dead... Or is she?
ER-Carby-Luva- Yeah, I think a lot of people remember hate to love and back lol. I'm glad you deicided to read this story!
Kayla- Thanks.
smilez4eva- Its fun to confuse people haha.
Tracey- Yeah, Liby's an awesome writer, she did a great job in the last couple chapters.
(Chapter 19)
march- She might wake up... lol
kat- haha we love teasing people with this story lol...
fiery red-haired girl- She might die heh.
Tracey- Thank yah very much.
ERCarbyLuve- We be doing are best... thanks lol.
Kayla- Aww thanks...
aj- Abby dead? Thats a popular question.
Caitlin- Aww I love Seb, the kids are so fun to write for.
(Chapter 20)
K-Daawg- So glad! We will keep updating
Pa- Thank you, we try for original.
Tracey- Thank you, unique is our style!
Kat-awwwww thank you... Keep reading!!!
Kayla- Thank you so much!
smilez4eva - Original is fun.
fiery red-haired girl- Becca's death hmmm we will touch base on that a bit i think.
Caroline25- Nope not corny, but awesome to hear, thanks!
trish- Thanks... We try to hit all the emotions.
Caitlin- Haha, as long as my computer is still working (that may not be for long...) we will keep updating.
Chapter Twenty One
Death. The smell haunts me. Every day of my life I breathe it in, remembering her smell. Remembering the scent of her as she slowly withered away. Today I smell it again. Almost as strongly as that fateful day. It rips through me, pierces every part of me, I tingle, beads of sweat form. I stare at the door. That door, her door. I move my hands closer, shaking, each breath gets shallow, I can't do it. Its impossible. I can't see her like this, I can't see her. No. I push off my designated spot. I turn towards the elevator, I frantically press the buttons. Every sound getting louder, louder, echoing through me. I can hear the nurses whispering, ogling at me. The elevator comes to a halt, the doors open abruptly. I push past the exiting people throwing myself to the back corner. Free from everything. I can't do it. I can't see her like that. Running a shaky hand through my hair, I feel eyes on me. Boring into me.
"You okay man?" I look over, Pratt. Pratt? I smile weakly, unconvincingly. I turn away slowly, I don't have to answer to him. I shake my head, my eyes set upon the dirty floor. I close my eyes, trying to forget it all. Trying to bury myself in my work. That's why I'm here, isn't it? To free myself of her. She's only a few floors above me. She's so close I can feel her, at the same time I know it will never be the same. She will never be the same. I crack my knuckles nervously, as the doors open to let us out. I rush ahead of Pratt. I can see him out of the corner of my eye, he turns and begins talking to Susan. Susan, the one person who won't let me be. She's the same now as she was then. When Becca died. When I held her limp body in my arms, her purple skin , her frail fingers laced in mine. Her last breath so short. Her glow, that glow she had about her. She lit up a room, at that moment, the life was dragged out of her. She hung on till the bitter end. Hope was scarce, yet we held onto every last thread.
"John-" I turn around, holding the chart I have been 'looking' at, for the past few minutes, in my hand.
"Yeah?" Susan stares at me, trying to read me. Impossible. The walls I've built up are strong enough so she will never get in.
"You should go see her." Been there, tried that. It took me four hours to see Rebecca. After begging for me. Holding Sebastian in her arms, crying out for me. I resisted. I didn't want to see her like that. I didn't want to remember her like that. Susan reminded me that it wasn't about me. It was about Rebecca. If I loved her I would see her, hold her one last time, kiss her, say goodbye. I remember her smiling face. Even in the face of death she still was grinning, maybe not as bright, but a smile none the less. Abby's not the same. She doesn't want me there. I was the reason that car hit her. Trying to free herself of me. Maybe if I let her go, let her be, she would be here. Probably ignoring me, but its better than the way she is now.
"No. I'm working." Susan shakes her head at me. She doesn't understand, she doesn't get it. She only sees one side. She wasn't there. She didn't hold Abby's lifeless body in her arms. I was breathing for her for awhile, trying, fighting for her. Begging of her to come back, not to leave me like that.
"John..." She reaches out a sympathetic hand, placing it on my arm. "You did all you could do." That's not what this about. Don't they get it? Leave me alone. I've done enough damage already. She didn't want me around when she was awake, why would she want me there now.
"Susan, can you do me a favour?" Her ears perk up. I swallow, preparing to drop the bomb.
"Pick my kids up from the babysitter and watch them tonight. I'm pulling a double." I know what she's thinking. This is a repeat of when Becca died. Those long shifts that I worked, trying to dull her memory.
"Sure." Its barley audible, but I hear it. I turn to leave, but she reaches out and grabs my arm one more time. "John... Grieve. Cry. Anything." She pleads. I shake my head, yeah, just like I grieved for Becca, or Bobby... What good does it do, it doesn't help me, it doesn't help my children.
"Trauma is coming in shortly... I gotta go." I say, leaving her to watch after me. I briskly walk out to the ambulance day, the beautiful Chicago day awaits me. Sun shining, wind blowing, birds chirping... I kind of want to throw rocks at those birds. Knock the song right out of them. I reach down to pick up a rock as Chen bursts through the doors.
"Hey Stranger, How yah holding up?" I look at her, she's not like the others, in the sense that she is rather cold. A good friend, but sometimes I wonder if she has a heart or if its just a block of ice in between those two stones she has for lungs. I shake the thoughts out of my head as I prepare to nod and smile in response. Something I have master over the years. "I heard they called her boyfriend..." I hope to god she is talking about the patient..."Abby's boyfriend. Luka..." Boyfriend? I thought they broke up. "Well Ex Boyfriend, but apparently they had dated for years... So..." That guy didn't give two shits about her he better not show up...
"And..." Hey look at that, I found my voice. Welcome back to planet Carter.
"He said to call if she wakes up." For some weird, selfish reason, a sense of relief washes over me. "If she ever does." Sometimes I just want to kick this women. Wind up and take a big ass kick at her, sending her far into orbit. When I was a child I got a valentines day card that said 'you send me to orbit and back.' Just said Chen to orbit, no back, do not pass go, do not receive two hundred dollars, just get the hell away from me. She must sense my bitterness, she shoots me a confused look.
"Shut the hell up..."
~Review Responses~
(Chapter 16)
Kayla- There will be more sexual tension... I think... lol.
Tracey - Thank you!
(Chapter 17)
trish- We try to make it so people keep coming back for more:)
Selphie- The way Becca dies will be told... it will just take a few chapters heh.
Kayla- Thank you!
Maven- Yeah Carter and Abby are runners!
(Chapter 18)
march- Abby dying? Hmmm... you'll have to keep reading.
fiery red-haired girl- Not dead... Or is she?
ER-Carby-Luva- Yeah, I think a lot of people remember hate to love and back lol. I'm glad you deicided to read this story!
Kayla- Thanks.
smilez4eva- Its fun to confuse people haha.
Tracey- Yeah, Liby's an awesome writer, she did a great job in the last couple chapters.
(Chapter 19)
march- She might wake up... lol
kat- haha we love teasing people with this story lol...
fiery red-haired girl- She might die heh.
Tracey- Thank yah very much.
ERCarbyLuve- We be doing are best... thanks lol.
Kayla- Aww thanks...
aj- Abby dead? Thats a popular question.
Caitlin- Aww I love Seb, the kids are so fun to write for.
(Chapter 20)
K-Daawg- So glad! We will keep updating
Pa- Thank you, we try for original.
Tracey- Thank you, unique is our style!
Kat-awwwww thank you... Keep reading!!!
Kayla- Thank you so much!
smilez4eva - Original is fun.
fiery red-haired girl- Becca's death hmmm we will touch base on that a bit i think.
Caroline25- Nope not corny, but awesome to hear, thanks!
trish- Thanks... We try to hit all the emotions.
Caitlin- Haha, as long as my computer is still working (that may not be for long...) we will keep updating.