Authors Note- I am getting my computer fixed monday (yay!) so I will respond to your reviews then. Thank you all for hte reviews, they are awesome, here is the next chapter... I hope you enjoy!
Chapter Twenty Three
Four days of rain. Pellets pounding down on Chicago, storm clouds cover the sky, lightening breaking through every so often. My son sits on my lap, doing his usual thing, eating, sleeping, pooping, and playing. I clutch his tiny body closer to my own, waving a beat up old toy in front of his face, in a teasing manner. He reaches for the toy, failing miserably, doing a face plant into my chest. I pick his body up, sitting him up straight. He wraps his arms around my neck, resting his head gently on my chest. He's not as far along as Maddie was at this age, that's okay with me. He's different, special. I know he's going to break the mould of the traditional 'Carter,' kind of like Bobby did, or would have. I pick him up, walking towards the kitchen, where my beautiful wife stands making dinner. I'm glad one of us can cook. Last year I tried making Christmas dinner, the turkey lit on fire, I tried to put it out, but the flames just got bigger and bigger. It all worked out okay, we stuck it in the fire place and roasted marshmallows over it, making s'mores. I lean against the doorframe, leading into the kitchen. Sebastian still in my arms, oddly enough he's being calm and quiet. I know it won't last for long though. I stand there watching her, she looks so beautiful, putzing around in the kitchen...
"John," she says in a sing song voice. "Ever think to help?" A huge smile spreads over my face, I guess I couldn't expect to stand there forever. I would eventually get caught. Although if I could watch her forever, I would. She's so beautiful, she lights up a room, puts a smile on the kids faces. She's the most amazing, brilliant, beautiful woman I have ever met.
"Why? You seem to have it under control. Seb and I are just watching the view." She shakes her head, releasing a gentle laugh. She wraps up the food placing it in the fridge, walking over to us. She takes Sebastian from me, placing a kiss on his cheek. She sets him onto the ground, I watch as she plays with him for a moment, before looking back at me.
"Well, this is for your dinner tonight." I slowly wrap my arms around her waist, her arms snake their way to my shoulders, pulling my head closer and closer to her.
"Exactly, I don't want to wreck dinner for the kids tonight." She bites her bottom lip, then finally, our lips meet. I seek entrance into her mouth, her lips part allowing me in.
"Mommy-" I look down, aha.. Never a moment of peace in this house. Maddie tugs on her mothers arm impatiently. Rebecca pulls her arms away from me, shooting an apologetic look in my direction as he takes off to solve her daughters problems. I pick Sebastian up again, grabbing him some juice to tide him over, until dinner.
"John, I'm leaving now." Sebastian and I meet her at the door, kissing her goodbye. I lean down placing a kiss on her belly. My baby, our baby, number three. I know we will love him or her just as much as we love the other two. It will be nice to have more children. I've always wanted a full house, full of hustle and bustle, always something going on. I know it will be a lot at some points, but I am willing to make that sacrifice. Maybe not as much free time, not that we have any right now. But I don't really care. Becca and I get all the time we need together, including time with our children. Her job is a little less hectic then mine. She's a paediatrician, well, sort of. She teaches too. She teaches at a children's hospital. She use to work at County, that's where we met. She use to be a paediatrician, she's so great with kids. But then, she decided she wanted to teach, she now teaches the med students at Mercy's paediatric ward.
She grabs her purse, giving the kids one last kiss each. The rain pounds down on her, providing an unwanted distraction for me. The roads will be horrible to drive on. I try calling out to her, but she doesn't her, the loud roars of thunder boom over head. I look up, then back at Becca pulling out of the drive way in her mini van. Maddie tugs on my pant leg. "Is mommy going to be okay?" She looks up at me with worry etched all over her face. I swallow hard, hoping I will believe what I am about to tell my daughter. I nod, then close the door. She will be okay, she's driven before in weather like this. I smile at little more widely, her smile grows with mine.
"Let's go watch a movie." Her mouth falls open...
"Can I pick? Can we have popcorn? Can we Have pop?" I laugh chasing her into the front room, her brother still tucked securely under my arm.
"Sure." I call after her. Time to make popcorn. I'm pretty sure I can do it without burning it, its just a simple push of a button. Sebastian reaches out to shut the microwave door, together we watch it begin to pop.
"Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop." Sebastian mimics, his hands popping too...After the popcorn has finished popping I bring it into the front room, putting the movie into the VCR, wrapping blankets around my children. I cozy up with Sebastian in my arms, and Maddies head on my leg. The soft patter of the rain outside lulls her to sleep. It seems to have calmed down, the wind howling startles the trees knocking a few leaves off the branches. I watch mesmerized, the ringing of the phone brings me out of my thoughts.
I untangle myself, from the bodies surrounding me.
"Hello." I say breathlessly.
"Dr. Carter?" I run my fingers through my hair, great its work. I can't go it, so they will just have to do without me, and call someone else.
"Yeah." I know I sound rude and annoyed, but this is my day off, my day with my kids.
"You better come in. Its Becca." The world stops. The voice on the phone continues speaking, but I can't hear what he is saying. A loud droning sound echoes through the room. My eyes falling on my two children, they look so peaceful... So innocent, so perfect. I walk over to them, regretting the moment I let her walk out that door, I never should have let her drive in this weather. Never. I wake them from their sleep, gathering them in my arms, trying to get them into the car unscathed.
"Carter-" Susan runs up to me, grabbing my arms with her hands. "She's stable, for now." I release a breath, that I didn't know I was holding. "She's bleeding out." Bleeding out?
"She came in here, bleeding out. She's miscarrying, Carter..." I must have had had a blank expression on my face.
"Wait... She got into an accident..."
"What? No... She's bleeding out, she must have noticed in the car, and came in here. It was probably the closest hospital, at least that's what I am assuming. Go see her. I'll watch Maddie and Sebastian." I stay in that spot for a moment, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to see straight. Nothing is clear, everything has no become a blur, my life, our life. Our child. Her life. I could loose her. I have already lost my child, what's to stop them from taking my wife away. God. Them, god. Is there is one, he wouldn't do this.
~*~
The pounding in my chest, has now moved to my ears. Pounding. Throbbing. Aching. I can't move. I am anchored here. In this spot. Right outside her door. I can't bring myself to move. I can't see her. I can't let her go. I can't. I won't. She's not going to die. She's strong, she's the strongest person I know. She can get through anything. She'll pull through this. I know she will.
"Dr. Carter..." My eyes meet Luka's, he rests his hand on my shoulder. I want to shove it off, I want to push him away. I can't. I can't move. "Carter-" He tries again. I move my eyes slowly, his meet my own. "It's been four hours, we don't think she is going to make it." His words are gentle, his voice low, sympathetic. But it doesn't help, it might actually make matters worse. I can't bare this anymore. I can't see her like that. Luka just doesn't understand. Well, maybe he does. Maybe he does more then anyone else. "She needs you, she needs you to say goodbye. She needs you there. She loves you." Yeah, love. What the hell will that do? They say it concurs anything, that's bullshit. There's enough love in our family, why the hell haven't we gotten through this. Why is my twenty- eight year old lying on her death bed leaving her two children? Why did my baby die? "Its not about you anymore. Its about her, she's lying in there dying, her last wish is to see her husband and her kids, give that to her." He leaves. I watch as he walks into the distance. A few seconds later I pull myself off the wall, and into see her. Stopping the nurse on my way in, to tell her to grab my kids in about five minutes.
The door creaks open, her eyes meet mine, a smile washes over her face. I wish she wouldn't smile. She's going to lie to me, I don't want to hear it. She could pass out at any minute, she could leave me.
"Hi-" Her voice weak, but full of emotions, emotions and unshed tears.
"Hey." I sit down at her bedside. Her hand slowly finds mine, I intertwine our fingers, wanting that one last connection to her.
"I'm sorry." The tears begin to fall, her pale cheeks unlike the ones I saw this morning. This is not the women I saw this morning. She was so vivacious, so full of life. Now she's dying. Slowly. Because of the pregnancy. I did this to her. The baby and I. I shake my head, brushing her tears away.
"Don't be. You didn't do anything." She sniffles, running her thumb over my hand.
"I love you." Those words strike me, hit me hard. This will be the last time she will ever say that to me. I will never hear the sweet sound of her voice again. Never listen to her sing, never watch her putz about in the kitchen. Or play with the kids. Its all over. Everything.
"I know." I croak out. "I love you too. You can make it Becca, you can do it. We've been through worse." She shakes her head at me, just as the door flies open and Maddie walk in, Susan is right behind her, her tear streaked face rubs gently against Sebastian as she hands him to me. Maddie slides in next to Rebecca. I watch as she places kisses on their cheeks. I can't do it. I can't let go, I can never let go. I'll never love anyone again. She holds my heart, my soul, she holds me.
Chapter Twenty Three
Four days of rain. Pellets pounding down on Chicago, storm clouds cover the sky, lightening breaking through every so often. My son sits on my lap, doing his usual thing, eating, sleeping, pooping, and playing. I clutch his tiny body closer to my own, waving a beat up old toy in front of his face, in a teasing manner. He reaches for the toy, failing miserably, doing a face plant into my chest. I pick his body up, sitting him up straight. He wraps his arms around my neck, resting his head gently on my chest. He's not as far along as Maddie was at this age, that's okay with me. He's different, special. I know he's going to break the mould of the traditional 'Carter,' kind of like Bobby did, or would have. I pick him up, walking towards the kitchen, where my beautiful wife stands making dinner. I'm glad one of us can cook. Last year I tried making Christmas dinner, the turkey lit on fire, I tried to put it out, but the flames just got bigger and bigger. It all worked out okay, we stuck it in the fire place and roasted marshmallows over it, making s'mores. I lean against the doorframe, leading into the kitchen. Sebastian still in my arms, oddly enough he's being calm and quiet. I know it won't last for long though. I stand there watching her, she looks so beautiful, putzing around in the kitchen...
"John," she says in a sing song voice. "Ever think to help?" A huge smile spreads over my face, I guess I couldn't expect to stand there forever. I would eventually get caught. Although if I could watch her forever, I would. She's so beautiful, she lights up a room, puts a smile on the kids faces. She's the most amazing, brilliant, beautiful woman I have ever met.
"Why? You seem to have it under control. Seb and I are just watching the view." She shakes her head, releasing a gentle laugh. She wraps up the food placing it in the fridge, walking over to us. She takes Sebastian from me, placing a kiss on his cheek. She sets him onto the ground, I watch as she plays with him for a moment, before looking back at me.
"Well, this is for your dinner tonight." I slowly wrap my arms around her waist, her arms snake their way to my shoulders, pulling my head closer and closer to her.
"Exactly, I don't want to wreck dinner for the kids tonight." She bites her bottom lip, then finally, our lips meet. I seek entrance into her mouth, her lips part allowing me in.
"Mommy-" I look down, aha.. Never a moment of peace in this house. Maddie tugs on her mothers arm impatiently. Rebecca pulls her arms away from me, shooting an apologetic look in my direction as he takes off to solve her daughters problems. I pick Sebastian up again, grabbing him some juice to tide him over, until dinner.
"John, I'm leaving now." Sebastian and I meet her at the door, kissing her goodbye. I lean down placing a kiss on her belly. My baby, our baby, number three. I know we will love him or her just as much as we love the other two. It will be nice to have more children. I've always wanted a full house, full of hustle and bustle, always something going on. I know it will be a lot at some points, but I am willing to make that sacrifice. Maybe not as much free time, not that we have any right now. But I don't really care. Becca and I get all the time we need together, including time with our children. Her job is a little less hectic then mine. She's a paediatrician, well, sort of. She teaches too. She teaches at a children's hospital. She use to work at County, that's where we met. She use to be a paediatrician, she's so great with kids. But then, she decided she wanted to teach, she now teaches the med students at Mercy's paediatric ward.
She grabs her purse, giving the kids one last kiss each. The rain pounds down on her, providing an unwanted distraction for me. The roads will be horrible to drive on. I try calling out to her, but she doesn't her, the loud roars of thunder boom over head. I look up, then back at Becca pulling out of the drive way in her mini van. Maddie tugs on my pant leg. "Is mommy going to be okay?" She looks up at me with worry etched all over her face. I swallow hard, hoping I will believe what I am about to tell my daughter. I nod, then close the door. She will be okay, she's driven before in weather like this. I smile at little more widely, her smile grows with mine.
"Let's go watch a movie." Her mouth falls open...
"Can I pick? Can we have popcorn? Can we Have pop?" I laugh chasing her into the front room, her brother still tucked securely under my arm.
"Sure." I call after her. Time to make popcorn. I'm pretty sure I can do it without burning it, its just a simple push of a button. Sebastian reaches out to shut the microwave door, together we watch it begin to pop.
"Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop." Sebastian mimics, his hands popping too...After the popcorn has finished popping I bring it into the front room, putting the movie into the VCR, wrapping blankets around my children. I cozy up with Sebastian in my arms, and Maddies head on my leg. The soft patter of the rain outside lulls her to sleep. It seems to have calmed down, the wind howling startles the trees knocking a few leaves off the branches. I watch mesmerized, the ringing of the phone brings me out of my thoughts.
I untangle myself, from the bodies surrounding me.
"Hello." I say breathlessly.
"Dr. Carter?" I run my fingers through my hair, great its work. I can't go it, so they will just have to do without me, and call someone else.
"Yeah." I know I sound rude and annoyed, but this is my day off, my day with my kids.
"You better come in. Its Becca." The world stops. The voice on the phone continues speaking, but I can't hear what he is saying. A loud droning sound echoes through the room. My eyes falling on my two children, they look so peaceful... So innocent, so perfect. I walk over to them, regretting the moment I let her walk out that door, I never should have let her drive in this weather. Never. I wake them from their sleep, gathering them in my arms, trying to get them into the car unscathed.
"Carter-" Susan runs up to me, grabbing my arms with her hands. "She's stable, for now." I release a breath, that I didn't know I was holding. "She's bleeding out." Bleeding out?
"She came in here, bleeding out. She's miscarrying, Carter..." I must have had had a blank expression on my face.
"Wait... She got into an accident..."
"What? No... She's bleeding out, she must have noticed in the car, and came in here. It was probably the closest hospital, at least that's what I am assuming. Go see her. I'll watch Maddie and Sebastian." I stay in that spot for a moment, unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to see straight. Nothing is clear, everything has no become a blur, my life, our life. Our child. Her life. I could loose her. I have already lost my child, what's to stop them from taking my wife away. God. Them, god. Is there is one, he wouldn't do this.
~*~
The pounding in my chest, has now moved to my ears. Pounding. Throbbing. Aching. I can't move. I am anchored here. In this spot. Right outside her door. I can't bring myself to move. I can't see her. I can't let her go. I can't. I won't. She's not going to die. She's strong, she's the strongest person I know. She can get through anything. She'll pull through this. I know she will.
"Dr. Carter..." My eyes meet Luka's, he rests his hand on my shoulder. I want to shove it off, I want to push him away. I can't. I can't move. "Carter-" He tries again. I move my eyes slowly, his meet my own. "It's been four hours, we don't think she is going to make it." His words are gentle, his voice low, sympathetic. But it doesn't help, it might actually make matters worse. I can't bare this anymore. I can't see her like that. Luka just doesn't understand. Well, maybe he does. Maybe he does more then anyone else. "She needs you, she needs you to say goodbye. She needs you there. She loves you." Yeah, love. What the hell will that do? They say it concurs anything, that's bullshit. There's enough love in our family, why the hell haven't we gotten through this. Why is my twenty- eight year old lying on her death bed leaving her two children? Why did my baby die? "Its not about you anymore. Its about her, she's lying in there dying, her last wish is to see her husband and her kids, give that to her." He leaves. I watch as he walks into the distance. A few seconds later I pull myself off the wall, and into see her. Stopping the nurse on my way in, to tell her to grab my kids in about five minutes.
The door creaks open, her eyes meet mine, a smile washes over her face. I wish she wouldn't smile. She's going to lie to me, I don't want to hear it. She could pass out at any minute, she could leave me.
"Hi-" Her voice weak, but full of emotions, emotions and unshed tears.
"Hey." I sit down at her bedside. Her hand slowly finds mine, I intertwine our fingers, wanting that one last connection to her.
"I'm sorry." The tears begin to fall, her pale cheeks unlike the ones I saw this morning. This is not the women I saw this morning. She was so vivacious, so full of life. Now she's dying. Slowly. Because of the pregnancy. I did this to her. The baby and I. I shake my head, brushing her tears away.
"Don't be. You didn't do anything." She sniffles, running her thumb over my hand.
"I love you." Those words strike me, hit me hard. This will be the last time she will ever say that to me. I will never hear the sweet sound of her voice again. Never listen to her sing, never watch her putz about in the kitchen. Or play with the kids. Its all over. Everything.
"I know." I croak out. "I love you too. You can make it Becca, you can do it. We've been through worse." She shakes her head at me, just as the door flies open and Maddie walk in, Susan is right behind her, her tear streaked face rubs gently against Sebastian as she hands him to me. Maddie slides in next to Rebecca. I watch as she places kisses on their cheeks. I can't do it. I can't let go, I can never let go. I'll never love anyone again. She holds my heart, my soul, she holds me.