I'm so tired. The narcotics they have me on lately make all the pain go away, but they also make slip in and out of consciousness. I'm trying to wheen myself off them slowly, grint my teeth and bare the pain. It's hard, but I'm dealing. I have a little help. He's been here for the last few days, refusing to leave my side. I don't mind. I lie holding his hand in my good hand, and his head rests against my chest. I run my fingers through his thick, dark brown hair and listen to him breathe. It's been a real mess lately, but somehow everything is falling into place, better than it has ever been. I can't complain. I've been given a second chance at life. The door swings open and Elizabeth walks in. She gives me a smile and picks up the charts. I run my hand against his neck and he moans a little, but he picks up his head, greeting her as well. He starts to stand up, but I pull him down.

"I've noticed your taking less narcotics. That's positive progress."

I nod my head and watch her uneasiness. I'm in for some news. I've been around enough doctors to know I'm in for some news.

"What is it?"

I see a sign of relief on her face, probably thankful that I knew something was up. I wish I didn't know.

"I need to talk to you."

The easiness in the room has suddenly turned tense. I watch Luka start to stand up, but I hold his hand even tighter and he sits back down.

"It wasn't my decision to hold off telling you this, but considering the circumstances, I might justify them."

I nod my head, I have no clue what she's going to tell me.

"When we were trying to repair your internal damage, we found out that you were pregnant. I'm sorry..."

I see her mouth keep moving, and there are words floating through the air, but I can't concentrate on them. I was pregnant? Again? I feel Luka's grasp on my hand tighten, and he leans in and takes me in his arms. All I can feel his is hands running up and down my arms. Elizabeth has probably left a long time ago, but I can't believe it. It's impossible, I couldn't have been pregnant. Well maybe it wasn't impossible, but it was unlikely. Poor Luka. Oh my god, the baby was his. He knows that and I know that. There is no getting around that. The third child he has ever lost. He deserves so much to be a father, and all these children get violently ripped away from him. He keeps on holding me closer to him, his finger wipe away the tears I never noticed fell.

"Hey... Hey... Come on, Abby.. It's okay.. At least you're alive..."

I feel his lips against my forehead, and I latch onto him as tightly as I can. I can't believe this has happened. I know I was never destined to be a mother. This is just another way of making it painfully obvious. I look up at him and watch his tears plummit down his cheeks. I reach up and wipe them away, he forces a sympathetic smile. We're both sharing the same hurt.

The door slowly opens and I see Carter's face reappear from behind the darkness. He takes a look at us, and quickly walks out. I don't know what he was expecting me to do. I mean I don't know what would happen between us. Maybe we would work out, maybe we wouldn't. I dont' want to force pain onto him, and Luka wasn't so bad. I mean he's here right now. He understands me right now. We'll be okay. I feel an immense emptiness flow through my body. I've never felt this alone and lonely before in my life. I could have had it all, and I lost it. I can't believe I lost it. My life could have been so different, maybe happier. I dont' know what to do anymore. Luka squeezes my hand and begins to walk off, but comes back and gives me a gentle kiss on my cheek. I try to be thankful, but I have no emotion left in my body. I wish this pain would all go away. Everything's flooding at me and all I can see is blackness. All the physical pain has begun again and I can't deal with it. I squeeze the controler witht he pain meds but it takes no effect on me. I reach up, knowing the mechanics to the drip. I know how to use it, how to control it, I quickly squeeze the bag, switch the drip. I feel the medicine begin to rip through my veins. I can feel my breathing start to quicken, I can't catch a breath. Everythings is pressing against my lungs, I can't breathe. I'm starting to feel lightheaded, the pale blue room begins to spin around and I the darkness begins to take, the darkness I feel inside. I hear the monitors begin to go off, its too late. The world begins to disappear. No. I just wanted the pain to go away. Don't they understand, the pain... it has to go away... I just wanted it to go away.....

I'm being suffocated.

Blackness in front of me.

Loneliness behind.

I want to make the world go away.

Just for a second.

I want to feel light as air.

Just for a minute.

I want the weight removed from my shoulders.

Just for a hour.

I want to love and be loved.

Just for a day.

I want to be freed.

Forever.