A/N: Sorry, but all of my current chapter will be unedited. It is ya'lls
choice, either you get them now, or you get them much later and edited.
Don't forget to be kind and review. I know this is probably a more boring
chapter, but I felt like I really wanted it in there.
Little Secrets
Chapter 16:
Love
He clutched the box to his chest as he headed towards med-bay. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, he couldn't help it though. Everything about it just brought pain shooting through his heart.
He past a few of the crew members that were closer to Lucas on his way. They had made a temporary waiting room out of the Doc's office. Miguel stepped up to Ben, putting his hand gently on the other's shoulder. "Hey Ben, you okay?"
Ben pulled out of the others grip. No, he wasn't, he needed answers. He didn't even pause as he pushed past the other, causing the other to step closer to the wall. He replied quietly, "Not now Miguel. Just leave me alone."
Miguel saw how Ben clutched at a wooden box. The older man was definitely had some issues currently. He could tell he had been crying, and a lot. He didn't know what to do, so he just stepped back, out of the way.
Ben went in through the closed door. Kristin was just finishing some sort of test as she turned, somewhat angrily at the unapproved visit. "What can I do for", she stopped talking as she took in his appearance. She just stood there and stared for a minute.
He knew she wouldn't understand, so he spoke before she could order him out. He quickly glanced over at the patient, he was asleep. "Kristin..." He was he going to say this, or rather what was he going to say.
She picked up the remnants of what she was doing, putting everything where it belonged and then walked to stand in front of the taller man. "What is it Krieg?"
He just shook his head. Softly he asked, "Can, can we please be alone Doc? Just for a few minutes?" He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact.
She shifted her weight. She really didn't think this was a good idea, but just by the way Ben looked, she didn't think she could refuse him. "Well Ben, I really don't think that my patient is up for visitors just yet, but", she paused for a moment, glancing back at the kid, "I guess. Just five minutes and don't let him get to emotional. We don't want him going into another coughing fit. Okay?"
Ben nodded his approval, "Yea, okay Doc."
He waited for her to leave before going to the door and locking it. He knew she would be furious, but didn't want to chance any interrupts. He made his way over to the chair next to the bed and gently sat on the edge of it. He put the hard wooden box under the chair, out of immediate eye sight. Gently as he could, he grabbed the teen's hand and gave it a few gentle squeezes, hoping to rouse the sleeper from his dreams, and it worked.
Lucas slowly opened his eyes, smiling slightly at his visitor, but that quickly faded away. "Ben? Ben, what is it?"
Ben still couldn't look anyone in the eyes, least of all the person of so much pain. "Luke...", how was he going to say this?
"Ben, it's okay, just tell me." He was concerned. He had never seen Ben like this.
Slowly he looked up and made eye contact. Pain, there was so much pain! "Why Lucas? Why?" He knew if he wasn't careful he would start crying again.
Lucas was lost at first but then figured out what his friend was asking him. He felt guilt stab through him, he had lied to him. He hadn't told him what was happening. "I...I was afraid Ben."
(A/N: Just to let you know for this little interlude any thing in all caps is being yelled and anything in ' ' is emphasized.)
"Afraid of 'me'?" It hurt that Lucas didn't think he could trust him.
"Yes, I mean no. Oh, Ben, I just don't know anymore." He felt like he was being ripped in two.
"Why didn't you tell me Lucas? I would have protected you! 'Why' didn't you trust me!" He could feel the lump in his throat, and it was getting hard to talk around.
"I'm sorry Ben!" Lucas could feel the hot tears streak slowly down his cheeks. He knew he was being a baby, but just couldn't stop. "I'm 'so' sorry!"
"NO! Lucas... I would have never let..." He could feel the tears begin to streak down his face now, quickly wiping them away, willing them to stop. Slowly he reached over to wipe away the tears streaking down the others face. Still surprised by the reactions of the teen.
Lucas was emotionally venerable right now. He couldn't help the reaction he had, it was all he knew. When he was weak, that was when hi father would prey upon him. He didn't mean to shy away as the older man gently wiped his tears away.
Ben pulled away quickly, he couldn't take it. Someone had hurt his friend, and that friend had suffered. Suffered for way too long and too silently! He turned away from the blonde. "Look at you Luke! JUST LOOK AT YOU!" He was having trouble keeping his emotions in check.
Lucas cringed at the tone. He had screwed up, he half expected to be slapped across the face. "Ben, please!" He wasn't sure what to say.
"Don't you understand Lucas!" The tears reappeared.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you! I was afraid. Don't YOU understand?"
"No Luke, I don't. Please, tell me!" He knew that Lucas didn't know exactly how much he knew, but he still wanted the answer.
"I wasn't sure you would 'believed' me!" He couldn't help the tears that flowed freely down his cheeks, like a damn overflowing. "I was afraid you would tell my father and he would just pay you off, like the others!"
"What!"
"I didn't think I could take it! I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TURN AWAY FROM ME! I LOVED THE HAPPINIESS I FELT WHEN I WAS AROUND YOU AND I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE IT!" He began to cough slightly, but checked it quickly.
"You still don't understand, do you? Lucas, I would NEVER hurt you! I would NEVER let another person harm you! Lucas I KNOW!" He wasn't going to hold back anymore.
Lucas wasn't quite sure he understood what he was hearing. Someone cared! I mean, of course they didn't immediately hand him over to his father, but that didn't mean they wouldn't send him to him He just couldn't comprehend that he had actually been freed of that evil life. Now there was this person that he cared greatly for in front of him, telling him he would have protected him! No, it wasn't true. It made him sad as he thought of how fast Ben would run if he knew everything! If he knew his little secret. "Ben..." His voice was soft and sad. "Ben, I never knew anyone would ever want to protect me. I don't think you understand! I'm just a MONSTER! You can't care about me! You can protect me! No one can!"
"No Luke, your wrong!"
He was always wrong though, isn't that what his father always said? "Yea, I know. I'm always 'wrong' Ben!"
"LUCAS! YOU...ARE...NOT...A...MONSTER! I don't think any amount of money could ever make me 'hurt' you!"
Pain shot through his heart again. No, it wasn't true! Ben couldn't care! "STOP PRETENDING BEN! NO ONE CARES!"
Ben was about to lose it! "DAMN IT LUCAS! Don't you understand what I'm telling you!"
Lucas thought for a moment. No, he guessed, he didn't understand what Ben was telling him. "No."
What, he didn't understand! He wouldn't leave until it was painfully clear then. He quickly stepped closer to Lucas. Wanting nothing more than to just hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. It hurt when he saw the kid shy away, flinching!
Lucas couldn't help it. He thought he had given the wrong answer again and now Ben was going to turn into his father. He thought Ben was going to hurt him, that was how it always happened.
Ben stopped. "Lucas, look at ME!"
Lucas turned his baby blue eyes to lock onto the dark brown ones he had come to know. He was surprised to see the tears. Ben was crying, for him! "Why? Why do you care! You don't know!"
But he did know! He knew it all! "Lucas don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you! I..."
"Just stop it Ben! I'm just a STUPID, UGLY, WHORE!" Damn, why did he let that slip!
Ben's face turned to surprise. "GOD LUCAS! NO YOU Are not! I know what you are hiding! I know your pain." He locked eyes again, not wanting to hide his tears anymore.
Lucas saw then. He say the pain cascading through Ben's eyes. So much pain, but why. Was he serious? Did he really know?
Slowly Ben bent down and picked up the box, showing what he held to Lucas. He wasn't sure how Lucas would react, but he would be there for him no matter what.
He paled visibly. His mouth dropped and it felt like his heart stopped. "Wh...where did you get that! You had no right!"
He knew that the teen wasn't really mad at him, just scared. "No Lucas, YOU had no right. I know. Does it make since know?" He slowly sat the box back down on the chair.
No it didn't! Nothing did. So Ben knew and he still wanted to help him! "NO!"
"YOUR FATHER IS THE ONLY MONSTER! HE DID THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAD TO ENDURE AT HIS HANDS! YOU ARE..." He couldn't hold back the sobs that came from him. He caught his breath, "Lucas..." He looked into the sweet blue eyes. "Lucas, I love you!"
There was a soft knocking at the door, but both occupants ignored it.
It felt like a train derailing on him. Some one LOVED him! No, it was impossible. "No you don't! NO ONE CAN!" He felt like he would never stop crying.
"YES, I do! And there is nothing you or anyone else could do to make me not! I swear by everything I know that I do!"
"Ben..." it was the only thing he could make out between sobs.
Bang, bang, bang. "Benjamin Krieg! You open this door this instant!"
Ben still ignored it and rushed to the teen's side, pulling him into a gently but firm hug. They just held each other, letting the other's tears wash away their own. Ben knew he would be on toilet duty for this, but didn't care.
They could hear keys jingle and the door slammed open. Standing there was a furious doctor and a flushed Captain. The captain spoke first, "What the hell is going on in here!"
They were both taken aback at the scene before them. They had heard shouting, but weren't expecting to see the two consoling each other!
Ben stood, picking up the box as he did. "Sir. Doctor Westphalen."
She rushed in pushing Ben away and began instantly checking over Lucas. Like a mother hen over her hatchling. He tried in vain to push her away. He had had too much physical contact for now. "Please leave me be Doc!" He didn't mean to be so rude.
She stepped back, unsure. "Ben you will be dealt with later. Go to your quarters!" The Captain was not in the mood for his games.
"Yes sir." Ben quickly began to leave, but was halted at a scream.
"NO! Don't leave Ben!" Lucas looked searchingly from the Captain to Ben and then to the Doctor. Ben was the only one that understood anymore, he couldn't leave!
Bridger didn't understand. He hurt and was not in the mood for this. The Doctor finished looking over her patient and then scooted back over to beside Bridger. Both were confused.
"Kristin, his he okay?"
She was definitely confused, "Yes."
"Then please go and let the people in the waiting room know."
She turned to leave, glancing all the men over once more before exiting and closing the door behind here.
Ben had not moved from where he stood near the door, back to all in the room. He would suffer the wrath of any to protect the ones he loved.
Bridger's tone held a note of warning, "Someone had better let me know what is going on, and now! Lt. Krieg, why was the door locked? And what was all the shouting about?"
Ben slowly turned, tears beginning to streak down his cheeks again. "Sir?" He wasn't sure what to say, so he just looked to the teen and left it at that.
Lucas finally found his courage. "Sir?" Bridger turned to him, leaning heavily on his crutches. "I...", what was he going to say? "Please don't punish Ben! It's okay! Really!"
Bridger knew the kid meant well, but there was no excuse for Ben's actions. Lucas had a hard time recently and he didn't need to be hollered at! "No Lucas, you can't protect him!" His tone was low and harsh. "He had no right to come in here and treat you like he did! You have been through enough!"
"Captain! You don't understand!"
"Hush now Lucas." He wouldn't let Lucas take the fall for this anymore. He had screwed up too much already by not protecting him. No more! He just couldn't believe he would ever have to protect the teen from Ben! He pointed to the door, "OUT NOW! You are hereby confined to quarters, until I deal with you later." Why was Ben crying anyways?
Ben's tone was equally harsh. "Sir, yes Sir!" He left briskly, slamming the door as he left.
Lucas stared hard at Bridger. Why was he acting like this, then it dawned on him. Just because Ben wanted him around, didn't mean everyone did.
Bridger didn't understand the anger radiating from the teen. "Lucas, I think we need to talk."
Lucas wasn't willing to talk anymore. He trusted no one but Ben anymore. They all just hated him. He wouldn't let them hurt him anymore!
Try as he might, Bridger couldn't Lucas to talk. So he finally just gave in and told him a few things. Like how proud he was of what he had done at that he could always talk to him. Little did he know, everything he was saying wasn't making a single dent. He finally gave up completely, leaving the room, heading for his cabin.
Ben headed for his cabin, still not okay with his raging emotions. He wanted to hit someone or something. Then it dawned on him that there was someone to hit, and he was locked away in the brig. He dropped the little box off in his room and then headed for his last destination. After he was through, he would probably be court marshaled and sent to jail, but it was worth it!
Little Secrets
Chapter 16:
Love
He clutched the box to his chest as he headed towards med-bay. His eyes were red and puffy from crying, he couldn't help it though. Everything about it just brought pain shooting through his heart.
He past a few of the crew members that were closer to Lucas on his way. They had made a temporary waiting room out of the Doc's office. Miguel stepped up to Ben, putting his hand gently on the other's shoulder. "Hey Ben, you okay?"
Ben pulled out of the others grip. No, he wasn't, he needed answers. He didn't even pause as he pushed past the other, causing the other to step closer to the wall. He replied quietly, "Not now Miguel. Just leave me alone."
Miguel saw how Ben clutched at a wooden box. The older man was definitely had some issues currently. He could tell he had been crying, and a lot. He didn't know what to do, so he just stepped back, out of the way.
Ben went in through the closed door. Kristin was just finishing some sort of test as she turned, somewhat angrily at the unapproved visit. "What can I do for", she stopped talking as she took in his appearance. She just stood there and stared for a minute.
He knew she wouldn't understand, so he spoke before she could order him out. He quickly glanced over at the patient, he was asleep. "Kristin..." He was he going to say this, or rather what was he going to say.
She picked up the remnants of what she was doing, putting everything where it belonged and then walked to stand in front of the taller man. "What is it Krieg?"
He just shook his head. Softly he asked, "Can, can we please be alone Doc? Just for a few minutes?" He couldn't bring himself to make eye contact.
She shifted her weight. She really didn't think this was a good idea, but just by the way Ben looked, she didn't think she could refuse him. "Well Ben, I really don't think that my patient is up for visitors just yet, but", she paused for a moment, glancing back at the kid, "I guess. Just five minutes and don't let him get to emotional. We don't want him going into another coughing fit. Okay?"
Ben nodded his approval, "Yea, okay Doc."
He waited for her to leave before going to the door and locking it. He knew she would be furious, but didn't want to chance any interrupts. He made his way over to the chair next to the bed and gently sat on the edge of it. He put the hard wooden box under the chair, out of immediate eye sight. Gently as he could, he grabbed the teen's hand and gave it a few gentle squeezes, hoping to rouse the sleeper from his dreams, and it worked.
Lucas slowly opened his eyes, smiling slightly at his visitor, but that quickly faded away. "Ben? Ben, what is it?"
Ben still couldn't look anyone in the eyes, least of all the person of so much pain. "Luke...", how was he going to say this?
"Ben, it's okay, just tell me." He was concerned. He had never seen Ben like this.
Slowly he looked up and made eye contact. Pain, there was so much pain! "Why Lucas? Why?" He knew if he wasn't careful he would start crying again.
Lucas was lost at first but then figured out what his friend was asking him. He felt guilt stab through him, he had lied to him. He hadn't told him what was happening. "I...I was afraid Ben."
(A/N: Just to let you know for this little interlude any thing in all caps is being yelled and anything in ' ' is emphasized.)
"Afraid of 'me'?" It hurt that Lucas didn't think he could trust him.
"Yes, I mean no. Oh, Ben, I just don't know anymore." He felt like he was being ripped in two.
"Why didn't you tell me Lucas? I would have protected you! 'Why' didn't you trust me!" He could feel the lump in his throat, and it was getting hard to talk around.
"I'm sorry Ben!" Lucas could feel the hot tears streak slowly down his cheeks. He knew he was being a baby, but just couldn't stop. "I'm 'so' sorry!"
"NO! Lucas... I would have never let..." He could feel the tears begin to streak down his face now, quickly wiping them away, willing them to stop. Slowly he reached over to wipe away the tears streaking down the others face. Still surprised by the reactions of the teen.
Lucas was emotionally venerable right now. He couldn't help the reaction he had, it was all he knew. When he was weak, that was when hi father would prey upon him. He didn't mean to shy away as the older man gently wiped his tears away.
Ben pulled away quickly, he couldn't take it. Someone had hurt his friend, and that friend had suffered. Suffered for way too long and too silently! He turned away from the blonde. "Look at you Luke! JUST LOOK AT YOU!" He was having trouble keeping his emotions in check.
Lucas cringed at the tone. He had screwed up, he half expected to be slapped across the face. "Ben, please!" He wasn't sure what to say.
"Don't you understand Lucas!" The tears reappeared.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you! I was afraid. Don't YOU understand?"
"No Luke, I don't. Please, tell me!" He knew that Lucas didn't know exactly how much he knew, but he still wanted the answer.
"I wasn't sure you would 'believed' me!" He couldn't help the tears that flowed freely down his cheeks, like a damn overflowing. "I was afraid you would tell my father and he would just pay you off, like the others!"
"What!"
"I didn't think I could take it! I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU TO TURN AWAY FROM ME! I LOVED THE HAPPINIESS I FELT WHEN I WAS AROUND YOU AND I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE IT!" He began to cough slightly, but checked it quickly.
"You still don't understand, do you? Lucas, I would NEVER hurt you! I would NEVER let another person harm you! Lucas I KNOW!" He wasn't going to hold back anymore.
Lucas wasn't quite sure he understood what he was hearing. Someone cared! I mean, of course they didn't immediately hand him over to his father, but that didn't mean they wouldn't send him to him He just couldn't comprehend that he had actually been freed of that evil life. Now there was this person that he cared greatly for in front of him, telling him he would have protected him! No, it wasn't true. It made him sad as he thought of how fast Ben would run if he knew everything! If he knew his little secret. "Ben..." His voice was soft and sad. "Ben, I never knew anyone would ever want to protect me. I don't think you understand! I'm just a MONSTER! You can't care about me! You can protect me! No one can!"
"No Luke, your wrong!"
He was always wrong though, isn't that what his father always said? "Yea, I know. I'm always 'wrong' Ben!"
"LUCAS! YOU...ARE...NOT...A...MONSTER! I don't think any amount of money could ever make me 'hurt' you!"
Pain shot through his heart again. No, it wasn't true! Ben couldn't care! "STOP PRETENDING BEN! NO ONE CARES!"
Ben was about to lose it! "DAMN IT LUCAS! Don't you understand what I'm telling you!"
Lucas thought for a moment. No, he guessed, he didn't understand what Ben was telling him. "No."
What, he didn't understand! He wouldn't leave until it was painfully clear then. He quickly stepped closer to Lucas. Wanting nothing more than to just hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. It hurt when he saw the kid shy away, flinching!
Lucas couldn't help it. He thought he had given the wrong answer again and now Ben was going to turn into his father. He thought Ben was going to hurt him, that was how it always happened.
Ben stopped. "Lucas, look at ME!"
Lucas turned his baby blue eyes to lock onto the dark brown ones he had come to know. He was surprised to see the tears. Ben was crying, for him! "Why? Why do you care! You don't know!"
But he did know! He knew it all! "Lucas don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you! I..."
"Just stop it Ben! I'm just a STUPID, UGLY, WHORE!" Damn, why did he let that slip!
Ben's face turned to surprise. "GOD LUCAS! NO YOU Are not! I know what you are hiding! I know your pain." He locked eyes again, not wanting to hide his tears anymore.
Lucas saw then. He say the pain cascading through Ben's eyes. So much pain, but why. Was he serious? Did he really know?
Slowly Ben bent down and picked up the box, showing what he held to Lucas. He wasn't sure how Lucas would react, but he would be there for him no matter what.
He paled visibly. His mouth dropped and it felt like his heart stopped. "Wh...where did you get that! You had no right!"
He knew that the teen wasn't really mad at him, just scared. "No Lucas, YOU had no right. I know. Does it make since know?" He slowly sat the box back down on the chair.
No it didn't! Nothing did. So Ben knew and he still wanted to help him! "NO!"
"YOUR FATHER IS THE ONLY MONSTER! HE DID THINGS THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAD TO ENDURE AT HIS HANDS! YOU ARE..." He couldn't hold back the sobs that came from him. He caught his breath, "Lucas..." He looked into the sweet blue eyes. "Lucas, I love you!"
There was a soft knocking at the door, but both occupants ignored it.
It felt like a train derailing on him. Some one LOVED him! No, it was impossible. "No you don't! NO ONE CAN!" He felt like he would never stop crying.
"YES, I do! And there is nothing you or anyone else could do to make me not! I swear by everything I know that I do!"
"Ben..." it was the only thing he could make out between sobs.
Bang, bang, bang. "Benjamin Krieg! You open this door this instant!"
Ben still ignored it and rushed to the teen's side, pulling him into a gently but firm hug. They just held each other, letting the other's tears wash away their own. Ben knew he would be on toilet duty for this, but didn't care.
They could hear keys jingle and the door slammed open. Standing there was a furious doctor and a flushed Captain. The captain spoke first, "What the hell is going on in here!"
They were both taken aback at the scene before them. They had heard shouting, but weren't expecting to see the two consoling each other!
Ben stood, picking up the box as he did. "Sir. Doctor Westphalen."
She rushed in pushing Ben away and began instantly checking over Lucas. Like a mother hen over her hatchling. He tried in vain to push her away. He had had too much physical contact for now. "Please leave me be Doc!" He didn't mean to be so rude.
She stepped back, unsure. "Ben you will be dealt with later. Go to your quarters!" The Captain was not in the mood for his games.
"Yes sir." Ben quickly began to leave, but was halted at a scream.
"NO! Don't leave Ben!" Lucas looked searchingly from the Captain to Ben and then to the Doctor. Ben was the only one that understood anymore, he couldn't leave!
Bridger didn't understand. He hurt and was not in the mood for this. The Doctor finished looking over her patient and then scooted back over to beside Bridger. Both were confused.
"Kristin, his he okay?"
She was definitely confused, "Yes."
"Then please go and let the people in the waiting room know."
She turned to leave, glancing all the men over once more before exiting and closing the door behind here.
Ben had not moved from where he stood near the door, back to all in the room. He would suffer the wrath of any to protect the ones he loved.
Bridger's tone held a note of warning, "Someone had better let me know what is going on, and now! Lt. Krieg, why was the door locked? And what was all the shouting about?"
Ben slowly turned, tears beginning to streak down his cheeks again. "Sir?" He wasn't sure what to say, so he just looked to the teen and left it at that.
Lucas finally found his courage. "Sir?" Bridger turned to him, leaning heavily on his crutches. "I...", what was he going to say? "Please don't punish Ben! It's okay! Really!"
Bridger knew the kid meant well, but there was no excuse for Ben's actions. Lucas had a hard time recently and he didn't need to be hollered at! "No Lucas, you can't protect him!" His tone was low and harsh. "He had no right to come in here and treat you like he did! You have been through enough!"
"Captain! You don't understand!"
"Hush now Lucas." He wouldn't let Lucas take the fall for this anymore. He had screwed up too much already by not protecting him. No more! He just couldn't believe he would ever have to protect the teen from Ben! He pointed to the door, "OUT NOW! You are hereby confined to quarters, until I deal with you later." Why was Ben crying anyways?
Ben's tone was equally harsh. "Sir, yes Sir!" He left briskly, slamming the door as he left.
Lucas stared hard at Bridger. Why was he acting like this, then it dawned on him. Just because Ben wanted him around, didn't mean everyone did.
Bridger didn't understand the anger radiating from the teen. "Lucas, I think we need to talk."
Lucas wasn't willing to talk anymore. He trusted no one but Ben anymore. They all just hated him. He wouldn't let them hurt him anymore!
Try as he might, Bridger couldn't Lucas to talk. So he finally just gave in and told him a few things. Like how proud he was of what he had done at that he could always talk to him. Little did he know, everything he was saying wasn't making a single dent. He finally gave up completely, leaving the room, heading for his cabin.
Ben headed for his cabin, still not okay with his raging emotions. He wanted to hit someone or something. Then it dawned on him that there was someone to hit, and he was locked away in the brig. He dropped the little box off in his room and then headed for his last destination. After he was through, he would probably be court marshaled and sent to jail, but it was worth it!