Leigh's Fanfiction Archive Stormkeeper's Fanfiction Freedom Chapter 2

Freedom

By Stormkeeper

Chapter 2

The morning after we arrived back home, we X-men sat around the huge, round table in the meeting room to discuss our future plans. I always loved this conference room---floor to ceiling windows allowed us great views of the surrounding foliage. I did tend to get a bit distracted by it though.

The first, and the main, question we discussed was how long to remain on An'zhina and when to return to earth for another rescue mission. The debate got heated at times and I'm not going to hash over the whole thing here.

"I thought we'd all agreed to spend time on An'zhina," Rogue was saying forcefully. "We decided on our way back here that we'd spend more than a few days!"

Wolverine was shaking his head. "Anything more than a week is too long. Mutants back on earth need us."

"That may be true," Angel said, "but we have to consider our needs as well. We need rest. We just came off of a very trying rescue mission in which three of our teammates were captured and we liberated less than half of the camp. We spent a few harrowing weeks trying to get you and Gambit and Bobby back. We've all been pushed too hard and are really in need of a rest break."

"He has a point," Nightcrawler added. "How productive on our next mission will we be if we are all so exhausted?"

"When you do return to earth," Cyclops said, "you will need to think through your strategy very carefully so we avoid a fiasco like last time."

"Now that the FOH have Pyro, Vertigo, `Gorgeous George' and others working for them, they're doubly dangerous," Jean added.

So we continued on like that. Wolverine was the most vocal advocate for pretty much turning around and returning to earth right away, but he was way outvoted. Almost everyone else wanted some down time. We eventually agreed to spend a month on An'zhina. Once the wild man found out it wasn't going his way, he stomped out of the room in disgust. No one went after him.

We also decided to use that time to consider different options for defeating FOH. As Storm said, "Our raids on the camps are just like spitting in the ocean----if you'll excuse my language. We need to dream up a long term strategy to defeat FOH and put an end to the camps." I sat there thinking, `Well, nice idea but how the hell are we going to do that when they control the military, the government, and the media on pretty much every continent on earth?' I didn't share my negative thoughts with the group, though I sensed I wasn't the only one feeling pretty pessimistic about the future of earth.

"Did you enjoy the latest poem I wrote for you?"

"Of course. It was beautiful. Uh….didn't I tell you that I liked it?"

"You did, however I wanted to ensure that you were sufficiently pleased with it. As you know, we are under orders to not replicate non-essentials such as flowers and candy. Therefore I have had to create new ways to express my affection for you."

"Well the poem was gorgeous. Thank you again."

"And you were satisfied with the candlelit dinner we had in your room yesterday evening, correct?"

"Absolutely. It was lovely. You always come up with great ideas."

"How often would you like me to tell you that I find you beautiful? Are you finding once per day to be sufficient?"

"Um….once a day is great. I'd say that's good. More often than that would be overkill."

"Is once a day **too** frequent? Should I instead aim for 3-6 times per week?"

"Well….let's go for between 3-7 times a week."

"Alright."

A pause. Some kissing.

"Panda, am I applying the correct amount of pressure to your lips? Also, my arms are not compressing you too tightly when we embrace, are they?" More of a pause. "Why are you laughing?"

"I'm laughing at you, Hank! You're adorable. And I appreciate the survey you're apparently giving me, but I will sum it up by saying that I am very pleased with everything you do and I appreciate it."

"I love you."

"I know. I love you too, Hank." A pause. "Hey, Hank?"

"Yes, my dearest?"

"Since you were apparently giving me a survey, and since most surveys have a space for comments….I thought of a comment I have. There is one thing you could do that you have not done."

Eagerly: "What is that, my love?"

"What about replicating yourself some condoms?"

Shock. A very long pause. "Really? For us to use?"

Sarcasm. "No, for Rogue and Gambit to use! Of course for **us**, silly. That is….if you….want to."

"I do want to! Er---I mean, I hope that I did not sound overly eager. I mean, perhaps that would be appropriate. I mean, it would be nice if you think it would be nice. Um…..Oh my stars and garters….."

"What? Don't feel pressure. We don't have to do it tomorrow. Or even next week. But maybe you wanna think of having them around? Perhaps during one of these kissing sessions things are liable to get out of hand, once you stop surveying me."

"….Y-Yes. Of course. No pressure. Um, Panda?"

"Yes?"

"I'll replicate the condoms. Um….is that truly your wish? That we use them at some point? I mean, you, um, want to?"

More sarcasm. "Well, I'm not asking that you replicate them so that we leave them sitting around forever." A smile. "I told you. We don't have to use them tomorrow. But," some fingers started playing with and scratching some fur, "maybe sometime soon, big guy…."

Jubilee tossed and turned in her bed. Sleep was elusive, as it frequently had been lately. She got up and made a trip to the bathroom. On her way back to the bed, she checked in on Aurora. The baby was sleeping peacefully in her crib. Jubilee kissed her lightly, and then climbed back into her bed. She turned the light off.

Pulling the sheets around her, she tried to lay still and think happy thoughts. She replayed so many of the happy times she and the other X-men had experienced over the years. Storm had suggested doing so might help, but it didn't. Lately, Jubilee's memories had been on rewind but not at the good parts of her life.

A haze of terrifying memories flooded over her. The voices were the worst part. Somehow she remembered the voices better---perhaps because she'd clenched her eyes shut for so much of the torture. "Why are we bothering to do this?" a soldier's voice rang in her head. "Mutie females are all a bunch of sluts. None of them are going to be virgins." Another voice had replied, "Yeah but mutie men are all impotent. Or fags. You don't know what we'll find. We should check because then we'll auction off the virgins and raise some money for the group in the process."

Jubilee remembered it as if it had been yesterday. She, Storm, Jean and Rogue being taken from the cell. As she had been marched down the hall, the soldiers prodding her and the others to move faster, Jubilee had known in the pit of her stomach why they'd been singled out, what was going to happen next. Her throat had gone dry. She looked from Storm to Rogue to Jean but none appeared to have an answer. No one was going to fly through the air and save them. They weren't going to get out of this one. When Rogue tried to resist and not walk with the soldiers, they used the collar on Storm—torturing her—to get Rogue to comply.

The four women had been brought to a small annex to the larger room where they would be raped. "Let's make this clear, whores," the FOH leader had begun. "You're going to cooperate with us. If you don't, we'll take your boyfriends in there and slowly dismember them, one by one. I would look forward to the chance of getting to chop off their fingers or their limp dicks and I'll do that if you don't do what we say. And we'll start with the bald guy in the wheelchair. Got it?"

Jubilee remembered that Rogue had still tried to fight back. She'd yelled out a string of obscenities, but the guards then used the collar device on her. Rogue screamed in such pain that she blacked out for a while. Her hands shaking, Jubilee had looked from Storm to Jean. Jean's eyes were closed and she appeared to be praying or repeating something silently to herself. Storm's expression was blank. Jubilee had been too terrified to cry just yet.

They were ordered to undress. Jubilee blinked mutely as Jean and Storm did as told. She followed suit. The guards tore the clothing off the semi-conscious Rogue. One guard grabbed Jean by the hair and threw her down onto what looked like an examining table. He stuck his fingers inside her. He wore no sort of protective gloves as he roughly examined her. "Figures," he muttered. "She's wide. I told you they're all a bunch of sluts." The process was repeated for Storm. Jubilee had to shut her eyes. She couldn't see her majestic goddess taken down like this.

They grabbed Jubilee next. She screamed as her body was invaded by the man's fingers. "Well what do ya know?" he exclaimed. "This one's a virgin!" One of the other soldiers, disbelieving, stuck his fingers inside Jubilee as well. She screamed again. Apparently still in disbelief, they stuck some sort of probe inside Jubilee to get confirmation that her hymen was still in tact. This was horrifying. This was the most degrading and disgusting thing she'd ever lived through. It was unbelievable. How could another human being do something like this? The worst was yet to come.

When they were done with her, one guard grabbed her and threw her down, off the table. Jubilee landed on the floor. She curled up into a ball, the tears flowing freely. Vaguely she heard the guards express more shock as they examined Rogue. Jubilee jumped as she felt a pair of hands on her, but then realized the brown hands belonged to Storm. "It is alright child," Storm whispered. "We will get through this. We----" Storm had been silenced when a soldier rammed the butt of his gun into her mouth. Storm wiped away the blood from her lips. Jubilee returned to her ball position on the floor and resumed crying. `Maybe this is all a nightmare,' she had told herself as she squeezed her eyes shut and attempted to block the tears. `Any second now I'm gonna wake up.' Her attempt to fool herself was thwarted when the FOH leader barked for them to get to their feet.

The four were then brought into the room and the guards led them to standing on the raised platform. Hundreds of soldiers were in that room, leering and yelling, making lewd gestures, grabbing their crotches. Jubilee had never stopped crying but a new wave of tears now washed over her. She looked over at Storm, daring to hope that the Wind Rider had some secret plan to get them out of his indescribable hell. But Storm's eyes reflected pure terror and Jubilee saw her shiver. "Goddess help us," Storm murmured.

The crying of Rory brought Jubilee out of her memories. She sat up in bed and then scrambled over to her baby. Holding the child in her arms, she shushed her until Rory quieted back down. Jubilee didn't even realize that she herself was crying again.

`Will I ever forget this?'

We'd been on An'zhina for just a couple of days now. For a while, I had been mulling over something that I needed to do but was dreading. One morning, I decided enough with the mulling--- I had to get to it.

I tapped my communicator to reach Hank. He wasn't in the infirmary at the time but said he'd be glad to meet me there. We both reached An'zhina's infirmary at the same time. "Is anything wrong?" he asked as we entered.

Noting that Panda and Ramon were both milling around the infirmary, I gestured towards one of the private rooms. The medical center on An'zhina was bigger than the one in Freedom and had several private areas. Hank and I entered the smallish room that served as his office in this informary and the door slid closed behind us. He and I sat down, facing each other. The look on his face was clearly one of concern.

"Don't be alarmed," I said. "But I need your help with something." I paused. Damn this was not going to be easy. "Uh, can we for a moment talk as doctor and patient rather than as two friends?" I asked.

"Of course," Hank said, sounding puzzled but game.

"Uh, Dr. McCoy, I need you to test me to see if I have any sexually transmitted diseases."

He didn't blink or budge but continued to look at me steadily and with concern. "There are a number of different tests that I can perform, Mr. Drake. We can do so right now. But it would be helpful if I had some information from you."

I nodded. "What sort of information?"

"Well, Mr. Drake, it would be helpful if I knew why you think you might have a sexually transmitted disease, where you think you got it from, and then there are some more specifics that would be helpful too. Are you showing any symptoms? Do you feel unwell?"

"No, not at all. I feel fine. I'm not the least bit sick. But….for the past few weeks, I've been thinking that I should get tested. I---uh---," no, this wouldn't be easy at all. "Uh, Hank I did some things that I really regret. When I was a prisoner on Ceti III, I had sex with one of the other prisoners."

"I see. Was he from earth?"

"No. I mean, he looked pretty human and all, though he had like ridges on his forehead or something. So he definitely wasn't from earth." I put my hands up, "Look, Hank, I know it was really stupid of me. I really regret it. I'm not trying to make excuses but our life on Ceti III was pretty miserable and that was like the only time you could forget how bad it was. And it had been more than two years for me since I had it so I was easily persuaded and….."

"Can I address you as a friend rather than as your doctor?"

"Sure."

"I don't judge you, Bobby. Who knows what anyone would have done under those circumstances? So you do not need to explain yourself to me."

"You don't like hate me or think I'm an idiot or a total slut?"

"Not at all."

Even though he was reassuring me, I felt I had to go on and explain myself more. "I wish I hadn't done it. I had vowed a while ago that I was only going to have sex with someone I was in a relationship with and that I cared about. I think just my defenses were really down. And really, I was miserable on Ceti----all we did all day long was work. The only semi-enjoyable things were sleeping and eating, though you couldn't get a good night's rest with everyone talking and sleeping on some rolled-up dirty bedclothes with bugs crawling around. And the food was pretty gross half the time. And this guy was really persuasive---well, we didn't speak the same language but he was persuasive enough."

"You truly do not need to explain yourself. I'm not angry at you. So let us get on with the matters at hand," he said, reaching for the computer and pulling up some screens. I knew that over the past few years he had become somewhat of an expert on sexually transmitted diseases, given how many survivors of mass-rape he had been dealing with. "So, you say the man you had sex with was not from earth. Is there anything about his background you know that might be helpful. Was he sleeping with anyone else?"

I basically couldn't answer any questions about the guy's background. That last question really made me gulp though. Chance were, he was sleeping with others. And who knows where any of these guys were from and what sort of virus I could have picked up. Fine mess I got myself into.

"I must ask this next question," Hank was saying. "What did you and he do together?"

I was tempted to make a joke but nothing came to mind and I decided to just answer the question---I knew what he meant. "We had oral sex with each other. We didn't do anything else."

Hank nodded and made some notes. He told me something which I already knew---oral sex was less risky than some other activities. Hank then took a blood sample from me. "Sexually transmitted diseases," he began, "at least the ones on earth, can take some time to incubate. I am making a note to test you again in six months. By tomorrow, we should know the results of this test. Even if this test is negative, I would like you to tell me if you start to feel at all unwell."

I nodded. "Thanks, Hank. If I start to feel sick, I'll come to you." I paused, "I suppose I don't need to ask you to not tell anyone else."

"As your doctor, I keep all of your medical information strictly confidential." He paused and then looked at me. "As your friend, however, might I suggest that you tell Northstar," he added.

I looked at my shoes. "I know. I haven't yet. Of course he and I haven't done anything yet…..But I suppose I gotta before we do." I sighed. "Man, I wish I could turn back time and take this back!"

Hank patted me on the shoulder. "We all do things we regret. Do not berate yourself, my friend. Coming to me and getting tested was the right thing to do. You are taking responsibility for your actions and dealing with what has already been done."

I stood up to leave. "Hank…thank you."

Wolverine was working outside, in the massive clearing which was the backyard behind the main complex. The toys he had carved for Rory and Charlotte had been big hits, so he was working away at making more. He had even approached Stephan, asking if the boy might like him to create something. The youngster responded as he always did, barking at Wolverine to back away.

The wind shifted direction subtly and he picked up on a scent. Someone was approaching. His **mate.** By instinct, his brain told him that the scent belonged to the woman who was now his mate. Logan shook his head, knowing he had only reacted with that thought because of the sexual relationship they had----nothing more.

Storm silently observed the skill with which Wolverine worked his blade. He never came close to nicking himself with it, though if he did, it would not have mattered. His healing factor would have taken care of any injuries. Storm walked through the grass, delighting in the feel of the blades against her bare feet. An'zhina had experienced some rare rain for a short while that day, and the damp grass felt refreshing. Storm inhaled the clean-smelling air. She gazed at Logan. He was such a vision of masculinity. His shirtless, muscled form and powerful back and shoulders.

"You work quickly," she said, picking up one of the finished pieces. It was a set of stacking rings. "And yet the quality is so good."

"Thanks, Storm," Logan replied, barely looking at her as he worked away at a clacker. Storm could easily detect that he was in a grumpy mood. `So what else is new?' she asked herself.

"I think these toys will last a long while, the sturdy craftsmanship."

Another muttered reply, "Thanks."

Storm knew enough that he wanted to be left alone, but she had to let him know that she cared. She placed a hand on his arm. "Talk to me, Logan. I can tell that you're upset."

Wolverine exhaled a deep breath and looked at her. "Of course I'm upset! We're here vacationing when mutants on earth are suffering! What a load of bullshit. Everyone's turned into a bunch of lazy asses."

Storm had seen Wolverine irritated many times, but even she was stunned at the vitriol in his voice. Flustered, she groped for a reply. "You must be very angry over this."

"Damn right." He resumed his work on the toy, turning away from Storm.

"Wolverine, everyone needs a break. We….we're only **human**. You yourself lived through a traumatic experience. It is good to recognize your limits and rejuvenate."

"Rejuvenate my ass. Our people are being tortured and killed while we bask on beaches and sightsee on hills." His voice overflowed with disgust. "Not for me."

"Nightcrawler made a good point at the meeting. We might do more harm than good if we go into our next battle weary and un-rested."

"I don't need no fuckin' rest."

"The rest of us do. We're not machines, and neither are you."

Wolverine turned away from her, indicating their discussion of this topic was finished. He had approached Marrow earlier in the day, knowing that Marrow shared his eagerness to return to earth. The two had seriously toyed with the idea of stealing a shuttle and launching their own rescue mission. But they aborted their plans, realizing how slim their chances of success were without the other X-men, without Freedom.

"I've missed your visits to my room."

Wolverine listened to Storm's admission, knowing it had to have been hard for her to say those words. Since Logan had been rescued from Ceti III, Storm had not initiated any lovemaking. Wolverine had once, a few days after he had been back on board Freedom, but Storm had declined, saying she was not in the mood that day. Wolverine could hardly remember a time she had turned him down, and he had not asked again. He didn't know what to make of her apparent lack of interest. Only a couple of weeks had gone by since the rescue, but it had gotten to the point where Wolverine didn't want to be the first one to ask again. That afternoon, he realized how glad he was that Storm had said those words.

"I've missed it too, darlin'."

Gingerly, Storm placed her arms around Logan. He closed his eyes and drank in her scent, her longing. "It might put you in a better mood….," she suggested, her voice smooth and sweet as honey.

Wolverine found himself returning the embrace. "Darlin', you always do." `Damn it,' he thought. Storm felt so damn good, touching her felt so good. He fought it, fought the beating of his heart. `It's just sex,' he told himself. 'It's just fucking.' He craved her so much, telling himself it was just the call of his loins doing the craving.

"So would you prefer now or later tonight?" Storm asked.

"Now."

"Me too."

Wolverine picked her up and carried her into the thick of the woods, where they would have some measure of privacy. The ground was damp, but Storm's cape provided a warm barrier. Logan's senses were afire as he found himself enveloped in her. It was like….coming home again as he sucked her nipples, licked and nibbled her lips and her face. Soon he was buried between her legs, tasting her musk and delighting in her cries as they built in pitch to a crescendo. He mounted her and thrust inside her eagerly. And though he usually tried to be quiet, he howled with joy when he came. He was hard again in a matter of seconds, and they were soon shifting positions, Storm hungrily swallowing him, her head bobbing up and down as she pleasured him. Wolverine touched her hair as she did this, running the silky soft strands through his fingers. Storm smiled as she climbed on top of him and he played with her breasts as she rode him. They came again, this time together and even more loudly than before.

Storm had been right. Wolverine was now in a much better mood.

Meanwhile, another couple was making use of the beautiful outdoors on An'zhina. After a long afternoon, which had included a flying excursion and a hike on foot, Rogue and Gambit stopped for a breather. "Gambit's so tired," the Cajun breathed as he rested his head in Rogue's lap. Rogue sat against a tree and ran her gloved fingers through Remy's hair. "Dis feels so good."

"You gonna be takin' a nap, Sugar?" she asked, teasingly.

His reply was to nuzzle his head against her lap and arrange his limbs in a more comfortable position. "It's paradise here," Gambit said. "Dis beats mining any day."

"I'm so glad to have you back from those mines," Rogue murmured. She wished she had a collar with her. Stroking Remy's auburn locks would have been more enjoyable had she not needed to wear gloves then.

"We better enjoy dis while we can. Before we know it, our month gonna be up and we go back to earth."

"Well, don't you think you and I outta sit this next one out?"

Gambit lifted his head, thinking perhaps he had misheard her. "What?"

"Remy, when you were gone, I told myself that if I ever got you back, I wanna retire from the superhero business. Don't you think we earned a break?"

"We getting our break now. A month on An'zhina to rest. Den we gotta go back and help the other mutants. Chere, you weren't serious `bout retiring from the X-men, were you?"

"I don't wanna permanently retire. But I do wanna take some time off. Remy, we got a weddin' to plan. And we deserve a rest, some time to spend together just being a normal couple. And we came so close to losing you. Can't we take some time off?"

"But chere….dere are mutants back on earth who need us. Dey suffering and dey need to be rescued."

"There are plenty of other X-men. Look, Remy, can't we just sit out one mission? We can have some time together, to really enjoy each other. We can rejoin the X-men on the next mission after that."

Gambit sat up, his restful mood broken. "Chere….it's wrong. It's wrong to sit back and do nothing when people need our help."

"We won't be doin' nothin! We can help Scott and Jean run An'zhina and help the citizens here recover. You know Cyke and Jean gonna have their hands full with another baby. Every time I talk to one of `em, they say something `bout how busy they know they're gonna be. So we can help them and help the people of An'zhina."

"No, chere. The mutants on earth need our help more dan dat. We gotta be where we needed the most. We----"

"But what if you get captured again!"

"It won't happen, chere."

"How do you know that?? I almost lost you!" Rogue exclaimed, tears welling up in her eyes. "Damnit Remy, I've lost so much and I ain't losin' you again! I almost went crazy with worry when you were captured and I ain't goin' through that no more! How can you be serious about wantin' to go back to earth?? And I wanna start plannin' our wedding…." The tears were now flowing freely and Rogue became too choked up to continue talking.

"Chere," Remy began gently, "we get married someday. And we will spend time together. But Gambit can't sit around and sit out a rescue mission when dere are people dat need us."

His words had no effect on her. Through a haze of tears, Rogue leapt into the air and flew off.

I was able to put the fears of disease out of my mind for a bit. Jean-Paul came up with a great idea. He knew of my love for gardening, and he also knew that many of the X-men and other mutants cared for neither replicated food nor for the fact that we were so reliant on the food replicators. So just to be safe, Professor X asked Teleris (Queen Marina was still occupied in all-day meetings with her Council) if we could start a garden on An'zhina. Teleris basically shrugged and said that we could do virtually whatever we wanted on An'zhina.

So it was perhaps three days after we returned to An'zhina that I announced to all of its citizens the plans for a garden, and that very afternoon I ended up working away with about 12 others who were interested (no other X-men.) Some of them had gardening experience and some did not, but they all wanted to help. Northstar's sister tried to get her son interested in helping with the garden, but Stephan refused to have anything to do with it. Jean-Paul himself was hampered by the fact that he lacked one arm, but he sat outside that first afternoon, watching us make the garden come alive.

Jubilee also showed up for a bit. "It's so beautiful out here," she was saying as I worked away. She stood and whirled around, spreading her arms out. "I love being out in the sunlight and feeling the fresh air. And what a cool way for us to commune with An'zhina, really start to make it our own. And gardening seems like a great way to bring the members of this colony together!"

"Hey, Jubes," I said, "would you help me spread this dirt out over those rows there? They need a bit extra."

Jubilee looked down and said, "Oh, I dunno, Bobby. I hate getting dirt under my nails!"

Jean-Paul and I looked at each other and chuckled. Jubilee and Aurora soon scampered off to join Colossus, Elena, Gambit, and Nightcrawler for a swim.

After several hours, I stopped to take a break. I sat down on the mat next to Jean-Paul and he handed me a bottle of water.

"It's coming along nicely, mon ami," he said.

I wiped my brow on a towel. "Yeah, it looks pretty good. Now there's enough gardening work for me to last a lifetime, since I still have the one on Freedom to tend to." I watched the other mutants working away. They all took direction from me well and seemed into it. We had a good mix of those we'd rescued from the camp in England and those from the camp in Beijing.

"I've never felt so useless," Jean-Paul said quietly as he watched the others. Basically, most or all of the gardening tasks required two arms.

"Jean-Paul….don't feel that way." It was stupid, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Well just how should I feel?" he asked, sounding a bit perturbed. "I can't do shit without this arm!"

"That's not true!" I said emphatically. I paused and then added, "You were instrumental in the rescue mission on Ceti III."

"You flatter me," he said, smiling but still not looking pleased. "**All** of us were instrumental."

I scooted over towards Jean-Paul and put an arm around him. "Look, I'm sorry if I sound like I don't know what I'm talking about. I guess I don't. I don't know what it's like to lose a limb." I gently stroked his back. "Have you….spoken with the Professor? I mean, he's been through it all and-----"

"Thanks Bobby but I don't want to talk about it with him. He's going to talk to me about accepting it and I'm not willing to just accept it." He paused and smiled. "Bobby, I must ask you to bear with me if I fall into self-pity on occasion," he said, his face relaxing a bit.

"Now why would you ever pity yourself?" I teased, grinning. "You have such a wonderful, handsome boyfriend!"

"Ah---I was forewarned by others that you had a strange sense of humor! I see it now," he teased.

We laughed together for a bit but then he got serious again. "Actually, I do have a wonderful boyfriend and I am glad for it. But you yourself have seemed….a bit preoccupied lately. Is anything on your mind, Bobby?"

Damn. I hadn't told him yet about my little lapse in judgement in the mines or about my test for sexually transmitted diseases. The test results were negative but as Hank had said, diseases can incubate for a while. And who knows how an alien virus or disease might react or whether it was even detectable? I didn't think it was too likely that I had contracted anything given that we'd engaged in less risky activities….but who really knew? Anyway, I knew I would have to tell him someday but since we weren't any closer to hitting the sack together, I didn't have to say anything then. I just shrugged. "Not really. Just a bit worried about our next trip to earth," I fibbed. The next mission to earth was as far from my mind as earth was from An'zhina.

He nodded. Jean-Paul then added, "I thought Hank seemed a bit preoccupied too. He seemed that way during breakfast and yesterday during that training session too."

"Did he? I didn't notice it." I was chagrined to admit it, but it was the truth. I'd been so wrapped up in fretting over the possibility of having contracted something, that I'd hardly talked to Hank about any other topic. I felt kinda crummy about that and made a mental note to try to talk to my friend.

Shortly afterwards, Jean-Paul's communicator beeped. His sister invited him to go on a walk with herself, Stephan, Shaman, Silver Moon and Lily Pearl. Jeanne-Marie added that Stephan was in one of his better moods. At that last piece, Jean-Paul was eager to join them. He got to his feet, and I resisted the urge to help him up as I knew already he did not like that.

"I will see you at dinner, ami," he said. He and I exchanged a quick kiss on the mouth and Northstar was gone in a flash.

I turned to see that one of the mutants, a man named Todd, had observed our kiss----and he had a look of utter disgust on his face. I felt a flash of fear but then reminded myself I had nothing to be ashamed of. I got back to work, putting Todd out of my mind.

Storm, Jubilee, Rogue and Jean grabbed lunch together one day. Rory was left in the care of Wolverine and Charlotte was with her father. The four women took their meals and flew (with Storm carrying Jubilee and Rogue carrying Jean) to an area high in the hills. It was a cooler day than usual, and the women all had on either sweaters or jackets.

"Are you comfortable, Jean?" Storm asked.

"About as comfortable as can be," Jean said, settling into her position on their picnic blanket. "I apologize, though, if I won't be much help setting food out."

"I remember those last few months," Jubilee reminisced. "You feel like you've got a basketball in front of you."

"What I love is the point where you can't even tie your own shoes," Jean said flatly. "And I'm not going to the trouble of shaving my legs anymore at this point."

Jean and Jubilee continued to do some recounting of the challenging aspects of pregnancy. Rogue observed the two, trying to fight back her fears. `Count your blessings----I might not ever be able to have a baby….' she thought. She forced herself to put the quarrel she'd had with Remy out of her mind for now, not wanting to deal with it. Last night, she and Remy had shared the bed as always but hadn't spoken to each other.

Storm listened to Jean and Jubilee too, content with her life even though it never included motherhood.

The food was spread out on the picnic blanket and the women began to eat. "I think it's wonderful that Bobby's starting a garden," Jean said, enthusiastically. "His veggies are really good. When I'm feeling better, I hope to be able to help him." `If I ever have any spare time,' Jean added silently. With two babies and almost 200 camp survivors to care for, she knew her days ahead would be busy ones.

"I like `em too and I like the little bit of gardening I've done," Jubilee said, "but I hate to admit that I can't really taste the difference between the gardened stuff and the replicated."

"Ah, Jubilee, there is a world of difference," Storm mused. "The replicated food tastes flat, manufactured. The food from the gardens is fresh and full of life."

"But they're both equally good for you, right?" Rogue asked.

"I did quite a bit of reading on the topic," Jean said, "since I'll soon have babies eating replicated food all the time. The replicated food is supposed to have enhanced nutrition."

Storm smiled as she took a bite of her sandwich, "I don't doubt that but my instincts tell me that the natural food is truly better for us."

"I do agree," Jean said.

"Hey, Jean, you still convinced that you're having a boy?" Jubilee asked.

"Oh, I didn't tell you!" Jean replied, her tone taking on an excited nuance. "Since I was so convinced it was a boy, Scott and I decided--what the heck—let's find out for sure. So Hank ran a test this morning and the baby is a boy. We had originally wanted to be surprised like we were the first time, but figured since I was so sure, it couldn't hurt to find out."

The women continued to talk for a while as they made their way through their lunch. Once sandwiches and crackers were eaten, Rogue eagerly dug through the picnic basket for the cookies and passed them out. "Oooh----we got some peanut butter ones! My favorite," she enthused.

"Well," Storm began, getting down to business "you all know that our lunch today isn't purely social. We do have some things to discuss." She turned her head towards Jean. "Any updates on the rescuees from Beijing?"

Jean had been charged with tending to the mental health of the rescued mutants once they reached An'zhina. She was assisted by the Professor, Moira, Storm and others but Jean had asked for the role of the lead on this. "Not really. Keep in mind that they've only been here three full days. We have to have realistic expectations. But I sense what all of you sense—and know—without the benefit of any telepathy. They are severely depressed and feeling such overwhelming **shame.** Only two of the 21 rescued women have experienced any counseling whatsoever since their rescue." Jean looked at her friends, sitting in a circle. "As you all know, we cannot force the process. If they do not wish to work with us on healing, we can't force them."

Storm nodded. "Yet at the same time, we need to prevent any more suicides." One of the former prisoners from Beijing had killed herself shortly after being freed by the X-men. It had been a horrible blow to the group, especially since the team had all been so preoccupied with the capture of Wolverine, Gambit and Iceman.

"I do mental 'check-ins' with them every day, so at the very least I will be able to sense if anyone is depressed to that point. If I have to, I will intervene then." Jean looked at Jubilee. The young woman was no longer making eye contact with any of the others and just staring at a chocolate chip cookie. Jean inquired softly, "Is everything alright, Jubilee?"

"It must be depressing work, huh?" Jubilee muttered.

Jean nodded. "It is difficult. But the life of a mutant is not easy---we all know that."

There was silence for a bit. Storm observed Jubilee and determined that Jubilee might not bring up the topic that they were brought together to discuss, so Storm made the move. "We have all focussed so much on helping others because there is a need for that. But how do **we** all feel now?" After a brief pause, Storm added, "I'm referring to the assaults that we ourselves lived through at the hands of FOH."

Rogue shrugged. "I guess I kinda feel over it. It was two years ago. I just want it behind me and to forget about it. Which is really hard since we gotta play therapist with any of the mutants who want it." She hastily added, "Not that I'm complain' and I'm glad to help. But if I had it my way, I'd just forget about the whole damn thing. What don't kill you makes you stronger, and I'm stronger now." Rogue then turned and looked at Jean, who was sitting to her left.

Jean tilted her head back and then looked at the group. "I feel that I will never forget it. It was one of the worst things I ever lived through. When I think back to it, I feel such deep….anger. And anger is not an emotion that I express much or that I dwell on. I no longer feel sad or scared or the least bit ashamed, just angry. If anyone ever did something like that to Charlotte…..I cannot even imagine how I would react." As she said that last sentence, she knew that she now understood how Rogue, Gambit and Wolverine had been able to execute the FOH soldiers. If anyone ever did something like that to her daughter, Jean suspected that she might have done the same thing as the others. "But to be honest," Jean continued, "I don't think about the rapes that we lived through much---hardly ever. I feel that I've moved on, and I just want to focus on helping those who come to me for some counseling."

Storm was next. "I would say my reaction is very similar to both of yours. It certainly was horrible, and it makes me very angry too. I do feel that I have worked through my pain and put the incident behind me."

Jubilee crossed her arms over her chest. "Well, I guess something's wrong with me then." Her voice sounded cold and shaky as she said the words. Rogue was taken aback; her younger teammate did not sound like herself at all. "`Cause I do still think of it. And sometimes at night I cry and sometimes I'm scared. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I see their faces and hear what they said to us and I can't get it out my head." Jubilee squeezed her eyes shut as if trying to evict the horrible memories from her mind.

Within a flash, Storm was next to Jubilee and putting her arms around her. "There is nothing wrong with you, Jubilee. It's alright to feel the way you do."

"There is no `correct' reaction to something like this," Jean said, her voice soothing and understanding. "There isn't one wrong or right way to react."

"Well how come all of you seem to be over it?" Jubilee asked. Her face was resting on Storm's shoulder but she was determined to not cry, and so far succeeding.

"Because people are all different, hon," Rogue said. "It's okay." She paused. "Look, sometimes I do get those bastards in my head and I see and hear the things they did and said. But I just chase it out of my head or go for a round in the Danger Room. That usually takes care of it."

"When I have those sorts of memories," Jean began, "I just think to how my life is now and feel much better. On earth it sometimes felt like everyone hated us. But think of the Endarians and how hospitable they have been to us. And I also think of the kindness and caring of the rest of the team. That makes me feel better."

They continued to talk and tranquilize Jubilee with comforting words. And as much as she knew she wanted to be treated as an adult, Jubilee had to admit that it felt good to have Storm hugging her and stroking her hair. After tending to a baby for most of the day, Jubilee felt nourished, letting someone else do the nurturing for her.

"So, where do we go from here?" Storm asked. "What can we do to help you feel better, Jubilee?"

"How the hell should I know?" Jubilee asked, partly in a flip tone and partly serious. She giggled, realizing how her reply sounded. Rogue returned her smile.

"The answers are often within," Storm said seriously, taking the words right out of Jean's mouth. "We often know best how to heal ourselves. What would you like, Jubilee? What would help erase those memories?"

Jubilee bit her tongue to keep from saying what she wanted to. Months ago, Storm had tried to help Jubilee with what it was she'd thought she wanted, what it was she thought would help. But Wolverine had not agreed to it, and that had been the end of that. Finally, Jubilee began in a somber voice, "I really don't know, Storm. I don't know if anything except time can take care of it. And sometimes I worry that time won't heal this wound."

"Would it help if we had another healing ceremony?" Jean asked.

"I don't know if that would do it," Jubilee said. She added, to herself, that the healing ceremonies that the four women had usually ended up with discussions of sex. Jubilee used to find that interesting but now had no desire at all to hear how wonderful in bed that the other women's lovers all were.

"Would it help if you were to talk one-on-one with us?" Storm asked. "Or if you were to give us a call on those nights you said you end up crying?"

"It might help. But I—I don't want to wake you," Jubilee said.

"You can wake me any time," Storm said empathetically. "Anytime you need me, I will be there for you."

"Me too," Rogue said, eagerly.

"And me too," Jean added with a smile. "Besides, once Christopher is born, I'm not going to get any sleep at night anyway."

Jubilee nodded. "I might just take one of you up on your offer sometime."

Storm smiled and looked at the other women. "Is there anything else? It just seems…." An idea popped into her head. "What about a monument?"

"What?" Jubilee asked.

"A monument, such as the one being built for the mutants who were killed. I've spoken with several of those who have been working on the project and they all said it was amazingly theraputic for them. They said it truly has been helping them. Maybe we need something like that for ourselves. Not just the four of us, but for all of the women who have been raped by FOH."

Storm didn't need any empathic powers to sense that her suggestion caused quite a stir among the three others. Just reading their facial expressions provided that information.

Rogue looked down at her shoes. "I dunno, Storm. A monument? I mean….seems that this is something I want to put behind me, not put on display for the world to see."

"Yeah, like `Hey, world, I was raped!'" Jubilee said. "I don't know if that would help."

Jean looked from Jubilee back to Rogue. "I guess I agree with those two. I'm not ashamed of what happened, but a monument is so….public."

Storm took a deep breath. "I would argue that we could use and deserve some sort of tribute for what we survived. But perhaps the lingering feelings of shame really are there among us."

Rogue shrugged. "I sure ain't ashamed of anything. I just don't want a monument."

"What about something less public?" Jean asked. "One of the mutants we saved on our first rescue mission---you all remember Cathy, right?---has worked as an art therapist. She is helping several of the survivors express their feelings through different art projects. I think it is helping….for those who want to do it. A group of people are starting work on a mural," Jean continued. "They're using it to express their frustrations about the past and their hopes for the future. It's not specifically about surviving rape, though. Both men and women are working on it."

"Would we benefit from a mural of our own?" Storm asked.

"I got it!" Jubilee said, snapping her fingers together. "I think I know what would help. Er----it might help me anyway. What if we were to have a ritual where we…cleaned the room?"

"The room?" Rogue asked. Then it came to her, which room Jubilee meant. "Oh." Rogue raised her eyebrows and looked at the others. "I think I might prefer burning sage, girl."

Jean looked at her nails. "I haven't entered that room since….well, since we were rescued. It's been a while since I've spent an extended amount of time on board Freedom, but I often caught myself walking the long way around to avoid having to pass by that room."

"Me too," Jubilee said. "I think I do it all the time."

"None of us have even been in there since the assaults, have we?" Storm asked. No one had.

Rogue sighed. "The ship cleans itself. So we don't like **need** to clean that room, do we? I mean, it won't be dirty in there?"

"Not at all," Storm said. "Like all of the rooms on the ship that we don't use, the floors and walls get cleaned at the push of a button, air is regularly pumped in and out. But I assume Jubilee is proposing we do this more as a healing ritual than anything else. Right, Jubilee?"

"Yeah," Jubilee replied. "Maybe this way we can wash away the memories, get rid of them. Though I guess if I'm the only one still bothered by it, maybe the rest of you aren't interested in this, huh?"

"I would be interested in it," Jean said. "If you're still bothered by what happened, then so am I. And maybe Storm was right when she said that we might have some lingering shame about this, despite what we say."

"I think it is a wonderful idea, Jubilee," Storm said. "Count me in."

All eyes turned to Rogue. "Oh, alright! I guess I'll grab my bucket and cleanser!" She smiled. "It couldn't hurt."

"It looks like this matter is settled, then," Storm said.

Silently, Jubilee told herself that if she didn't see improvement after this ritual, she was going to ask the Professor to erase her memory of the event. Her sleep had not improved.

"Hey guys," Rogue began, looking at the three sets of eyes watching her, "not everything is settled for me."

"What's on your mind?" Storm asked. "You have seen preoccupied today."

Rogue sighed. "I need your thoughts on something. Is it….is it wrong for us to be sitting here? To be taking this month off before another rescue mission? I mean, Remy and I had a little argument over this. I really wanna sit the next one out. Stay here on An'zhina, start planning our weddin' and our life together. But he wants to go on the next rescue mission. What do y'all think?"

Storm nodded. "It is a dilemma. I know Wolverine feels very strongly we should head back **now**."

"He made his feelings quite clear at the meeting," Jean said, remembering how the Canadian had strode out once the rest of the group decided to take four weeks off. She hoped desperately that Wolverine would be alright, though he had been in such a foul mood since his return. Once she had tried to approach him but he'd brushed her off.

"It is a difficult question to resolve," Storm said, "and I see both sides. We do need our rest. We do need time to rejuvenate before we take on FOH again. At the same time….it is sobering to think that there are mutants living day in and day out what we're trying to heal ourselves from."

"Yeah," Jubilee said. "We were tortured for a matter of like four days. There are women right now being….abused by FOH every day, and who've been their prisoners for months." Rogue looked pointedly in Jubilee's direction, mulling over her words. She remembered some of the details she had heard through the grapevine, of female prisoners being strapped to the bed. She remembered what she lived through and tried to imagine experiencing it for months on end.

"Some of the camps have been open for a year now," Storm added. She shuddered inwardly.

Jean nodded. "But we are only human, too. I am caught in the dilemma myself. I want very much to help---and I think I do that by helping the rescued mutants recover---yet at the same time, I just want what a lot of women want. I want to spend time with my husband, raising our children, away from danger. So I completely understand where you're coming from, Rogue. There is nothing wrong with wanting some time out."

"You have been an X-man for a long time," Storm said, looking at the younger woman. "For virtually all of your adult life, and you haven't had a break ever. I would not hold it against you if you wanted to sit out the next mission. I do not think anyone would."

Rogue nodded mutely. Jubilee's words kept ringing in her ears. She thanked the others for their help and came closer to making a decision.

Chapter 1

Chapter 3