Authors Note- Chapter 31 has been replaced... go read that authors note for all the details (not too many of those)
Chapter 32
I hold Sebastian's sleeping figure in my arms. It's about seven o'clock and the pains in my body have just begun to surface. I hate to wake him, but I think Carter wants to see him before anything goes. I sort of stole him last night. He needs to get his child under control. Sebastian is okay, but Madison is sure a candidate for therapy. And I do not need a medical degree to tell him that. She has no positive female role model in her life and a father that is wrapped around her finger. She'll turn out to be one of those mass murderers in the future or something if he doesn't do something. I start to shake Seb gently and his eyes flutter open. He gives me a smile but closes his eyes once again.
"Seb... Come on, let's go." He cringes his little nose and moans in protest. I start to stand and up walk towards the door. His feet hit the floor a few minutes later and he's my by side. He pulls on my shirt and I roll my eyes. This is going to be a definte strain, but if its going to be for anyone, I want it to be for the man I love. I lean down and pull him into my arms. I bite my tongue before Seb learns any new words that his father would never approve of. See, holding him isn't the problem. It's getting him up there that kills me. He puts his head on my shoulder and after the initial pain has passed I'm good to go, go straight to the bottle of Valium. I make it to the kitchen and put him onto one of the high stools. Requires much less work for me. He swings his feet on the edge and I walk to the refridgerator. So I've gotten used to the house and all, but I'm not as comfortable when Carter's around. I don't know. I feel like he's always watching me. And after last night's feasco I doubt he's going to be too pleased with me. I hear him walking into the kitchen and Seb puts his hands out towards his father. Carter picks him up and swings him around, giving him a kiss on the cheek. He puts him back down and I hand Seb a cup of milk. Carter looks at me, but I have no clue what I should do. He deserved everything I said to him. Seb finishes his milk, leaving a path of the white liquid all over his face. I instinctively wipe it with my hand and Carter puts him down. He's soon pushed away towards the play room, or his room, or whever he wants to go. I sit down in Seb's place and Carter goes to the seat across from me. I play with the cup that Sebastian left.
"Do you want me to take Seb so you can have time with Maddie?"
I give him a simple statement. He obviously needs time to figure out what to do with her.
"Why?" I want to hit him. I would if I could lift my arm far enough and high enough. What kind of question is why?
"Because your daughter obviously needs help." He shoots me a glance that would make anyone shut up. But of course that one person is not going to be me. I care for him, for his children. They may resent me, well at least Madison can, but they will resent any woman that comes into their life. Carter has sheltered Maddie too much.
"So now it's that obvious?" I sit straighter up, trying to ease the muscles in my back. I did not really need to end last night with an argument and start off today with an argument, but anything pretty much goes in this household. His seven year old daughter chased his four year old son around the house with a knife last night. That's absolutely normal. My mother did that to me before, but she was mentally unstable. There can be some things that can be excused, but not fully. Other things are just screaming for attention.
"I got through three and a half years of medical school as second in my class. I think I know a psychologically damaged child when I meet one." His face slowly eases from anger to questioning to shock. I hadn't exactly meant for it to come out that way. It just sort of did. I never thought that never finishing medical school would come back to haunt me, but in so many ways it has. But at least I've got his attention. Maybe if I present the facts, move him someway to at least talk with her. An amateur could do an evaluation on a kid. its not always that easy, but in this case I think it would be.
"Medical school?" I nod my head and wipe the streaks of condensation that formed on the cup. Its my best defense right now. The cup. He continues to look at me, amazed. I always liked the psychological stuff. I was pretty good at it, considering I had to understand my mother's diesase in order to save my life at times.
"Let me take Seb. I have to go to the hospital to fill out some paperwork and get my schedule set for next week. I'll take him to the park or something after that. He'll be in good hands. And you need to talk to her. You know this could be PTSD. It happens in children more and more. You can't let her go on like this. You'll destroy yourself."
I can see the reluctant expression on his face as he slowly gives in, and nods his head.
"Take her to see a specialist." I can see him take a deep sigh. I think the fact that he has a problem is really beginning to sink in right now. I get up and walk up to him. I take his hand and place a kiss on his cheek.
"It'll be okay. You'll see." He returns the kiss and squeezes my hand. The look of scheptisicm is clearly written on his face. I start towards my bedroom. I need to take a shower and get dressed. I've been thinking of doing something today, and I'm even more sure of it right now. We'll see what happens. I just hope I have enough courage to go through with it. Maddison walks by me, nose high in the air, pretending I don't exist. Sebastian lumpers after her, and I quickly block his way.
"You're coming with me today, okay kiddo?" He smiles and nods his head enthusiastically.I ruffle his hair and he dodges out of my grasp. I start towards my bedroom against, but not before I yell at him to go get ready. I hear Maddison screaming in the kitchen at Carter, another tantrum. She's had nothing but them since I've been here. I might be a factor, but it doesn't necessarily mean it never happened before. Carter just seems to ignore it. I wish he would just smack her cute little butt once and she's shut up for a while. Its what parents have done for ages and ages hence. It hasn't caused any permanent mental damage and hasn't scarred kids for life. She might learn a little more respect while he's at it too. I wish I knew why she hated me so much. I have a few ideas but they seem to change every day.
I shed my clothes and step into the shower. The warm water cleanses my body of all the inpurities of the days and I suddenly feel alive again. Such a strange thing a little bit of water can do. I make it quick though, because I know Sebastian, and by noon he's going to be dying to take a nap. I step out and towel dry my hair, wrapping another towel around my body. I walk back into my room, and there's a subtle knocking at the door. The door opens a few seconds later and Carter comes walking in.
"Do you want to go with us to the hospital? I got in with Dr. Edwards." Sure why not, the more the merrier right? At least that means I don't have to drive and I don't have to walk much. I nod my head and I can feel him walking closer and closer to me. I push the hair out of my face that keeps on falling there as I shift through my clothes. I feel his lips against the edge of my neck, he's starting to tickle my skin. His hands wander aimlessly around my body and I find myself leaning into him. I turn my head and meet his lips as his hand slips almost hidden under the white towel. His dry hands meet my wet body in a nice fashion, but I reach and pull his hand out from his journey. I haven't had sex in weeks. I'm lusting just as much as he is. But right now is not the time. We are not stable as a relationship, and we've got two kids to factor into the equation, one of which hates me. I doubt having sex with her father will make her like me any more. I doubt she even knows what sex is. I just know that right now isn't the time. I pull away from his kiss and he dejectedly starts back towards the door. I wish I could give him some reassurance, but I don't know when it will be the right time. I decide on a pair of black pants and a dark grey shirt. I'm always the brightly dressed cheery one lighting up a room. At least the shirt is button up so there is no painful pulling over head action going on. After that, I walk back into the kitchen, grabbing my pills from their place on top of the refrigerator. They are in best access for me there. I take my dosages and drink them down with Carter's coffee, which I conveniently stole from his hand. Stolen coffee always tastes much better anyway. Stolen kisses always taste the sweetest.
Chapter 32
I hold Sebastian's sleeping figure in my arms. It's about seven o'clock and the pains in my body have just begun to surface. I hate to wake him, but I think Carter wants to see him before anything goes. I sort of stole him last night. He needs to get his child under control. Sebastian is okay, but Madison is sure a candidate for therapy. And I do not need a medical degree to tell him that. She has no positive female role model in her life and a father that is wrapped around her finger. She'll turn out to be one of those mass murderers in the future or something if he doesn't do something. I start to shake Seb gently and his eyes flutter open. He gives me a smile but closes his eyes once again.
"Seb... Come on, let's go." He cringes his little nose and moans in protest. I start to stand and up walk towards the door. His feet hit the floor a few minutes later and he's my by side. He pulls on my shirt and I roll my eyes. This is going to be a definte strain, but if its going to be for anyone, I want it to be for the man I love. I lean down and pull him into my arms. I bite my tongue before Seb learns any new words that his father would never approve of. See, holding him isn't the problem. It's getting him up there that kills me. He puts his head on my shoulder and after the initial pain has passed I'm good to go, go straight to the bottle of Valium. I make it to the kitchen and put him onto one of the high stools. Requires much less work for me. He swings his feet on the edge and I walk to the refridgerator. So I've gotten used to the house and all, but I'm not as comfortable when Carter's around. I don't know. I feel like he's always watching me. And after last night's feasco I doubt he's going to be too pleased with me. I hear him walking into the kitchen and Seb puts his hands out towards his father. Carter picks him up and swings him around, giving him a kiss on the cheek. He puts him back down and I hand Seb a cup of milk. Carter looks at me, but I have no clue what I should do. He deserved everything I said to him. Seb finishes his milk, leaving a path of the white liquid all over his face. I instinctively wipe it with my hand and Carter puts him down. He's soon pushed away towards the play room, or his room, or whever he wants to go. I sit down in Seb's place and Carter goes to the seat across from me. I play with the cup that Sebastian left.
"Do you want me to take Seb so you can have time with Maddie?"
I give him a simple statement. He obviously needs time to figure out what to do with her.
"Why?" I want to hit him. I would if I could lift my arm far enough and high enough. What kind of question is why?
"Because your daughter obviously needs help." He shoots me a glance that would make anyone shut up. But of course that one person is not going to be me. I care for him, for his children. They may resent me, well at least Madison can, but they will resent any woman that comes into their life. Carter has sheltered Maddie too much.
"So now it's that obvious?" I sit straighter up, trying to ease the muscles in my back. I did not really need to end last night with an argument and start off today with an argument, but anything pretty much goes in this household. His seven year old daughter chased his four year old son around the house with a knife last night. That's absolutely normal. My mother did that to me before, but she was mentally unstable. There can be some things that can be excused, but not fully. Other things are just screaming for attention.
"I got through three and a half years of medical school as second in my class. I think I know a psychologically damaged child when I meet one." His face slowly eases from anger to questioning to shock. I hadn't exactly meant for it to come out that way. It just sort of did. I never thought that never finishing medical school would come back to haunt me, but in so many ways it has. But at least I've got his attention. Maybe if I present the facts, move him someway to at least talk with her. An amateur could do an evaluation on a kid. its not always that easy, but in this case I think it would be.
"Medical school?" I nod my head and wipe the streaks of condensation that formed on the cup. Its my best defense right now. The cup. He continues to look at me, amazed. I always liked the psychological stuff. I was pretty good at it, considering I had to understand my mother's diesase in order to save my life at times.
"Let me take Seb. I have to go to the hospital to fill out some paperwork and get my schedule set for next week. I'll take him to the park or something after that. He'll be in good hands. And you need to talk to her. You know this could be PTSD. It happens in children more and more. You can't let her go on like this. You'll destroy yourself."
I can see the reluctant expression on his face as he slowly gives in, and nods his head.
"Take her to see a specialist." I can see him take a deep sigh. I think the fact that he has a problem is really beginning to sink in right now. I get up and walk up to him. I take his hand and place a kiss on his cheek.
"It'll be okay. You'll see." He returns the kiss and squeezes my hand. The look of scheptisicm is clearly written on his face. I start towards my bedroom. I need to take a shower and get dressed. I've been thinking of doing something today, and I'm even more sure of it right now. We'll see what happens. I just hope I have enough courage to go through with it. Maddison walks by me, nose high in the air, pretending I don't exist. Sebastian lumpers after her, and I quickly block his way.
"You're coming with me today, okay kiddo?" He smiles and nods his head enthusiastically.I ruffle his hair and he dodges out of my grasp. I start towards my bedroom against, but not before I yell at him to go get ready. I hear Maddison screaming in the kitchen at Carter, another tantrum. She's had nothing but them since I've been here. I might be a factor, but it doesn't necessarily mean it never happened before. Carter just seems to ignore it. I wish he would just smack her cute little butt once and she's shut up for a while. Its what parents have done for ages and ages hence. It hasn't caused any permanent mental damage and hasn't scarred kids for life. She might learn a little more respect while he's at it too. I wish I knew why she hated me so much. I have a few ideas but they seem to change every day.
I shed my clothes and step into the shower. The warm water cleanses my body of all the inpurities of the days and I suddenly feel alive again. Such a strange thing a little bit of water can do. I make it quick though, because I know Sebastian, and by noon he's going to be dying to take a nap. I step out and towel dry my hair, wrapping another towel around my body. I walk back into my room, and there's a subtle knocking at the door. The door opens a few seconds later and Carter comes walking in.
"Do you want to go with us to the hospital? I got in with Dr. Edwards." Sure why not, the more the merrier right? At least that means I don't have to drive and I don't have to walk much. I nod my head and I can feel him walking closer and closer to me. I push the hair out of my face that keeps on falling there as I shift through my clothes. I feel his lips against the edge of my neck, he's starting to tickle my skin. His hands wander aimlessly around my body and I find myself leaning into him. I turn my head and meet his lips as his hand slips almost hidden under the white towel. His dry hands meet my wet body in a nice fashion, but I reach and pull his hand out from his journey. I haven't had sex in weeks. I'm lusting just as much as he is. But right now is not the time. We are not stable as a relationship, and we've got two kids to factor into the equation, one of which hates me. I doubt having sex with her father will make her like me any more. I doubt she even knows what sex is. I just know that right now isn't the time. I pull away from his kiss and he dejectedly starts back towards the door. I wish I could give him some reassurance, but I don't know when it will be the right time. I decide on a pair of black pants and a dark grey shirt. I'm always the brightly dressed cheery one lighting up a room. At least the shirt is button up so there is no painful pulling over head action going on. After that, I walk back into the kitchen, grabbing my pills from their place on top of the refrigerator. They are in best access for me there. I take my dosages and drink them down with Carter's coffee, which I conveniently stole from his hand. Stolen coffee always tastes much better anyway. Stolen kisses always taste the sweetest.