Authors Note- I responded to your reviews, thank you very much for revieiwing.
Rating- A14... (It has some content some people may not like.)
Chapter 35
The door opens with a definitive creak. I juggle Madison on one arm, Seb on the other. I place Madison in her bed, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead. Even though she puts me through hell from time to time, I still love her. She's my life. So is this little guy. I rub his back, as he cuddles up closer to me. I realise it could be pretty tough to get him into his own bed. I leave Maddies bedroom, heading straight for Sebastian's. I try to get him into his own bed. His grip just tightens around my neck, his legs still wrapped around my waist. Soon he is hanging from me like a monkey on a tree. I cave and pick him up again, he sighs against my shoulder. Okay, you win this time little guy, but only because I am too tired to fight with you. Carrying him down the stairs and into the kitchen I spy something on the kitchen table. I finger the piece of paper...
Carter,
Call me when you've stopped being such a pompous, self involved jackass.
Abby.
I scrunch the paper in the palm of my hands. Great. I run my fingers along the edge of the key she left, also. Maybe I wasn't the nicest to her, she wasn't exactly a saint either. I am sick of being made out as the bad guy. I wasn't driving the car that hit her. I am sick and fucking tired of her judging my parenting. I quickly, without another thought, grab the phone and dial her phone number. It rings a few times, I use this time to strategically place Sebastian on the couch. He moans a little, but eventually relaxes.
"Hello?"
"Oh what, so now you're breaking up with me?" I say it with a little more anger and force then I originally intended. I lower my voice a little bit remembering Seb is sleeping in the next room.
"Hello to you too, Carter. How am I? Oh I'm okay, other than my boyfriend being a complete asshole too me. Not the understanding man I thought he was when we first started dating." Her sarcasm does not pass me.
"What do you want me to say, Abby. Huh? Do you want me to pity you 'cause you were afraid, so you do what you always do and succumbed to your fears? Do you want me to bring back those children that, unfortunately, you lost? Or hey, why don't I just knock you up, cause right now that would be the most plausible thing to do..." I trail off, running my fingers recklessly through my hair. Knocking over the few strands that were still standing. I don't really care, I'm not going anywhere or seeing anyone. I don't have to look nice.
"Yeah Carter, get me pregnant that will help!" She fires back. Actually it probably would a little. At least it would help my sex life. Which is pretty much non existent, the odd kiss from Abby is all I seem to be getting, lately. Its better then before for the most part Susan's, 'hello' and 'goodbye,' kisses were all I would get.
"Hey, you never know with you. Your mood seems to changing every day." Okay, so what, we're a little immature.
"I pour my heart out to you... Okay, I scream my heart out to you... Things I have never told anyone before. This is how you react." She sighs, obviously hurt. I am not giving in yet though. I will win this one, for sake of being stubborn.
"You want sympathy? You rip my parenting skill to shreds. Something I was so fucking afraid of doing in the first place. The one thing I am so unsure of, I couldn't fathom having to raise these kids alone, when we had them. Then it was dropped into my lap. Everyday I fear I might be screwing them up in some way. Then someone, who I feel strongly for, comes and verifies those fears. Now you want me to be sympathetic to you?" First she could show me the same respect. Then she just might get it back.
"Goodbye Carter." Click. Figures. That's all it takes for Abby, she's a runner. Never one to confront her fears, confront problematic situations... She's a runner. Its as simple as that.
Food seems like the only option right now. I will drown myself in my miseries by eating. Then I will be like a teenage girl whine about how fat I am for a few days. Okay, well maybe not the last part. I am a little puzzled, so are we officially over? It doesn't really seem like it. It seems as though we are in a fight right now. One that I am having an impossible time trying to find a solution for it. I would normally tell anyone else who budded into my life to back the hell out, but she is different. She's someone I want muddling and budding into my life. What I don't understand is that if she was so afraid of having her own child, why does she feel like she has the authority to critique the job I am doing on my children. She was afraid of doing the same thing I am now doing, so why does she rip me apart? I think I am actually doing a suffice job. Yeah, Madison is a little devil. But I think that is an accumulation of things, not just my parenting. I booked three appointments with Dr. Edwards for her, so maybe she can get some help. I really want her too. I don't need her ending up in a straight jacket, locked in a padded room, with a stamp that says 'insane' on her forehead, when she's older.
"Daddy?" I pop a grape into my mouth, I'm eating healthy trying to work on my fine physique. I look at Madison, her hands up to her face, rubbing her tired eyes.
"Yeah?" She walks over to me hugging herself to my leg. I rub her hair, she hasn't been sweet to me in a while. Is this because Abby left? She was friendlier towards Abby today than she was to me. But that could of been a momentary glitch in her master plan. An emotional moment.
"Does Abby hate me?" Good question. I don't think so, I think she is frustrated and wonders why Maddie has such a strong dislike for her.
"No why?" I lower myself to her level, sensing the urgency and fear in her voice. If Abby hates anyone right now I think it would be me. Not that I don't have the same feelings for her. At the moment. Not all the time, just right now.
"Cause she left." A tear escapes her eyes, tracing its way down her cheek. I quickly wipe it away. Yeah, she left cause of me kiddo. If she was going to leave because of you she would have done it a long time ago. "I'll be nice to her." She collapses into my arms. Her head buried in my shoulder. "I promise." I pick her sobbing form up, taking her into the room where Sebastian sleeps. Now if I could just get her to tell Abby that. Maybe she was just testing Abby this whole time. Pushing her away seeing if she would come back. Its a possibility, hell anything is right now. She lost her mother, she doesn't want to loose another person who is like a mother. She won't. Not if I can help it. Something itches inside of me, telling to call Abby... Apologise, if not for the sake of our somewhat mangled relationship, for the sake of my somewhat mangled daughter. I fight the annoying pressure off. I won't cave. At least not yet. Madison's tears seem to have subsided. Her head resting against my chest. I yelled at her after I got through with yelling at Abby. I don't really regret it. I know some of that anger was targeted towards Abby, but Madison deserved to be hollered at. She hasn't been taught any lessons and she needed for that to happen.
"Honey. She left because of me. I had a fight with Abby. Abby wouldn't leave because of you." I can feel her nod into my chest. I'm not sure that has soothed her worries, but it will have to do for now.
~*~
"Med School?" She looks up from her charts. Her eyes focused on my own. She just shrugs, walking in the opposite direction. "The kids miss you." I follow her, I can see she is trying to get rid of me. It won't be that easy. I haven't seen her in two weeks, I'm not going to let this go very easily.
"I'm more concerned if their father misses me." She tucks the chart under her arms. Her eyes lock on mine, I've managed to corner her just outside an exam room. I physically corner her, she mentally and emotionally corners me. My mouth is agape... I am not sure what to say. I do miss her, but I don't want to admit it. That would be admitting I am wrong. "Well, that's the reaction I expected." She shrugs pushing past me.
"So, what prompted med school?" She shrugs again. Nothing. Nota? Yeah right. I can't be sure, but I am assuming it dates back to around two weeks ago, when we got into a couple of yelling matches. I can't be sure though, I don't want to be conceited and think I had anything to do with this.
"Look Carter, I have to go back upstairs." She calls over her shoulder at me. I stop in my tracks watching her go back upstairs. I miss the closeness between us. I can feel a definite distance, I can feel us growing even further apart if I don't do something quickly. Seeing as she won't I will. I don't really want to, and this is no means a way of apologizing. I am just doing this for our relationship, and my kids. Yes, my kids. I jog up along side her.
"Come over tonight." She shoots me a questioning glance, but doesn't slow down. "Just come over, it doesn't have to be for dinner. We can talk... Or whatever... or you could spend time with the kids, Madison has been asking about you." She rolls her eyes, releasing a bitter laugh. What, she really has been. As hard as that may be to believe Madison actually misses Abby. Sometimes I wonder if she just misses Abby, because she could be mean to her. But she has Maddie has Sebastian for that, so that can't possibly be the case.
"I don't know." You never do.
"Just come." I leave her standing there. I am not saying anything more. Nothing more needs to be said. She just has to be there. I want her there. I know she wants to be there. A smile washes over myself. I am kind of proud too. She went back. She'll be a great doctor, she was a great nurse, she'll be an even greater Doctor. No doubt in my mind about it. I wonder how she is swinging that financially. It must be pretty tight. She couldn't be picking up too many nursing shifts, she'd still be pretty run down from the accident. If she needs help all she has to do is ask.
~*~
This has to have been the longest day of my life. I haven't seen Abby since earlier today, seeing as its now ten at night, I am assuming she is not coming over. I untuck the tail of shirts from my tightly fastened pants. Walking into the bedroom I flick on the light. Not to sound like a pig, but I was hoping maybe we could make up then make out. Hm, I guess that won't be happening at least not today. I gave her, her key back though. I slipped it into the locker, just in case we weren't home. I have been talking the kids to the park lately, so that was always a possibility. Although we didn't do that tonight. I quickly unbutton my shirt, throwing it over a chair. I stop, so I can't fool around with Abby that doesn't mean I can't... That's how I have been getting by these last couple of years. That could be how I have to get by for the rest of my life, especially if I keep being such a dick to women. I pull of my pants, throwing them on the same chair as my shirt. Speaking of dicks... I lay on top of my bed, preparing to give myself the only relief I will ever get, unless Abby miraculously shows up, which I am not sure would be a good thing, considering the position I am in right now.
~Review Responses~
(Chapter 33)
Kayla- They do fight a lot, but things could always get better for them. Madison is a brat... So far.
tars- We did include the abortion in the story, we felt it would help to escalate Abby's baby woes, so to speak... But she lost her baby with Luka due to the accident, the aborotion was with Richard, as it is in the show.
smilez4eva- Yah, I would hate to be lost in County. It would suck. Unless of course I was with Carter the whole time ;)... But she is his daughter so... lol
(Chapter 34)
Kayla- Abby was a bit pissed, I can see both sides though.
ERCarbyLuva- Don't worry, we have 40 chapters done, and I am almost finished Chapter 41.
illbethere4u- Thank you very Much. No we are not yet finished, we only have 40 almost 41 chapters done. We wrote another fic together, Hate To Love And Back, and had 107 chapters I think... But I don't think we will get that many with this story.
smilez4eva- Thanks... Yeah, I wish they would have dealt with their problems in the show :(... Oh, I meant to ask you what happened with Molly's story? I liked it lol... Oh and I hated reading Frankenstien... lol I don't even Think I finished it.
~Preview~
I go up the stairs, unless he's already sleeping. Then I'll just leave. I get to his door, I push down on the handle very gently, hoping to god that he's asleep. I push the door open, almost unheard. But what I find is definitely NOT a sleeping Carter.
Rating- A14... (It has some content some people may not like.)
Chapter 35
The door opens with a definitive creak. I juggle Madison on one arm, Seb on the other. I place Madison in her bed, leaning down to place a kiss on her forehead. Even though she puts me through hell from time to time, I still love her. She's my life. So is this little guy. I rub his back, as he cuddles up closer to me. I realise it could be pretty tough to get him into his own bed. I leave Maddies bedroom, heading straight for Sebastian's. I try to get him into his own bed. His grip just tightens around my neck, his legs still wrapped around my waist. Soon he is hanging from me like a monkey on a tree. I cave and pick him up again, he sighs against my shoulder. Okay, you win this time little guy, but only because I am too tired to fight with you. Carrying him down the stairs and into the kitchen I spy something on the kitchen table. I finger the piece of paper...
Carter,
Call me when you've stopped being such a pompous, self involved jackass.
Abby.
I scrunch the paper in the palm of my hands. Great. I run my fingers along the edge of the key she left, also. Maybe I wasn't the nicest to her, she wasn't exactly a saint either. I am sick of being made out as the bad guy. I wasn't driving the car that hit her. I am sick and fucking tired of her judging my parenting. I quickly, without another thought, grab the phone and dial her phone number. It rings a few times, I use this time to strategically place Sebastian on the couch. He moans a little, but eventually relaxes.
"Hello?"
"Oh what, so now you're breaking up with me?" I say it with a little more anger and force then I originally intended. I lower my voice a little bit remembering Seb is sleeping in the next room.
"Hello to you too, Carter. How am I? Oh I'm okay, other than my boyfriend being a complete asshole too me. Not the understanding man I thought he was when we first started dating." Her sarcasm does not pass me.
"What do you want me to say, Abby. Huh? Do you want me to pity you 'cause you were afraid, so you do what you always do and succumbed to your fears? Do you want me to bring back those children that, unfortunately, you lost? Or hey, why don't I just knock you up, cause right now that would be the most plausible thing to do..." I trail off, running my fingers recklessly through my hair. Knocking over the few strands that were still standing. I don't really care, I'm not going anywhere or seeing anyone. I don't have to look nice.
"Yeah Carter, get me pregnant that will help!" She fires back. Actually it probably would a little. At least it would help my sex life. Which is pretty much non existent, the odd kiss from Abby is all I seem to be getting, lately. Its better then before for the most part Susan's, 'hello' and 'goodbye,' kisses were all I would get.
"Hey, you never know with you. Your mood seems to changing every day." Okay, so what, we're a little immature.
"I pour my heart out to you... Okay, I scream my heart out to you... Things I have never told anyone before. This is how you react." She sighs, obviously hurt. I am not giving in yet though. I will win this one, for sake of being stubborn.
"You want sympathy? You rip my parenting skill to shreds. Something I was so fucking afraid of doing in the first place. The one thing I am so unsure of, I couldn't fathom having to raise these kids alone, when we had them. Then it was dropped into my lap. Everyday I fear I might be screwing them up in some way. Then someone, who I feel strongly for, comes and verifies those fears. Now you want me to be sympathetic to you?" First she could show me the same respect. Then she just might get it back.
"Goodbye Carter." Click. Figures. That's all it takes for Abby, she's a runner. Never one to confront her fears, confront problematic situations... She's a runner. Its as simple as that.
Food seems like the only option right now. I will drown myself in my miseries by eating. Then I will be like a teenage girl whine about how fat I am for a few days. Okay, well maybe not the last part. I am a little puzzled, so are we officially over? It doesn't really seem like it. It seems as though we are in a fight right now. One that I am having an impossible time trying to find a solution for it. I would normally tell anyone else who budded into my life to back the hell out, but she is different. She's someone I want muddling and budding into my life. What I don't understand is that if she was so afraid of having her own child, why does she feel like she has the authority to critique the job I am doing on my children. She was afraid of doing the same thing I am now doing, so why does she rip me apart? I think I am actually doing a suffice job. Yeah, Madison is a little devil. But I think that is an accumulation of things, not just my parenting. I booked three appointments with Dr. Edwards for her, so maybe she can get some help. I really want her too. I don't need her ending up in a straight jacket, locked in a padded room, with a stamp that says 'insane' on her forehead, when she's older.
"Daddy?" I pop a grape into my mouth, I'm eating healthy trying to work on my fine physique. I look at Madison, her hands up to her face, rubbing her tired eyes.
"Yeah?" She walks over to me hugging herself to my leg. I rub her hair, she hasn't been sweet to me in a while. Is this because Abby left? She was friendlier towards Abby today than she was to me. But that could of been a momentary glitch in her master plan. An emotional moment.
"Does Abby hate me?" Good question. I don't think so, I think she is frustrated and wonders why Maddie has such a strong dislike for her.
"No why?" I lower myself to her level, sensing the urgency and fear in her voice. If Abby hates anyone right now I think it would be me. Not that I don't have the same feelings for her. At the moment. Not all the time, just right now.
"Cause she left." A tear escapes her eyes, tracing its way down her cheek. I quickly wipe it away. Yeah, she left cause of me kiddo. If she was going to leave because of you she would have done it a long time ago. "I'll be nice to her." She collapses into my arms. Her head buried in my shoulder. "I promise." I pick her sobbing form up, taking her into the room where Sebastian sleeps. Now if I could just get her to tell Abby that. Maybe she was just testing Abby this whole time. Pushing her away seeing if she would come back. Its a possibility, hell anything is right now. She lost her mother, she doesn't want to loose another person who is like a mother. She won't. Not if I can help it. Something itches inside of me, telling to call Abby... Apologise, if not for the sake of our somewhat mangled relationship, for the sake of my somewhat mangled daughter. I fight the annoying pressure off. I won't cave. At least not yet. Madison's tears seem to have subsided. Her head resting against my chest. I yelled at her after I got through with yelling at Abby. I don't really regret it. I know some of that anger was targeted towards Abby, but Madison deserved to be hollered at. She hasn't been taught any lessons and she needed for that to happen.
"Honey. She left because of me. I had a fight with Abby. Abby wouldn't leave because of you." I can feel her nod into my chest. I'm not sure that has soothed her worries, but it will have to do for now.
~*~
"Med School?" She looks up from her charts. Her eyes focused on my own. She just shrugs, walking in the opposite direction. "The kids miss you." I follow her, I can see she is trying to get rid of me. It won't be that easy. I haven't seen her in two weeks, I'm not going to let this go very easily.
"I'm more concerned if their father misses me." She tucks the chart under her arms. Her eyes lock on mine, I've managed to corner her just outside an exam room. I physically corner her, she mentally and emotionally corners me. My mouth is agape... I am not sure what to say. I do miss her, but I don't want to admit it. That would be admitting I am wrong. "Well, that's the reaction I expected." She shrugs pushing past me.
"So, what prompted med school?" She shrugs again. Nothing. Nota? Yeah right. I can't be sure, but I am assuming it dates back to around two weeks ago, when we got into a couple of yelling matches. I can't be sure though, I don't want to be conceited and think I had anything to do with this.
"Look Carter, I have to go back upstairs." She calls over her shoulder at me. I stop in my tracks watching her go back upstairs. I miss the closeness between us. I can feel a definite distance, I can feel us growing even further apart if I don't do something quickly. Seeing as she won't I will. I don't really want to, and this is no means a way of apologizing. I am just doing this for our relationship, and my kids. Yes, my kids. I jog up along side her.
"Come over tonight." She shoots me a questioning glance, but doesn't slow down. "Just come over, it doesn't have to be for dinner. We can talk... Or whatever... or you could spend time with the kids, Madison has been asking about you." She rolls her eyes, releasing a bitter laugh. What, she really has been. As hard as that may be to believe Madison actually misses Abby. Sometimes I wonder if she just misses Abby, because she could be mean to her. But she has Maddie has Sebastian for that, so that can't possibly be the case.
"I don't know." You never do.
"Just come." I leave her standing there. I am not saying anything more. Nothing more needs to be said. She just has to be there. I want her there. I know she wants to be there. A smile washes over myself. I am kind of proud too. She went back. She'll be a great doctor, she was a great nurse, she'll be an even greater Doctor. No doubt in my mind about it. I wonder how she is swinging that financially. It must be pretty tight. She couldn't be picking up too many nursing shifts, she'd still be pretty run down from the accident. If she needs help all she has to do is ask.
~*~
This has to have been the longest day of my life. I haven't seen Abby since earlier today, seeing as its now ten at night, I am assuming she is not coming over. I untuck the tail of shirts from my tightly fastened pants. Walking into the bedroom I flick on the light. Not to sound like a pig, but I was hoping maybe we could make up then make out. Hm, I guess that won't be happening at least not today. I gave her, her key back though. I slipped it into the locker, just in case we weren't home. I have been talking the kids to the park lately, so that was always a possibility. Although we didn't do that tonight. I quickly unbutton my shirt, throwing it over a chair. I stop, so I can't fool around with Abby that doesn't mean I can't... That's how I have been getting by these last couple of years. That could be how I have to get by for the rest of my life, especially if I keep being such a dick to women. I pull of my pants, throwing them on the same chair as my shirt. Speaking of dicks... I lay on top of my bed, preparing to give myself the only relief I will ever get, unless Abby miraculously shows up, which I am not sure would be a good thing, considering the position I am in right now.
~Review Responses~
(Chapter 33)
Kayla- They do fight a lot, but things could always get better for them. Madison is a brat... So far.
tars- We did include the abortion in the story, we felt it would help to escalate Abby's baby woes, so to speak... But she lost her baby with Luka due to the accident, the aborotion was with Richard, as it is in the show.
smilez4eva- Yah, I would hate to be lost in County. It would suck. Unless of course I was with Carter the whole time ;)... But she is his daughter so... lol
(Chapter 34)
Kayla- Abby was a bit pissed, I can see both sides though.
ERCarbyLuva- Don't worry, we have 40 chapters done, and I am almost finished Chapter 41.
illbethere4u- Thank you very Much. No we are not yet finished, we only have 40 almost 41 chapters done. We wrote another fic together, Hate To Love And Back, and had 107 chapters I think... But I don't think we will get that many with this story.
smilez4eva- Thanks... Yeah, I wish they would have dealt with their problems in the show :(... Oh, I meant to ask you what happened with Molly's story? I liked it lol... Oh and I hated reading Frankenstien... lol I don't even Think I finished it.
~Preview~
I go up the stairs, unless he's already sleeping. Then I'll just leave. I get to his door, I push down on the handle very gently, hoping to god that he's asleep. I push the door open, almost unheard. But what I find is definitely NOT a sleeping Carter.