Authors Note- Hey all, I just wanted to say, I know some people are seeing the similarities between this fic, and Hate To Love And Back, as we also have. We are trying to staying as far away from that as possible, but it is a little tricky, because the plots are a bit similar. Anyways, if you have any ideas of how we can do this fic a little differently, it would be greatly appreciated, thanks. Thanks for all the reviews too! :)
Chapter 42
I splash my face with the ice cold water in an attempt to stay awake. I barely got any sleep last night, I spent a lot of time thinking about the relationship Carter and I had. It's really quite complicated, way too complicated for me to even begin to explain. I trudge into the lounge, my shift ending in about fifteen minutes, and those last minutes seem endless. I doubt I can make it home and into bed. I collapse on the sofa and stare at the seconds as they rotate around the clock. The door swings open and Carter walks in. I have no clue where we stand right now. I don't really care to be bothered with those questions right now. He's working the night shift, I wonder where the kids are.
"I'm off in about ten minutes, if you want me to take Maddie and Seb for the night?"
He places his coat into his locker and throws his bag in as well. I watch him methodically do these things, like he does every day if he's working. I pull on the pockets of my lab coat. They are filled with note cards and pens, and a jumble of other items I think I might need through a shift. Including a large bottle of Advil. He slams his locker shut and he looks past me.
"I think it would be best for all of us if you stayed away from my children for a while."
I glare at him in shock for a few minutes. I have no clue what's running through my head. The one thing that I've learned to depend on and to love, the one thing that led me to trust again is being ripped away from me, like the air just vacuumed out of my lungs. I want to scream and yell at him. I want to tell him he's sheltering them too much, that he tries to love them, but the love of one person is not always enough, I love them as much as he does. I would do anything for them, even Madison. I don't say anything. I hold everything inside, but my nails are digging into my skin, keeping me from screaming.
"Fine." I start walking towards the door. Whatever he wants. Its not my life. If he permanently screws up their lives, then its none of my fault. I just wish I could steal Maddie and Seb and take them away with me. I make it down the hallway before I hear him call my name. I stop and I hear his feet hit the linoleum floor until he's breathing lightly behind me.
"Wait." He starts to open his mouth slightly, as if he was forming the words, but they never came out. He tries again, and fails miserably. Why am I standing here waiting for this? I turn back around and head towards the desk to clock out. I hear a voice calling for her dad and I catch a glance of Maddie's curls in the corner of my eye. Carter is a few inches away from me.
"Dad, Seb's asking for mom." I know Carter looked at me, because I felt his eyes burning through my back, but I didn't respond. This is what he wanted. I reach the desk and finally turn around, only because I have to. I watch him carrying Maddie back towards Susan. Seb's in Susan's arms, crying. He's actually crying for me. God, I hate the pain this idiot is causing me. It's all Carter's fault. I want to go back there and take Seb out of her arms and into mine and hold him until he stops crying. But I can't. I grit my teeth and punch out. I walk around, hoping that the scene will dissipate, and surely it will. After about fifteen minutes of needless wandering, I get back to the lounge and grab my stuff. I look at the picture of Seb on my locker door, and I want to cry. I can feel the tears forming, I want my Sebastian. I walk out of the lounge and back to my mail drawer. I'm waiting for residency confirmations. I have no clue where I'm going. I'm hoping I'm staying here. I pray for it every single day, but I never know. I pull out some memo's, paperwork and junk mail, and then the letter on the bottom looks official. I throw the stuff back into the drawer besides the letter. I rip the side open and pull out the letter. It's from the hospital I applied to in Minneapolis. I've been accepted.
I never really thought I would get in. I just applied for the sake of applying. I guess there was some hidden reason in the back of my mind of being closer to Eric and Maggie, but other than that, there was no real pull to move anywhere. But it seems like a great opportunity at this very inopportune moment. I'm off the next three day. I should fly down and check things out before I accept anything. I can go with Maggie, and stop by and see my little brother. He's not so little anymore, he's taller and fatter than I am. But he's a guy, so what do you expect?
I stick the envelope into my bag and start towards the L. I want to go home. I need to go home. That warm soft bed is calling my name and all I want to do is give in to its fair request. It takes me about fifteen minutes to get home on a good day. And today was definitely a very good day in travel. As soon as I walked through the door, Maggie was up and running, making me food. I had to decline her offer. I'm too tired to even sit and chew. I need one of those liquid diet things, so I can eat while I sleep or something of the sort. I quickly strip my clothes and find an old shirt. I throw it on and climb under the covers. I need sleep. My eyes drift slowly closed and I can feel myself falling into a deep sleep.
The phone knocks me out of my sweet little dreamland. I grab it off the stand and groggily manage a hello. I look at the clock, it's almost four in the morning, not even. Who the fuck calls at four in the morning, especially when I'm tired and just worked non-stop for a few hours? Susan's voice comes over the phone and I almost forgive the intrusion of sleep.
"What happened, Susan?" I hear her breathe a deep exasperated sigh. So her night probably wasn't as restful as mine. I wish mine was longer though.
"It's Seb. He's been crying for you all night. I don't know what happened between you and Carter, and I don't care. Get you ass down here now." I collapse back against the soft pillows. I can almost feel his shaking body in my arms and the warm drops as they cascade into my shirt and skin. I shake my head no. He didn't want me there. I'm not going. I know its Sebastian. But Carter's request rules all. Sebastian knows I would always be there. He's smarter than that. He knows something is probably up. I just don't' want to be the one to explain that his father is a jackass to him.
"I can't. Carter wants me away from them. Let me sleep." I hear her whine on the other line. She's growing frustrated and doesn't' know what else to do. I can bet Carter won't get the poor kid to stop crying about now. I don't 'know what it is, but me and Sebastian have formed a bond that no one can break.
"I can't, Susan. He made it perfectly clear today. Plus I'm flying out this morning."
I hear the phone call and she quickly grabs it. She puts it back up to her hear and apologizes. She has nothing to apologize for.
"Flying out where?" I run my hand through my hair. I definitely need a shower. I feel like crap and I'm covered in sweat.
"Minnesota. I got accepted to a residency in Minneapolis."
Minnesota isn't such a bad place. They probably don't' have as many shootings and car crashes, probably less work and more money, definitely more rest. I wouldn't mind moving there. I would be with my mother and brother, and I would be able to make sure they were still on their meds.
"You're not serious, are you? Because of what Carter did?" I roll my eyes. I wish she was close enough, cause then I would have hit her.
"No. I placed the application a long time ago, weeks before Carter. I want to be closer to my family." Because Minneapolis and Chicago are right next door and I don't' worry about my family at all, even though they drive me insane.
"Well half of your family is here." What family? A few friends and a boyfriend that doesn't want me. Sure that sounds very tempting. And a great reason to stick around. I don't think so. I can start over in Minneapolis. A new life almost, I will be a doctor. I can meet someone who doesn't know my past. Maybe I can even find true happiness. Who knows what is possible.
"Goodnight Susan. I'll be back in three days." I hang up the phone. I'm in for it now. I've got this guilty conscience thing, and Susan knows how to use it to its full potential. I close my eyes, but they pop open right away. Great. Wonderful. I hate Susan. She's the devil incarnate and a half. I roll out of bed and head towards the bathroom. I need a shower, then maybe I'll feel better and be able to sleep. I turn the facet on and let the water run. I also let the tears run their way down my cheeks. I never meant for this all to happen. I just wanted to find love. All I found was pain.
~Review Responses~
smilez4eva- Hope you liked this chapter :D
smilez4eva- Yah we started to notice that too, we are trying to stay away form that...
~Preview~
"What are you doing here?" Its barely audible, but I know she heard it. Immediately her eyes wander, going anywhere but near mine. I try to lock eyes, read her a bit better. She won't let me. Her walls are tight, her masks painted on securely.
Chapter 42
I splash my face with the ice cold water in an attempt to stay awake. I barely got any sleep last night, I spent a lot of time thinking about the relationship Carter and I had. It's really quite complicated, way too complicated for me to even begin to explain. I trudge into the lounge, my shift ending in about fifteen minutes, and those last minutes seem endless. I doubt I can make it home and into bed. I collapse on the sofa and stare at the seconds as they rotate around the clock. The door swings open and Carter walks in. I have no clue where we stand right now. I don't really care to be bothered with those questions right now. He's working the night shift, I wonder where the kids are.
"I'm off in about ten minutes, if you want me to take Maddie and Seb for the night?"
He places his coat into his locker and throws his bag in as well. I watch him methodically do these things, like he does every day if he's working. I pull on the pockets of my lab coat. They are filled with note cards and pens, and a jumble of other items I think I might need through a shift. Including a large bottle of Advil. He slams his locker shut and he looks past me.
"I think it would be best for all of us if you stayed away from my children for a while."
I glare at him in shock for a few minutes. I have no clue what's running through my head. The one thing that I've learned to depend on and to love, the one thing that led me to trust again is being ripped away from me, like the air just vacuumed out of my lungs. I want to scream and yell at him. I want to tell him he's sheltering them too much, that he tries to love them, but the love of one person is not always enough, I love them as much as he does. I would do anything for them, even Madison. I don't say anything. I hold everything inside, but my nails are digging into my skin, keeping me from screaming.
"Fine." I start walking towards the door. Whatever he wants. Its not my life. If he permanently screws up their lives, then its none of my fault. I just wish I could steal Maddie and Seb and take them away with me. I make it down the hallway before I hear him call my name. I stop and I hear his feet hit the linoleum floor until he's breathing lightly behind me.
"Wait." He starts to open his mouth slightly, as if he was forming the words, but they never came out. He tries again, and fails miserably. Why am I standing here waiting for this? I turn back around and head towards the desk to clock out. I hear a voice calling for her dad and I catch a glance of Maddie's curls in the corner of my eye. Carter is a few inches away from me.
"Dad, Seb's asking for mom." I know Carter looked at me, because I felt his eyes burning through my back, but I didn't respond. This is what he wanted. I reach the desk and finally turn around, only because I have to. I watch him carrying Maddie back towards Susan. Seb's in Susan's arms, crying. He's actually crying for me. God, I hate the pain this idiot is causing me. It's all Carter's fault. I want to go back there and take Seb out of her arms and into mine and hold him until he stops crying. But I can't. I grit my teeth and punch out. I walk around, hoping that the scene will dissipate, and surely it will. After about fifteen minutes of needless wandering, I get back to the lounge and grab my stuff. I look at the picture of Seb on my locker door, and I want to cry. I can feel the tears forming, I want my Sebastian. I walk out of the lounge and back to my mail drawer. I'm waiting for residency confirmations. I have no clue where I'm going. I'm hoping I'm staying here. I pray for it every single day, but I never know. I pull out some memo's, paperwork and junk mail, and then the letter on the bottom looks official. I throw the stuff back into the drawer besides the letter. I rip the side open and pull out the letter. It's from the hospital I applied to in Minneapolis. I've been accepted.
I never really thought I would get in. I just applied for the sake of applying. I guess there was some hidden reason in the back of my mind of being closer to Eric and Maggie, but other than that, there was no real pull to move anywhere. But it seems like a great opportunity at this very inopportune moment. I'm off the next three day. I should fly down and check things out before I accept anything. I can go with Maggie, and stop by and see my little brother. He's not so little anymore, he's taller and fatter than I am. But he's a guy, so what do you expect?
I stick the envelope into my bag and start towards the L. I want to go home. I need to go home. That warm soft bed is calling my name and all I want to do is give in to its fair request. It takes me about fifteen minutes to get home on a good day. And today was definitely a very good day in travel. As soon as I walked through the door, Maggie was up and running, making me food. I had to decline her offer. I'm too tired to even sit and chew. I need one of those liquid diet things, so I can eat while I sleep or something of the sort. I quickly strip my clothes and find an old shirt. I throw it on and climb under the covers. I need sleep. My eyes drift slowly closed and I can feel myself falling into a deep sleep.
The phone knocks me out of my sweet little dreamland. I grab it off the stand and groggily manage a hello. I look at the clock, it's almost four in the morning, not even. Who the fuck calls at four in the morning, especially when I'm tired and just worked non-stop for a few hours? Susan's voice comes over the phone and I almost forgive the intrusion of sleep.
"What happened, Susan?" I hear her breathe a deep exasperated sigh. So her night probably wasn't as restful as mine. I wish mine was longer though.
"It's Seb. He's been crying for you all night. I don't know what happened between you and Carter, and I don't care. Get you ass down here now." I collapse back against the soft pillows. I can almost feel his shaking body in my arms and the warm drops as they cascade into my shirt and skin. I shake my head no. He didn't want me there. I'm not going. I know its Sebastian. But Carter's request rules all. Sebastian knows I would always be there. He's smarter than that. He knows something is probably up. I just don't' want to be the one to explain that his father is a jackass to him.
"I can't. Carter wants me away from them. Let me sleep." I hear her whine on the other line. She's growing frustrated and doesn't' know what else to do. I can bet Carter won't get the poor kid to stop crying about now. I don't 'know what it is, but me and Sebastian have formed a bond that no one can break.
"I can't, Susan. He made it perfectly clear today. Plus I'm flying out this morning."
I hear the phone call and she quickly grabs it. She puts it back up to her hear and apologizes. She has nothing to apologize for.
"Flying out where?" I run my hand through my hair. I definitely need a shower. I feel like crap and I'm covered in sweat.
"Minnesota. I got accepted to a residency in Minneapolis."
Minnesota isn't such a bad place. They probably don't' have as many shootings and car crashes, probably less work and more money, definitely more rest. I wouldn't mind moving there. I would be with my mother and brother, and I would be able to make sure they were still on their meds.
"You're not serious, are you? Because of what Carter did?" I roll my eyes. I wish she was close enough, cause then I would have hit her.
"No. I placed the application a long time ago, weeks before Carter. I want to be closer to my family." Because Minneapolis and Chicago are right next door and I don't' worry about my family at all, even though they drive me insane.
"Well half of your family is here." What family? A few friends and a boyfriend that doesn't want me. Sure that sounds very tempting. And a great reason to stick around. I don't think so. I can start over in Minneapolis. A new life almost, I will be a doctor. I can meet someone who doesn't know my past. Maybe I can even find true happiness. Who knows what is possible.
"Goodnight Susan. I'll be back in three days." I hang up the phone. I'm in for it now. I've got this guilty conscience thing, and Susan knows how to use it to its full potential. I close my eyes, but they pop open right away. Great. Wonderful. I hate Susan. She's the devil incarnate and a half. I roll out of bed and head towards the bathroom. I need a shower, then maybe I'll feel better and be able to sleep. I turn the facet on and let the water run. I also let the tears run their way down my cheeks. I never meant for this all to happen. I just wanted to find love. All I found was pain.
~Review Responses~
smilez4eva- Hope you liked this chapter :D
smilez4eva- Yah we started to notice that too, we are trying to stay away form that...
~Preview~
"What are you doing here?" Its barely audible, but I know she heard it. Immediately her eyes wander, going anywhere but near mine. I try to lock eyes, read her a bit better. She won't let me. Her walls are tight, her masks painted on securely.