Authors Note- Sorry for the late chapter, the day seemed to get away from me. Anyways, here is chapter 43, expect another on later tomorrow. Iwth all your review responses... and a tiny preview of future chapters...Thanks for hte reciews, read them, loved them. Thanks!
With each step I take, the stairs up to Susan house seem to multiply. I could have sworn there were only five steps or so, now there seems to be about thirty. Not including the ones that are spinning around me. I clutch onto the railing, trying to steady myself. I rub my eyes, trying to focus a little better on what's going on around me. Everything seems to be a bit hazy lately. I trudge up the stairs, my boots clunking on every step. I wouldn't be surprised if I woke Susan, Chuck and the kids up. Having to work a twelve hour shift, after just getting off a fourteen hour shift is brutal. The kids were more relieved then anything. I am more like the common enemy, nemesis, lately. Ever since Abby and I had our... uh- falling out? I'm not sure what it could be defined as. Not healthy, is one of them. I haven't overcome my bitter feelings towards her, why should I? She hasn't treated me well, not at all really. Between Pushing me away, and acting like a complete bitch about everything, our relationship has just not been working. Time apart will probably do us both good. Time for me to reconnect with the kids, time for her to reconnect. Just reconnect with herself. We're spending so much time together... Too much. An old friend of mine who is in town for a few weeks, actually has a house in town, but doesn't live here all round, is taking me out tonight. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I've managed to hire a sitter, give Susan a break. I reach the top of the steps, hell it only took me what, ten minutes. Digging into my pocket I retrieve the set of keys Susan gave me. She told me she'd slice my head off, or sell my children to white slavery if I ever lost them. She obviously trusts me.
Stumbling into the house, I run into the coat rack she has in the front hallway. Shit. Someone is up. I'm not sure who. Chuck maybe? No, the house isn't shaking under his feet, so it can't be Chuck. I listen again. Susan. Definitely Susan. I walk towards her, flicking on the light. Its five in the morning, the kids will be up soon, so its time she gets up.
"Hey sorry I woke-" I look at her... Great, just fucking great. Does Susan not listen to a word I say? Seriously, no body fucking cares anymore. I could be yelling from the treetops that I am going to kill myself, and everyone would just keep on walking. Abby on the other hand, if so much as sheds a tear people are convinced she needs a friend. Anything she says and does, people just fall at her feet.
"Don't worry about it. You never worry about me anyways, why start now." She says gruffly, walking into the kitchen. I follow her, more out of habit than anything else. She plops herself down into one of the, many, chairs, Susan has placed in her kitchen. I follow suit, sitting directly in front of her.
A tense silence fills the room, I distract myself by focusing on a picture over the stove. Abby throws her head back sighing. Which brings me out of my thoughts, to focus on her. Probably the point of the sigh. Grab the attention. I stare at her in the eyes, which is pretty hard considering the dark cloud that is looming over us. I mean that figuratively and literally. The poorly lit room seems to provide her somewhat of a sanctuary, while getting on my nerves. I lean forward, resting my elbows against my knees. Sleeves of my shirt rolled up.
"What are you doing here?" Its barely audible, but I know she heard it. Immediately her eyes wander, going anywhere but near mine. I try to lock eyes, read her a bit better. She won't let me. Her walls are tight, her masks painted on securely. For once I find myself not caring. Why should I? She has done nothing but cause me pain, hurt me, hurt my children, if she hasn't yet she will. Its who she is, its what she knows. Pain, she was raised by pain. Her love was limited, now she's not capable of loving. Frankly, I don't think I amt he person to change that. I don't think I am capable of doing that, or even loving myself. I haven't loved any one since Rebecca, look how that turned out. Surprisingly horrible.
"Susan... She called, said Sebastian was giving her a hell of a time." Yeah well, he'll have to learn how to deal. He can't always get what he wants. I did that with Maddie, that turned out badly, I'm not doing the same for him.
"He can't always get what he wants." I say leaning back against the chair.
"I thought that was your policy... give them what they want. Shut them up." Fuck you. What gives you the right to say that to me. What gives you the right to critique my parenting. Nothing, you think you can do better, go get your own kid and raise them. I'd like to me that fuck up. You're not perfect Abby, neither am I, sorry if I screw up from time to time, but I do the best I can.
"I don't need this. Not from anyone, especially not from you." Slamming the chair against the wall, I walk into the bedroom that my kids have claimed. I can feel her on my heels, but this does not detour me. I can hear Sebastian softly snoring, he's in a heavy sleep which means he probably won't wake up when I bring him down to the car. Madison on the other hand is easily woken, I am careful as I lift her sleeping form into my arms. Her head finds the crook of my neck. I move past Abby, who is standing at the doorway, managing to ignore her completely. I quickly move down the stairs, throwing her coat over her shoulders, and opening the door. Without looking back I know Abby has Sebastian. She follows me and places him in the car next to Maddie.
"Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow." I open my car door, avoiding eye contact with her.
"I am going to Minneapolis tomorrow." Maggie, right. She is probably taking her back, making sure she gets settled. Shouldn't she be with her now? Not here, pestering me and my kids.
"Right." I nod, she shrugs at me, as I hold the door handle in my hand. I feel her get closer, she takes my hand away from the door holding it in her own. Her lips are soon grazing my cheek. So this is definitely a different turn of events. She reaches up cupping my face, kissing me firmly on the lips, her tongue runs along mine. I bring my arms down around her waist, hers soon snake around my neck, connecting us. My lips soon find her neck, before she pulls away slightly. Right. We aren't really getting along right now, forgot about that.
"Bye." Soon she's disappeared into the night... That was a better goodbye then I got earlier. She's fairly inconsistent.
~*~
"Those were good times..." I look up at her... Okay so maybe this is better than my life has been the past few days. Its good to get out... Or in. Damn sitter, cancelling last minute. I didn't want to impose on Susan. Not that it bothered me before. But tonight was different, Susan might get a bit mad. I run my fingers through my hair. Smiling at her.
"Yeah they were." I concur. She shakes her head at me, reaching for my hand.
"You haven't changed one bit John." 'Cept my wife died, I am raising two kids on my own, I work full time, I barely get out. I have no self respect, I am unsure, not very confident, scared shitless... Yah, I haven't changed.
"So Dana, how have you been?" I sigh, she smiles at me. She has a beautiful smile, she is just beautiful. She always has been. Not that anything happened between us, not really anyways. But still, I can't help but be mesmerized by her. She is amazing. She hasn't changed either. She's still the girl I went to boarding school with. My best friend, the first girl I ever made out with...She's the best. Amazing. Absolutely Amazing. Sebastian and Madison have always adored her, that's the good part of having her over for dinner. They didn't feel threatened by her, not that they should. Nothing is going to happen. We're not like that. Someone else still occupies my every thought, I can't shake her. I don't think I will ever be able too.
"I'm good... But I better go, its getting late." I shake my head, stopping her from getting up.
"Stay here tonight. We have a guest bedroom, no point of going home." She smiles at me, nodding a little.
With each step I take, the stairs up to Susan house seem to multiply. I could have sworn there were only five steps or so, now there seems to be about thirty. Not including the ones that are spinning around me. I clutch onto the railing, trying to steady myself. I rub my eyes, trying to focus a little better on what's going on around me. Everything seems to be a bit hazy lately. I trudge up the stairs, my boots clunking on every step. I wouldn't be surprised if I woke Susan, Chuck and the kids up. Having to work a twelve hour shift, after just getting off a fourteen hour shift is brutal. The kids were more relieved then anything. I am more like the common enemy, nemesis, lately. Ever since Abby and I had our... uh- falling out? I'm not sure what it could be defined as. Not healthy, is one of them. I haven't overcome my bitter feelings towards her, why should I? She hasn't treated me well, not at all really. Between Pushing me away, and acting like a complete bitch about everything, our relationship has just not been working. Time apart will probably do us both good. Time for me to reconnect with the kids, time for her to reconnect. Just reconnect with herself. We're spending so much time together... Too much. An old friend of mine who is in town for a few weeks, actually has a house in town, but doesn't live here all round, is taking me out tonight. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I've managed to hire a sitter, give Susan a break. I reach the top of the steps, hell it only took me what, ten minutes. Digging into my pocket I retrieve the set of keys Susan gave me. She told me she'd slice my head off, or sell my children to white slavery if I ever lost them. She obviously trusts me.
Stumbling into the house, I run into the coat rack she has in the front hallway. Shit. Someone is up. I'm not sure who. Chuck maybe? No, the house isn't shaking under his feet, so it can't be Chuck. I listen again. Susan. Definitely Susan. I walk towards her, flicking on the light. Its five in the morning, the kids will be up soon, so its time she gets up.
"Hey sorry I woke-" I look at her... Great, just fucking great. Does Susan not listen to a word I say? Seriously, no body fucking cares anymore. I could be yelling from the treetops that I am going to kill myself, and everyone would just keep on walking. Abby on the other hand, if so much as sheds a tear people are convinced she needs a friend. Anything she says and does, people just fall at her feet.
"Don't worry about it. You never worry about me anyways, why start now." She says gruffly, walking into the kitchen. I follow her, more out of habit than anything else. She plops herself down into one of the, many, chairs, Susan has placed in her kitchen. I follow suit, sitting directly in front of her.
A tense silence fills the room, I distract myself by focusing on a picture over the stove. Abby throws her head back sighing. Which brings me out of my thoughts, to focus on her. Probably the point of the sigh. Grab the attention. I stare at her in the eyes, which is pretty hard considering the dark cloud that is looming over us. I mean that figuratively and literally. The poorly lit room seems to provide her somewhat of a sanctuary, while getting on my nerves. I lean forward, resting my elbows against my knees. Sleeves of my shirt rolled up.
"What are you doing here?" Its barely audible, but I know she heard it. Immediately her eyes wander, going anywhere but near mine. I try to lock eyes, read her a bit better. She won't let me. Her walls are tight, her masks painted on securely. For once I find myself not caring. Why should I? She has done nothing but cause me pain, hurt me, hurt my children, if she hasn't yet she will. Its who she is, its what she knows. Pain, she was raised by pain. Her love was limited, now she's not capable of loving. Frankly, I don't think I amt he person to change that. I don't think I am capable of doing that, or even loving myself. I haven't loved any one since Rebecca, look how that turned out. Surprisingly horrible.
"Susan... She called, said Sebastian was giving her a hell of a time." Yeah well, he'll have to learn how to deal. He can't always get what he wants. I did that with Maddie, that turned out badly, I'm not doing the same for him.
"He can't always get what he wants." I say leaning back against the chair.
"I thought that was your policy... give them what they want. Shut them up." Fuck you. What gives you the right to say that to me. What gives you the right to critique my parenting. Nothing, you think you can do better, go get your own kid and raise them. I'd like to me that fuck up. You're not perfect Abby, neither am I, sorry if I screw up from time to time, but I do the best I can.
"I don't need this. Not from anyone, especially not from you." Slamming the chair against the wall, I walk into the bedroom that my kids have claimed. I can feel her on my heels, but this does not detour me. I can hear Sebastian softly snoring, he's in a heavy sleep which means he probably won't wake up when I bring him down to the car. Madison on the other hand is easily woken, I am careful as I lift her sleeping form into my arms. Her head finds the crook of my neck. I move past Abby, who is standing at the doorway, managing to ignore her completely. I quickly move down the stairs, throwing her coat over her shoulders, and opening the door. Without looking back I know Abby has Sebastian. She follows me and places him in the car next to Maddie.
"Thanks, I'll see you tomorrow." I open my car door, avoiding eye contact with her.
"I am going to Minneapolis tomorrow." Maggie, right. She is probably taking her back, making sure she gets settled. Shouldn't she be with her now? Not here, pestering me and my kids.
"Right." I nod, she shrugs at me, as I hold the door handle in my hand. I feel her get closer, she takes my hand away from the door holding it in her own. Her lips are soon grazing my cheek. So this is definitely a different turn of events. She reaches up cupping my face, kissing me firmly on the lips, her tongue runs along mine. I bring my arms down around her waist, hers soon snake around my neck, connecting us. My lips soon find her neck, before she pulls away slightly. Right. We aren't really getting along right now, forgot about that.
"Bye." Soon she's disappeared into the night... That was a better goodbye then I got earlier. She's fairly inconsistent.
~*~
"Those were good times..." I look up at her... Okay so maybe this is better than my life has been the past few days. Its good to get out... Or in. Damn sitter, cancelling last minute. I didn't want to impose on Susan. Not that it bothered me before. But tonight was different, Susan might get a bit mad. I run my fingers through my hair. Smiling at her.
"Yeah they were." I concur. She shakes her head at me, reaching for my hand.
"You haven't changed one bit John." 'Cept my wife died, I am raising two kids on my own, I work full time, I barely get out. I have no self respect, I am unsure, not very confident, scared shitless... Yah, I haven't changed.
"So Dana, how have you been?" I sigh, she smiles at me. She has a beautiful smile, she is just beautiful. She always has been. Not that anything happened between us, not really anyways. But still, I can't help but be mesmerized by her. She is amazing. She hasn't changed either. She's still the girl I went to boarding school with. My best friend, the first girl I ever made out with...She's the best. Amazing. Absolutely Amazing. Sebastian and Madison have always adored her, that's the good part of having her over for dinner. They didn't feel threatened by her, not that they should. Nothing is going to happen. We're not like that. Someone else still occupies my every thought, I can't shake her. I don't think I will ever be able too.
"I'm good... But I better go, its getting late." I shake my head, stopping her from getting up.
"Stay here tonight. We have a guest bedroom, no point of going home." She smiles at me, nodding a little.