Authors Note- We are ending this fic... Well sort of. We are starting a sequel, so this is the prequel to the sequel. So the sequels prequel. get it? got it? Good! That one will be out tonight or tomorrow, depends. I'm not sure what this all depends on, but its just depending right now lol. Thanks for the reviews.

Chapter 51

Air piecing through my lungs, I try to breath, its impossible. Wind clobbers me, enabling me to breathe. Slowly I come to a walk, the city swirls around me, not a steady face in sight. Blurring together, words echoing loudly, nothing seems real anymore. Piece falling around me, finger tips digging into each one, trying to get a hold, a proper grip. They fall faster, more frequent. Reminding me, I have no control. The world is smothering me, punishing me. Her words sting, sharp little needles dig into my pores, the pain dripping like blood on an open wound. I try to fix them, dab my wounds, they grow further. Faster, deeper. Hopeless. Everything. Her reflection embedded in my eyelids, like a picture that will never fade. I run my fingers over my heavy lidded eyes, praying that someone, somewhere will help me. Erase these past three years, bring back the life I once new. The lies I once relished in, no matter how falsified the truths were, they always sounded sweeter then the nails that rip across the chalk board. The sounds of my present life. I collapse against the cement. My body heaving against the brick wall, scratching my back, digging into each and every fibre of my being. Shredding every hope I had of a decent life.

My hands crack beneath me, I bring myself up to a standing position. She's so close. Walking in there, telling her exactly what I have too. Explain every emotion, deep down pain. The sun pierces through my skin, dazing me... Maybe she's right, maybe love is a lie. One I've conjured up. I look up two stories. her window ajar. Letting me know she's there.

"Abby-" I screech it, bellow it up at her. Not trying to get her attention, trying to relieve myself of every pain I have ever felt. Anything she induced, she owns me, she knows that.

I stare at her window, knowing she probably heard nothing.

"I- I, you have me. Or had, you held me completely. All the control was in your hands. It isn't anymore. I can't keep doing this. You can't keep doing this. Not to us, not to them, not to me. You're not only hurting yourself... Your selfish ways have finally caught up with you." I pause, waiting for her to poke her head out at me, scream at the top of her lungs, tell me she loves me. I know it won't happen, but for a fleeting moment, I think, I think maybe, just maybe she will say it. I stare at her window a second longer, the sun bounces off the glass, glaring back at me angrily. This is hopeless, absolutely hopeless. My hair in disarray, falls down, clouding my vision. Another sign. With Abby there was nothing, a dead end road, with signs telling you there is a way out without turning around, in the end you find out the only way out is to turn around. Going back to life without her, that's the only way out.

A loud thumping in my ears, dampness on my forehead, my eyes divert from one end of the street to the other. Masses of people, swarming, pushing, shoving, none of which I want to see. None mean anything to me, a passing face, one that will soon blend into the rest, all the other meaningless figures. But her, she will never go... Her face will be there. Staring back at me, reminding me just how painful life is, a deep scar etched in my memory. In time the pain will fade, we will move on, but the ideas, the plans, they will never go. I mange to dislodge myself, I think I have a permanent indent in her sidewalk. Which will no longer be hers, on about three and a half hours. She's really following through with this. I dug through my memory, piece by piece, inch by inch. Sifting through the horrible memories, the good and the horribly good. Finding nothing to explain this. I run my fingers through my hair, combing it over to the side. No explanation, nothing.

Hopeless...

Every things just hopeless.

I open the door, it creaks slightly, it seems as though the only times I see my kids are late at night. Sebastian lays on the floor, his heavy breathing assuring me that he is indeed asleep. I look up, Madison is curled into a protective ball on the couch, her hair strewn about the pillow.

"They landed there when I picked them up this afternoon." Susan tells me quietly. I nod, letting her know I figured that much. She leads me into the light of the kitchen. Ever since Abby left yesterday, she's been concerned. Overly concerned. I'm fine, really. It might take me awhile to digest everything that's taken place over the last few months, but it will eventually sink in, the three of us will be fine. We made it this far, we will go further.

"How have you been?" She asks soothingly, place a cup of boiling hot coffee in front of me. I take a quick sip, trying not to burn my mouth. Not that I need it like I use too when Abby was here.

"I'm fine, Susan." I answer somewhat quickly, the dejected look on her face tells me that wasn't the exact answer she was searching for. I decide to put a quick end to her fishing expeditions. "I'm miserable. I can't eat, I can't sleep, breathing wouldn't be so easy if it wasn't mechanical... I'm a wreck. Madison and Sebastian have been subdued ever since they found out. Nothing has been the same. I'm not so sure it ever will be. I try to tell myself its just a phase, we'll get by this. Just like we got by Becky's death. This might be a little less hard.... Painful." I sigh, she nods in understanding.

"If its any consolation, I lost my best friend." Somehow it doesn't seem the same. I know Susan and Abby were close, very close. But nothing seems to add up to the pain I am feeling. I don't think she can fully comprehend it.

"I don't know.." I sigh, "everything just seems so impossible lately." I look up, Sebastian is standing in the doorway, tear streaked face looking up at me.

"Abby's gone forever?" He sobs, I pull him into my arms. His head finds my shoulder, sniffling quietly. I knew I never should have let her in his life, I should have sheltered him.

"I'll never leave you Seb, you'll always have me." He sniffles a little, looking up to meet my eyes.

"Promise." I kiss him on the forehead, trying to extend this moment.

"Promise."

Review Responses

fiery red-haired girl- Liby says- Haha, aw, thanks. That's to your birthday thinggy for her lol. Well you know that Abby she's got on her addidas sneakers, they good for running. Or Nike, jsut do it!

Alex - Abby has felt sort of withdrawn ever since she dealt with the little girl who had a similar story to Maddie. We never said that she turned down the job in Minnesota... soo lol. So she is leaving now. I hope that clarifys it for you. If not its like almsot midnight so I am tired lol. So ask me again and I'll try to do a better job lol. Sorry.

trish- Liby says thanks :D Thanky ou, that was Liby's chapter.

smilez4eva- Carter is getting fed up with the leaving thing I think.

smilez4eva- Oh that was hope last Thursday, I am convinced!

FallenAngel- KENNY IS SO HOT! I have never seen Keith Urban, but I like his songs, lemme look his pic up now. Right after I finish these reviews lol. Glad you liked the chapters... Seb is the man or the boy lol.

tars- I don't think we have a Luka appearance yet in the next story, but one never knows lol. Carter does do something bout Abby.

ER-Carby-Luva- Liby says thanks. Um yeah updating has been kicking lately, I have had a little more time so things have been getting done. Glad you're liking the fic:)