Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: EXAMMMMMMMMMMMMS ARE OVERRRRRRR! This chapter: All filler, no, er, non-filler.
*
Thranduil looked at Yvonne. Yvonne looked at Thranduil. There were spider webs in her hair.
'Squee.'
Thranduil looked at Glorfindel. Glorfindel looked at Thranduil. Glorfindel hair shone. Like those gems he had in the treasury. Ooh. Shiney.
'Hello.'
Thranduil looked at Inez. Inez looked at Thranduil. Inez had a glazed over look in her eyes that signified the need for CureInsomnia! water.
'Yo.'
Thranduil looked at Gildor. Gildor looked at Thranduil. Gildor was grinning in a disconcerting manner.
'Good day.'
Thranduil looked at Shu Wen. Shu Wen looked at Thranduil. Shu Wen blinked owlishly.
''Lo.'
Thranduil looked at Erestor. Erestor looked at Thranduil. Erestor was not wearing black. Horrors.
'Mae govannen.'
Thranduil looked at Ren. Ren looked at Thranduil. There was a dead look in her eyes that suggested the need for a riverful of CureInsomnia!
'Yes?'
Thranduil looked at Galdor. Galdor looked at Thranduil. Galdor seemed to think that the wall next to the King was Thranduil, instead.
'Well met.'
Thranduil looked at Diana. Diana looked at Thranduil. She glared.
'What?'
Thranduil looked at Ecthelion. Ecthelion looked back at Thranduil. He glared.
'...'
Nevermind.
Thranduil looked at Sara. Sara looked at Thranduil. Sara clutched something that looked oddly like a bottle of green dye.
'What are you looking at?'
Thranduil stared at them. They stared back. Most of them were staring at his crown. Thranduil wondered why they were staring at his crown. Thranduil thought his crown looked pretty.
Thranduil blinked. A daisy fell off his head.
'Greetings...?'
*
'No offence, Thranduil, but really. After 1000 years, your wood does tend to get a little...'
'Infested...'
'With spiders, orcs, goblins, wargs...'
'Barrow-wights...'
'Barrow-wi- Barrow-wights?!'
Thranduil blinked. He felt like blinking a lot that day. He had this odd impression that his daisies were wilting and needed to be changed. Erestor continued.
'So you see, we were trying to work our way through your wood, but the path has been horribly overgrown...'
'And there were spiders...'
'And you must understand, it is not everyday a Noldo lord falls on top of you.'
'Literally.'
'Vertically.'
Ecthelion flashed Thranduil a lazy grin. Glorfindel picked up where Erestor ended off.
'And we had just got news that Feanor and his sons are back on Arda and wreaking havoc...'
Glorfindel was smiling, as if remembering something.
'I never did like Caranthir, anyhow...'
Thranduil blinked again. His daisies were definitely wilting. He might want to use daffodils next year. He looked at the group in front of him.
'Why are you all here?'
Three human children looked at him, slightly puzzled. One with short hair spoke up.
'Oh? We did not tell you? The silmarils, of course.'
Thranduil fainted when he saw three sparkling gems emerge from the depths of the group's bags.
*
Five minutes later...
*
Gildor frowned as he sipped on a glass of Dorwinion that he had found on Thranduil's desk and played cards with the rest of the group. They were arranged in a disfigured circle, with various glasses of Dorwinion and large amounts of sugar present.
'That was most unusual of Thranduil, do you not think?'
Glorfindel made an affirmative sound as he played an ace of spades. There was bits of muffled cursing and several tokens were thrown onto the table: A spare leaf of Lembas, a shiney pebble and a quarter bottle of miruvor. Erestor played a trump card and shrugged, taking a sip from his own glass.
'It was most undiplomatic of him to faint and all... After being a king for so long you would think that he would be familiar with Doom related objects entering his realm. Eru knows Elrond is.'
Ren placed a horrible card on the desk and bit her lip as she watched her earnings being dragged away by a smug Glorfindel.
'Well, Elrond has had generations of Last-of-Isildurs' come into his house... He has held Narsil and the Sceptre for thousands of years... It is a little unfair to judge Thranduil by him... I mean, Thranduil's father is not a star, nor his mother a gull, and his brother is not a mortal. A dead mortal.'
Sara ate a handful of those tiny confectioneries made up of mainly sugar and glucose that waiting rooms often provided and threw down a king of spades. Glorfindel grudgingly threw out a vial of CureInsomnia! (Pilfered off the River). The human giggled, a side effect of the dangerous substance now coursing through her veins.
'Galadriel *giggle* did not *gigglehack* pass out when *giggle* we went to *giggle* Lothelorietheian... Or Lothlooorian... Or was it Lorien? Or Lorian? Or... nevermind.'
Diana agreed, stealing some sugar from her friend as she lost miserably. The silmaril lay on the table, safe from rabid spiders, rabid elves, and most importantly, rabid humans.
'Well, she did have prior warning... Elrond was that considerate. And Feanor chased after her hair for so long that it must have been somewhat natural to realize that he came back for something... Hm.. Do you think that Glorfindull's, er, Glarfunkel, er, Garfunkle's hair would substitute?'
'Isn't Garfunkel some kind of singer?'
'Who knows?'
Ignoring them, Ecthelion threw down a winning card nonchalantly and drowned his glass in victory. The world was beginning to spin a bit, but the Gondolin lord ignored it and spewed forth certain phrases that had best not been muttered under the eaves of Mirkwood.
'Thranduil's father was an awful prude in Mandos. Kept going on about Greenwood and his many titles. A pain in the eternal neck, if you ask me.'
Glorfindel started laughing, as if that had been the most amusing statement he had heard in quite some time. Then he pointed to a pair of sugar cubes and proclaimed,
'The cards are dancing, look!'
Erestor squinted slightly at the spoon that was next to the cubes.
'They will not stop moving. Get them to stop!'
Sara laughed rabidly and ate the sugar cubes. Diana was trying to get a card to move with her eyes, but everything was beginning to blur. Shu Wen, pouring a teaspoon of sugar meant for tea down her throat, grinned.
'Lookit all the pretty colours!'
Gildor was stoning at the wall, a picture of bliss painted on his face. Yvonne was on the ground, gibbering slightly and making several twitching spasmodic movements that signified her as "alive". Ecthelion was making shadow creatures on the wall, muttering about "Yvanna", "Turgon" and something about "Must make rabbit...".
The bottle of Dorwinion lay forgotten on the floor, alongside two empty jars of sugar.
*
At the same time, in a office labelled "PSYCHIATRIC HELP", Thranduil lay on a leather couch, talking to an elf with a parchment and a bored look on his face...
*
'And then Glorfindel came up and he was talking about Turgon being changed into a rabbit! A rabbit! The Lord of Gondolin, A RABBIT!'
'Yes, yes, my lord, of course. Do continue.'
There was the sound of notes being taken:
Patient is convinced that deceased elves turn into furry creatures (rabbits).
'Ecthelion was talking about Yvanna and a jewelled collar! For Turgon!'
'Most interesting... Yes, sire...'
Patient believes that said deceased elves wear jewelled collars gifted to them by Valie.
'And then Erestor is singing "Tralalalally", with this mortal child talking about Earendil!'
'Mmhmm...'
Patient thinks that Advisor of Imladris sings tavern songs with human adolescent who knows about Elrond's father.
'Gildor was talking to another human about killing Glorfindel and Ecthelion!'
'Of course, my lord.'
Patient instigating Fourth Kinslaying with imagination. Humans again evident.
'And Galdor was playing "rock, paper, scissors" with another human!'
Patient wants to relive childhood days of idiocy. With humans.
'There were HUMANS SINGING THE PRAISE FOR ELBERETH!'
Patient thinks that humans grow off trees.
'Anything else, my lord?'
'No, no. Thank you, you have helped me take a load off my chest...'
'Of course, my lord. Now, take these pills thrice a day, with a glassful of miruvor daily.'
'Thank you.'
Diagnosis:
Patient suffering from Human Fetish.
Patient suffering from acute schizophrenia.
Patient suffering from Noldor-atitis.
Patient in need of mental rehabilitation.
Patient might be potentially dangerous around objects that shine, glint, have sharp edges or are capable of poking people's eyes out.
Said objects include: Fingernails, hooks, quills, brooches, gems, swords, knives, daggers, arrows, bolts, claws and forks.
Recommended Prescription:
200 ml alcohol per day.
Kept under intensive care.
Precautions necessary:
Do not allow patient to play with daisies in fear for Mirkwood's fashion sense.
Beware Patient's possible influence in getting doctor's head cut off.
Tread carefully.
Avoid Patient when Patient discovers
laxatives in medication.