Disclaimer: Don't own Kasumi, Akane, or Ranma, those are Rumiko Takahashi's. The song "Stronger Than I Am" belongs to Lee Ann Womack and her cohorts in the music industry. I do own Kaida though and would appreciate anyone asking permission should for some reason they want to borrow her.
Come on, people, you honestly think if I owned Ranma I'd kill him? Not likely. He and Akane would be safely sequestered on a desert island to live forever in martial and marital bliss with all their adorable, fiesty little kids. (Hey, has anyone else ever noticed that 'martial' and 'marital' are only a single letter's position different . . . hmm . . . I wonder if that was intentional . . .)
As always reviews are welcome, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is appreciated, and flames are forwarded to my Muse and her pet dragon for further consideration.
Enjoy!
Stronger Than I Am
By Maja
Akane Saotome lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She knew she should get up, but couldn't persuade herself of that at the moment. It got harder every day to do so and she wondered what would happen if just one of these days she didn't even try anymore.
With a sigh, she rolled over onto her side and immediately regretted it. Now she was facing his side of the bed. She reached a hand out and laid it on the cotton sheets, and felt the first of the tears roll down her cheeks to soak her pillow.
It was two months ago that she'd received the letter from Ryoga about his death and usually she managed to hide the pain she still felt. But there were moments, every now and again, when something would trigger a thought of him and she would start crying.
Now she thought of waking up that first morning after the wedding. She'd been laying just like this, but her hand had been resting on his stomach instead of the sheets and her pillow had been his chest. His arm had been curled around her, tucking her in close to his side like he couldn't bear to let go even in sleep.
She blushed briefly at the thought of the previous night's activities but it was accompanied by a grin. Shifting her head to look up at her new husband's sleeping face she'd felt a swell of love for her Ranma.
Thoughts of how much they'd had to overcome to reach this point had swirled though her head until a squeeze of Ranma's arm and a kiss on her head brought her back to the moment at hand and brought her eyes up to his.
"Good morning, Beautiful," he'd said softly and she had hugged him back and laid her head back down.
"I love you, Ranma," she'd said in reply, earning a chuckle.
"You know, I think I like that better than 'good morning' to start the day."
She'd pushed herself up to where she could kiss him on the lips and smiled. "Then let's make it our own 'good morning'."
"Deal," he'd murmured before capturing her lips once more.
The memory faded but the tears only grew in intensity. "I love you, Ranma," she whispered into her pillow and the silence in return echoed in her ears keeping time with the sobs.
Eventually she cried herself out just like always and once again she lay there, her thoughts meandering down paths of bittersweetness.
The sound of soft footsteps slowly padding down the hall reached her ears and with a quick and practiced gesture she wiped her eyes dry and sat up, struggling to find control as quickly as possible.
Then the door which was ajar swung open and the small figure there smiled up at Akane with eyes that same bluish-grey as her father's. Her smile was also Ranma's and Akane suppressed more tears at the sight of it.
There was one hard and fast rule that had been made on that horrible day so long ago that Akane hadn't broken yet.
Kaida never saw Akane's tears for Ranma, not after the memorial service. They both had to continue with their lives and even if Akane hadn't quite figured out how to do that yet, she would not allow their daughter to see the depression that plagued her mother and take it as an example to be followed.
"Good morning, Momma," the almost four-year-old said as she crossed the floor to the bed and stopped at the edge. She regarded the mattress that was almost at her eye level with a scowl of concentration, something else she'd inherited from her father. Akane wanted to reach forward and help, but Kaida had made it quite clear previously that she could do this on her own. And she could, but it was so hard for Akane to sit back and watch. Some mornings took a couple of tries and left a few bruises, but she always made it.
Her considering done, Kaida grabbed a handful of comforter and tugged experimentally. It held, so she grabbed another fistful and started pulling herself up. It took a minute or two to accomplish her goal, but as she flopped over onto the mattress she gave her mom a bright grin which Akane couldn't help but mirror.
Kaida crawled across the bed and hugged her mom, then sat back and said, "Time for breakfast?"
Akane nodded and Kaida clapped her hands. "And then can I watch you practice, Momma? Daddy says I have to watch closely and someday I'll be a great martial artist just like you and him."
Akane nodded again, ignoring the flare of pain in her chest and concentrating on the feeling of pride instead. She knew Ranma would have loved to hear those words.
"You go downstairs now and see if Auntie Kasumi has breakfast ready and I'll be down in a few minutes, okay?"
"Okay!" Kaida said with her typical exuberance for anything and everything. She was such a happy child and Akane was grateful for that. It usually helped ease her own depression.
Getting down was somewhat easier than getting up and soon Kaida had disappeared out the door and the sound of her footsteps faded down the hall.
Wiping her eyes again at a few stray tears, Akane got out of bed and started gathering her bath things. Her earlier question had been silly, she knew. She'd always get out of bed, if only for Kaida's sake.
She'd already lost her father, Akane wouldn't allow her to lose her mother too.
That thought firmly in mind, she left the room to start her day.
Things around here haven't changed much.
It's all pretty much the same stuff
Day after day.
The only thing that keeps me going
Seems to be our baby girl I'm trying to raise.
She's my life, my morning angel.
She always seems to find the rainbow
After the rain.
Lately she's so busy growing,
I don't even think she knows you've gone away.
She finally learned to say goodbye.
She's sleeping through the night.
She don't wake up crying.
And she's walking on her own,
She don't need no one
Holding to her hand.
And I hate to admit
She's stronger than I am.
Akane, now dressed in her gi and standing in the dojo, glanced over at where their daughter sat watching her intently as she did every morning. Her dedication to the Art was just one more way she proved beyond a shadow of a doubt she was her father's daughter.
To stave off the tears that threatened at that thought, Akane took up her beginning stance, preparing herself mentally for the katas she did each morning. Her pain and regret had no place here and it was a shelter Akane accepted gratefully.
In the Art she could forget her loss and remember all she'd gained instead.
Happy memories of Ranma teaching her this kata, or improving her form on that one, they all flowed through her strengthening her for another day without him.
She recalled here each day his laugh, his smile, the pride that shone in his eyes as she finally found her center and executed the movement just right, all the little moments that made up their five years of marriage.
One of her happiest memories was the day Kaida had been born. Marriage had matured Ranma somewhat, but fatherhood refined that process. He still laughed and joked and teased, but there were moments when Akane could see him contemplating the future as he held Kaida and looked into her little face. Most were hopeful, imagining passing on the Art, Akane guessed.
Some were of fear which Akane understood too well. Their lives had calmed a little with the end of the competition for marriage to the two of them, but there were still more than a few odd characters drawn to Nerima and calls for help from distant places that had heard in one way or another of Ranma's skill.
It was one of those calls that had finally claimed his life, but Akane refused to think of that right now. Someday she would be able to feel only the pride in her husband as he offered his life for strangers in his typical selfless fashion, but right now the pain of losing him at all was too great. So she sidestepped it and moved on to happier memories.
She was preparing to execute the last few katas and move onto her real workout, when she happened to glance over and saw Kaida was no longer sitting in her usual spot but was on the opposite side of the dojo, twisting and turning her body into the katas she watched her mother perform every morning.
Akane stopped cold, her arms dropping as she straightened and watched, tears welling up at the sight.
Her form needed a little work, but Akane could see the relentless determination as she tried each kata.
Then she overbalanced and fell back, landing on her butt with a squeak of surprise and pain. She sucked in a deep breath and Akane could see the tears on her face, but before her mother could move, Kaida was back up, swiping at her tears before starting again. It took her three more tries and one more fall before she was satisfied with that kata and moved on.
Akane dropped to her knees, the tears coursing down her cheeks unchecked as she watched the little girl before her with a pride so strong it hurt.
A choked sob escaped her throat and that caught Kaida's attention. The little girl looked at her mother on her knees, crying, and ran over, enveloping her mother in a hug.
"It's okay, Momma," the little girl said. "Daddy and I love you. Don't cry."
Akane simply hugged her back and cried harder.
She ain't cracking under pressure.
First one step and then another
She goes along.
And if she falls and skins her knee,
She cries awhile and smiles at me and just goes on.
So many things that she can teach me,
Full of life and so completely
Innocent.
She still says she loves her daddy.
Goes on just like nothing happened,
Forgives and forgets.
"Momma?" Kaida said questioningly.
Akane pulled back and looked at her daughter. "Yes, baby?"
"Did you get hurt? Can I kiss it better? I know I'm not Daddy, but I can try."
Akane nodded. "Kiss me on the cheek and it will make it better."
Little lips puckered and a slightly wet kiss was placed on Akane's cheek.
"Did that help?" she asked after she pulled back.
Akane nodded with a smile, her tears still falling. "It did."
"But you're still crying," Kaida said.
Akane wiped at her cheeks but her smile never faltered. "Tears aren't always because you hurt or because you're sad. I'm crying because I'm so very proud of you."
"Why?" she asked, genuinely curious.
Now Akane's smile faltered as she pulled her daughter in for another hug. She forced herself to speak though. "Because you remind me so much of your Daddy. And I know he's proud of you too."
"Really?"
"Really."
"I'll always do my best to make you and Daddy proud, Momma. I promise."
"I know you will. Now let's try those katas again so you can be the best martial artist, okay?"
"You mean it?" she said, her eyes lighting up in pure joy. "I can start training?"
"Mmm-hm," Akane said. "It's time for you to begin."
Kaida pulled back and immediately took the ready stance. Akane watched her and for a brief moment felt closer to her husband than she had in the three months since he'd left on that last journey.
Things would be okay. As long as she and Kaida had each other they'd always have Ranma as well. Not even death could break that bond.
She finally learned to say goodbye.
She's sleeping through the night.
She don't wake up crying.
And she's walking on her own,
She don't need no one
Holding to her hand.
And I hate to admit
She's stronger than I am.
"Like this, Momma?"
"That's right. Just like that."
She's just like her old man . . .
Stronger than I am.
AN: holds up a box of kleenex Who needs one? Pass the box around after you take as many as you need.
Sorry about writing something so depressing, but I heard the song and I had to. Loved it, hated it, let me know. I don't even mind the flames this time. I kinda feel like I deserve them. I hate writing character deaths unless they're truly evil and I really hate them. That certainly doesn't apply here though.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
Maja