Disclaimer: Elves are not mine or any creatures in this story, well accept the OC's I throw at ya sometimes. I don't make the money of this so I am not trying to make these chapies perfect. I do this just for fun.
A/N:Just one more thingy.I made this as Haldir POV and although this story was meant to be purely from Legolas POV, I couldn't help myself. I hope y'all don't mind.Betaed my Mima.Special thankies to May for being my muse sometimes.LOL
PART 7:
*^*^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^**
**The days when your life doesn't seem to exist are happening to me right now. The emptiness is everything I feel and love for my children is all that is keeping me on Arda, when the faith is taking the last breath from me. I don't know how long I will last, and last I must till my younger treasure Legolas find his own way in this path of living. I pray to Valar that all my children will be happy and not unlucky like me now.
Cursed be that day when I fell in love with the elf whose attentions were pointed to somewhere else. I only hope that Thranduil and his lover would rot in hell, because I know that they will enjoy the day of my final breath. I just hope that my treasures, my children would eventually see the truth and find out what kind of person their father really is.**
Those words my mother wrote pain me more then I can show. She lived her life without any drop of happiness or love, Thranduil didn't spare for his wife.
I turned out just like him in some ways and I can only fix some things I did, but I can never be forgiven.
Yes, I am cursed, but I can only hope that someday the sparkle of the happiness would shine for me and maybe that under some circumstances I would end up in the Haldir's arms.
One can only hope and wish for faith to take hi to that place. But wishes can sometimes turn foul and one only losses his soul in the persistent wishing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Haldir's POV
Why in all of the places on this Arda, fellowship had to come here, and for Valar's sake why did Legolas join their companionship. I hoped that elf had died all those years I didn't see him, but NO, his pestering form is still alive and well even today.
I would have shot him myself if the opportunity or Rumil gave me a chance, but sometimes your siblings know what is best for their brother.
Well, I cannot say that I will keep my promise to Rumil and maybe my arrow will still find it's way to Legolas's betraying heart. Although elves don't get sick, seeing Legolas here in Lorien makes me sick to my stomach.
What, (and I will use this phrase that men use sometimes when they are mad), *the fuck* is he doing here? Why did he join the fellowship? Why every time I am trying to forget him, he shows up and spoils everything for me.
Why didn't I kill him when I had a chance?
Now to put this in a more dramatic way: Why? Valar Why?
And this night his eyes don't give me any peace as I feel him watching me from the corner of my eye.
My form responds to his watchful gaze and I respond intentionally as I always would when he was in my presence.
But suddenly he disappears from the trunk that he sat on taking his rest, and my curiosity got the best of me, as I begin to search for him through the trees.
Secretly in my mind I hope he is all right, but the wicked part of me wishes that the Wargs had eaten him peace by peace.
How confusing is my mind when it comes to him.
Some days I want to love him but the in the split of the second later I want to slit his throat.
And what fine throat that (I am gonna use other expression familiar to men) *slut* has. And he is indeed Mirkwood's slut.
He spent most of his life spreading his legs to the other elves, taking and giving pleasure to others, as it eventually had became his addiction.
He is known to our people as the sneakiest, lowest creature that had ever walked this Arda and he will stay that way for as long as he lives.
What I wonder the most is why did Elrond let him join this quest.
Did Legolas bed that old elf so he can get that honor and maybe become the most famous elf in Arda.
I will never understand that half-elf, Elrond.
Why did he put the faith of Middle-Earth in hands of the most irresponsible elf?
I guess I will never know why, because I won't dare to ask and I don't want to know any answers.
I only want to stay away from Legolas while he is here and survive those days with him being around. He burned me once, and he will not get that chance again.
But I am weird too sometimes and I ask myself why do I search for him now when I should be going toward the other direction.
Far away from him, that is. My brain is opposing my body but my body has a mind of it's own. I keep moving and then I stop as I see him siting with that small hobbit by his side.
The hobbit is the one who saw me first and after a few seconds Legolas turned and looked me in the eyes.
I was almost turned to fiery stone, and his eyes almost incinerated me at the spot. I kept my gaze on the colder side, but I knew then and there I wanted Legolas more than I ever did before.
I had to escape this uncomfortable crash and I left without giving him a second glance.
My body felt hot and my head was spinning, making me lightheaded as I sat down on the tree trunk. I was bewitched again with that elf, like in the past, and I knew I had to do something to stop this madness whirling in my head.
Every time I remembered him and the way we were before I found out how deceitful my lover could be, I wish that I could forgive him and ask him to be with me again.
But I knew that action would hurt me more, because his heart is cold and it cannot be held in my favor.
After all, he is now involved with that man Aragorn, and I wondered what kind of weird sickness had befallen Legolas to pick that smelly man for a lover.
His tastes became more unusual in picking lovers, because in the past he picked only beautiful elves for one time rump.
Gods, it even pain's me to think about him so I will do myself a favor and stop thinking at all.
But that decision never helps because somewhere deep inside of me, laid heart that loves him still.
I will never admit that to him again but it is good to know for the hearts sake that I am still capable of that feeling.
I wish that the past was the happy one for me and Prince was the mate of my life, but things sometimes turn out badly and they can never be right again.
Not even if you waste the wishes on that thought but your heart knows otherwise.
Since Legolas my life has been wasted in the many bottles of the wine and loneliness that sometimes can eat the ones soul.
I don't mind this life I am living and if I cannot change my past I can as well waste my future away.
There is not much difference between wasted life and the life lived in the happiness, in which everything blooms and doesn't fade away.
Broken hearted only know how much of their person had been taken away by that last hug or kiss you received from your former lover, and how much suffering can change one person in the passing of the day.
Changed I had become, more away from this world, and more pulled away from any company I would usually seek during empty unbearable nights.
Nothing can make this life better for me, well, truthfully I deceive myself thinking that nothing can do that.
Legolas could make my life worth something, but getting involved with him again would bring me more pain.
And pain is something I couldn't bear right now, because I still didn't heal from the last split of my heart, Legolas caused with his foul ways.
I hate that every thought usually comes back to him, but I cannot help myself.
I still need him, secretly in my heart and my hostility toward him would change if I choose to get closer to him.
I would get myself lost in those eyes and those lips again, and nobody could save me this time from the doom I would cause to myself.
No, it is better to linger in the shadow and to think what future would be if the past didn't spoil everything for me.
I would certainly be happy and I would have the lover my heart adored, if the faith didn't choose to trick me and bury my soul into the pitch of the misery.
Yes, it is certainly true about that old saying Men usually utter when their lives turn the wrong way; *Misery loves company*, and I have been it's companion for about this bitter century that passed.
Oh Valar how I wish that I can make myself invisible sometimes, but every time I tend to disappear, my siblings find the way to bring me back.
They turn to me as their leader and I act to be strong just for them, but if they knew real broken elf and coward in me they would abandon me in the flash of the second.
I tend to think of myself as a coward for living this life and being afraid to fade away, but the truth is I made the choice to die long time ago, but some kind of the force kept me living, breathing and moving.
That meddling force in the other words made a living corpse out of me.
Yes, I was heartbroken twice in the past, once before Legolas, but every time I lay in my death bed, something just wouldn''t let me die.
Many times I counted myself amongst the dead, but I cannot be in that category because I am still drawing a breath on this Arda.
As I sometimes say I had died twice and I had been awoken twice, but every time I came back different and insane.
I don't know how I count those days of immortality and I pretend that everything is all right, but I know that I cannot deceive some people about my well being.
The only person that somewhat knows my deepest troubles is Lady Galadriel and she digs deep inside of me with that gift of hers, but I know that most of the times she fails in her quest to figure me out.
I kept some things to myself and I don't want them to surface out. I will still live my life and fight my battles without any aid, because I choose to do it alone.
Once I had allowed someone close and I only got the heartbreak that is doomed to last.
I can only imagine that my life had turned different way, but at the end of the day my empty arms reveal the truth, the truth called no other name than loneliness.
Loneliness is most of the times chosen by it's participant, and it is only safe place the one can turn to if he was often burned in past.
Loneliness can sometimes be dreary and boring thing but it will protect and keep me safe from the temptations of the heart.
And Legolas was the one temptation that cannot be removed from my heart, and it would take an army of warriors to remove him from my mind completely.
Everything is doomed to change in the cycles of the time but the only thing that always stays in front of my eyes is his face and those mystical eyes.
I remember the first time I met him. He was a mere elfling of five hundred summers and I must have been entranced by him from the first glance.
I rescued him from the Wargs and at that time he reacted with hostility toward me, not even thanking me for saving his life.
I remember that the most bewitching thing about him were those eyes, that hid the pain in the depts of those blue orbs.
He wasn't a happy elf back then and I assume he isn't one now either. I think his sadness has to do something with his family or maybe only his father.
That day was his birthday, and every time I met him, his cold attitude always chased me away, and I thought that he was very much spoiled and most pompous idiot I have ever had chance to encounter.
I cannot figure out what made him so hostile and deceiving all those years ago.
Did the pain inside of him act like a weapon in his mind, and he needed to hurt others to revenge what was done to him in the past?
I guess I will never be the one to figure him out, and all those pestering memories should be locked away in my history.
To remember him before he had broken my heart is very much annoying and only Valar knows the deepest secrets of Legolas's mind.
Only thing for me to do after I escort fellowship to Caras Galadgon was to escape to Northern Borders.
I will not stay here and make fool out myself again just to amuse someone greatly.
My anger is still here with me and I cannot promise myself that I would not hurt him when the faith would give me a chance.
If I linger here any longer he would not survive the first dawn in Lorien's talan, and killing the elf for revenge is not worthy spending time in Celeborn's dungeons.
Legolas may not know in what danger he is from me and he doesn't know what kind of darkness his actions provoked in me, but if he knew he would realize that he needs to stay away, far away from me.
My fury is the only emotion that is powerful tool of my own making, and it lingers inside of me from waking day till every sleepless night.
Person once bitten was thaught how to add the poison to the bite he received. Strangely to say that most educated person and victim is me.
TBC
A/N:Just one more thingy.I made this as Haldir POV and although this story was meant to be purely from Legolas POV, I couldn't help myself. I hope y'all don't mind.Betaed my Mima.Special thankies to May for being my muse sometimes.LOL
PART 7:
*^*^*^*^^*^*^*^*^*^**
**The days when your life doesn't seem to exist are happening to me right now. The emptiness is everything I feel and love for my children is all that is keeping me on Arda, when the faith is taking the last breath from me. I don't know how long I will last, and last I must till my younger treasure Legolas find his own way in this path of living. I pray to Valar that all my children will be happy and not unlucky like me now.
Cursed be that day when I fell in love with the elf whose attentions were pointed to somewhere else. I only hope that Thranduil and his lover would rot in hell, because I know that they will enjoy the day of my final breath. I just hope that my treasures, my children would eventually see the truth and find out what kind of person their father really is.**
Those words my mother wrote pain me more then I can show. She lived her life without any drop of happiness or love, Thranduil didn't spare for his wife.
I turned out just like him in some ways and I can only fix some things I did, but I can never be forgiven.
Yes, I am cursed, but I can only hope that someday the sparkle of the happiness would shine for me and maybe that under some circumstances I would end up in the Haldir's arms.
One can only hope and wish for faith to take hi to that place. But wishes can sometimes turn foul and one only losses his soul in the persistent wishing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Haldir's POV
Why in all of the places on this Arda, fellowship had to come here, and for Valar's sake why did Legolas join their companionship. I hoped that elf had died all those years I didn't see him, but NO, his pestering form is still alive and well even today.
I would have shot him myself if the opportunity or Rumil gave me a chance, but sometimes your siblings know what is best for their brother.
Well, I cannot say that I will keep my promise to Rumil and maybe my arrow will still find it's way to Legolas's betraying heart. Although elves don't get sick, seeing Legolas here in Lorien makes me sick to my stomach.
What, (and I will use this phrase that men use sometimes when they are mad), *the fuck* is he doing here? Why did he join the fellowship? Why every time I am trying to forget him, he shows up and spoils everything for me.
Why didn't I kill him when I had a chance?
Now to put this in a more dramatic way: Why? Valar Why?
And this night his eyes don't give me any peace as I feel him watching me from the corner of my eye.
My form responds to his watchful gaze and I respond intentionally as I always would when he was in my presence.
But suddenly he disappears from the trunk that he sat on taking his rest, and my curiosity got the best of me, as I begin to search for him through the trees.
Secretly in my mind I hope he is all right, but the wicked part of me wishes that the Wargs had eaten him peace by peace.
How confusing is my mind when it comes to him.
Some days I want to love him but the in the split of the second later I want to slit his throat.
And what fine throat that (I am gonna use other expression familiar to men) *slut* has. And he is indeed Mirkwood's slut.
He spent most of his life spreading his legs to the other elves, taking and giving pleasure to others, as it eventually had became his addiction.
He is known to our people as the sneakiest, lowest creature that had ever walked this Arda and he will stay that way for as long as he lives.
What I wonder the most is why did Elrond let him join this quest.
Did Legolas bed that old elf so he can get that honor and maybe become the most famous elf in Arda.
I will never understand that half-elf, Elrond.
Why did he put the faith of Middle-Earth in hands of the most irresponsible elf?
I guess I will never know why, because I won't dare to ask and I don't want to know any answers.
I only want to stay away from Legolas while he is here and survive those days with him being around. He burned me once, and he will not get that chance again.
But I am weird too sometimes and I ask myself why do I search for him now when I should be going toward the other direction.
Far away from him, that is. My brain is opposing my body but my body has a mind of it's own. I keep moving and then I stop as I see him siting with that small hobbit by his side.
The hobbit is the one who saw me first and after a few seconds Legolas turned and looked me in the eyes.
I was almost turned to fiery stone, and his eyes almost incinerated me at the spot. I kept my gaze on the colder side, but I knew then and there I wanted Legolas more than I ever did before.
I had to escape this uncomfortable crash and I left without giving him a second glance.
My body felt hot and my head was spinning, making me lightheaded as I sat down on the tree trunk. I was bewitched again with that elf, like in the past, and I knew I had to do something to stop this madness whirling in my head.
Every time I remembered him and the way we were before I found out how deceitful my lover could be, I wish that I could forgive him and ask him to be with me again.
But I knew that action would hurt me more, because his heart is cold and it cannot be held in my favor.
After all, he is now involved with that man Aragorn, and I wondered what kind of weird sickness had befallen Legolas to pick that smelly man for a lover.
His tastes became more unusual in picking lovers, because in the past he picked only beautiful elves for one time rump.
Gods, it even pain's me to think about him so I will do myself a favor and stop thinking at all.
But that decision never helps because somewhere deep inside of me, laid heart that loves him still.
I will never admit that to him again but it is good to know for the hearts sake that I am still capable of that feeling.
I wish that the past was the happy one for me and Prince was the mate of my life, but things sometimes turn out badly and they can never be right again.
Not even if you waste the wishes on that thought but your heart knows otherwise.
Since Legolas my life has been wasted in the many bottles of the wine and loneliness that sometimes can eat the ones soul.
I don't mind this life I am living and if I cannot change my past I can as well waste my future away.
There is not much difference between wasted life and the life lived in the happiness, in which everything blooms and doesn't fade away.
Broken hearted only know how much of their person had been taken away by that last hug or kiss you received from your former lover, and how much suffering can change one person in the passing of the day.
Changed I had become, more away from this world, and more pulled away from any company I would usually seek during empty unbearable nights.
Nothing can make this life better for me, well, truthfully I deceive myself thinking that nothing can do that.
Legolas could make my life worth something, but getting involved with him again would bring me more pain.
And pain is something I couldn't bear right now, because I still didn't heal from the last split of my heart, Legolas caused with his foul ways.
I hate that every thought usually comes back to him, but I cannot help myself.
I still need him, secretly in my heart and my hostility toward him would change if I choose to get closer to him.
I would get myself lost in those eyes and those lips again, and nobody could save me this time from the doom I would cause to myself.
No, it is better to linger in the shadow and to think what future would be if the past didn't spoil everything for me.
I would certainly be happy and I would have the lover my heart adored, if the faith didn't choose to trick me and bury my soul into the pitch of the misery.
Yes, it is certainly true about that old saying Men usually utter when their lives turn the wrong way; *Misery loves company*, and I have been it's companion for about this bitter century that passed.
Oh Valar how I wish that I can make myself invisible sometimes, but every time I tend to disappear, my siblings find the way to bring me back.
They turn to me as their leader and I act to be strong just for them, but if they knew real broken elf and coward in me they would abandon me in the flash of the second.
I tend to think of myself as a coward for living this life and being afraid to fade away, but the truth is I made the choice to die long time ago, but some kind of the force kept me living, breathing and moving.
That meddling force in the other words made a living corpse out of me.
Yes, I was heartbroken twice in the past, once before Legolas, but every time I lay in my death bed, something just wouldn''t let me die.
Many times I counted myself amongst the dead, but I cannot be in that category because I am still drawing a breath on this Arda.
As I sometimes say I had died twice and I had been awoken twice, but every time I came back different and insane.
I don't know how I count those days of immortality and I pretend that everything is all right, but I know that I cannot deceive some people about my well being.
The only person that somewhat knows my deepest troubles is Lady Galadriel and she digs deep inside of me with that gift of hers, but I know that most of the times she fails in her quest to figure me out.
I kept some things to myself and I don't want them to surface out. I will still live my life and fight my battles without any aid, because I choose to do it alone.
Once I had allowed someone close and I only got the heartbreak that is doomed to last.
I can only imagine that my life had turned different way, but at the end of the day my empty arms reveal the truth, the truth called no other name than loneliness.
Loneliness is most of the times chosen by it's participant, and it is only safe place the one can turn to if he was often burned in past.
Loneliness can sometimes be dreary and boring thing but it will protect and keep me safe from the temptations of the heart.
And Legolas was the one temptation that cannot be removed from my heart, and it would take an army of warriors to remove him from my mind completely.
Everything is doomed to change in the cycles of the time but the only thing that always stays in front of my eyes is his face and those mystical eyes.
I remember the first time I met him. He was a mere elfling of five hundred summers and I must have been entranced by him from the first glance.
I rescued him from the Wargs and at that time he reacted with hostility toward me, not even thanking me for saving his life.
I remember that the most bewitching thing about him were those eyes, that hid the pain in the depts of those blue orbs.
He wasn't a happy elf back then and I assume he isn't one now either. I think his sadness has to do something with his family or maybe only his father.
That day was his birthday, and every time I met him, his cold attitude always chased me away, and I thought that he was very much spoiled and most pompous idiot I have ever had chance to encounter.
I cannot figure out what made him so hostile and deceiving all those years ago.
Did the pain inside of him act like a weapon in his mind, and he needed to hurt others to revenge what was done to him in the past?
I guess I will never be the one to figure him out, and all those pestering memories should be locked away in my history.
To remember him before he had broken my heart is very much annoying and only Valar knows the deepest secrets of Legolas's mind.
Only thing for me to do after I escort fellowship to Caras Galadgon was to escape to Northern Borders.
I will not stay here and make fool out myself again just to amuse someone greatly.
My anger is still here with me and I cannot promise myself that I would not hurt him when the faith would give me a chance.
If I linger here any longer he would not survive the first dawn in Lorien's talan, and killing the elf for revenge is not worthy spending time in Celeborn's dungeons.
Legolas may not know in what danger he is from me and he doesn't know what kind of darkness his actions provoked in me, but if he knew he would realize that he needs to stay away, far away from me.
My fury is the only emotion that is powerful tool of my own making, and it lingers inside of me from waking day till every sleepless night.
Person once bitten was thaught how to add the poison to the bite he received. Strangely to say that most educated person and victim is me.
TBC