Title: Finding A Way Home
Author: Andrea
Rating: R. Again, nothing specific, but you know, just in case.
Author's Note: Huge THANK YOU to COURTNEY for the excellent and extremely detailed review. COURTNEY -- well, hey, you rock my world. And thanks again, COURTNEY for all the nagging. You know I *love* it. Thanks to everyone who reviewed … please do it again. And a big shout out to the chat room bitches who informed me of my celebrity and fame. But can you really be famous and not know it? I don't know. Anyway, here it is. You should all thank COURTNEY for shoving her thumb up my ass so I would get this done. And the chat room bitches who convinced me to post it by putting dirrrty images of naked Abby (in bed) in my mind… Hey LANIE who always reviews. Thanks, LANIE. Jesus, shout outs are exhausting.
Finding A Way Home
Chapter 10: Only With the Heart
"That's seventeen." Susan says, watching me watch Abby leave the lounge.
"What?" I ask her.
"That's seventeen times that I've caught you staring at Abby this morning. And it's only …" She makes an exaggerated point of looking at her watch, "Ten o'clock."
"I wasn't staring."
"Right, of course you weren't." She rolls her eyes at me. I guess she's been spending too much time with Abby. "Why don't you just talk to her?"
"I talk to her. We talk all the time."
"You know what I mean. A real conversation. One with more than ten words. She is having your baby, after all. That would imply a certain level of intimacy. Yet, I've had warmer conversations with my cab driver than you two have had the past couple months."
"She doesn't want anything to do with me, Susan."
"Please tell me you're not serious. Are you really that blind?"
"Well, I'm certainly not deaf. I heard it loud and clear when she told me to leave her alone."
"Carter … that was two months ago."
"So?"
"So, I think things have probably changed since then."
"I don't think so."
"She wanted some time, right? Well, now she's had time … to take in everything. I think she was just overwhelmed then … but now …"
"Now what? She still wants nothing to do with me."
"Oh my God, I can't believe you don't see it."
"See what?"
"These past few weeks … you haven't noticed? The way she's been hanging around you, finding an excuse to be in the same room with you. She's been tossing out hints all over the place."
"Really?" I ask. Susan nods. And now that she's mentioned it, I suddenly remember several instances of Abby … prolonging our contact. Sometimes she'd ask unnecessary questions about a patient. Sometimes she'd show up to help with a patient of mine, even when her presence wasn't really required. Occasionally she would even stay late to tend to one of our patients. I just never realized she was doing it to be close to me.
"You should really talk to her, Carter."
"Why? Why should I talk to her? Why do I always have to be the one?" I snap, somewhat irritated at Susan's assumption that it's up to me to put things right between Abby and I.
"Well, she has been making overtures. In her own … Abbyish sort of way."
"Why doesn't she come and talk to me then?" I genuinely don't understand. If Abby wants to get back together, or even work on our friendship … why doesn't she just tell me so?
"I'll tell you the same thing I told her a few months ago. I think she's just scared. Look at it from her perspective. This time, she was the one asking you to give her some space. And she knows you weren't real happy about it. Now, she's afraid of you reaction if she says she wants you back. So she's testing the waters to see if you're open to the possibility … this ought to sound very familiar to you since I think it wasn't too long ago that you were doing much the same thing. Except without all the obvious hints that Abby is dropping in your lap. Honestly, I don't know what is wrong with you two."
"What do you mean by that?"
"You two. You're a pair of fools. You waste more time dancing around each other. And I don't get it, I really don't. You and Abby have something that people spend their entire lives searching for and never find. And if it were just the two of you, and you wanted to waste this golden opportunity for reasons that must be beyond my grasp, that would be one thing. But now your child is involved. So excuse me, but I think it's time you both stop fucking around."
"Gee Susan, how do you really feel?" I ask her, sarcastically.
"I'm sorry. It's your life. Not my business. But …" She hesitates a moment, debating with herself, I guess. "Look, you and Abby are my friends. I love you both. I want to see you happy. And I don't think either one of you can ever really be happy if you aren't together. It just seems like such a shame for you two to waste something that a lot of other people would kill for."
"But what if she doesn't want me back?"
"I don't know. But what do you have to lose, really? On the other hand …"
"I have everything in the world to gain." I say, finishing her thought.
"I wasn't suggesting you propose, just try to open up the lines of communication. Whatever else, you guys have to find a way to be friends … or something close to it. That baby's gonna be here before you know it … I think it might be nice for it to have parents who are on speaking terms."
"Yeah, maybe you're right. I'll think about it."
"Ugh. You know what your problem is, Carter? You think too much. You need to stop thinking and do something." She imparts this advice as she heads out the door. Leaving me alone to do some thinking. I'm still thinking on it a couple hours later while I'm sequestered in the suture room, supposedly catching up on charts.
"Hey." I turn as the door opens and see Abby slipping into the room, closing the door behind her.
"Hi," I say, trying not to show my surprise.
"You hiding out in here?"
"Charts." I gesture to the stack that I've barely made a dent in.
"Oh." She nods in understanding. "I've been looking all over for you. I thought maybe you went to lunch."
"No, not yet," I say, wondering where this conversation is going. "But … if you're hungry, we could go get something," I offer tentatively.
In response, Abby holds up a bag, "I'm mostly brown-bagging it these days. You know, trying to avoid all that crap in the cafeteria. Do you … wanna share?"
Surprised at the offer, I tell her, "I wouldn't want to take the food out of you mouth."
"Don't worry," she says with rueful smile, "The baby won't suffer too much. I had a big breakfast." She pulls up a stool next to me and begins sharing out her lunch between the two of us. "Too bad about the rain. We could have picnicked on the roof."
I know I should probably be used to it by now, but these sudden changes in attitude that Abby seems prone to throw me for a loop every time.
"Have you been talking to Susan?" I ask her.
"No. Why?"
I shrug. "Well, she gave me an earful this morning. And now you show up all …"
"What?"
"Friendly. So I though maybe Susan kicked your ass, too."
"Oh, so Susan kicked your ass, did she?" Abby asks, as she twirls back and forth on her stool. I think she's laughing at me behind her half of our egg salad sandwich.
"Fine. Go ahead and laugh."
"I'm sorry." She says through barely contained giggles.
"It's okay, I'm used to it."
"Me laughing at you or Susan kicking your ass?"
"Uh … both?"
"So what exactly was Susan … um … taking issue with?"
"You mean what was she kicking my ass about? Well … us." Abby raises her eyebrows at me -- a questioning look.
"Let me guess, she thinks we should get back together. I've heard that tune before."
"So you have been talking to Susan."
"Yeah, I've heard it all before. Several times, in fact. Usually from Susan. Most recently from my mom."
"Maggie knows?"
"Yeah, she was here a couple weeks ago. We had a little impromptu visit."
"Maggie was here? Is everything … okay?"
"Yeah … she was on her way home from visiting some old friends in Florida. She was catching her connection at O'Hare, but she got fogged in. So she came and stayed with me. I figured I'd might as well tell her while she was here … after all, I can't keep it a secret forever." She says, as she looks down while smoothing her shirt over stomach.
I'm surprised to see the roundness of her belly. It's not at all apparent under the baggy scrubs and shirts that I see her in at work. Which is the only place I ever see her these days. So I guess it's not surprising that this is the first real conversation that we've had since the last time we were in this room alone together. The day Abby asked me to give her some space. And I realize that Susan was right this morning -- Abby and I haven't been talking.
Susan was right about something else, too. I can't stop staring at Abby. Right now, I can't stop staring at her belly. I reach out tentatively and put my hand on the little bulge. That's my baby in there. It's growing. I can see evidence of its existence. It's really real. Abby smiles at me sweetly and doesn't seem to object to eating her lunch with my hand on her stomach, so I leave it right there. Communing with the baby, I guess.
"Was Maggie excited to find out she's going to be a grandma?"
I catch the good-natured eye roll as Abby says, "Yeah, you could say that. She's probably already working on the layette. It's pretty much all she could talk about once she found out." She pauses for a minute, fiddles around with her lunch. "Have you told your parents yet?" She asks, just before taking a bite of a carrot stick.
"No, not yet. There hasn't really been a good time." She nods, as if she understands.
Of course the timing is only half the reason I haven't broken the news to my parents. It's not that I'm afraid of their reactions. It's just that these past couple months, with the distance that has grown between Abby and I, I've felt removed from the baby, too. When I first found out that Abby was pregnant, I felt an instant connection to the child -- our child -- that she was carrying. But these past weeks, watching everyone ask Abby about the baby, hearing everyone gossiping about Abby's baby … well, I've felt a little irrelevant to the whole process. I certainly haven't forgotten what was happening, but I've felt kinda left out. But it's amazing how little it takes to bring back all those old feelings. Just catching sight of Abby's round belly was pretty much all it took. I wish I'd been more a part of this whole thing. I feel like I've missed so much already.
"Abby? How've you been?"
"Don't worry, I've been taking good care of your baby." She says in a playful tone, and I know she's teasing me.
"I know that. But how have you been?
"I'm … okay."
"Just okay? You're having a baby, you should be happy."
"I am. Sometimes. But other times …" She trails off, shrugs her shoulders.
"What?"
"I dunno." She pauses for a moment, before continuing. "I think it's finally starting to sink in." I knit my brow in a question. "You know, that I'm gonna have a baby."
"Oh. Yeah, I guess so," I say, rubbing her little bulge.
"That reminds me … that's why I was looking for you."
"To tell me that you're gonna have a baby? Because … I already knew that."
"No. To see what you're doing this afternoon."
"Probably just saving a few lives. You know, the usual. Why?"
"Think you can break away for awhile? I have an appointment upstairs. At three."
"Sonogram?" I ask hopefully.
"Yep. First one. I didn't think you want to miss it."
"No, of course not."
"So you'll come with me?"
"Absolutely." Did she really think that I wouldn't want the chance to see the baby?
"Okay. Good." She smiles, then sighs. "I should probably get back to work. I'll come and find you when it's time to go upstairs, okay?" She cleans up the detritus from our lunch and prepares to head back out to the ER.
"Yeah, sure." I say. She nods, and walks toward the door. "And Abby?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"You should be there. It's your baby, too." With that, she turns and walks out the door.
I'm left staring at the clock. Which is pretty much how I spend the next couple of hours. I keep my fingers crossed that no major traumas will roll in and busy myself taking care of the lacerations and weak and dizzies. Finally, Abby sticks her head into the exam room where I am just finishing up with the patient, and asks if I'm ready. Without a doubt, I'm ready. I can't get out of there fast enough. And soon Abby and I are in the elevator heading up to OB. I look over at her and see her biting her lip.
"What's wrong?"
"Nervous."
"You worried about the baby?"
"Uh-huh." She nods her head in affirmation.
"I'm sure everything is just fine."
"I hope so." She sighs a heavy sigh. I'm sure we'll both feel a little nervous until we can see for ourselves that our baby really is just fine.
"Hey," I say, attempting to get her mind off her worries by changing the subject, "Do you think we'll be able to tell the sex?"
"Well, statistically, this is the best time in pregnancy to determine the sex. So … maybe."
"Do you want to find out?"
"I don't know. Why? Do you?"
"It's up to you." I tell her.
"I don't know." She says again, quietly, seemingly lost in thought.
"Do you have a preference?" I ask.
"No. Not really."
"Any gut feeling? Mother's intuition?"
"Nope. Although … I did have a couple dreams about a boy."
"Really?"
"Yeah. But it might just be that it's easier for me to imagine. I mean, with Eric and all. And I was always sort of a tomboy myself …"
"So you want a boy?"
"No. Not really want. Maybe a boy just seems … easier? Less complicated? Then again, on the other hand … it might be more complicated. Because of my brother. Your brother. I dunno … mostly I just want a healthy, happy baby." There's that shrug again. Then she looks over at me. "What about you?"
"Yes, I want a healthy, happy baby, too."
"Yeah, but would you prefer a boy or a girl? I mean, if you could choose."
"I'm kinda glad we can't choose. I mean, I wouldn't know which to choose. A boy would be great. But a little girl … well, that would be great, too."
"So do you want to find out? Or would you rather be surprised?"
"I told you, Abby, it's up to you. What do you want to do?"
She shrugs as some emotion passes quickly over her face … anxiety, trepidation maybe. I don't know why finding out the sex of the baby would seem scary. Especially if she really doesn't have a preference. It really shouldn't be nerve-wracking at all. But maybe she's back to worrying that something might be wrong with the baby. I reach over and take her hand, squeezing it lightly. She doesn't pull away, and in fact, she lets me hold her hand all the way into the exam room. By the time Abby is changed and settled on the exam table, Dr. Coburn has shown up so we never do get a chance to resolve the question of whether or not we want to find out the sex of the baby.
The exam goes quickly, with me staring transfixed at the sight of Abby's bare belly and the roundness that is our baby. I want nothing more than to lay my head down on her stomach and talk to the baby, but I suppose that would make doing the sonogram a bit difficult.
"Well, everything looks good." Janet tells us. "Are you ready to see your baby?"
I nod happily, eagerly anticipating seeing my child on the monitor. Abby nods more cautiously, biting nervously on her lower lip again. I take her hand once again, hoping to reassure her.
Within moments Janet is moving the transducer around on Abby's abdomen, and then, suddenly, there's an image of a baby on the screen.
My baby.
Our baby.
Incredible. I swear my heart skips a beat and my breath catches in my throat as I see the image of my child for the first time. I have to fight back the tears as I squeeze Abby's hand. I look over at her and see her staring at the monitor, her emotions a mystery. Then she turns and looks at me, giving me a tentative smile.
"It looks okay, huh?" She says quietly. She looks back the monitor, the expression on her face still unreadable.
"It looks good." I tell her, looking back at the screen. There's our baby.
Hi, Baby. I'm your daddy. You're mine. And you're perfect.
And it is perfect. Nothing's missing, nothing's deformed, everything is right where it should be. I could spend hours staring at this … watching the baby's heart beat steadily, seeing the little fluid movements of the long, spindly limbs. It's so … amazing. You would think I'd never seen a sonogram before. But this time it's my baby. Mine. Suddenly I feel a connection to this tiny little person stronger than ever before.
"Abby." I say, my voice full of emotion. She looks up at me, and I see the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. "Thank you." I whisper, bending down to kiss her forehead.
She's giving me such a gift. And I know that it hasn't been easy for her, but I'm grateful, now more than ever, that she chose to have this baby. My baby. She smiles at me, and nods slightly as if she understands my unspoken thoughts. And maybe she does. This is Abby, after all.
"The baby looks great." Coburn says, interrupting my thoughts.. "Fetal development is right on target in a healthy, uncomplicated pregnancy. You couldn't ask for much more than that."
"See?" I say to Abby. "I told you there was nothing to worry about. The baby's fine. He's … she's … its fine. Perfect."
"Speaking of which," Janet starts, "Did you want to know the sex?"
"I … we're not sure." Abby says.
Just then I glance up at the screen, and as Janet is moving the transducer, I catch a glimpse of something. "Actually, I think I might have just seen …"
"The sex?" Abby asks.
"Maybe. It was just a fast glimpse, but it looked like …"
"What?"
"Boy parts. Well, one boy part, anyway."
"Really? It's a boy?" Abby asks.
"Well, I'm not sure. Like I said, I just caught a glance."
"You want to take a closer look?" Janet asks.
"Okay." Abby says. I nod.
Janet moves the transducer while we watch the screen. And then … right there between the baby's legs is … the umbilical cord. Oops.
"Nice call, genius." Abby says. "Are you really a doctor?"
"Haha. I told you I wasn't sure."
"I guess you were expecting that any son of yours would be … well-endowed, huh?" Abby laughs, looking back up at the screen. Okay, so if that had been what I thought it was …
"Abby …" I say, feeling my cheeks turning red. "I told you, I couldn't tell for sure."
"So," Janet says. "It's still a surprise. Do you want to keep it that way or should we try to get a look from a different angle?"
"If we find out," I say to Abby, "We can stop calling it 'it.'" I have to admit, my curiosity has been piqued now. I'd really like to know.
Abby looks at me for a long minute, seeming somewhat reluctant. But then she says, "Oh, what the hell … let's look."
Janet tries for another angle, and we all stare intently at the monitor as the baby basically moons us.
"Now that's the umbilical cord." Janet says, tracing it on the screen for us. Great, now she's laughing at me too. "And I don't see any sign of … uh … 'boy parts.'" Making fun of me again, I see. Wait … no boy parts … does that mean?
"It's a girl?" Abby asks.
Janet nods. "Yes, I'm gonna say it's a girl. But since we are basing that on what we don't see as opposed to what we see and this isn't the best angle, I'm going to give myself a little fudge factor. So I'll say it's probably a … ninety percent chance that it's a girl. I'm not gonna make any promises and have you come back later and sue me for being wrong."
"Do people actually do that?" I ask.
"I wouldn't be surprised." She says as she turns off the machine. She hands me a video tape and some pictures on her way out. "Congratulations." She says, walking out the door. I turn and look at Abby who is exchanging her gown for her scrubs.
"A girl. Wow," I say to Abby. We have a little girl. It makes the baby seem like more of a real person. Not an it anymore, but a she. I have a daughter. A daddy's little girl. She's gonna be my little princess.
"Are you glad the baby's a girl? Well, probably a girl." Abby asks me.
"Well, since we couldn't seem to see any boy parts, I guess it's good thing that it's a girl."
She rolls her eyes at me. "I'm serious. Are you … disappointed?"
"Disappointed?" I repeat, confused. "Why would I be disappointed?"
She shrugs. " I don't know. I thought maybe you wanted a boy. Don't most men want sons?"
"I don't know. But I'm not most men. So a little girl … well, that's great. A boy would have been wonderful too, but a girl …" I trail off, but think to myself how happy I am that I'll have a little girl … a little girl that hopefully will be just like her mother. I hope that every time I look at her, I'll see Abby. "No, I'm not disappointed at all. Why? Are you?"
"No, not disappointed … I don't know … surprised, maybe. I didn't think that I had any sort of … intuition about it … but now that I think about it, I guess I was sort of … expecting a boy."
"Sure you're not disappointed?"
"Well, it wasn't that I necessarily wanted a boy … like I said before, I think I could just imagine it more clearly. I could picture a little mini you."
"Now we can have a mini you instead." I tell her.
"I hope not."
"Abby …" I say in protest because a little Abby is exactly what I hope for. And I, for one, can picture a little girl quite easily. I wonder, though, if it'll be harder for Abby having a daughter. Considering her prior experience with mother-daughter relationships. Then again, maybe it will end up being a second chance for her. And since little girls obviously need their mothers, I hope Abby's no longer entertaining that crazy notion about dropping out of our baby's life. Maybe that's why she was subconsciously looking for a boy. Maybe she thought with a boy she could be more off the hook. Maybe she thought a little boy could get along okay with his father. But a little girl … she probably thinks I wouldn't know what to do with a girl. She's probably right. Little girls love their daddies … but what happens when she's not a little girl anymore? What happens when she's a teenager?
"Are you okay?" Abby asks. "You look a little … funny."
"Yeah. I was just thinking … someday she'll be a teenager. I won't know what to do with a teenage girl. I don't know anything about hair and makeup and clothes …. You know, girl stuff."
"Neither do I," Abby says with a shrug. "See? That's why I think a boy might have been easier."
"Oh my God."
"What?" Abby asks, sounding concerned.
"She's gonna wanna date."
"Probably."
"I don't think I'll be able to take that. I think you're right, we should have had a boy."
"Too late now. But I wouldn't worry too much about it now. I'm sure we've got a good ten or twelve years before she'll be interested in boys."
"Yeah." I say, following Abby out the door. "Wait … did you say ten years? Because --"
"Carter, I was just kidding. Although you know kids these days." She says playfully as we get in the elevator.
"Oh God, we're in trouble, aren't we?"
"You're just figuring this out now?" She asks. But she's smiling, probably amused by my naïveté.
"Yeah … well …" I look over at her and see that the smile has disappeared. In its place is a somewhat worried expression. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Abby."
"It's just … it's real. And knowing it's a girl … that just makes it that much more real. It's just kinda … overwhelming. I guess."
"Yeah," I nod. I put my arm around her and pull her to me. "But we're so lucky, Abby. A healthy baby. A healthy baby girl."
"Yeah." That little smile is back on her face as she looks down at her belly where her hands rest.
"C'mon … I'll give you a ride home," I offer as the elevator opens at the main floor.
"Your shift's not over."
"Deb's covering for me."
"Oh, okay."
She follows me as I lead her to my Jeep. She's oddly quiet. A little too quiet.
"You okay?" I ask as I open the door for her and help her in the car.
She nods, but doesn't say anything. She seems to be preoccupied, lost in her own thoughts. I'd love to know what she's thinking, but I don't want to push her. So I just get in the car and prepare to leave, hoping she'll talk to me when she's ready. Before I even have the key in the ignition, she turns to me.
"John?" I look over at her, waiting for whatever it is she wants to say. "Do you think they're right?"
"Who?" She looks down at her hands, picks at one of the nails.
"Susan. My mom."
"Are you asking me if I think we should get back together?" She shrugs, then nods. "I think you already know how I stand on that issue."
"Do I?"
"Don't you? Yes, Abby … I want us to get back together. If that doesn't work, at the very least I want to be friends. I don't really want to be just your friend, but I'll take what I can get. After all, you are having my baby. We have to find a way to make something work. Somehow." I reach over and put my hand back on her belly, where I've been longing to rest it all afternoon.
"I know. We're having a baby. That's what makes it so hard. I just don't want to mess it up for the baby. It's like you said -- we're lucky. Lucky enough to be having a healthy baby. And I … I want to do right by … her."
"We're gonna be good parents, Abby. We're gonna love her and take good care of her." I can't help but smile at the use of the pronoun. 'Her.' My little girl.
"Or screw her up fundamentally. I just wish I knew what the right thing to do is. What if we give it another shot and mess it up? What if we don't give it another shot, and then we never know if we could have made it? And what's better for the baby? Is it better if we learn to live separate lives now? Or should we try to be together no matter how hard we have to struggle?"
"Why does it have to be a struggle?"
"Well, it hasn't exactly been a walk in the park so far." She gives me a little half smile, but the tears are all too evident in her eyes, her voice, her sniffles.
I reach over and wipe the tears away gently. "I can't promise you it will be easy. But I think it's worth it. The hard work, the risks. Besides I'm not really sure that being apart could ever really work. I can't imagine that I could ever really be happy without you in my life." My voice has fallen to a whisper, and I'm leaning in close to her, my hands framing her face. "Nothing feels right when we're apart, Abby. Nothing."
Tears start to slip down her cheeks, and when she speaks her voice wavers. "I just wish I knew what the right thing to do is. I just --"
Before she can say another word, I lean in and kiss her. Susan's right, we think too damn much. This isn't about thinking, it's about feeling. It's about the jolt of electricity that runs through me every time our lips meet. It's about the way my heart still skips a beat when I see her. It's about the emptiness that I feel when I try to live my life without her in it.
I expect her to pull away from the kiss, but she doesn't. She doesn't even fight it, she just melts into it. I'm lost in the kiss, lost in her. My hands are tangled in her hair, her hands have found their way to the back of my neck. This is so natural, so easy. Why do we have to complicate it?
When we finally pull apart, slightly out of breath, I ask her, "Does that help?"
"Help?"
"Help you to figure out what feels right?" She just looks at me for a long moment. "Susan says we think too much. I think maybe she's right. 'It is only with the heart that one sees rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.'" When in doubt, quote someone else.
"What's that?"
"It from The Little Prince. My dad used to read it to Bobby and me when we were kids. Someday, I'll read it to our baby." I move on hand down to her belly again and lean into her neck, my lips nestling her soft skin, causing her to tilt her head to the side, offering me greater access.
" At least I got one thing right; you're gonna be such a good daddy."
"And you're gonna be a wonderful mother."
"I'll bet you say that to all the girls."
"Yeah, it's my best pick-up line." She giggles, whether from the bad joke or my fingers sliding up over her ribs, I don't know. As my hand travels upward, my lips blaze a trail downward, both heading for the same destination. Her hands roam up and down my back as she sighs happily.
But she's also squirming around, probably trying to get comfortable. Yeah, this isn't exactly the best place for a make-out session. Abby's leaned up against the door of the Jeep, and I'm stretched across the front seat, half lying on her, but with the gear shift creating a rather unpleasant obstacle between us. This isn't going to work. So I somehow manage to untangle myself from her and climb into the backseat. I'm stretched out across the small seat, half sitting, half lying as I reach out my hand to Abby. She agilely scrambles into the backseat and carefully lies down on top of me, bringing us face-to-face.
"You really need to think about getting a bigger car." She says with a smile, and then leans down to capture my lips.
The kiss deepens and her tongue snakes its way into my mouth, exploring and caressing. I can't help but moan into her mouth. It feels so good to have her this close to me again. Finally. I've just missed her so much. She smiles around the kiss and wriggles her body against mine. Between her hips grinding against mine and the kisses she's planting just behind my ear, she's driving me crazy. I slip my hands under her shirt, letting them rub her back lightly before slowly moving around to her sides. Just as I'm about to finally get my hands on her lovely, pregnant boobs, she pulls away.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"What was that?" She asks.
"What was what?" I ask, looking around.
"I felt something. Against my leg."
"Uh … Abby? Gee, how quickly they forget."
"No. Not that." She gives me a swat on the arm. "I don't remember that ever vibrating before. Which is kinda too bad, actually."
Vibrating? Oh, my pager. "Dammit!" I dig the thing out of my pocket, and sure enough, it's the ER.
"Some catastrophe in the ER?"
"I'm being stat paged."
"So much for Jing-Mei covering for you. What's the matter? Can't she kill them fast enough on her own?"
"Abby …"
"Unh!" She flops back against the seat in disgust. Looks over at me. "Do you think it's a sign? Like fate?"
"No! I don't think it's fate. I think it's the hazard of being an ER doc who is, technically, still on the schedule."
"Do you have to go?" I just level a look at her. "Okay, okay … I'll go first." She says, before climbing out of the car. I follow her out and we head back to the ER together.
"I'll make it up to you later." I tell her.
"Huh. You better."
"I promise."
"Promises, promises," She says, shaking her head at me with a lighthearted, teasing smile.
I stop for a moment, watching her walk on ahead of me. She looks happy. Really happy. All these months of watching her surreptitiously, and this is the first time that I've seen a carefree, joyful smile on her face. And if she's happy, I'm happy. I run to catch up with her and grab her hand as we head back inside. She looks over at me with that big grin that fills me with so much hope. I hope that this is a start of new chapter in our lives. I hope that this will be a new beginning for us. The beginning of a beautiful … family.