Disclaimer: All elves are Tolkien's.
Thanks for Fb's guys. They help me write faster.
~*~*~*~*~
(Second Age/Mirkwood)
(Legolas's POV)
~*~*~*~*~
Never had I known what pain and disappointment really was, and never did I care that I was the one provoking all those feelings within someone. I didn't care that I had hurt someone, and I couldn't figure out why was my heart so cold.
Why was I different? What was wrong with me?
And so many times I had asked myself those two questions, but an answer was too hard to find. I was not the one who could linger on something for far too long, and I was not the one who would regret his actions, even after I was just about to make them worse.
Two weeks had passed by so slowly, and I was not very close to finding out what was Galadrhim's real favor for me. I knew that he longed to be with me, and in those two weeks I have shared most of my time with him.
But still, I couldn't figure out what kind of feelings he held for me. Was it so hard for him to tell me he loved me?
Tonight was a night I had planned to have some fun on his account, but the things weren't going exactly my way. He didn't confess those things I wanted to hear from him, and I knew that I still had to explore his actions. By the end of this mid-afternoon, I would know if he loved me or not.
I would have his confession this afternoon, and I was counting on it.
I was on my way to meet him and I didn't want to waste any moments, that would be precious in my knowledge.
During those two weeks Haldir was mostly recovering from his ordeal. He was looking better every day, and his strength had almost recovered but only thing that remained from that night was shown in his withering form. He had lost a lot of weight during the first few days of recovery, and a healer had told me that his eating habit should be back in a month or so.
He didn't have an appetite for eating and most of the time, his brothers had to beg him to eat something.
I knocked on the doors of his room, and I heard his voice telling me to enter. He was deeply lost in his thoughts, when I entered his quarters, and I could see him standing beside his night-table.
His face was masked and it was hidden from any emotions; his slimmed shoulders were slumped, and his lower lip was being bothered by his teeth.
"*Mae Govannen*, Haldir. How fare you, today."
I was concerned by the shadow on his face and I knew that something was bothering him deeply inside. Something tortured his thoughts and I really wanted to know what that thing was.
"I am fine, Legolas. Thank you for asking." He came closer to me, and I could see a dark lines under his eyes, that were telling me he didn't sleep very much.
I felt very cold inside, for endangering his life all those weeks ago, but I could rest assured that Haldir would never know I was the one who did this to him.
Healer's word was true and he was keeping my secret safe. He even told the Haldir's brothers that it was animal poison, which was affecting their brother so. In the other words, they all thought that Haldir was bitten by some animal.
They trusted the healer's words and they never doubted his diagnosis.
"Would you like to take a little walk with me. I don't think you should be cooped up inside on this fine day. What say you."
Haldir's eyes became bright at that thought and he slowly nodded with his head.
"Yes, I would like that very much." He pulled on his *oversized* tunic, and I gasped at the sight of the slim body in front of me. When he first came to Mirkwood, Haldir's aura was graced by it's strength and broadness, but now it had lacked all of those traits. Now, he looked almost vulnerable and all those muscles were slowly wasting away.
"Haldir, you really need to try and eat something. You look horrible."
His kind smile was mostly memorable to me, and I realized that somehow, he was getting inside of my soul. I tried to tell myself that love was not what I was feeling for Haldir and that the Marchwarden was a threat I didn't want to deal with.
I had to get him to admit his love to me and I had to get rid of him.
This fake friendship I had with him, was getting on my nerves and I needed to escape those feelings of guilt, every time I saw his withering body.
"I am trying, but I can't. Every time I try to eat something, I end up rejecting it out. The very thought of food is making me nauseated."
"Still, you should try." My eyes upon him didn't linger, and I turned myself around; reaching for a door knob with my shaky hands. /Tonight/. I thought. /Tonight is the night./
Our walk was set in the slow pace and every time I glanced upon him, I could see him observing me with his soft gaze. I wanted to find out, why was he gazing at me, but my words became uncooperative. My thoughts only evolved around the words that could trigger his ultimate confession.
I had to find some ways to make him admit his feelings to me.
"Haldir." I started, and I saw that his questioning gaze was already upon me.
"Yes, Legolas." His eyes were completely mine at that moment, and I could feel him drawing me to his soul.
"This past month, since I had met you, I had come to care for you very much. I need to know if you think of me the same way." The honest question I was releasing, and I knew this was the way to seek a Haldir's answer. Was he in love with me, or not?
I knew that my time was short and I couldn't beat around the bushes anymore, because I was seeking a knowledge which would help me tonight.
His love would be my weapon, and his former submission to me would be his destruction. I would have him broken in front of the everybody tonight.
"Legolas, I ...." His eyes were lost and I knew that he was keeping it deep inside of him, and that his proud heart would not release it so easily.
"You, what. You don't harbor any kind of the regard for me. Is that what you are trying to say?"
"No, but, I don't think it's proper for me to hold anything inside of my heart, that is regarding you. You are a Prince and I am a mere Galadrhim, and nothing we could say to each other could reverse our stations." Haldir released a deep sigh and I knew that his stubbornness would rule over him today.
"But if you say it, then it wouldn't matter if we are differently *brought- up*. What matters the most, you are stubbornly keeping inside."
I tried to provoke this from him, and I knew that my success would be delivered if I used my act of persuasion.
He stopped walking and he turned himself around to meet my gaze.
"What I know and what I hold for you, could easily destroy all of me. I cannot tell you what real feelings I am harboring for you. Do not try to seize a knowledge over them." My angeriness didn't know any bounds. Why couldn't he just say it? Why was he doing this to me?
I tried a different tactics on winning his admission, and I knew that this one would work really fine.
"Are you trying to say that you love me. Is that it?" His surprising expression told me everything I needed to know. He was hiding something from me that was so easy to discover.
"I...You said it. I didn't utter any of that." His defense against my searching gaze was weak. He couldn't fight the whims of my mind, right now. He was vulnerable at this moment and I loved to play with his weaknesses.
"Tell me the truth. Don't deny it."
"I cannot, I am not sure that you would welcome the truth." I chuckled at his uncertainty and I knew that my scheming had almost worked.
"If I tell you that it's very much welcomed, then would you have a heart to tell me." I sighed when his face was lost in his thoughts, and I sensed that his stubbornness was still around.
"Then I really don't have to tell you. Do I? Because the truth had already been recovered." His figure was turned from me and I knew that this was a hardest thing he had to utter to someone. This small confusing admission was enough for me to realize that he loved me, and I searched deep inside of me to see what answers, my emotions held for this *elf being*. I knew that I didn't love him and that my heart was closed, as ever it would be.
I didn't want to linger around this subject anymore because I was making him uncomfortable. His back was still presented to me and I tried to figure out the roots of this sudden silence that washed over us.
"Then, I guess I really know it." I sighed, and I moved closer behind him.
"Let's away, walk should do you some good." I hoped he would crawl back from this sudden shell he was hidden under, and that he would cease this silence between us.
"Yes, you are right. Where do you want to go today?" His eyes were upon me again, but that vulnerability in them was cleverly hidden. Tonight was the night that would make him a chosen victim and once again I would be a victor of the shattered hearts.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
I watched the moon, as it was half-hidden under the clouds, and I relished in that small glow it was bringing upon the Arda.
The feast had already started and I shuddered as the heaviness of this night had already penetrated my soul. I saw Haldir amongst the many figures in a Main Hall and I stood frozen at the balcony, as my heart was beating with the haste at that moment. Could it be that the fool of this night would be me, and that I would hurt someone who really didn't deserve any more pain.
But as I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. The moment was approaching, when I would end this game.
I only had to bring some attention to us and the whole court would know Haldir as the weakling, he really was. But could I really do it, with my doubting mind. Could I hurt someone again? Would my words destroy the already withering form, Haldir was showing these days?
He looked so vulnerable under those soft lights in the Hall, and I was asking myself if this was a safe thing to do.
Would his soul survive my cruelty?
But the questions I asked myself wouldn't stop me from acting and provoking a court to laugh at the Haldir's stupidity. Tonight I wanted to bring a good measure of humiliation and to submit someone to this constant pain; the pain I had been feeling all my life.
I was not loved as I wanted to be, and no matter what everybody admitted they felt for me, they were never true to those words. I was enjoying in the other's sufferings and nothing or no one could change that fact.
I knew that waiting for the opportune moment to do it, would only halt me in my actions. The moment was now, in front of all those people and the opportunity would not pass me by.
With one more sigh I let go of the railing, as my mind had decided to bring this show to the end. No one could make me stop, and no one could make me doubt my actions.
I was just like the autumn wind;a wind that was strong and hard to steer from it's destructive course.
TBC
(Yea cliffhanger again, ducks away from the flying arrows, lol)
Thanks for Fb's guys. They help me write faster.
~*~*~*~*~
(Second Age/Mirkwood)
(Legolas's POV)
~*~*~*~*~
Never had I known what pain and disappointment really was, and never did I care that I was the one provoking all those feelings within someone. I didn't care that I had hurt someone, and I couldn't figure out why was my heart so cold.
Why was I different? What was wrong with me?
And so many times I had asked myself those two questions, but an answer was too hard to find. I was not the one who could linger on something for far too long, and I was not the one who would regret his actions, even after I was just about to make them worse.
Two weeks had passed by so slowly, and I was not very close to finding out what was Galadrhim's real favor for me. I knew that he longed to be with me, and in those two weeks I have shared most of my time with him.
But still, I couldn't figure out what kind of feelings he held for me. Was it so hard for him to tell me he loved me?
Tonight was a night I had planned to have some fun on his account, but the things weren't going exactly my way. He didn't confess those things I wanted to hear from him, and I knew that I still had to explore his actions. By the end of this mid-afternoon, I would know if he loved me or not.
I would have his confession this afternoon, and I was counting on it.
I was on my way to meet him and I didn't want to waste any moments, that would be precious in my knowledge.
During those two weeks Haldir was mostly recovering from his ordeal. He was looking better every day, and his strength had almost recovered but only thing that remained from that night was shown in his withering form. He had lost a lot of weight during the first few days of recovery, and a healer had told me that his eating habit should be back in a month or so.
He didn't have an appetite for eating and most of the time, his brothers had to beg him to eat something.
I knocked on the doors of his room, and I heard his voice telling me to enter. He was deeply lost in his thoughts, when I entered his quarters, and I could see him standing beside his night-table.
His face was masked and it was hidden from any emotions; his slimmed shoulders were slumped, and his lower lip was being bothered by his teeth.
"*Mae Govannen*, Haldir. How fare you, today."
I was concerned by the shadow on his face and I knew that something was bothering him deeply inside. Something tortured his thoughts and I really wanted to know what that thing was.
"I am fine, Legolas. Thank you for asking." He came closer to me, and I could see a dark lines under his eyes, that were telling me he didn't sleep very much.
I felt very cold inside, for endangering his life all those weeks ago, but I could rest assured that Haldir would never know I was the one who did this to him.
Healer's word was true and he was keeping my secret safe. He even told the Haldir's brothers that it was animal poison, which was affecting their brother so. In the other words, they all thought that Haldir was bitten by some animal.
They trusted the healer's words and they never doubted his diagnosis.
"Would you like to take a little walk with me. I don't think you should be cooped up inside on this fine day. What say you."
Haldir's eyes became bright at that thought and he slowly nodded with his head.
"Yes, I would like that very much." He pulled on his *oversized* tunic, and I gasped at the sight of the slim body in front of me. When he first came to Mirkwood, Haldir's aura was graced by it's strength and broadness, but now it had lacked all of those traits. Now, he looked almost vulnerable and all those muscles were slowly wasting away.
"Haldir, you really need to try and eat something. You look horrible."
His kind smile was mostly memorable to me, and I realized that somehow, he was getting inside of my soul. I tried to tell myself that love was not what I was feeling for Haldir and that the Marchwarden was a threat I didn't want to deal with.
I had to get him to admit his love to me and I had to get rid of him.
This fake friendship I had with him, was getting on my nerves and I needed to escape those feelings of guilt, every time I saw his withering body.
"I am trying, but I can't. Every time I try to eat something, I end up rejecting it out. The very thought of food is making me nauseated."
"Still, you should try." My eyes upon him didn't linger, and I turned myself around; reaching for a door knob with my shaky hands. /Tonight/. I thought. /Tonight is the night./
Our walk was set in the slow pace and every time I glanced upon him, I could see him observing me with his soft gaze. I wanted to find out, why was he gazing at me, but my words became uncooperative. My thoughts only evolved around the words that could trigger his ultimate confession.
I had to find some ways to make him admit his feelings to me.
"Haldir." I started, and I saw that his questioning gaze was already upon me.
"Yes, Legolas." His eyes were completely mine at that moment, and I could feel him drawing me to his soul.
"This past month, since I had met you, I had come to care for you very much. I need to know if you think of me the same way." The honest question I was releasing, and I knew this was the way to seek a Haldir's answer. Was he in love with me, or not?
I knew that my time was short and I couldn't beat around the bushes anymore, because I was seeking a knowledge which would help me tonight.
His love would be my weapon, and his former submission to me would be his destruction. I would have him broken in front of the everybody tonight.
"Legolas, I ...." His eyes were lost and I knew that he was keeping it deep inside of him, and that his proud heart would not release it so easily.
"You, what. You don't harbor any kind of the regard for me. Is that what you are trying to say?"
"No, but, I don't think it's proper for me to hold anything inside of my heart, that is regarding you. You are a Prince and I am a mere Galadrhim, and nothing we could say to each other could reverse our stations." Haldir released a deep sigh and I knew that his stubbornness would rule over him today.
"But if you say it, then it wouldn't matter if we are differently *brought- up*. What matters the most, you are stubbornly keeping inside."
I tried to provoke this from him, and I knew that my success would be delivered if I used my act of persuasion.
He stopped walking and he turned himself around to meet my gaze.
"What I know and what I hold for you, could easily destroy all of me. I cannot tell you what real feelings I am harboring for you. Do not try to seize a knowledge over them." My angeriness didn't know any bounds. Why couldn't he just say it? Why was he doing this to me?
I tried a different tactics on winning his admission, and I knew that this one would work really fine.
"Are you trying to say that you love me. Is that it?" His surprising expression told me everything I needed to know. He was hiding something from me that was so easy to discover.
"I...You said it. I didn't utter any of that." His defense against my searching gaze was weak. He couldn't fight the whims of my mind, right now. He was vulnerable at this moment and I loved to play with his weaknesses.
"Tell me the truth. Don't deny it."
"I cannot, I am not sure that you would welcome the truth." I chuckled at his uncertainty and I knew that my scheming had almost worked.
"If I tell you that it's very much welcomed, then would you have a heart to tell me." I sighed when his face was lost in his thoughts, and I sensed that his stubbornness was still around.
"Then I really don't have to tell you. Do I? Because the truth had already been recovered." His figure was turned from me and I knew that this was a hardest thing he had to utter to someone. This small confusing admission was enough for me to realize that he loved me, and I searched deep inside of me to see what answers, my emotions held for this *elf being*. I knew that I didn't love him and that my heart was closed, as ever it would be.
I didn't want to linger around this subject anymore because I was making him uncomfortable. His back was still presented to me and I tried to figure out the roots of this sudden silence that washed over us.
"Then, I guess I really know it." I sighed, and I moved closer behind him.
"Let's away, walk should do you some good." I hoped he would crawl back from this sudden shell he was hidden under, and that he would cease this silence between us.
"Yes, you are right. Where do you want to go today?" His eyes were upon me again, but that vulnerability in them was cleverly hidden. Tonight was the night that would make him a chosen victim and once again I would be a victor of the shattered hearts.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
I watched the moon, as it was half-hidden under the clouds, and I relished in that small glow it was bringing upon the Arda.
The feast had already started and I shuddered as the heaviness of this night had already penetrated my soul. I saw Haldir amongst the many figures in a Main Hall and I stood frozen at the balcony, as my heart was beating with the haste at that moment. Could it be that the fool of this night would be me, and that I would hurt someone who really didn't deserve any more pain.
But as I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. The moment was approaching, when I would end this game.
I only had to bring some attention to us and the whole court would know Haldir as the weakling, he really was. But could I really do it, with my doubting mind. Could I hurt someone again? Would my words destroy the already withering form, Haldir was showing these days?
He looked so vulnerable under those soft lights in the Hall, and I was asking myself if this was a safe thing to do.
Would his soul survive my cruelty?
But the questions I asked myself wouldn't stop me from acting and provoking a court to laugh at the Haldir's stupidity. Tonight I wanted to bring a good measure of humiliation and to submit someone to this constant pain; the pain I had been feeling all my life.
I was not loved as I wanted to be, and no matter what everybody admitted they felt for me, they were never true to those words. I was enjoying in the other's sufferings and nothing or no one could change that fact.
I knew that waiting for the opportune moment to do it, would only halt me in my actions. The moment was now, in front of all those people and the opportunity would not pass me by.
With one more sigh I let go of the railing, as my mind had decided to bring this show to the end. No one could make me stop, and no one could make me doubt my actions.
I was just like the autumn wind;a wind that was strong and hard to steer from it's destructive course.
TBC
(Yea cliffhanger again, ducks away from the flying arrows, lol)