Well, here's another long chapter, but first I've been meaning to reply to a few reviews, I do try to reply to everyone, but I'm delighted to say this week we've broke 260 reviews and being in class most of the time now it gets hard, so please don't get mad if I don't reply like I used to
-_-u... trust me it gets frustrating cause I like to answer everyone's questions and comments. Saki: Yup, it was your idea ^_^
Fyredra: I'm SOO sorry!! Hehehe... well I promise in chapters to come I'll have to throw in some spoilers about Bakura's past from the Japanese manga's just so his odd behavior makes sense. Thank you for your blessing. Blessed me, I hope the goddess smiles on you as well.
Kitty and Amethyst: I think I replied to you on this but I'm not sure, oh well. One of the best resources on wiccianism is from webweaving (a.k.a. networking), finding other witches from around the world of even near by and talking with them about what they do. It's a great way for everyone to grow and learn. I like the site www.witchvox.com (the witches voice) as a webweaving resource because you can find witches close to your area in any age group. For books and such? I like SilverRaven Wolf and Michael Johnstone as well as David (or is it Scott?) Cunningham. I don't trust internet sights to much because it's hard to find a source that is a truly honest wiccian site and not just some asshole who thinks he can throw fireballs at people.
Erfaciel: Yay!! I'm loved!! And yes! I forgot to say that myself HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
Keisan: Hehehe, just wait and see what happens to Bakura. That was the whole reason I put wiccian into the plot, because religion is spiritual. Sure it's really something to have a physical, mental and emotional connection, but a spiritual connection really is once in a life time. As for the "Sweep" series, yeah a few people noted it and I went to the book store to check it out, I have the first one on lay-a-way for Yule ^^.
Promise: I think I may have e-mailed. If not... this is my reply ^^. That's the best complement ever! The reason so much of the manga as opposed to the anime is in here and there mixed together is that I was reading the Yu-Gi-Oh manga's before the rest of the anime aired over here. As a result I really got ahead of the story -_-... oh well.
Kaji: I don't think I can do full lemon because fan fiction is a bitch, but I do promise a loooonng and interesting bit that may have to be continued on adultfanfiction.net. Hehehe.
Bakuraluva: There's special wiccian significance to peaches, So I'm glad he took it too ^^. Yeah Malik is one of those icy people. Insomnia can be extremely emotionally and mentally trying because your mind needs sleep much more then your body in order to process thought information. No sleep... lack of logic, literally. Hmm... Ak! No! I have to fix Malik!
LYB: Anyway!
Malik: Joy... another long and tiresome chapter.
LYB: Yeah, but you get to bare your soul.
Malik: I'm touched...
Bakura: Yeah you should be.
Ryou: Why are you so cranky, yami?
Bakura: *growls*
LYB: ^_^ Because he gets to make a scene!
Ryou and Malik: O_O...
Malik: Why do I not like where this is going?
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Evanescence
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I woke up slightly dazed. After all, for a minute all I could remember was sitting downstairs playing my guitar. Then I realized I was so damn hot I could pass off for being in hell but there was something pleasantly warm and comforting wrapped in my arms. I gave a groan, whoa...I can't remember feeling like I've slept. I mean yeah I've woken up feeling rested, but not like I've slept! All hail all mighty Ra! I feel relaxed and lazy and half-dazed and all those other wonderful things I had forgotten about ... now I just have to piece together how I got here and why I'm blessed with being cuddled in a nice hot bed and having the most beautiful creature on Earth curled up to my chest.
Wait a sec....
Did I just say...??
Never mind...
I'm thinking things I shouldn't again...
As to how I got here. Let's see... I tried to sleep. I honestly did. I sat and staired at the fire as it slowly went out, but wheels just keep turning in my mind. So close... so damn close... I held him in my arms, I had my lips on his, I got blissfully carried away.
They call it Drawing Down the Moon...
For one minute, your not yourself. Your not bound to any human law or morality. For one minute there is no guilt, no regret, no fear of what will happen in the future. To have him there with me... I don't know... it was something. Why do I get this weird feeling inside of me when I think about it? Am I sick? Maybe I'm getting Ryou's cold... yeah that's it! I'm getting that stupid cold. But then, why did I want him so badly when we stood out under the stars?
I don't know what it was, just an idea, a dream... it wasn't that I wanted to kiss him... it was that I wanted *him*. I wanted for that moment to have him with me, near by, always. Oh Ra, I can't believe I'm thinking this! What did I do to deserve this? Seriously, if I'm living proof the three fold rule exists then good God I must have done something devastating... these things I feel will pass. I'll have to force them to pass.
I don't know why but later last night he seemed so angry. Very abrupt and disturbed. I didn't like it at all... I mean normally, I don't give a rats ass who's angry but it was Ryou. And it seemed like he was upset with me... that bothered me. Just like it had when all of this started, upset because he was upset. You see, I have such an ego... and I love to feed it. You must understand, I'm so in love with myself; there's no one else I'd rather be, just as arrogant as they come. And still... I'd give up everything to be someone else. To get rid of this person... bitter, self-righteous, cold. Strange, isn't it? But with my arrogance, another person mad at me is another point to my score. It's a good thing because I've made sure someone has been shown-up. Mwahaha!!
So I couldn't figure it. Why him being angry was upsetting. I hadn't done anything bad recently... though of course if anyone had any right to have no good reason to be angry with me it would be him. After all the shit I've put him through? Yeah, sure, I'll be the first to say he has a right... hell I don't know why Bakura still even hangs around. Little-own probably my best friend or even why we seem to find solace in each other. But it bother me- badly. I didn't want him to be upset... I don't know what I wanted from him. Something nagged me.
I mean, he's the first person I've ever allowed to touch the scars on my back. I trust him... oh Ra... I actually TRUST him. And I guess... I think I want him to believe in me too. Things are changing in me and I don't know why. What the hell... even my view of him has changed. When I occasionally daydreamed about him before mental defense kicked me in the ass I used to think of him as summer nights back in Egypt. He made me think to the past. Now I see him as snowy nights... much more soft and delicate, much more pure but also much more mysterious and strong... I've never seen snowy nights before but living here I know their in my future cause I'm living here now. In essence, I'm thinking of him as my future... that terrifies me.
I suppose that's why his being angry upset me... I know I can't have him, so at the very least I don't want animosity between us. I wanted to know that he didn't care about what had happen. I just wanted to know he somehow counted me as... I don't know... something like a friend. I don't even know what the fuck I'm rambling about!! I was going somewhere with this wasn't I? Yes! Something he said to me... something I dreamed...
Yeah... that was what woke me up... I started to dream. I hate it when I dream because of the things I see... things go wrong and somehow my darker wins, my sister vanishes, somehow Bakura really does die... Ryou really dies... everyone dies... but tonight, the dream was different. I can't remember how it started, but I do remember I ran. I ran far away, out into the blissful dark of the nighttime woods. I was totally lost, the dark hid shadows that stalked me, warning me their was no one here to help should I fall. What else could I do but run on, lost in a sea of haunting trees in the dark of night.
Then I heard someone whisper. A breathy, faint, imploring voice. I don't even know what it said but I stopped and looked around. Someone was watching me. Moonlight filtered from the trees flicked on the beings pale hair and dark clothing and I turned toward them, then the being vanished. But somehow, I knew that the being was still there and I moved toward where I had seen him. I could hear the call, so faint, leading me along, showing the way till I looked out of the silver trees now flooded with pale lovely light to a ring of stones sheltered in their center. The two tallest stones standing as a megalith with another broad rock laying across their tops. I swallowed nervously before stepping out, this place... something about it told me it was sacred, that it was not for mortal men. This was a temple of Gods, Gods of what I didn't know.
I called out. No one answered. Only my own voice echoed back to me. "So much for that." I murmured then I felt my heart jump, something sharp dug into my back.
"Why are you in my forest, boy?" the being hissed and I glanced back, moving slowly so as not to irritate the one who had me.
"I don't know." I admitted "I just came where I was called."
My captor gave a snort of indifference. "Who are you?" I knew that voice, it's sharp edge, the way the sword at my back twisted when imploring for an answer.
"Bakura?" I asked.
"I know no such name." Came the sharp reply. "I should *kill* you for your insolence to give me such a name." Nope, not Bakura. Far to articulate to be Bakura.
"My name of choice is Malik Ishtar." I address firmly "I'm of an Egyptian sect. I bring no harm to your temple."
"Cut the formality, boy." came the annoyed answer and I felt myself pushed forward so I took the opportunity to turn and look at my stalker. White, messy hair fell over the beings shoulder, sharp brown eyes watched me curiously, yes this person looked exactly like Bakura... only with one major difference, this being was distinctly female. For some reason a female Bakura didn't bother me at the time. It seemed perfectly natural, but I suppose dreams work that way. Like making a female anti-social disordered yami normal. She leaned on her sword, looking me up and down suspiciously. "Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't slit your throat for invading my forest. I'm the protector of this place and I don't take lightly to threats of the divinity here. And I do not like being insulted."
I thought a minute but never got a chance to answer as a gentle, persuading voice said "Morrigan." and the woman looked up. I turned around. Sitting a top the megalith like a cat in a pale druids robe was Ryou, at least, someone who looked like Ryou. The hood was down about his shoulders so his white hair gleamed in the moon light, making him look regally holy but at the same time very human. "Leave him be." he smiled gently, gesturing to me "He means no harm here."
The goddess stepped forward past me, looking suspiciously between her counterpart and me. "Should I leave? Do you feel safe here?"
"Very safe, my Lady of War." he replied easily with an endearing tone. She seem to ease her stance. "Go on Morrigan, I know there are places you would rather be."
She raised her sword and swung about, moving with the violent grace of a skilled warrior, brushing past me with indifference. "Your lucky." she hissed, but cracked a faint smile once more looked me up and down making me feel a bit shy, she only laughed and vanished into the forest. I turned my attention to the angelic being perched atop the stone. He was smiling as if something impressed him.
"She likes you." He explained briefly. I could only smile nervously and shrug at the thought that she had been checking me out while having me in arms length of a sword. I'd hate to be someone she disliked. He chuckled, turning his head up to the moon.
"So who are you?" I ask easily, feeling no need to be fearful or even formal. Like my Ryou he just seemed friendly.
"Take a guess." he giggled and shook his white hair a bit, standing up. I had to think a minute before deciding firmly who had decided to grace me with this vision.
"Lug... The all talented, most intelligent of all beings. God of warriors, musicians, artists and magicians."
"Very good." He said smiling and tapping his noise to show I'm right. "But I don't think I deserve that much credit. Just Lug is fine. After all I prefer my time among men, I'd rather be credited as one." His tone was light and good-natured and I chuckled slightly at his childishness. "So tell me..." he started and I started a bit as he jumped but landed gracefully in the grass on his feet in much the same way a cat would land before standing to walk toward me. "How did you find your way to my shrine?"
"I followed a voice" I admitted. "Was it you who called?"
He walked up to me, reaching out a bit to curl his finger around a lock of my hair then raised his other to rest it lightly on my shoulder, his very touch making me want to sigh and resign myself to him. The way he smiled, just like Ryou, I wanted to melt. "No, koi, you found your own way here." Hesitantly I wrapped my arms around him, bring this tender god closer to me.
"How did I do that?" I asked and he laughed, then held up his hand.
"See? You found your own way." a thread ran across his hand and I looked at it curiously. It looked like red yarn and I followed its path leading out of the forest and to the stone megalith he had been sitting on where it seemed to be embedded. I touched it, wondering where I had seen it before then it clicked in my head:
I search the universe for a human being made for me,
a lover true who will prove be,
the person with whom I was meant to be.
The string unravels and so does the time,
At the end of the thread lenghted 3 times 3,
Stands my love waiting for me.
I reach to touch the fairy ring.
Give me a heart that's dragon eyed and angel winged,
I set my prayer up on a pyre,
Like angel fire, rise higher and higher.
Up to the heavens and across the sky,
Fate do your work don't pass me by.
Send me someone with gentle eyes and delicate tone,
I was never made to stand alone.
"I don't understand." I told him. He just gave a sympathetic sigh.
"Your own magick has brought you to this place, don't you see? The universe has given you your opportunity. Now are you going to step up to it? Or let it slip away?"
I tightened my grip slightly, watching his brown eyes, feeling my heart start to pound "I can't... not after everything that's happened." he smiled at me so sweetly, raising his lip to mine making it seem like ever worry was washing away from me with just one lovely kiss. For a moment I was lost in my light-headed dream while he pulled away. He's hands came up to my face bidding me to gaze at him, allowing me to look into his eyes.
"My falcon, whether you know it or not, you never were alone-
who'll save your soul, if you don't save your own?"
Then I woke up. And I still don't understand. It can't be true, that my own spell brought him to me, that would mean he is the one I can love. No! I can't fall in love with him, I just can't. Not after everything I've done. It upset me. It really did and I didn't dare fall asleep again, but at the same time... it was amazing. To hold him... he should be the last person on Earth to forgive me for what I've done but... what was it he said last night?
I didn't want to play my guitar anymore. Ryou being angry kinda took all my will to sing out of my system. Besides, Isis was better at guitar anyway. But I didn't want to leave it downstairs another night in a row. After all it had been sitting downstairs since that night Ryou passed out on me. I figured Ryou was pissed off anyway so I may as well put it away while he was still angry so he wouldn't get half-calmed down only to get pissed off again. So sue me, my logic is twisted.
So I went upstairs to put it away with no real intent of saying anything to him save he talked to me first and I suppose you could say apologized for being slightly mean, though he really didn't need to. It made me feel slightly guilty considering I should probably have been the one feeling bad and I think he noticed that because he mentioned my odd compulsion of trying to rub invisible blood off my hands. Kind of ironic how it's his blood and I have wondered if he even had a shard of a clue of that. Though it became obvious that in fact he did know or the subject never would have been brought at all. And it was a bit of a blow to whatever faint hopes I may have when I asked him if he forgave me and he was taken back. Can't say I was suprised but for some reason that tore me up... worst then the dreams, worst then my conscience.
And yet I still felt the need to try to explain. Ra only knows why. I had to say *something* to offer him a bit of consolation... that I never really *meant* for anything bad to happen to him. I can't recall exactly what I told him but for some reason it inspired the question of where I'd first met him. Now where the hell did he get that from?? What did I say to trip that memory? I'd almost forgotten about it. That time when I was desperately trying to find my connection to Bakura and get some help before every last thing I stood for was destroyed and came across Ryou instead. I didn't even know him. He meant nothing to me and yet, he offered to help me save a soul. Save my soul. What a thought. He said life was worth it and I suppose that meant more coming from a complete stranger. I didn't even think he could recall it, guess he can vaguely.
I told Bakura one night about that incident and he had chuckled saying that yes, that was Ryou's nature if he cared for someone or sympathized with them. Then I made Bakura promise he wouldn't say a thing about it to Ryou and he agreed to keep my odd emotions a demented-sorta-secret. After all we both know damn well I'd never touch Ryou. Point being, Bakura knows very well what Ryou meant to me before this stupid trip and knows it's a lost cause, though I've never actually come out and said: "Look, your light is amazing but I want nothing to do with him." Nothing of the sort. I just get the sense from the way he willing let the subject slide that I don't even have to explain it to him why I would never even consider a relationship with his hikari... he just *knows*... would understands be to strong a word? Who knows with Bakura.
I know it's only Ryou's nature to be so gentle but I still can't get over how sweet and loving he is with me. Letting me lie down in his lap and curl up in his bed just to ease my mind and go to sleep for a few blissful hours. He just talks to me. On my level, like he did last night, without avoiding subjects or spitting at my weird ramblings of philosophy. I still don't peg him as being as much of a philosophy and thinking lover as I am, but he did ask questions and draw his own conclusions so I'm pretty sure I can say he is at least a lover of learning. I don't know... it's new and relieving to know I have someone who at least tries to understand the things I think about and not have to avoid the subject of magick. That in itself is another reason I keep feeling more and more attached to him. I can't get over it. After everything, he still treats me as if I'm actually a human being, someone who feels, reacts and hurts the same way as everyone else. Even when he knows the things I have to feel aren't like everyone else. It's almost like to him, I'm just me. JUST me. He doesn't expect me to pretend I'm happy or pretend I'm always irritable. No explanation or reasons required, he takes me for me. Bitterness, arrogance, spirit and all without prejudice or malice. Some how he sees something alive and spirited... not Malik Ishtar, something else- something more impeccant, something more loving, more human... something I didn't really see myself. Maybe that's why it means so much to me now. That he looked me in the eyes and told me I was forgiven.
That was what he said that's made everything change. He forgave me. Even after everything. The one person in the world who should hate me, the one person who really had the most reason to turn his back on me because I have no explanation for what I put him through. He forgave me. Ra only knows why... and I can't explain it but it awakened something in me, like suddenly a burden was lifted off my shoulders and I could walk upright again. A sense of freedom, if you will. Maybe for once I've been washed clean and the most prominent stain has been taken away. It's like a new chance, however small, alive and spirited- impeccant, loving, more human... I can feel these things I didn't really see in myself. Or maybe I've forgotten. Maybe it's just him who's put it there and it really doesn't exist at all. But if that's true, then why do I feel it? I can't figure out how he can see these things and make them exist. I could debate it for hours, but I won't. It will start to mean something, something important and moving that I don't want to know.
No, I don't want to know. I'm afraid of what it will mean. Yeah I'm afraid. Go ahead and laugh, I'm terrified. The great Malik Ishtar is afraid of his own absolution. But it's so damn magnetic! I can't help that I don't care I'm walking into my own destruction! Everything I am, was and will be I've suddenly set out to compromise and I really don't care! Oh my goddess when he was in my arms last night, when I had my lips on his, I didn't feel the guilt or the pain- he made it go away. I'll destroy him... devour him completely, I know I will-
but I still want him.
I can't help it. This whole thing is to fucked up now to make any sense. All I can tell you is that I'm falling for him... so completely... and I forbid myself to fall in love with him. He's *not* the one I called for. Because goddess help me if I fall in love with him I'll never let him go. My savior, my angel, everything that has, now that I think about, held me together this long and over the last so few days started to put the pieces back together. And last night I fell asleep thinking just that, he's an angel. The sweetest dove hunted by a falcon and I know that I'll only wreak him like I have everything before. I can't help it, I'm reckless.
I know I can't have him, but at least I know he takes me completely, forgiven and purged. I know he doesn't care about what had happen. That I am a friend. So my thought comes full circle and I'm still not satisfied!! I can't tell you why I'm not, but I'm not! And I should be... I have to be.
But for this moment, he's in my arms and for this moment, I'm myself. Somewhere in the midst of all this I think I've drifted off. Either that or I just got so caught up in my own thoughts I didn't realize something had changed. I became aware he wasn't in my arms anymore but I could feel the most soothing sensation of light and gentle fingers running through my hair, brushing it away from my face. I opened my eyes and smiled, looking right at the angelic boy playing with my hair.
"Good morning." he greets me with gentle eyes and a soft lovely smile that I can't help but return. I can't explain it, even after all that thinking it just seems washed away and I'm content, so perfectly happy.
"How do you feel?" I ask and reach up, taking his hand from brushing my hair back and bringing it to my lips.
He laughs shyly and blushes. "My fever is gone again." His skin is so soft, just like silk. I could wrap myself up in him forever if that's possible. I yawn and stretch, still keeping hold of his hand.
"What time is it?" I ask him.
"About nine o'clock" He answers and I can't help but give a joyous laugh, releasing his hand and wrapping my arms about his waist, pulling him back down beside me.
"A whole seven hours!" I laugh and he chuckles again "I slept a whole seven hours! You have no idea how good that feels!" And that is the honest truth. I raise my hands, running my fingers through his hair, just enjoying his presence, the way he fells lying against me. He closes his eyes, leaning his head more into my touch. "Ryou, your amazing." I tell him and he tries to laugh it off but he can't hide the charming blush on his cheeks.
"Are we going to go get some breakfast?" he asks, snuggling tighter into my embrace.
I lean close to him, brushing my lips against his ear and whisper "Why should I leave when I have and angel in my arms?"
He pulls away quickly and stairs at me, I just look at him pretending to be confused. "What did you..." He starts as I sit up and smirk.
"I said: Why shouldn't we leave and have breakfast it couldn't harm?" then stand up re-arranging my clothing from their slept in state just as casually as if I had said nothing of significance at all. "Why? What did you think I said?"
He shakes his head looking totally confused "Nothing." I inwardly laugh at my odd way of confessing before I start to gather up a change of clothes from my bag. "See you at breakfast, Malik-kun." he says as I moved toward the door, offering me an honest smile which I return. I can't recall any one but Bakura and Isis using that endearment with me and I don't mind at all.
"Okay, Ryou-kun." I reply and leave him to get dressed.
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~
//Hikari//
/Yes, Bakura?"/
//I want to see what's going on.//
I raised my eyebrow curiously. /There's not much to see. I'm just over in the main lodge./
//... hmmm... I over slept. I don't remember you getting up.//
/I thought you need sometime to rest so I didn't bother to wake you for breakfast. Besides didn't you say you were going to wait for Isis before coming out any way?/
//No, I ~suggested~ that. Because you were getting sharp on me.//
I internally laughed a bit. /It's okay Bakura. You want partial control?/
//Yes. I'm curious. Only enough to look around and see what you see.//
I opened me eyes and looked around for him, allowing him the partial control he wanted. I doubted I had any reason to fear him running wild. Our eyes examined everyone in the room, my heart fluttered slightly as Malik crossed into my line of vision and he plunked down on the couch beside me. He stretched out across it, resting his head in my lap. "Hello, Ryou!" he smiled childishly looking up at me with beautiful clear violet eyes. My head felt light and I offered a smile back. I could feel Bakura inside me giving the both of us an odd look but I shrugged it off. Malik sat up and I felt a strange sense of honor having Malik so close to me but I was careful to keep my thoughts from my darker, just to save embarrassment. It was then I noticed Bakura was rather somber and even slightly disappointed.
/What is it, yami?/ I asked gently.
//It's nothing, hikari.// he answered quickly, a defensive edge on his voice. I raised a brow curiously.
/Come on Bakura, it's not like you to only want just my eyes instead of your own body, or mope around in your soul room./
//I'm NOT moping!! ... There's just someone I wanted to see...//
/Who??/ I asked eagerly, sounding mocking like a school girl. /Oh come on yami! I told you what I thought about Malik!/
I heard Bakura sigh inside my head and I looked about the room, a movement on the stairs caught my eyes so I looked up, watching Yami Yugi descend the stairs. He looked more pensive and withdrawn then usual, his shoulders hunched slightly and his hands jammed into his pockets. Then again, I've always heard a saying that people look most like themselves when they think no one is watching.
I felt a tremor pass over Bakura and I had to blink. Why would my darker feel so fluttered over Yami? I felt another vibration And suddenly there he was, standing in front of me in all his self-imposed glory. My yami, standing casually with his hands in his pockets glaring like a maniac at the former pharaoh. All activity in the room stopped as they all stared at my darker's sudden and unexplained appearance.
"Bakura?" Malik spat, totally caught of guard, "Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be with my sister?"
"Chill out, Malik" He replied cooly without taking his eyes from Yami. "I was. We did some research on his mighty highness here and what I had to do with him. Or should I say, what he had to do with me."
Joey offered a smirk. "Ya mean why ya went psycho and tried to kill 'im?"
Bakura glared at him a moment "For the most part." he stated simply in a surprisingly passive tone for my yami. He turned his eyes back to the figure on the stairs. Was it just me? Or did Yami look like a deer in the headlights of a car? Bakura let an odd smile form on his lips and started to move toward yami looking like a cat stalking it's pray. I wanted to grab my yami and hold him back but I felt no malice from him. Only this odd sense of nervous flitting, I couldn't make sense of it. "I know why I wanted revenge on you." he smirked. "I found you message, pharaoh."
Yami seemed to shudder, eyes wide but voice never betraying his confidence. "What message would that be, tomb robber?"
Bakura gave a growl, obviously that wasn't the answer he was looking for "The one you left at my village."
Yami hesitated a moment before answering a simple "Oh" and I felt the most devastated feeling float through my being though Bakura never betrayed his pain. Bakura opened his mouth to say something, eye brows narrowed harshly but seemed at a total loss for words and turned away, looking lost and desperate, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head.
"Is that all you have to say!?" he suddenly snapped, Bakura scanned his face for another moment obviously waiting for some type of reaction, but Yami said nothing, only looked at him as if he'd said nothing at all.
Bakura gave something close to a cry of frustration and lunged forward, grabbing hold of his shoulder. Several of us stepped forward to break up the impending fight but it quickly became obvious they had no intentions of swinging punches. "After everything that's happened, after putting the truth out, all you have to say is "Oh"? When all is said and done and you supposedly have so much to say, push comes to shove and you have nothing to say to me? Well fuck you!" The last statement he spit out low and resentful, like it was poison. Yami just stared at him blankly.
Bakura had really been nothing but sympathetic to me, he'd never yelled, or raised a fist. True he had manipulated me and forcefully took over on occasion when he found a weak spot he could use, but he never did anything harmful, if anything he really did try to be helpful and give me what I wanted as well. I simple don't know what to do when Bakura is angry besides sub-due him and that's hard if he's not in the ring. I was at a lost for what to do and did the only thing I could think of, I turned and looked at Malik, giving him the most pleading look I could manage. He knew this side of Bakura better then I did, after all, it was Malik he always went to when he wanted to get rid of the feeling.
Malik looked back at me a moment then cast a glance at Bakura, then looked at me again and gave me a sympathetic nod before moving to rise then my attention was turned back to the scene when I caught Yami say "No, you're wrong." in a low almost hushed voice.
My darker's eyes narrowed and I could feel this ever turning, troubled set of emotions course through every inch of him. "Like hell I am." he hissed "That's all I ever got from you, nothing. Will of fire and a heart of fucking ice, that's all you ever showed. That's pretty damn pitiful for someone who's done nothing recently but rant on the strength of the heart. Loyalty my ass... you never did know what the fuck you wanted." With that, Bakura roughly pushed him away and everyone just seemed paused for a reaction uncertain of what to do in case that would be the end of it. Even Malik was paused caught half-way between sitting and standing.
Only Otogi seemed to have the vague recollection of movement when he leaned over and whispered to me "Your yami had a thing for the pharaoh?" I just dumbly opened my mouth as if to answer but couldn't so I just shook my head as if to say "I'm just as clueless as you."
Yami raised a hand, running it through his hair, gazing off at nothing in particular appearing remarkably calm which only seemed to upset Bakura even more, though I knew he'd never let it show. "You know that's not true." he said finally, looking up with something that closely resemble compassion from under blonde bangs. Bakura hesitated briefly and his face seemed to fall blank, making him look weary and cautious. I turned my head and closed my eyes in sympathetic understanding. I could feel things, though he'd never let his face betray it. No doubt his eyes did. The anger seemed to fall away. Piece by piece it was like his entire being crumbled leaving only something deep and sorrowfully profound. I felt so completely protective of him suddenly, like I should run and take his hand, pull him away and take away the pain. I wished he'd never started this fight or whatever it was. I knew what he felt, upset... clueless for daring to hope. Wondering why he even bothered, what the hell was wrong with him. The same things in my head when he told me Malik would do this same thing to me. But underlying it all was a warmth, something unrequited, battered and bruised but still somehow touched by the words as if deep down he knew they were right. At least-- they had once been right, the bruises told otherwise.
"Maybe." he admitted, his face still decidedly cold but his voice now not so enraged. "But you never did a thing to prove otherwise. Even when I created the dark RPG, you never fell into my game, you never showed a thing." I can't help but smile a bit at this and let a bit of amusement and warmth slip through my side of the link to Bakura when he noted that. After all, we had– in a sense-- worked together on that and he was immensely proud of me, as weird as it sounds that was our project together. That may sound totally insane because supposedly everyone was in "danger" but I knew they weren't. Bakura doesn't go back on his promises to me. In response I could feel how much the simple thought I sent to him eased his mind and how much he appreciated me helping to share a lot of his emotions.
Yami shrugged as if his reply should be obvious so he wasn't going to bother. He took his hands from his pocket and opened his arms slightly as if to show he had no hostility as he approached my spirit. "What could I have done, Dark Bakura? What would it have changed even if you had found my message at that point?" It suddenly struck me as odd that Yami still called him Dark Bakura, as if he refused to acknowledge that his name was Bakura at all. Now that I think of it, Bakura did the same thing to Yami, he refused to acknowledge his name, calling him Pharaoh, even simply Yugi instead. Bakura didn't reply but it seemed Malik took the relative calmness to start walking towards them, likewise both Joey and Yugi started for Yami, though they took no notice.
Yami stopped just short of him and Bakura looked down at him with a mix of caution and contempt. Then Yami reached up and pressed his lips to Bakura's and for that moment, Bakura's resolve visibly weakened. My jaw must have dropped to the floor, everyone else in the room seemed to make a collective minute noise of astonishment. It was then I realized that a horrified look crossed Malik's expression, as if he'd just seem someone induce the end of the world and I felt my heart sink, fear stinging my eyes– no it couldn't be that Malik was jealous.
My fearful thought was caught short when there was a loud crack and everyone's attention was diverted back to the sudden movement. Yami has taken a few steps back, his head harshly turned, hand covering his cheek which could obviously be seen as turning red. Bakura was glaring daggers at him, breath shallow, his hand still sung about him- palm flat.
"Hey!!" Joey cried coming forward quickly with Yugi hot on his heals but Yami held up his free hand in a gesture for them to stop and in with a bit of confusion they did. I blinked myself at the compassionate, even tenderly caring look that crossed Malik's face as he gently reached out, putting his hands on Bakura's shoulders, slowly turning him away. My darker glared at Yami for a moment with a mixture of rage and something that closely resembled broken heart before turning his head toward Malik and letting the Egyptian wrap his arms around him protectively.
I felt my heart break, something in the way Malik curled his arms about him, smoothing his hair in a gentle fashion. The thought I'd had at the beginning of all this rung in my mind, Malik was perfect– for my darker, not for me. I don't know why that upset me so... maybe it was because of what Bakura had said the night before, or what Malik had said... I didn't know what to think.
Bakura looked up at Malik and offered him something like a smile but I don't think anyone else but me caught that, it was something faint you could only noticed if you knew him very well. Which Malik obviously did because he gave a faint nod and said something in a language I didn't understand. Bakura lowered his head growled under his breath then Malik nodded and turned a warning glare at Yami simply stating "I think you should go."
Yami just gave a simple and short nod, saying "Yeah, I think I should." He cast a look at Bakura who didn't seem interested in following it up and promptly vanished making the puzzle about Yugi's neck glow.
"What was that about?" Joey said aloud, looking at the puzzle in confusion, everyone save my darker and Malik gave a collective shrug. Malik just shot him a cold glare and Bakura tightened his grip on Malik's shirt and offered a deep Don't-mess-with-me-now growl which promptly stopped any of Joey's questions. Malik walked Bakura to the stairs and made him sit down. Slowly everyone started to go back to what they were doing, leaving me to watch them and wonder, trying to put together the pieces. What was up between the three of them? Right now I could still feel Bakura's emotions, he was steadily going back to being just plain angry. He hadn't said anything else but now sat glaring at nothing with Malik silently sitting by his side, his arms rested across his knees.
Finally Malik looked at him and said "You shouldn't have done that. You were asking for trouble."
"You were asking for trouble touching me." Bakura hissed back, leaning forward on his knees as Malik folded his arms behind his head, smirking.
"Who else would of had the guts to calm you down? Besides, I had to do something or Ryou would have never let me live it down."
I blinked a brow at the remark, then felt a bit odd for eavesdropping but likewise the remark at first seemed amusing to my darker then struck a chord of confusion. Myself, I felt relief... maybe Malik's possessiveness hadn't come out of jealousy, only a need to protect the both of us. Bakura looked Malik up and down suspiciously "Ryou? What does Ryou concern you, Ishtar? You've never said or done anything for..." He trailed off, his face perplexed, staring at Malik straight in the eyes. I raised a brow as Bakura glanced at me, then back at Malik who was looking at him like he had ten heads. Then I gave a small noise of confusion and our link was abruptly severed. Bakura grabbed Malik by the shirt collar roughly, face mixed in anger and Malik hissed at the abrupt gesture as Bakura stood and dragged him to his feet. "We need to talk." He said sharply, more of a command and Malik gave him a funny look as Bakura dragged him out the door.
Bakura paused long enough to look at Yugi and point at the puzzle saying "Tell him I'll deal with him later and when he wants to be civil he knows where to find me." with that he drug a slightly protesting Malik out the door, leaving me a mass of confusion and hoping they didn't kill each other. I wasn't about to step between them... that would be suicide... besides I didn't even know who's side I should be on...
But still, somewhere in side I was amused. My darker had truly met his match in Yami. And I couldn't help but pick of Malik's habit of singing softly:
"Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the big machine,
Now; Oh you're so vain…
Now your world is way to fast
Nothing's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware..."
I pause seeing the irony shine through
"I'm in love but you don't care."
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~
Malik: You couldn't resist the Gutterflower reference could you?
LYB: Actually that had nothing to do with it. I re-read what I wrote and said well "he's in love and he doesn't care" then I recalled the song.
Ryou: ?? Who are the He's?
LYB: Think about it, there are two sets of people that applies to.
Ryou: *Sighs and looks confused*
Long black haired feminine male dressed in a white mages robe: It's okay, you don't need to make since of it as long as you know how it appeals to your heart.
Malik and Ryou: *stare, looking this guy up and down. Ryou hits Malik over the head when he notices Malik is drooling*
Malik: @_@
Ryou: Who are you?
Cyris: This is Marron, he'll be in my company for awhile...
LYB: He's here from the Spooner continent, so be nice!
Bakura: *grins lecherously* Not a problem!
Cyris: ... Back off, Mine!
Marron: o_o u... Cyris, perhaps it's rude not to at least let me get to know them.
Cyris: You really are the practical, omniscient one aren't you?
Marron: *chuckles lightly* I suppose so.
LYB: That's my mage ^_^
Cyris: Any way, you've met them, now can we go?
Marron: I told LYB I would stay around for a chapter or two till she write a story for me.
LYB: ^__________________^
Cyris: -_- ** Great....
Marron: *sits down beside Cyris, crossing his legs neatly*
Bakura: Yeah... anyway... I want food.
Malik: Food? Like cake?
Marron: *gives them a curious look*
LYB: o_o... uh... guys? Just a bit of a warning...
Ryou: Can we have carrot cake?
Bakura: Eww...
Malik: Why not? I can cut up the carrots...
Bakura: No you moron, you grate carrot!
Ryou: Then throw it in the cake!
Marron: *twitches* What about my brother?
Bakura, Ryou and Malik: ??
LYB: O_o... oh no...
Cyris: *snickers* They said they were going to grate all Carrots, my mage.
Marron: *twitches again and from out of no where suddenly starts whips out a talisman that starts glowing with a nice big red fireball* Phoenix!!
Ryou, Bakura, Malik: O_O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!
Marron: *proceeds to chase then around, reeking total destruction blasting everything with his phenox fire* NO ONE DARES HARM MY BROTHER!!
LYB: -_- UUU... maybe we should have told them he's got a close friend named Gateau and he's REALLY protective of his brother Carrot...
Cyris: *Grins for the first time ever* Nah... besides you know this isn't like him at all.
LYB: I suppose he only does this when it's his brother on the line...
Cyris: Hey enjoy it...
LYB: *raises a brow to give him a look with the upmost sarcasm* Yeah... I'll do that... Anyway! Read and Review everyone! And watch out for a few short poems and stuff from me!
-_-u... trust me it gets frustrating cause I like to answer everyone's questions and comments. Saki: Yup, it was your idea ^_^
Fyredra: I'm SOO sorry!! Hehehe... well I promise in chapters to come I'll have to throw in some spoilers about Bakura's past from the Japanese manga's just so his odd behavior makes sense. Thank you for your blessing. Blessed me, I hope the goddess smiles on you as well.
Kitty and Amethyst: I think I replied to you on this but I'm not sure, oh well. One of the best resources on wiccianism is from webweaving (a.k.a. networking), finding other witches from around the world of even near by and talking with them about what they do. It's a great way for everyone to grow and learn. I like the site www.witchvox.com (the witches voice) as a webweaving resource because you can find witches close to your area in any age group. For books and such? I like SilverRaven Wolf and Michael Johnstone as well as David (or is it Scott?) Cunningham. I don't trust internet sights to much because it's hard to find a source that is a truly honest wiccian site and not just some asshole who thinks he can throw fireballs at people.
Erfaciel: Yay!! I'm loved!! And yes! I forgot to say that myself HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!
Keisan: Hehehe, just wait and see what happens to Bakura. That was the whole reason I put wiccian into the plot, because religion is spiritual. Sure it's really something to have a physical, mental and emotional connection, but a spiritual connection really is once in a life time. As for the "Sweep" series, yeah a few people noted it and I went to the book store to check it out, I have the first one on lay-a-way for Yule ^^.
Promise: I think I may have e-mailed. If not... this is my reply ^^. That's the best complement ever! The reason so much of the manga as opposed to the anime is in here and there mixed together is that I was reading the Yu-Gi-Oh manga's before the rest of the anime aired over here. As a result I really got ahead of the story -_-... oh well.
Kaji: I don't think I can do full lemon because fan fiction is a bitch, but I do promise a loooonng and interesting bit that may have to be continued on adultfanfiction.net. Hehehe.
Bakuraluva: There's special wiccian significance to peaches, So I'm glad he took it too ^^. Yeah Malik is one of those icy people. Insomnia can be extremely emotionally and mentally trying because your mind needs sleep much more then your body in order to process thought information. No sleep... lack of logic, literally. Hmm... Ak! No! I have to fix Malik!
LYB: Anyway!
Malik: Joy... another long and tiresome chapter.
LYB: Yeah, but you get to bare your soul.
Malik: I'm touched...
Bakura: Yeah you should be.
Ryou: Why are you so cranky, yami?
Bakura: *growls*
LYB: ^_^ Because he gets to make a scene!
Ryou and Malik: O_O...
Malik: Why do I not like where this is going?
******************************************************
Evanescence
******************************************************
I woke up slightly dazed. After all, for a minute all I could remember was sitting downstairs playing my guitar. Then I realized I was so damn hot I could pass off for being in hell but there was something pleasantly warm and comforting wrapped in my arms. I gave a groan, whoa...I can't remember feeling like I've slept. I mean yeah I've woken up feeling rested, but not like I've slept! All hail all mighty Ra! I feel relaxed and lazy and half-dazed and all those other wonderful things I had forgotten about ... now I just have to piece together how I got here and why I'm blessed with being cuddled in a nice hot bed and having the most beautiful creature on Earth curled up to my chest.
Wait a sec....
Did I just say...??
Never mind...
I'm thinking things I shouldn't again...
As to how I got here. Let's see... I tried to sleep. I honestly did. I sat and staired at the fire as it slowly went out, but wheels just keep turning in my mind. So close... so damn close... I held him in my arms, I had my lips on his, I got blissfully carried away.
They call it Drawing Down the Moon...
For one minute, your not yourself. Your not bound to any human law or morality. For one minute there is no guilt, no regret, no fear of what will happen in the future. To have him there with me... I don't know... it was something. Why do I get this weird feeling inside of me when I think about it? Am I sick? Maybe I'm getting Ryou's cold... yeah that's it! I'm getting that stupid cold. But then, why did I want him so badly when we stood out under the stars?
I don't know what it was, just an idea, a dream... it wasn't that I wanted to kiss him... it was that I wanted *him*. I wanted for that moment to have him with me, near by, always. Oh Ra, I can't believe I'm thinking this! What did I do to deserve this? Seriously, if I'm living proof the three fold rule exists then good God I must have done something devastating... these things I feel will pass. I'll have to force them to pass.
I don't know why but later last night he seemed so angry. Very abrupt and disturbed. I didn't like it at all... I mean normally, I don't give a rats ass who's angry but it was Ryou. And it seemed like he was upset with me... that bothered me. Just like it had when all of this started, upset because he was upset. You see, I have such an ego... and I love to feed it. You must understand, I'm so in love with myself; there's no one else I'd rather be, just as arrogant as they come. And still... I'd give up everything to be someone else. To get rid of this person... bitter, self-righteous, cold. Strange, isn't it? But with my arrogance, another person mad at me is another point to my score. It's a good thing because I've made sure someone has been shown-up. Mwahaha!!
So I couldn't figure it. Why him being angry was upsetting. I hadn't done anything bad recently... though of course if anyone had any right to have no good reason to be angry with me it would be him. After all the shit I've put him through? Yeah, sure, I'll be the first to say he has a right... hell I don't know why Bakura still even hangs around. Little-own probably my best friend or even why we seem to find solace in each other. But it bother me- badly. I didn't want him to be upset... I don't know what I wanted from him. Something nagged me.
I mean, he's the first person I've ever allowed to touch the scars on my back. I trust him... oh Ra... I actually TRUST him. And I guess... I think I want him to believe in me too. Things are changing in me and I don't know why. What the hell... even my view of him has changed. When I occasionally daydreamed about him before mental defense kicked me in the ass I used to think of him as summer nights back in Egypt. He made me think to the past. Now I see him as snowy nights... much more soft and delicate, much more pure but also much more mysterious and strong... I've never seen snowy nights before but living here I know their in my future cause I'm living here now. In essence, I'm thinking of him as my future... that terrifies me.
I suppose that's why his being angry upset me... I know I can't have him, so at the very least I don't want animosity between us. I wanted to know that he didn't care about what had happen. I just wanted to know he somehow counted me as... I don't know... something like a friend. I don't even know what the fuck I'm rambling about!! I was going somewhere with this wasn't I? Yes! Something he said to me... something I dreamed...
Yeah... that was what woke me up... I started to dream. I hate it when I dream because of the things I see... things go wrong and somehow my darker wins, my sister vanishes, somehow Bakura really does die... Ryou really dies... everyone dies... but tonight, the dream was different. I can't remember how it started, but I do remember I ran. I ran far away, out into the blissful dark of the nighttime woods. I was totally lost, the dark hid shadows that stalked me, warning me their was no one here to help should I fall. What else could I do but run on, lost in a sea of haunting trees in the dark of night.
Then I heard someone whisper. A breathy, faint, imploring voice. I don't even know what it said but I stopped and looked around. Someone was watching me. Moonlight filtered from the trees flicked on the beings pale hair and dark clothing and I turned toward them, then the being vanished. But somehow, I knew that the being was still there and I moved toward where I had seen him. I could hear the call, so faint, leading me along, showing the way till I looked out of the silver trees now flooded with pale lovely light to a ring of stones sheltered in their center. The two tallest stones standing as a megalith with another broad rock laying across their tops. I swallowed nervously before stepping out, this place... something about it told me it was sacred, that it was not for mortal men. This was a temple of Gods, Gods of what I didn't know.
I called out. No one answered. Only my own voice echoed back to me. "So much for that." I murmured then I felt my heart jump, something sharp dug into my back.
"Why are you in my forest, boy?" the being hissed and I glanced back, moving slowly so as not to irritate the one who had me.
"I don't know." I admitted "I just came where I was called."
My captor gave a snort of indifference. "Who are you?" I knew that voice, it's sharp edge, the way the sword at my back twisted when imploring for an answer.
"Bakura?" I asked.
"I know no such name." Came the sharp reply. "I should *kill* you for your insolence to give me such a name." Nope, not Bakura. Far to articulate to be Bakura.
"My name of choice is Malik Ishtar." I address firmly "I'm of an Egyptian sect. I bring no harm to your temple."
"Cut the formality, boy." came the annoyed answer and I felt myself pushed forward so I took the opportunity to turn and look at my stalker. White, messy hair fell over the beings shoulder, sharp brown eyes watched me curiously, yes this person looked exactly like Bakura... only with one major difference, this being was distinctly female. For some reason a female Bakura didn't bother me at the time. It seemed perfectly natural, but I suppose dreams work that way. Like making a female anti-social disordered yami normal. She leaned on her sword, looking me up and down suspiciously. "Now give me one good reason why I shouldn't slit your throat for invading my forest. I'm the protector of this place and I don't take lightly to threats of the divinity here. And I do not like being insulted."
I thought a minute but never got a chance to answer as a gentle, persuading voice said "Morrigan." and the woman looked up. I turned around. Sitting a top the megalith like a cat in a pale druids robe was Ryou, at least, someone who looked like Ryou. The hood was down about his shoulders so his white hair gleamed in the moon light, making him look regally holy but at the same time very human. "Leave him be." he smiled gently, gesturing to me "He means no harm here."
The goddess stepped forward past me, looking suspiciously between her counterpart and me. "Should I leave? Do you feel safe here?"
"Very safe, my Lady of War." he replied easily with an endearing tone. She seem to ease her stance. "Go on Morrigan, I know there are places you would rather be."
She raised her sword and swung about, moving with the violent grace of a skilled warrior, brushing past me with indifference. "Your lucky." she hissed, but cracked a faint smile once more looked me up and down making me feel a bit shy, she only laughed and vanished into the forest. I turned my attention to the angelic being perched atop the stone. He was smiling as if something impressed him.
"She likes you." He explained briefly. I could only smile nervously and shrug at the thought that she had been checking me out while having me in arms length of a sword. I'd hate to be someone she disliked. He chuckled, turning his head up to the moon.
"So who are you?" I ask easily, feeling no need to be fearful or even formal. Like my Ryou he just seemed friendly.
"Take a guess." he giggled and shook his white hair a bit, standing up. I had to think a minute before deciding firmly who had decided to grace me with this vision.
"Lug... The all talented, most intelligent of all beings. God of warriors, musicians, artists and magicians."
"Very good." He said smiling and tapping his noise to show I'm right. "But I don't think I deserve that much credit. Just Lug is fine. After all I prefer my time among men, I'd rather be credited as one." His tone was light and good-natured and I chuckled slightly at his childishness. "So tell me..." he started and I started a bit as he jumped but landed gracefully in the grass on his feet in much the same way a cat would land before standing to walk toward me. "How did you find your way to my shrine?"
"I followed a voice" I admitted. "Was it you who called?"
He walked up to me, reaching out a bit to curl his finger around a lock of my hair then raised his other to rest it lightly on my shoulder, his very touch making me want to sigh and resign myself to him. The way he smiled, just like Ryou, I wanted to melt. "No, koi, you found your own way here." Hesitantly I wrapped my arms around him, bring this tender god closer to me.
"How did I do that?" I asked and he laughed, then held up his hand.
"See? You found your own way." a thread ran across his hand and I looked at it curiously. It looked like red yarn and I followed its path leading out of the forest and to the stone megalith he had been sitting on where it seemed to be embedded. I touched it, wondering where I had seen it before then it clicked in my head:
I search the universe for a human being made for me,
a lover true who will prove be,
the person with whom I was meant to be.
The string unravels and so does the time,
At the end of the thread lenghted 3 times 3,
Stands my love waiting for me.
I reach to touch the fairy ring.
Give me a heart that's dragon eyed and angel winged,
I set my prayer up on a pyre,
Like angel fire, rise higher and higher.
Up to the heavens and across the sky,
Fate do your work don't pass me by.
Send me someone with gentle eyes and delicate tone,
I was never made to stand alone.
"I don't understand." I told him. He just gave a sympathetic sigh.
"Your own magick has brought you to this place, don't you see? The universe has given you your opportunity. Now are you going to step up to it? Or let it slip away?"
I tightened my grip slightly, watching his brown eyes, feeling my heart start to pound "I can't... not after everything that's happened." he smiled at me so sweetly, raising his lip to mine making it seem like ever worry was washing away from me with just one lovely kiss. For a moment I was lost in my light-headed dream while he pulled away. He's hands came up to my face bidding me to gaze at him, allowing me to look into his eyes.
"My falcon, whether you know it or not, you never were alone-
who'll save your soul, if you don't save your own?"
Then I woke up. And I still don't understand. It can't be true, that my own spell brought him to me, that would mean he is the one I can love. No! I can't fall in love with him, I just can't. Not after everything I've done. It upset me. It really did and I didn't dare fall asleep again, but at the same time... it was amazing. To hold him... he should be the last person on Earth to forgive me for what I've done but... what was it he said last night?
I didn't want to play my guitar anymore. Ryou being angry kinda took all my will to sing out of my system. Besides, Isis was better at guitar anyway. But I didn't want to leave it downstairs another night in a row. After all it had been sitting downstairs since that night Ryou passed out on me. I figured Ryou was pissed off anyway so I may as well put it away while he was still angry so he wouldn't get half-calmed down only to get pissed off again. So sue me, my logic is twisted.
So I went upstairs to put it away with no real intent of saying anything to him save he talked to me first and I suppose you could say apologized for being slightly mean, though he really didn't need to. It made me feel slightly guilty considering I should probably have been the one feeling bad and I think he noticed that because he mentioned my odd compulsion of trying to rub invisible blood off my hands. Kind of ironic how it's his blood and I have wondered if he even had a shard of a clue of that. Though it became obvious that in fact he did know or the subject never would have been brought at all. And it was a bit of a blow to whatever faint hopes I may have when I asked him if he forgave me and he was taken back. Can't say I was suprised but for some reason that tore me up... worst then the dreams, worst then my conscience.
And yet I still felt the need to try to explain. Ra only knows why. I had to say *something* to offer him a bit of consolation... that I never really *meant* for anything bad to happen to him. I can't recall exactly what I told him but for some reason it inspired the question of where I'd first met him. Now where the hell did he get that from?? What did I say to trip that memory? I'd almost forgotten about it. That time when I was desperately trying to find my connection to Bakura and get some help before every last thing I stood for was destroyed and came across Ryou instead. I didn't even know him. He meant nothing to me and yet, he offered to help me save a soul. Save my soul. What a thought. He said life was worth it and I suppose that meant more coming from a complete stranger. I didn't even think he could recall it, guess he can vaguely.
I told Bakura one night about that incident and he had chuckled saying that yes, that was Ryou's nature if he cared for someone or sympathized with them. Then I made Bakura promise he wouldn't say a thing about it to Ryou and he agreed to keep my odd emotions a demented-sorta-secret. After all we both know damn well I'd never touch Ryou. Point being, Bakura knows very well what Ryou meant to me before this stupid trip and knows it's a lost cause, though I've never actually come out and said: "Look, your light is amazing but I want nothing to do with him." Nothing of the sort. I just get the sense from the way he willing let the subject slide that I don't even have to explain it to him why I would never even consider a relationship with his hikari... he just *knows*... would understands be to strong a word? Who knows with Bakura.
I know it's only Ryou's nature to be so gentle but I still can't get over how sweet and loving he is with me. Letting me lie down in his lap and curl up in his bed just to ease my mind and go to sleep for a few blissful hours. He just talks to me. On my level, like he did last night, without avoiding subjects or spitting at my weird ramblings of philosophy. I still don't peg him as being as much of a philosophy and thinking lover as I am, but he did ask questions and draw his own conclusions so I'm pretty sure I can say he is at least a lover of learning. I don't know... it's new and relieving to know I have someone who at least tries to understand the things I think about and not have to avoid the subject of magick. That in itself is another reason I keep feeling more and more attached to him. I can't get over it. After everything, he still treats me as if I'm actually a human being, someone who feels, reacts and hurts the same way as everyone else. Even when he knows the things I have to feel aren't like everyone else. It's almost like to him, I'm just me. JUST me. He doesn't expect me to pretend I'm happy or pretend I'm always irritable. No explanation or reasons required, he takes me for me. Bitterness, arrogance, spirit and all without prejudice or malice. Some how he sees something alive and spirited... not Malik Ishtar, something else- something more impeccant, something more loving, more human... something I didn't really see myself. Maybe that's why it means so much to me now. That he looked me in the eyes and told me I was forgiven.
That was what he said that's made everything change. He forgave me. Even after everything. The one person in the world who should hate me, the one person who really had the most reason to turn his back on me because I have no explanation for what I put him through. He forgave me. Ra only knows why... and I can't explain it but it awakened something in me, like suddenly a burden was lifted off my shoulders and I could walk upright again. A sense of freedom, if you will. Maybe for once I've been washed clean and the most prominent stain has been taken away. It's like a new chance, however small, alive and spirited- impeccant, loving, more human... I can feel these things I didn't really see in myself. Or maybe I've forgotten. Maybe it's just him who's put it there and it really doesn't exist at all. But if that's true, then why do I feel it? I can't figure out how he can see these things and make them exist. I could debate it for hours, but I won't. It will start to mean something, something important and moving that I don't want to know.
No, I don't want to know. I'm afraid of what it will mean. Yeah I'm afraid. Go ahead and laugh, I'm terrified. The great Malik Ishtar is afraid of his own absolution. But it's so damn magnetic! I can't help that I don't care I'm walking into my own destruction! Everything I am, was and will be I've suddenly set out to compromise and I really don't care! Oh my goddess when he was in my arms last night, when I had my lips on his, I didn't feel the guilt or the pain- he made it go away. I'll destroy him... devour him completely, I know I will-
but I still want him.
I can't help it. This whole thing is to fucked up now to make any sense. All I can tell you is that I'm falling for him... so completely... and I forbid myself to fall in love with him. He's *not* the one I called for. Because goddess help me if I fall in love with him I'll never let him go. My savior, my angel, everything that has, now that I think about, held me together this long and over the last so few days started to put the pieces back together. And last night I fell asleep thinking just that, he's an angel. The sweetest dove hunted by a falcon and I know that I'll only wreak him like I have everything before. I can't help it, I'm reckless.
I know I can't have him, but at least I know he takes me completely, forgiven and purged. I know he doesn't care about what had happen. That I am a friend. So my thought comes full circle and I'm still not satisfied!! I can't tell you why I'm not, but I'm not! And I should be... I have to be.
But for this moment, he's in my arms and for this moment, I'm myself. Somewhere in the midst of all this I think I've drifted off. Either that or I just got so caught up in my own thoughts I didn't realize something had changed. I became aware he wasn't in my arms anymore but I could feel the most soothing sensation of light and gentle fingers running through my hair, brushing it away from my face. I opened my eyes and smiled, looking right at the angelic boy playing with my hair.
"Good morning." he greets me with gentle eyes and a soft lovely smile that I can't help but return. I can't explain it, even after all that thinking it just seems washed away and I'm content, so perfectly happy.
"How do you feel?" I ask and reach up, taking his hand from brushing my hair back and bringing it to my lips.
He laughs shyly and blushes. "My fever is gone again." His skin is so soft, just like silk. I could wrap myself up in him forever if that's possible. I yawn and stretch, still keeping hold of his hand.
"What time is it?" I ask him.
"About nine o'clock" He answers and I can't help but give a joyous laugh, releasing his hand and wrapping my arms about his waist, pulling him back down beside me.
"A whole seven hours!" I laugh and he chuckles again "I slept a whole seven hours! You have no idea how good that feels!" And that is the honest truth. I raise my hands, running my fingers through his hair, just enjoying his presence, the way he fells lying against me. He closes his eyes, leaning his head more into my touch. "Ryou, your amazing." I tell him and he tries to laugh it off but he can't hide the charming blush on his cheeks.
"Are we going to go get some breakfast?" he asks, snuggling tighter into my embrace.
I lean close to him, brushing my lips against his ear and whisper "Why should I leave when I have and angel in my arms?"
He pulls away quickly and stairs at me, I just look at him pretending to be confused. "What did you..." He starts as I sit up and smirk.
"I said: Why shouldn't we leave and have breakfast it couldn't harm?" then stand up re-arranging my clothing from their slept in state just as casually as if I had said nothing of significance at all. "Why? What did you think I said?"
He shakes his head looking totally confused "Nothing." I inwardly laugh at my odd way of confessing before I start to gather up a change of clothes from my bag. "See you at breakfast, Malik-kun." he says as I moved toward the door, offering me an honest smile which I return. I can't recall any one but Bakura and Isis using that endearment with me and I don't mind at all.
"Okay, Ryou-kun." I reply and leave him to get dressed.
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~
//Hikari//
/Yes, Bakura?"/
//I want to see what's going on.//
I raised my eyebrow curiously. /There's not much to see. I'm just over in the main lodge./
//... hmmm... I over slept. I don't remember you getting up.//
/I thought you need sometime to rest so I didn't bother to wake you for breakfast. Besides didn't you say you were going to wait for Isis before coming out any way?/
//No, I ~suggested~ that. Because you were getting sharp on me.//
I internally laughed a bit. /It's okay Bakura. You want partial control?/
//Yes. I'm curious. Only enough to look around and see what you see.//
I opened me eyes and looked around for him, allowing him the partial control he wanted. I doubted I had any reason to fear him running wild. Our eyes examined everyone in the room, my heart fluttered slightly as Malik crossed into my line of vision and he plunked down on the couch beside me. He stretched out across it, resting his head in my lap. "Hello, Ryou!" he smiled childishly looking up at me with beautiful clear violet eyes. My head felt light and I offered a smile back. I could feel Bakura inside me giving the both of us an odd look but I shrugged it off. Malik sat up and I felt a strange sense of honor having Malik so close to me but I was careful to keep my thoughts from my darker, just to save embarrassment. It was then I noticed Bakura was rather somber and even slightly disappointed.
/What is it, yami?/ I asked gently.
//It's nothing, hikari.// he answered quickly, a defensive edge on his voice. I raised a brow curiously.
/Come on Bakura, it's not like you to only want just my eyes instead of your own body, or mope around in your soul room./
//I'm NOT moping!! ... There's just someone I wanted to see...//
/Who??/ I asked eagerly, sounding mocking like a school girl. /Oh come on yami! I told you what I thought about Malik!/
I heard Bakura sigh inside my head and I looked about the room, a movement on the stairs caught my eyes so I looked up, watching Yami Yugi descend the stairs. He looked more pensive and withdrawn then usual, his shoulders hunched slightly and his hands jammed into his pockets. Then again, I've always heard a saying that people look most like themselves when they think no one is watching.
I felt a tremor pass over Bakura and I had to blink. Why would my darker feel so fluttered over Yami? I felt another vibration And suddenly there he was, standing in front of me in all his self-imposed glory. My yami, standing casually with his hands in his pockets glaring like a maniac at the former pharaoh. All activity in the room stopped as they all stared at my darker's sudden and unexplained appearance.
"Bakura?" Malik spat, totally caught of guard, "Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be with my sister?"
"Chill out, Malik" He replied cooly without taking his eyes from Yami. "I was. We did some research on his mighty highness here and what I had to do with him. Or should I say, what he had to do with me."
Joey offered a smirk. "Ya mean why ya went psycho and tried to kill 'im?"
Bakura glared at him a moment "For the most part." he stated simply in a surprisingly passive tone for my yami. He turned his eyes back to the figure on the stairs. Was it just me? Or did Yami look like a deer in the headlights of a car? Bakura let an odd smile form on his lips and started to move toward yami looking like a cat stalking it's pray. I wanted to grab my yami and hold him back but I felt no malice from him. Only this odd sense of nervous flitting, I couldn't make sense of it. "I know why I wanted revenge on you." he smirked. "I found you message, pharaoh."
Yami seemed to shudder, eyes wide but voice never betraying his confidence. "What message would that be, tomb robber?"
Bakura gave a growl, obviously that wasn't the answer he was looking for "The one you left at my village."
Yami hesitated a moment before answering a simple "Oh" and I felt the most devastated feeling float through my being though Bakura never betrayed his pain. Bakura opened his mouth to say something, eye brows narrowed harshly but seemed at a total loss for words and turned away, looking lost and desperate, running a hand through his hair and shaking his head.
"Is that all you have to say!?" he suddenly snapped, Bakura scanned his face for another moment obviously waiting for some type of reaction, but Yami said nothing, only looked at him as if he'd said nothing at all.
Bakura gave something close to a cry of frustration and lunged forward, grabbing hold of his shoulder. Several of us stepped forward to break up the impending fight but it quickly became obvious they had no intentions of swinging punches. "After everything that's happened, after putting the truth out, all you have to say is "Oh"? When all is said and done and you supposedly have so much to say, push comes to shove and you have nothing to say to me? Well fuck you!" The last statement he spit out low and resentful, like it was poison. Yami just stared at him blankly.
Bakura had really been nothing but sympathetic to me, he'd never yelled, or raised a fist. True he had manipulated me and forcefully took over on occasion when he found a weak spot he could use, but he never did anything harmful, if anything he really did try to be helpful and give me what I wanted as well. I simple don't know what to do when Bakura is angry besides sub-due him and that's hard if he's not in the ring. I was at a lost for what to do and did the only thing I could think of, I turned and looked at Malik, giving him the most pleading look I could manage. He knew this side of Bakura better then I did, after all, it was Malik he always went to when he wanted to get rid of the feeling.
Malik looked back at me a moment then cast a glance at Bakura, then looked at me again and gave me a sympathetic nod before moving to rise then my attention was turned back to the scene when I caught Yami say "No, you're wrong." in a low almost hushed voice.
My darker's eyes narrowed and I could feel this ever turning, troubled set of emotions course through every inch of him. "Like hell I am." he hissed "That's all I ever got from you, nothing. Will of fire and a heart of fucking ice, that's all you ever showed. That's pretty damn pitiful for someone who's done nothing recently but rant on the strength of the heart. Loyalty my ass... you never did know what the fuck you wanted." With that, Bakura roughly pushed him away and everyone just seemed paused for a reaction uncertain of what to do in case that would be the end of it. Even Malik was paused caught half-way between sitting and standing.
Only Otogi seemed to have the vague recollection of movement when he leaned over and whispered to me "Your yami had a thing for the pharaoh?" I just dumbly opened my mouth as if to answer but couldn't so I just shook my head as if to say "I'm just as clueless as you."
Yami raised a hand, running it through his hair, gazing off at nothing in particular appearing remarkably calm which only seemed to upset Bakura even more, though I knew he'd never let it show. "You know that's not true." he said finally, looking up with something that closely resemble compassion from under blonde bangs. Bakura hesitated briefly and his face seemed to fall blank, making him look weary and cautious. I turned my head and closed my eyes in sympathetic understanding. I could feel things, though he'd never let his face betray it. No doubt his eyes did. The anger seemed to fall away. Piece by piece it was like his entire being crumbled leaving only something deep and sorrowfully profound. I felt so completely protective of him suddenly, like I should run and take his hand, pull him away and take away the pain. I wished he'd never started this fight or whatever it was. I knew what he felt, upset... clueless for daring to hope. Wondering why he even bothered, what the hell was wrong with him. The same things in my head when he told me Malik would do this same thing to me. But underlying it all was a warmth, something unrequited, battered and bruised but still somehow touched by the words as if deep down he knew they were right. At least-- they had once been right, the bruises told otherwise.
"Maybe." he admitted, his face still decidedly cold but his voice now not so enraged. "But you never did a thing to prove otherwise. Even when I created the dark RPG, you never fell into my game, you never showed a thing." I can't help but smile a bit at this and let a bit of amusement and warmth slip through my side of the link to Bakura when he noted that. After all, we had– in a sense-- worked together on that and he was immensely proud of me, as weird as it sounds that was our project together. That may sound totally insane because supposedly everyone was in "danger" but I knew they weren't. Bakura doesn't go back on his promises to me. In response I could feel how much the simple thought I sent to him eased his mind and how much he appreciated me helping to share a lot of his emotions.
Yami shrugged as if his reply should be obvious so he wasn't going to bother. He took his hands from his pocket and opened his arms slightly as if to show he had no hostility as he approached my spirit. "What could I have done, Dark Bakura? What would it have changed even if you had found my message at that point?" It suddenly struck me as odd that Yami still called him Dark Bakura, as if he refused to acknowledge that his name was Bakura at all. Now that I think of it, Bakura did the same thing to Yami, he refused to acknowledge his name, calling him Pharaoh, even simply Yugi instead. Bakura didn't reply but it seemed Malik took the relative calmness to start walking towards them, likewise both Joey and Yugi started for Yami, though they took no notice.
Yami stopped just short of him and Bakura looked down at him with a mix of caution and contempt. Then Yami reached up and pressed his lips to Bakura's and for that moment, Bakura's resolve visibly weakened. My jaw must have dropped to the floor, everyone else in the room seemed to make a collective minute noise of astonishment. It was then I realized that a horrified look crossed Malik's expression, as if he'd just seem someone induce the end of the world and I felt my heart sink, fear stinging my eyes– no it couldn't be that Malik was jealous.
My fearful thought was caught short when there was a loud crack and everyone's attention was diverted back to the sudden movement. Yami has taken a few steps back, his head harshly turned, hand covering his cheek which could obviously be seen as turning red. Bakura was glaring daggers at him, breath shallow, his hand still sung about him- palm flat.
"Hey!!" Joey cried coming forward quickly with Yugi hot on his heals but Yami held up his free hand in a gesture for them to stop and in with a bit of confusion they did. I blinked myself at the compassionate, even tenderly caring look that crossed Malik's face as he gently reached out, putting his hands on Bakura's shoulders, slowly turning him away. My darker glared at Yami for a moment with a mixture of rage and something that closely resembled broken heart before turning his head toward Malik and letting the Egyptian wrap his arms around him protectively.
I felt my heart break, something in the way Malik curled his arms about him, smoothing his hair in a gentle fashion. The thought I'd had at the beginning of all this rung in my mind, Malik was perfect– for my darker, not for me. I don't know why that upset me so... maybe it was because of what Bakura had said the night before, or what Malik had said... I didn't know what to think.
Bakura looked up at Malik and offered him something like a smile but I don't think anyone else but me caught that, it was something faint you could only noticed if you knew him very well. Which Malik obviously did because he gave a faint nod and said something in a language I didn't understand. Bakura lowered his head growled under his breath then Malik nodded and turned a warning glare at Yami simply stating "I think you should go."
Yami just gave a simple and short nod, saying "Yeah, I think I should." He cast a look at Bakura who didn't seem interested in following it up and promptly vanished making the puzzle about Yugi's neck glow.
"What was that about?" Joey said aloud, looking at the puzzle in confusion, everyone save my darker and Malik gave a collective shrug. Malik just shot him a cold glare and Bakura tightened his grip on Malik's shirt and offered a deep Don't-mess-with-me-now growl which promptly stopped any of Joey's questions. Malik walked Bakura to the stairs and made him sit down. Slowly everyone started to go back to what they were doing, leaving me to watch them and wonder, trying to put together the pieces. What was up between the three of them? Right now I could still feel Bakura's emotions, he was steadily going back to being just plain angry. He hadn't said anything else but now sat glaring at nothing with Malik silently sitting by his side, his arms rested across his knees.
Finally Malik looked at him and said "You shouldn't have done that. You were asking for trouble."
"You were asking for trouble touching me." Bakura hissed back, leaning forward on his knees as Malik folded his arms behind his head, smirking.
"Who else would of had the guts to calm you down? Besides, I had to do something or Ryou would have never let me live it down."
I blinked a brow at the remark, then felt a bit odd for eavesdropping but likewise the remark at first seemed amusing to my darker then struck a chord of confusion. Myself, I felt relief... maybe Malik's possessiveness hadn't come out of jealousy, only a need to protect the both of us. Bakura looked Malik up and down suspiciously "Ryou? What does Ryou concern you, Ishtar? You've never said or done anything for..." He trailed off, his face perplexed, staring at Malik straight in the eyes. I raised a brow as Bakura glanced at me, then back at Malik who was looking at him like he had ten heads. Then I gave a small noise of confusion and our link was abruptly severed. Bakura grabbed Malik by the shirt collar roughly, face mixed in anger and Malik hissed at the abrupt gesture as Bakura stood and dragged him to his feet. "We need to talk." He said sharply, more of a command and Malik gave him a funny look as Bakura dragged him out the door.
Bakura paused long enough to look at Yugi and point at the puzzle saying "Tell him I'll deal with him later and when he wants to be civil he knows where to find me." with that he drug a slightly protesting Malik out the door, leaving me a mass of confusion and hoping they didn't kill each other. I wasn't about to step between them... that would be suicide... besides I didn't even know who's side I should be on...
But still, somewhere in side I was amused. My darker had truly met his match in Yami. And I couldn't help but pick of Malik's habit of singing softly:
"Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the big machine,
Now; Oh you're so vain…
Now your world is way to fast
Nothing's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware..."
I pause seeing the irony shine through
"I'm in love but you don't care."
@~8~ @~8~ @~8~
Malik: You couldn't resist the Gutterflower reference could you?
LYB: Actually that had nothing to do with it. I re-read what I wrote and said well "he's in love and he doesn't care" then I recalled the song.
Ryou: ?? Who are the He's?
LYB: Think about it, there are two sets of people that applies to.
Ryou: *Sighs and looks confused*
Long black haired feminine male dressed in a white mages robe: It's okay, you don't need to make since of it as long as you know how it appeals to your heart.
Malik and Ryou: *stare, looking this guy up and down. Ryou hits Malik over the head when he notices Malik is drooling*
Malik: @_@
Ryou: Who are you?
Cyris: This is Marron, he'll be in my company for awhile...
LYB: He's here from the Spooner continent, so be nice!
Bakura: *grins lecherously* Not a problem!
Cyris: ... Back off, Mine!
Marron: o_o u... Cyris, perhaps it's rude not to at least let me get to know them.
Cyris: You really are the practical, omniscient one aren't you?
Marron: *chuckles lightly* I suppose so.
LYB: That's my mage ^_^
Cyris: Any way, you've met them, now can we go?
Marron: I told LYB I would stay around for a chapter or two till she write a story for me.
LYB: ^__________________^
Cyris: -_- ** Great....
Marron: *sits down beside Cyris, crossing his legs neatly*
Bakura: Yeah... anyway... I want food.
Malik: Food? Like cake?
Marron: *gives them a curious look*
LYB: o_o... uh... guys? Just a bit of a warning...
Ryou: Can we have carrot cake?
Bakura: Eww...
Malik: Why not? I can cut up the carrots...
Bakura: No you moron, you grate carrot!
Ryou: Then throw it in the cake!
Marron: *twitches* What about my brother?
Bakura, Ryou and Malik: ??
LYB: O_o... oh no...
Cyris: *snickers* They said they were going to grate all Carrots, my mage.
Marron: *twitches again and from out of no where suddenly starts whips out a talisman that starts glowing with a nice big red fireball* Phoenix!!
Ryou, Bakura, Malik: O_O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!
Marron: *proceeds to chase then around, reeking total destruction blasting everything with his phenox fire* NO ONE DARES HARM MY BROTHER!!
LYB: -_- UUU... maybe we should have told them he's got a close friend named Gateau and he's REALLY protective of his brother Carrot...
Cyris: *Grins for the first time ever* Nah... besides you know this isn't like him at all.
LYB: I suppose he only does this when it's his brother on the line...
Cyris: Hey enjoy it...
LYB: *raises a brow to give him a look with the upmost sarcasm* Yeah... I'll do that... Anyway! Read and Review everyone! And watch out for a few short poems and stuff from me!