"So close! I was so close!" Jafar cursed under his breath, as he chucked his mask out over the sand dunes.
"There's always next time, Jafar…" Iago squawked with a shrug, grabbing the spooked horse's reins in his talons and leading it towards his master. Jafar stared at the place where the Cave had been, fuming.
Iago looked tentatively at Jafar, and flew over the two scarabs lying in the sand. He scooped them up and Jafar held out his hand to catch them. The last time Jafar had been this mad, this disappointed things had gone terribly wrong—for Iago.
He could still remember that night, though it was long ago now. Iago hadn't always been a parrot. Oh no, he was a well-respected citizen of Agrabah—okay, so he had been a crook. But he had had a few close friends, and enough riches to keep him satisfied for quite awhile. But he had something that Jafar wanted.
Jafar came to him on a clear night, when the stars in the sky had shone brightly in the sky, and the wind had been still. He came riding up to Iago's home, riding a horse as black as Jafar's own soul. Iago had been counting his day's intake, when he'd heard a loud knock on his door. He snatched his knife off the table, and opened the door a crack. Jafar grinned his twisted smile, and pushed the door inward. Iago took a step back.
"Who are you?" He'd asked. "What do you want?"
"A little trinket that surely means nothing to you." Jafar had sneered.
"My trinkets mean much to me, my friend." Iago laughed with a squawk.
"You have no right to call me a friend, yet." Jafar said with a small frown. "I'm looking for half of a golden scarab beetle. I hear tell it has… fallen into your hands?"
"If by fallen, you mean I stole it, yes." Iago chuckled, turning his back to Jafar, his eyes combing his loot for the scarab half. "Why would you want it? It seems worthless to me. I'm not even sure it's real gold."
"Oh, it is." Jafar leered. Iago found it, and held it up to the light.
"Like I said, why do you want it?"
"You don't know?" Jafar asked with interest. "Well, of course you don't—you seem like the simpleton type."
"Hey! I resent that!"
"I'm sure you do." Jafar sighed. "Give me the scarab, please."
"How much, exactly, are you willing to pay? In gold?" Iago asked, tossing it in the air, and catching it again.
"I'm expecting it to be free, friend."
"You've already mentioned we're not friends." Iago laughed again. "How much?"
"Nothing." Jafar whipped back his cloak, and pulled out a staff with a snake's head on top, with eyes of rubies. He held the staff up to Iago's face, and things went momentarily blurry, but he shook his head, and all became clear again.
"That's not funny." Iago said seriously. "I'm not just going to give this to you. It must be of value, or you wouldn't track it down like this."
"You're not as simple minded as I presumed, I think." Jafar said, pulling down his staff.
"That's right."
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you why I wanted it." Jafar said with a small laugh. "I must find the two halves of this scarab to make a key to open the legendary Cave of Wonders."
"The Cave of Wonders? A thief's dream stash…"
"I know it. But I'm not looking for treasure. Just one lamp."
"Like I said, I won't give you this key-half for free."
"You will."
"Will not." Iago said with a frown. "And you can't make me."
"Can't I?" He sounded amused.
"No." Iago said sternly. He held the cool scarab tightly in his sweaty palm, and glared at Jafar. It happened in an instant—Jafar pulled his staff out again, and zapped Iago with it, muttering something through his yellowing teeth. Iago felt as though he were on fire: his arms sizzled and popped and his mouth stretched, and his spit frothed out over his lips. His fingers were snapping and growing—his legs and feet stabbed with white-hot knives. But finally, when the pain had subsided, he was on the floor, looking up a Jafar, who was laughing madly.
"You turned me into a bird!"
"A parrot, actually. You're so talkative, I saw it fit." Jafar said, wiping tears out of his eyes. "Now, about that scarab."
"I definitely won't give it to you know."
"Don't test me." Jafar growled, pointing his staff at Iago again. "I'll kill you if you'd like. I could get that scarab quite easily if I were picking out of your dead…feathers."
"You… you…"
"Yes, yes, I've heard them all." Jafar laughed, as Iago handed the scarab to him.
"Now change me back."
"Don't think I will, but thank you anyway."
"Then I'm going with you." Iago said, struggling to use his new wings. "You're not taking my half of the scarab and not giving me my half of the treasure."
"Fine. You can have your treasure." Jafar said with a shrug. "I only want the lamp."
"Whatever." Iago snapped, flapping out the door behind his new master. But as the years had past, Iago and Jafar had grown rather close, as disappointment can do to people. Their shared vision of the vast, treasures (well, just Iago's) had kept them together, and their alliance intact.
"Like I said, Jafar." Iago told him comfortingly, handing him the golden scarab halves. "One more try. You'll get your lamp, and I my treasure."
Fuzzy and blurred shapes moved around Aladdin. He felt Abu's fingers clutching his arm fearfully as he chirruped, "Aladdin? Wake up, Aladdin!"
Slowly, Aladdin sat up, rubbing his head dizzily. "Oh, my head…" He groaned. He looked upward to the ceiling, and saw that the cave had closed. "Great. We're trapped." He muttered. "That two-faced son of a jackal!" Aladdin roared at the sandy roof. He took a deep breath; anger wouldn't help now. He let out a big sigh. "Well, whoever he was, he's long gone now with that lamp…"
Abu bounced up and down on the cave floor, with a large grin. He reached into his vest, and removed the golden lamp. "Aha!" He proclaimed proudly, as he handed the treasure to his friend.
"Why, you hairy little thief!" Aladdin laughed approvingly, patting the monkey on the head. He held the lamp up to his face. "It looks like such a worthless piece of junk… but hey, I think there's something written here! But it's hard to make out…" Aladdin jumped up from his seat on the carpet, and started to vigorously rub the lamp.
There was a soft, but very distinct rumbling. At first, Aladdin feared that the cave was going to fall onto them. Abu and the carpet looked around in confusion, as a small billow of blue smoke began to filter out of the lamp's tip. Aladdin squinted at it, and watched it rise upward, shimmering in the small amount of light. Suddenly, the lamp began to grumble and squirm, and Aladdin had to fight to keep hold of it. The lamp glowed a bright gold as a huge, glimmering, blue man with a black goatee, one earring, and golden manacles around his wrists emerged from the lamp. But the thing that amazed Aladdin more than anything else, was that this gigantic blue thing didn't have legs, but a trail of blue smoke…
"Ahhhhhh! OY!" The giant blue man shouted. "Ten thousand years'll give you such a crick in the neck! Hang on a sec." He said, picking up a very surprised Aladdin, and hanging him by the vest on a rock attached to the cave wall. The man plucked off his own head, and spun it around, yelling in delight as he did so. The carpet flew up, and helped Aladdin off the rock, and safely back onto the floor.
"Man, does it feel good to be outta there!" He grabbed the smoke near his 'feet' and it became a microphone that he held to his mouth. "Nice to be back, ladies and gents! So, what's your name? Where you from?" It asked, shoving the microphone in Aladdin's face.
"Uh, Aladdin." Aladdin said with confused uncertainty.
"Aladdin! Nice to have to on the show!" The man proclaimed, as Aladdin's name popped up in lights. "Can I call you Al? Or maybe just Din? Or how about Laddie? Sounds like, 'here boy! Come 'ere, Laddie!" The thing laughed, changing into a large blue dog that sported a kilt.
"I must have hit my head harder than I thought…" Aladdin murmured under his breath, as he stared at the Scottish blue dog.
"You smoke? Mind if I do?" The dog asked, as it exploded with a puff of purple smoke and became the large blue man again. Abu screamed in fear. "Oh, sorry, Cheetah! Hope I didn't singe the fur." He told Abu, before he spotted the carpet. "Hey, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia! Give me some tassel!" The blue thing exclaimed, as the carpet did a flip and gave it a high-five. The thing looked at Aladdin once more. "You know, you're a lot smaller than my last master-- either that, or I'm getting bigger." He frowned, as he grabbed his beer-gut, and asked, "Do I look bigger to you?"
"Whoa, there." Aladdin said. "I'm your master?"
"That's right! He can be taught!" The thing shouted, jamming a graduation cap on Aladdin's head and a diploma in his hands. "What would you wish of me? The ever impressive," He said deeply, becoming very muscular. "…the self-contained…" He popped into a see-through box. "But never duplicated, duplicated, duplicated, duplicated…" He said, cloning himself to surround Aladdin. "GENIE OF THE LAMP! Right here, direct from the lamp, for your enjoyment wish fulfillment… thank yoooou!" Genie said, bowing to the carpet, Abu, Aladdin and the replicated Genies.
"W-wish fulfillment?" Aladdin repeated, stunned.
"Three wishes, to be exact. And ix-nay on wishing for more wishes." He popped into a slot machine that spun to reveal the numbers 1, 2, and 3. "That's it: three. Uno, dos, tres… no substitutions, exchanges or refunds" He said as Groucho Marx, as a duck dropped revealing the secret word, 'refunds'.
"Now I know I'm dreaming." Aladdin said, rubbing his head once more.
"Master, I don't think you quite realize what you've got here! I'm one of a kind! You'll never have a friend like me!" Genie said proudly.
"A friend like you?" Aladdin repeated.
"Right-o!" The Genie grinned. And, with a wave of his hands, he produced ten harem girls, twenty dancing camels, four elephants dressed in crimson, and gold that showered down from the closed cave ceiling. Abu smiled devilishly, and tried to scoop some into his hat. But, with another wave, everything vanished. "So, master, what'll it be?"
A believing Aladdin answered, "So, you'll give me any three wishes I want?"
"Well," Genie said, seating Aladdin on a rock. "There are a few provisos… a couple of quid pro quos…"
"Like?"
"I can't kill anybody." Genie told him, as he chopped off his own head with his finger. "So don't ask. Rule #2: I can't make anybody fall in love." His head became a huge pair of lips, and he kissed Aladdin's cheek. "Little punim there! Rule #3:" Genie replied lying flat, and slowly rising green, and slimy like a zombie. "I can't bring people back from the dead… it's not a pretty picture! I don't like doin' it! But other than that, you got it." He said, bursting back to normal, and bowing low.
Aladdin glanced at Abu mischievously. Abu nodded in understanding. "Provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? Some all-powerful genie! He can't even bring people back from the dead." He turned to Abu, and winked. "I guess we'll have to find our own way out of this cave…"
Genie grew tall, and stomped his foot in Aladdin's way. "Hold up-- did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And now you're walkin' out on me? Uh, uh. I don't think so; not right now; YOU'RE GETTING YOUR WISHES, so SIT DOWN!" Aladdin obediently sat on the carpet without a word, and the genie continued as an airplane stewardess, "Okay, the exits are here, here, here, here, here, here, here- anywhere! Keep your hands and arms inside the carpet; we're outta here!!" He steered the carpet up to the ceiling, and Aladdin was sure they were going to crash into the jagged stones. But the carpet flew right through, as though it was only fog.
The carpet flew higher and higher into the sky. Aladdin looked back down, but he could see nothing but miles and miles of sand. The sun was just starting to peek over the sand dunes, and was drenching the vast, open desert in all its golden glory.
Up ahead, Aladdin could see a small oasis that was surrounded by palm trees. He looked at Abu excitedly and they both grinned at each other.
The Sultan looked angrily at Jafar and the Princess. Iago sat on Jafar's shoulder in silence-- no doubt hoping the Sultan would forget to feed him a cracker.
"This is an outrage, Jafar." The Sultan said grimly. Jafar gulped. "If it weren't for all your years of loyal service… From now on, you are to discuss the sentencing of Agrabah's prisoners with me before they are beheaded."
"I assure you, your highness," Jafar said, with an apologetic smile. "It won't happen again."
The Sultan sighed. "All right then. Now, Jasmine, Jafar-- let's put this whole mess behind us."
Jafar turned to the Princess Jasmine and took her hand. "My most abject and humble apologies, Princess." He kissed her beautiful hand, before she yanked it away furiously.
"At least one good thing will come of my being forced to marry." Jasmine said to him, her almond eyes squinted in dislike. "When I am Queen, I'll have the power to get rid of you—forever." With that, Jasmine stormed out of the throne room, her long black hair trailing behind her.
"Jasmine! Come back, dearest!" The Sultan yelled after her. "Excuse me, Jafar." The Sultan murmured to the vizier, before he hurried behind his daughter.
"I'll have the power…blah, blah, blah!" Iago snorted. "To think- we've gotta keep kissing up to that chump, and his chump daughter for the rest of our pathetic lives…"
"No, no, Iago." Jafar corrected. "Only until Jasmine finds a 'chump' husband. Then she'll have us either banished-- or worse! Beheaded…." Jafar and his bird took a moment to consider how it would feel to have their heads chopped off, before Iago spoke again.
"Wait! What if you were the chump husband?!"
"What?" Jafar growled, insulted.
"No-- see, you marry the Princess then you—you could become sultan!" Iago explained desperately.
"Hmm…" Jafar mused. "Marry the shrew? Become sultan… The idea has merit…"
"Merit! Yes!"
The Princess was stunning, and would make a lovely wife. But then, she would be torture to live with… "Then, we could kill the Sultan… and the Princess…" Jafar said, with a wicked smile.
"Right! We'll drop them both off of cliffs!"
"Iago, I love the way your fowl little mind works!" Jafar said. And they both broke into a fiendish chorus of laughter.
"Evil, fiendish laughter?" Riar said with a laugh. "Very nice touch, dear."
"Well, Jafar is a fiendish man, wouldn't you agree?" Scheherazade asked him with a smile. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying her story.
"Yes, I suppose so, if he's going to wed, then kill the Princess…" Riar said, as he drifted into silence. Scheherazade watched his face. Riar had been marrying his wives every afternoon and killing them the next day for ages… that is, until Scheherazade came along, and kept his interest… for, what was it? 1,000 nights, now?
"Well? Are you going to continue?" Riar asked her.
"Without a doubt. Out in the middle of the desert, Aladdin and his friends flew into a beautiful, flourishing, oasis…"