A.E.D: Isn't that something. How long did it take you? Two days?
Zim: I think it was about three, death-beast.
Dib: You're both wrong. I'm pretty sure it was four.
Heheh. 0.o;
Pay no attention to them. ::pushes A.E.D, Zim and Dib into a padded room and locks the door:: Anyway! I would like to dedicate this chapter to my three reviewers: Pirate Monkey, Rinny Z and Maran Zelde! You guys rock the socks of many a moose! =D
I would also like to say that this story will probably be a variety of genres (not that anyone cares), and that this chapter is kinda ironic and funny like. Meh. I dunno. It just turned out like that. Though I am planning on making it a bit angsty in the upcoming chapters. Wh00t. I can't wait.
Disclaimer: Read the code! Zeuq savnen ohjy bden wosim iz.
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Some months earlier…
"You won't get away from me Zim! I'm going to keep hunting you down until you're on an autopsy table where renowned scientists will cut you open and…stuff!"
"You will NEVEEER catch me you pitiful hyoo-man!"
Very few heads turned as the large double doors banged open and a whirlwind of green, red and black brushed past, still yelling insults at each other. Whilst still, undeniably, very weird, the students at the resident Hi Skool had grown quite used to it. So much in fact that such antics seemed quite commonplace.
After all, Dib and Zim had been doing insane things since, like…forever.
At the moment, Dib was trying to get back at Zim for the 'incident' that had occurred in the mess hall earlier that day.
"Come back here you evil, potato flinging menace!"
"Can I help it if your hideously gargantuan head makes such an easy target?"
"I DO NOT HAVE A BIG HEAD!"
Dib growled as his retort was met with infuriating laughter. God, that alien was just asking for it. The sallow skinned, scythe haired human narrowed his eyes and persuaded his legs to move faster. With a grin of triumph, he realized he was slowly, but surely, catching up with Zim.
Usually, he would always be behind the alien and never catch up unless he took shortcuts, but the years had been kind to Dib. As kind as they could be in a physical sense anyhow. In the five years he had spent pursuing Zim, Dib had grown up in short spurts and was now rather tall and lanky – though he had never really grown into his huge head. Also, because of constant exercise he had developed lean muscles, like that of a swimmer or runner. The overall effect was that the fifteen year old had become quite handsome, although none of the female students would even think of coming within a ten foot radius of him, if it could be helped.
He was still, in their eyes, a nutcase.
Not that Dib minded. He had learned to live with it after putting up with such thoughts for so long. Sure it still bugged him a bit; especially at this time when hormones were raging high and self image was very important it was very hard for someone to almost always be alone and still constantly ridiculed. Yes, he was still interested in the paranormal, yes, he still aspired to be a great paranormal investigator and yes, he still voiced his opinions out to the world. What did anyone care?
Which was where Zim came in.
Zim was the one thing Dib talked about the most, chased after the most, insulted the most and fought with the most. Namely because Zim was an alien hell bent on conquering the world, but everyone was too blind to see that. And whilst Dib didn't have any girlfriends or friend friends or even boyfriends, he still had Zim. As long as Zim was out there – still trying to conquer the earth (and not even disheartened despite five years of failure) – Dib would be out there as well, to stop him at every turn.
It could be said that Zim was essentially Dib's life. Which is a very sad sad thing.
Anyway…
"Bwahahahahah –ACK!?"
Zim's high pitched laughter choked off into a noise of surprise as Dib suddenly tackled the shorter being from behind. Thanks to Dib's longer legs, the human had caught up with the Irken faster than anticipated. Zim cursed as Dib fell on top of him. How could he have forgotten the stupid wormbaby had grown so much?
"Hah! Gotcha! You're gonna pay for that last trick Zim!"
"Get off me! You stink of vile human and you're leaking all over my superior skin! – wait…AAAGGGHHHHH!!"
Dib looked down in surprise as Zim started screaming and thrashing beneath him vigorously. Wisps of smoke had started rising from the Irken's skin as drop after drop of Dib's sweat dripped onto him.
Apparently someone hadn't bathed in enough paste today. Or not at all for that matter.
What an idiot.
Dib smirked. This was turning out better than expected. Much better. Before he had just planned on giving Zim a severe taunting and/or a little bashing before shoving him face first into a nearby dirt patch, but if he didn't have any protection against the 'deadly' liquid…
"What's the matter Zim? Can't take a little bit of human sweat?" Dib asked sweetly. He chuckled as he dodged the black gloved hand that had attempted to take a swipe at him. He already had a new, more painful plan formed to get back at Zim for that potato incident. Now it was just a matter of completing it before the alien managed to throw him off.
With a feral grin the human quickly spat wetly into both hands before holding them on either side of Zim's head.
This was so going to freak the alien out.
"Hey Zim, how about a bit of human spit to go with the sweat?"
Zim froze, before shrieking, "You wouldn't DARE!"
"Try me."
With that, Dib brought his hands down and slathered Zim's cheeks in sticky saliva. The effect was instantaneous.
"AGGGH! Disgusting, filthy! - AIIII IT BURNS!! The paaain -"
Dib was laughing so much he didn't notice Zim's flailing fist until it was too late.
THWACK!
"Ow." Dib rubbed his sore cheek as he stood up. That was uncalled for, though maybe he should have seen it coming. Zim had already gotten up off the pavement and was scrubbing his cheeks furiously whilst glaring at him, the effect somewhat dampened by the fact that they didn't really see eye to eye anymore. There were no more wisps of steam coming from the Irken's skin, but because of the saliva Zim's green cheeks had burned, giving him the look of a very uncharacteristic, emerald blush.
Dib snickered.
"You – HORRIBLE – vile – DISGUSTING – stinkbeast! You will pay, oh how you will pay!"
"You may have contracted germs." Dib said calmly, thoroughly enjoying himself.
"And when – huh?…ARRGGGGGHHH!" Zim screeched. His phobia of germs, while not as strong as it had been, was still enough to make him panic.
Dib doubled over laughing at the alien's expense, his eyes squeezed shut in mirth. Once again, if he had been paying attention he probably would have noticed the dirt clod aimed directly at him.
But no. Of course he didn't.
The human spluttered as soil and grass suddenly smacked him in the head and fell everywhere. That was already twice he had been hit in the head by some undesirable substance that day. Twice. By the time he had spat all of the dirt out and wiped the dust from his glasses Zim was already five blocks away and laughing like a hyena.
"I'll get you Zim!" Dib yelled, shaking a fist at the retreating figure, "You mark my words, I'll get you for that! I know where you live! And one day, when you're feeling all safe in your base you'll look, and I'll be over there, doing stuff! And then – oh what the hell you can't hear me anymore can you?"
Dib cursed. Damn that Zim! He turned on his heel and with a flick of his trenchcoat headed off home, grumbling.
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The door banged open as Dib strode into his house, still grumbling to himself and muttering schemes of how to get rid of Zim. Gaz was already at home, judging by the blaring sounds coming from the TV. Dib stalked into the living room.
"You have a worm in your stupid hair." The Goth said in a monotone voice.
Dib reached up and, sure enough, pulled out a disoriented worm from his scythe. With a shudder he tossed it out the window. How the heck did his sister manage to do that? She hadn't even looked up from her Gameslave VI…
He dumped himself down on the battered couch next to Gaz, who growled and moved away slightly. Dib sighed. No matter how much Gaz had grown, she was pretty much the same. Still into TV, pizzas, the latest version of her beloved GameSlave and - depending on whether he annoyed her – beating him up. Also, now that she had gained some curves guys had started becoming interested in her, although none really dared approach her for fear of getting castrated with a blunt wooden spork. She could do that, if she felt in the mood.
Dib stared at the TV.
News.
Boring. And knowing Gaz she wouldn't let him change the channel, even though she wasn't even watching it.
"…Can you believe what Zim did today Gaz?" Dib started, unable to keep his mouth shut for long.
"Yes. Now shut up Dib."
" – I mean, he started a food fight in the mess hall, hit me in the head with mashed potatoes and then somehow got one of his contacts knocked out! And when I pointed it out to everyone else he came up with this lame excuse that it was pink eye, and everyone believed him! And then, and then after school he threw dirt at me, the little alien scumbag!"
"Your voice is irritating." Gaz muttered warningly, but Dib had already gone into his trademark rant mode.
"So I was thinking, in order to defeat my enemy I must -"
"I am on the last level of this game. If you in any way stop me from completing my game, I will hurt you."
"But Gaz! This is serious! This is for the fate of mankind! This is so -"
The violet haired girl scowled and held up her trusty blunt, wooden spork.
Dib shut up.
Neither of them spoke, Dib's eyes once again back on the TV and Gaz still staring at her GameSlave screen.
Dib stared blankly at the news, not really processing any of the stories. Gradually, his mind wandered back to his favourite most hated subject.
Zim.
Zim, like Gaz, hadn't changed much in the five years he had been on Earth. He was still rather short, only just coming up to Dib's shoulder, and even then that was only after he had grown a little bit thanks to the energy and sugar found in the junk food he sometimes ate. His uniform was practically the same – red striped long sleeve shirt and black pants – except because of his growth spurt he had had to get a size bigger, which was still a little too big for his skinny frame and so were rather baggy.
And yes, the Irken's attitude was still pretty much the same. And while he still hadn't managed to take over earth, Zim's plans had gotten a lot smarter and devious, so much so that Dib sometimes had a hard time stopping them.
'Maybe it's only just a matter of time before that 'armada' spaceboy keeps talking about actually shows up and wages war with us…' Dib thought, shivering slightly.
"WAR!" The TV blared out as if on cue.
Dib jumped. "What?!" The newsreader on the screen now had his full attention. Could it be? Had Zim's people arrived all of a sudden? Oh god no.
"…After many small fights and battles with one another, our neighbours to the East have suddenly decided to declare war with us. Here are a few words from our President Man."
"Whaaat?! Gaz! Did you here that? Since when have we been fighting with the East?!"
"Since last year for a few months now."
Dib spluttered, "But wha – how?! How come that wasn't on TV?"
"Ugh…we've been fighting with them because the president from that place accused our president of stealing his favourite moose, which is really just another stupid ploy of getting more land. And the news coverage of the fights have been on TV, except you haven't seen them because you're always busy watching Mysterious Mysteries or chasing that stupid friend of yours. Now for the last time shut up before I doom you."
The last part was said with so much force that Dib fell silent and scooted away from her. His gut clenched. This was horrible! All this time he had figured that aliens would always be the only threat to humans, but now he realized that humans being a threat to humans would be more likely. It was always something like that, something to do with greed, stupidity and envy. Fuck! How could he have not seen this happening?
Mankind had, once again, let him down.
Yet he couldn't believe that. No, he wouldn't believe that!
A name suddenly wormed its way into his mass of jumbled thoughts.
Zim.
Dib's eyes narrowed. Of course. This had to be all Zim's fault! Zim had probably started the fights and – to a later effect – the now impending war as another plan for world domination! Well, he had been hiding it very well.
Dib jumped off the couch with a squeak. This had gone too far! He was going to stop Zim once and for all…and then maybe get him to stop this war.
"ZIM! YOU EVIL SCUM I KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" He yelled to no one in particular before turning to Gaz, wild eyed, "Gaz, I'm going to Zim's place. If I'm not home in time remember to do what I told you last time."
Without waiting for an answer Dib ran out the door, slamming it shut behind him. There was a loud CRASH before a tiny voice coughed "I'm fine!" and footsteps signaled he had continued moving.
Gaz grunted uninterestedly.
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Wow! That was the longest chapter I have ever written in my entire life!
::The door to the padded cell crashes open and A.E.D, Zim and Dib fall out. Zim lands first, then Dib on top of him, and then A.E.D on top of them.::
Zim (muffled): GET OFF ME!
A.E.D: You locked us in a room! ::glare::
I'm sooooooorry…
Dib: Not good enough! That's it! No more ideas for you!
But!
Zim (still muffled): Hello!? GET OFF!
::Sigh:: Please R/R guys. Let's hope that my head thingies don't strike out on me for too long…I'm sorry guys! I didn't mean to lock you in there! I thought it was a candy room! ::Goes over to help Zim get out from underneath the other two::
Grr. FF.net is screwing up the formatting. I've had to replace all my asterix's with something else cause they wont showing up. =(
(from disclaimer): Zim is owned by Jhonen Vasquez