This is another kinda transitional chapter, I guess, in which Watari's starting to crack. Poor baby. Is it a good thing or a bad thing the story's almost over? Tell me when you get to the end of the chapter, I'll meet you there.
The days all blended together until no one could really tell how long Tatsumi had been "away." It might have been a week; it might have been six months. Watari continued living with Wakaba, the young girl bringing clothes and mail back to her little bungalow daily. She was taking superb care of him, never letting her charge sink down into the boggy miasma of depression, keeping him busy and well-fed, dispensing sleeping pills when necessary, and being an overall mother hen. And Watari didn't mind it a single bit, knowing full well that he probably would've gone insane with grief and loneliness if she hadn't taken him in.
The doctors came and went as they pleased, returning to their divisions when they were called, fresh medical personnel dropping in from other departments when necessary. Watari paid little attention to them; they were there mostly to keep the Enma-cho doctor from having to deal with the day-to-day medical business. Watari, meanwhile, had taken up residence in Tatsumi's office, carefully and diligently sifting through the paperwork that had begun to avalanche the desk. It was Watari who had taken the secretarial position in his lover's absence, filling out the necessary budget forms and finding that he was just as ruthless with the company's money as his partner. Tsuzuki had wept when he realized that Watari would not be caving and giving him extra dessert expenses, as he had originally surmised.
Konoe was surprised by his employee's actions and called Watari into his office not long after the weekly budget reports had been disseminated. The blonde was clad in a pair of neatly pressed khakis and a cornflower-blue dress shirt, his hair neatly and tightly braided. It was the most professional he'd ever seen his scientist, who generally opted for some combination of baggy sweater and rumpled black slacks over his skintight black bodysuit.
"Watari…I noticed you've been doing Tatsumi's paperwork the past couple of days."
He nodded. "Right."
"How come?" the aged Shinigami inquired.
"That paperwork isn't going to do itself, obviously," he replied. "Besides, I don't want Tatsumi to have to worry about doing it when he wakes up. Knowing him, he'd try getting right out of bed and dock himself pay for missing all of that time."
"That's Tatsumi all right."
Watari fidgeted uncomfortably. "Chief Konoe, Sir, I actually have a request to make regarding this situation. As Tatsumi's primary caregiver and physician, I'd like to tender an extended leave of absence due to mental health issues…for him. As for my needs, I'd like to be switched to part-time hours, per diem, even."
"I'm not sure if I can give you your hours," Konoe responded, "but Tatsumi will definitely be granted a leave of absence. To be honest, Lord Enma insisted that he take a sabbatical when the Count and I met with him."
"Lord Enma wants Tatsumi to take a leave of absence? He didn't want to try and ascend him or anything?" Watari asked skeptically.
"Well…there was discussion of that. The Lord was aware that Tatsumi would be having psychological issues, potentially irrevocable issues. We talked about ascending him, and I met with him again yesterday to update him on Tatsumi's condition. Enma was leaning towards ascension, since Tatsumi has yet to wake up and it's been almost two weeks. But…I told him that it was up to you, seeing as how you are Tatsumi's doctor, partner…significant other. Don't give me that pointed look, Yutaka Watari, I'm not as clueless about these things as you think I am. It's your call whether Tatsumi stays or goes. Just know that if he doesn't wake up soon, Enma might insist that we send him on."
"I understand. Thank you, Chief."
He smiled. "I have a good feeling we haven't heard the last of Seiichiro Tatsumi. He's too damn stubborn to kick off just yet. Besides, who would keep you and that knucklehead Tsuzuki from getting out of line? Neither of you listen to Kurosaki."
"That's true."
Watari left the office and walked over to the infirmary, sinking into the familiar metal folding chair at the bedside. There was no change in Tatsumi, though almost all of his injuries were totally healed. The yellowish mottle of bruising still remained in a few places and the wings Muraki had etched would never totally fade from his flesh. He closed his hand around thin fingers, the skin feeling cool to the touch, as if life had been stolen from it.
"Morning, Tatsumi," he said softly, stroking the back of his hand gingerly, one hand still curled around his lover's. "You've been in a coma for nearly two weeks, I guess. And I don't think I can take much more of this, Tatsumi. It hurts to live. Please, Tatsumi, I'm begging you, just wake up. I don't care how broken your mind is, I'll help you make it better. Just please wake up. I'll do anything you want me to."
There was no response. Watari hadn't expected there to be. But he was getting tired; tired of fooling himself into believing that he was okay. He didn't want to have to be strong anymore. He just wanted Tatsumi back. It would have been one thing if Tatsumi had died, there would have been days of immeasurable grief, but he would've come to the realization that Tatsumi was somewhere better and they would be reunited someday. This was entirely different, his lover lost in shadows he'd created himself, unable to communicate to anyone except through vague dreams, isolated, frightened. There was no promise of a tender reunion as long as he lay sleeping in the hospital bed like an enchanted prince in some musty old fairytale.
"Please, Tatsumi. I love you…"
He pushed his glasses up to his hairline, resting just above his forehead, so he could let a few tears trickle down his face. He hadn't cried in the two weeks Tatsumi had been gone, and his throat was constantly burning with the pain of choking back those tears. Watari clenched his fingers tighter around Tatsumi's hand, his shoulders starting to shudder, sobs quivering in his breath.
"I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't help you, and I hate myself for not being able to help you. Tatsumi…I need you. I'm so lost without you," he laughed despite his tears. "Gods, I can't believe how clichéd I sound. Lost without you. Isn't it awful? And the worst part is, I mean all of it. I'm falling apart. Without Wakaba and the others to prop me up, I've got nothing. I feel so empty, and it's because you're not here to crack me over the head with a file folder and tell me to stop slacking…and you're not here to curl up on the couch with, hot chocolate on the coffee table and a Meifu downpour going on outside. I can't sleep at night without hearing you breathing beside me. Tatsumi, my whole world reoriented when you told me you loved me, and it's spinning out of alignment and I can't straighten it back out. I…I'm just…I'm lost, Tatsumi. I'm lost."
Notes: Watari saves the day, files paperwork, and waxes poetic. And here you thought all he did was blow stuff up and experiment on people. How wrong you were! Ha! Okay, anyway, next chapter we're one step closer to the end, so I'll meet you there. Hope you're enjoying the fic!