Enduring Darkness

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or any of its characters…

A/N: This fic is AU… so don't come up to me and go 'oh that never happens' cause I know it doesn't. This is a fanfic, not a copy of the real thing. (Sorry if that sounded harsh and rude, I've just had some people email me it before so yeah.)

2nd A/N: READ THIS!!! Okay guys, I've put a song into this one (actually it's the first verse and chorus, but still), it's 'Wo Hu Xi Ni' by Zhou Yu Min. It is a Chinese song, and I will have the translations up too, but it was translated by me, so it may not be that accurate, but the thing is, it's not supposed to be too accurate, because if I translated it literally, it wouldn't make a speck of sense. In English, the song is called 'I Breathe You'. (Literally translated, so it sounds a bit weird…) Also, I've also translated some bits a bit different, just to fit with the fic (not very different), so bear with me!

SEVEN -×- Wo Hu Xi Ni

James walked down the dark, deserted corridor. His mind was spinning. He couldn't stop thinking. Thinking about what he'd overheard. Thinking about what Dumbledore had called him in afterwards and told him about. He couldn't believe it was true… all the things he was told about Lily… they can't have been true. Lily Evans? TheLily Evans? So… half of Jasmine's so called 'lies' were true? It couldn't be…

He stopped, and turned around, looking back at the secret doorway to the secluded room beside Dumbledore's office that was supposedly not in use any more.

The corridor lit up. It was dark no longer. James now understood why it was so dark: so that students would not be able to find the place, and listen in on top secret conversations, like he had managed to, but he didn't run there on purpose. Heck, he didn't even want to find out anything, but he did, and it was because he did, he now realised what a complete prat he had been. He had falsely accused her of cheating on him, with barely enough proof, and broken it off with her, but to top it off, he had the whole school making her life utter hell, and when she was most vulnerable to him. It was part of his plan, and he had helped him, he had fallen into his trap, without even realising it.

But that wasn't his only reason for breaking up with her. If it hadn't been for Jasmine telling him that she had associated with evil, he'd have given her another chance, but he had no idea that it was this so called 'associating with evil' was this complicated. Truth be told, he hadn't really believed Jasmine at first, and after they found out the pictures were also a bunch of lies, they had thought the rest of it was too, but now…

Lily was in danger, and he needed to stop being a prick, and help her through it. That was that. But yet again, he wondered if she'd accept him back. He now knew the truth. It was stupid. No, not 'it'. He was stupid. She'd never want him back. Not now that she has the other guy.

He began to fill with jealousy. He was supposed to be the guy that Lily loved, but he guessed it was his fault after all. He screwed up, and now, Lily was with… It pained him to say it. It pained him just to think about Lily in another relationship, but that was too late now.

Na me tou ming yi zhen xin ji,
Na shi ni yi wang zai jing zi qian de xiang shui ping,

Xiang gu yi gei le wo xiang nian ni de wen rou xian jing…

(It is as clear as a heartbeat,

That is the perfume bottle you left in front of the mirror,

As if you purposefully set a trap to make me reminisce about your warmth and gentility…)

James wandered around, too deep in his thoughts to realise where he was, until he looked up. It was the special dorm for Head Pupils, with a Head Boy and Head Girl's dorm that lead from it. Still in a sort of daze, he sub-consciously muttered the password and stepped in.

There, in front of a dark-red mirror, was a half bottle of perfume. Lily's perfume. He missed her. A lot. He stared at the bottle. It was tearing him up inside – remembering Lily. Her smile, her kindness, her everything. Yet he knew they'd never be together again.

Di yi di zai zhen tou shang mian, an jing de hu xi,
Xiang qi zai ci rang wo yu qing xing wei di,
Bi shang yan jing hui xiang cong qian ni zong hui kao zhe wo

Chen chen shui qu…

(Dripping some on the pillow, peacefully breathing,

The scent has yet again brought me back to reality,

I'll close my eyes and it'll be like before when you always used to lean against me

And fall into peaceful sleep…)

He took the bottle in his hands, caressing it, scared to lose it like he did Lily. He handled it with so much care and love. He walked into the corner of the room, where a comfy, Gryffindor coloured sofa was in front of the fireplace. He sat down, still oh so careful with the bottle, not daring to let it go. He held it up, and gazed at it, almost mesmerized by it. Slowly, he lifted a hand, and opened it. Lily's scent came flooding back to him.

His hand slipped. The bottle dropped onto the sofa, spilling some of the fragrance onto a golden pillow that was on the arm of the sofa. Cursing his clumsiness, he bent down and grabbed the bottle up again, and closed the lid. He rested his head against the pillow.

Once again, Lily's scent filled him with sorrow of the morbid present and the cursed reality of the world around him.

He closed his eyes, in-taking the scent once more, and let his imagination run with him. Away from reality, away from the pain, away from everything, and back to the way it was, when life was perfect, when Lily was with him, when they were together, and the countess number of times Lily used to rest her head on his shoulder…

Wo hu xi ni, hu xi kong qi hu xi ni dan dan xiang qi,
Yi dian hen ji,
Zheng ming wo dui ni bu neng qie ge qian jing de gan qing,
Ming ming mei guo qu de ai qing hai huo zai na li,

Wo you ru he neng gou zi zhi bu li?

(I breathe in you, breathe in the air and your light fragrance,

On touch,

Proves I cannot properly cut away our feelings,

It is obvious that our love has not yet left,

How can I know this, yet leave it?)

He inhaled deeply. He thought about her. Her love was still there. He could feel it. Their love was still alive. He knew it. He felt her. Even though he knew she wasn't there with him, he still felt her. He was stupid. All the thoughts about forgetting about them – all of that was crap right about now. He couldn't forget her now. He knew he still loved her, and deep down, he was certain she still loved him.

Wo hu xi ni, hu xi hui yi, hu xi ni jian chi yao li kai de jue ding,
Ni de qi xi,

Wang bu diao fei san bu qu, ba zhan wo de hu xi,
Xiao xin li li shou shi qi bo li ping sui shi wen xi,
Wo hui xiao, ying wei kong qi you ni he hui yi…

(I breathe in you, breathe in the memories, breathe in your set decision of leaving,

Your scent,

I cannot forget, it cannot evaporate, it dominates my breathing,

Be careful of the shattered glass vase that you can look through anytime,

I will smile, because the air holds you and my memories…)

He thought back, dreamt back of the days they were together, her beauty, her love. He took in her scent. How could he forget her now? She was with him. She was in his heart…forever. He couldn't forget her. She was him. She was his everything. He looked at the glass bottle that contained her perfume, and smiled…

-×-

Back in the Gryffindor common room, sat five friends with extremely puzzled faces. The Marauders, Melissa Laine, and Arabella Figg.

"What… actually happened?" Melissa questioned. She and Arabella had not arrived soon enough to see the whole thing, but by the angriness plastered on James' face that they were able to get a glimpse of, along with Lily trailing with an eyeful of tears, they were smart enough to guess that it was not good.

Nobody spoke for a moment. Arabella obviously didn't know, Peter was too dumb to know, Sirius was worried about James, and Remus was maybe too deep in thought to have even heard the question.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of silence, Remus answered. It seemed like he had heard her after all, and his theory was of very great precision. "James obviously witnessed Lily doing what looked like caressing another guys' cheek, which I'm sure there is a different reason other than that, and took it the wrong way, then stormed off without listening to an explanation, which was what Lily was desperately following him for, trying to give him one. As for the other guy… damn he looked like James…"

Now it was Bella's turn to speak up. "James? The other guy looked like James? Minus the glasses, right?" The Marauders nodded. They had all seen the scene, and the guy. "Then… that must be…" Bella suddenly frowned. Lily caressing Jason? But… how… why… why would…?

"Care to continue, Miss Figg?" Sirius looked extremely suspicious. Melissa, however, seemed to have an idea of what her best friend was talking about, after all, their little 'discussion' on Lily (which turned out to be girl talk in the end) that had occurred in their room earlier, seemed to help.

"Jason…?" She whispered. Bella nodded.

Remus and Sirius' heads shot up. They both paled. "Who?" Sirius asked, barely audible, almost as if he was afraid to hear the answer.

They knew who Jason was. After seeing him with their own eyes, then hearing the oh-too-familiar name, they were certain they knew. They'd heard so much about him from James' parents. They wondered if James knew about this too, but they had their doubts. James was probably too busy thrashing things in the Head Boy's dorm room.

"Jason." Melissa answered, totally clueless about the guys' facial colour. Peter, on the other hand, looked worried, but not for the same reasons.

-×-

Jasmine walked down the third floor corridor. It was deserted. No one ever went there. No one but her. She was thinking, reminiscing. She missed seeing James. Not that he knew she was watching him or anything. She really liked him. Before, it was all a hoax, it was all under orders, but now, she knew she had done the ultimate wrong. She had fallen in love; she had fallen for James. The one guy she would never be able to have. The one guy she was not meant to fall in love with.

She thought she could do it. She was so confident back then, so strong. When he asked who was up to the task, she was the first to respond. She had been given the biggest job in her life, and she thought she could do it, but she couldn't. She messed up. Badly. She never meant to fall in love. All her orders were was to split them up, tell all her friends that she was on You-Know-Who's side, make Lily depressed, make her friends hate her and get scared of her, then she will naturally come back to him, and she really thought she could do it, but it went wrong.

It went wrong the second she had been caught by a black dog in the Astronomy tower. She didn't fully see what the dog looked like, but all she knew was that the second the dog barked, she needed to run. She had to work undercover, and being discovered is certainly not undercover, even if it was only discovered by an animal. She couldn't take risks.

She'd tried to kill her – even under orders to leave her be after that, but she couldn't. She was jealous. Jealous of the red-haired beauty and what she had with James. She could see it in his eyes that he still loved her. She was lucky that she'd stopped before she caused more trouble. She hated to add 'killed the wanted girl' to her list of things she should have never done. In a way, she needed to thank the dog, but she'd never admit to it. It took her too long to admit she'd fallen for James already.

She didn't want to fall in love, but she couldn't help it. You cannot control love. It just happens, and it just 'happened' to her, and she hated herself for it. She cursed herself. She cursed herself from the moment she agreed to the task. She'd cursed herself to love her worst enemy, and the guy she will never be permitted to be with. The guy she would one day have to murder, but when that day came, would she really be able to do it? It's not an easy task: killing the person you love. Why did love have to strike her at the worst times? Now she was in trouble. If her master ever found out, he'd definitely kill her.

Why had she fallen for him anyway? She couldn't understand it. What was so good about him? Then she remembered. She remembered the way he looked after the split. He had looked so lost, so downcast. He looked like he'd just lost everything. She knew from then on, how he really was: caring, noble, brave, loving, and he would do anything for those that he loved. Guess the fact that he was sorted into Gryffindor kind of gave it away anyway.

She hadn't really wanted to be sorted into Slytherin. She would have given anything to be in Gryffindor, but it ran through her blood. It ran through her family. It ran through generations in the past. She couldn't help it. She didn't have a choice but to follow her master. She couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, if she was sorted into Gryffindor all those years ago, maybe she could have been with him? Maybe he could have fallen for her? But there's the other thing: if she hadn't suffered what she had before, then she probably never would have found out that she loved him.

Sure, most of Hogwarts' population of girls were after him, but she was certain that was just lust. Lust, and nothing but lust, but this was love. She knew she had gotten herself into a pile of trouble the second she realised her feelings. She knew she'd be in deeper trouble when she was called to him again. She may as well just dig her own grave. It'll save him the trouble of doing it for her. Wait, he never would anyway. He'd just use killing curse on her, and leave her body to rot.

He was not like James. He was cruel, harsh, and would do anything to get his way. If anyone failed him, it was instant death for them. Maybe she could have another chance…? She laughed a hollow laugh. The day she'd be given another chance, would probably be the day he died.

-×-

A/N: Wow that was long! Longest chapter yet, I think. Anyway, did you like it? Hmm? Feedback would be nice. Very nice indeed =]

For those who wanted a love triangle: So far, it kind of already is a love triangle, but the thing is, it'll be much bigger than just a love triangle. Much bigger. Haha. Hope you liked the chapter!

Thank you, my lovely, lovely, LOVELY reviewers!

Special thanks to (no special order):

×midnightprowler

×whereowhere-is-my-rabbit

×andrea-the-angel

for adding me to favourite authors! I'm just wondering why you don't review any more…

Special thanks to (no special order):

×andrea-the-angel

×Tinki-chan

×GinnyPotter08

×midnightprowler

×SavetheSqUiRrEls

for adding me to author alerts! But I'm a bit confused, because I don't think I've had a review from Tinki-chan, GinnyPotter08 (although I'm sure you reviewed, I just don't know where the review has gone! If you count, I only have 29 reviews, yet it says 30, so yeah) and SavetheSqUiRrEls. I'm flattered that you all added me to author alerts, but why do you not review?

Next chapter will be posted when I write it. Thanks again if you reviewed!!!

If you've already read my last chapter, I changed the link at the bottom, because fanfiction.net went weird and wouldn't let me post the actual link, so here it is again for 'Jewel': www. fiction press. com/ read. php? storyid=1607086 (but without gaps, obviously. For some reason, fanfiction.net won't let me post the actual link.) The link is also in my bio, so if you're too lazy to type it, just go there and click it.

-3 Always,

-Cryst

-www.livejournal.com/users/tintedroses