Hey, people! I know it's been a year, but I was sort of swamped for the past year. Physics, Calculus, Biochemistry, all that stuff to deal with. Every time I sit down to write, I have trouble getting started.
It's only recently that I've had time to do this. Not sure when the next updates gonna be. Anyway, as always, reader comments, reviews, and suggestions will be very helpful.
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Keitaro had been a real gentleman. He paid for both their orders, even though she had insisted in going dutch. Considering he was a ronin, this was a big sacrifice on his part. He had offered to walk her home , even though she insisted that she could go by herself. "It's okay," he had said. "I have worse things to do than take a pretty girl home."
She hadn't prepared herself for that. "Please don't make me blush," she said, although it was too late.
So they left the cafe together, and made their way back to her apartment. There were no words between them on the trip, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all. He would just look at her, she'd look at him, and they'd both smile. He'd even held her by the arm as they crossed the street.
On a whim, she pretended to trip as they got to the other side. He reacted quickly, and steadied her with his other hand.
"Are you all right, Mutsumi-chan?"
"H-hai. Domo," she replied, smiling inwardly as the young man's face reddened. She couldn't help herself.
"Thanks again for letting me vent," said Keitaro, veering desperately towards a safe avenue of conversation. "You've been a big help to me."
"It's nothing, really. I'm just happy to have been there for you."
"It's not nothing, Mutsumi! You're the best! You'll surely make someone the luckiest person on earth someday!"
"Don't say words so carelessly, Keitaro-san. You've already seen how dangerous it could be."
"Who says I'm being careless? I really meant what I said," he says. "You'd make a lovely wife, and--"
He stopped himself. What had he just said? He started to panic, suddenly remembering the consequences of saying things in the moment.
If he had just paid attention and listened carefully, he would have heard the her heart skip a beat.
"And?" she asked, carefully disguising her hopefulness.
"No... nothing."
"Oh."
They travelled the rest of the way in silence. The words were still hanging in the air as they reached the apartment.
"Well..." Mutsumi said, finally, "you'd better get going. I expect Narusegawa would be getting worried right about now."
"Yeah," he replied after a while. "Yeah. So... I'll see you tomorrow? We have a study session tomorrow, don't we?"
"Hai. Just get lots of rest. It's going to be a big day for you."
"Yes. It sure is," he said.
As he left, her eyes followed him. "So close," she whispered, as the door closed behind her.
*************************************************************************************************
She sat in the tub, her body submerged in water, and her mind immersed in thoughts of love, tenderness, and affection.
No, she corrected herself. More accurately, they were just dreams and ambitions, visions of what might be, could be, and what very well should be, had the world been hers to design. If it were up to her, they would still be at the Rind. The setting sun, the Watermelon Washer, the deliberately accidental instances of eye contact, all of it--memories that she would fondly look back on and cherish.
That afternoon they spent together was the closest she had ever gotten to him. It was bliss, just being there while he poured out his innermost thoughts, feelings, and anxieties to her. He had never told anyone about this, and she felt a slight sense of self-satisfaction at being the first girl to have heard these things from him.
She was a good friend, he had said.
Sometimes she felt guilty about continuing this charade. The other girl was always there. The only way she could think of for them to be together was to be his friend, and as far as he knew, that was her only intention. She knew that it wasn't good to keep secrets, firmly believing that deception of any kind had no place in the world, even if no one gets hurt.
He had asked for her advice, and she gave it freely. After listening to his problems, she smiled at him, and encouraged him. She told him to have faith in his feelings, and to be strong...
It had been so easy for her to say that.
God knows what she felt for him. It was something so powerful, so irresistible, that it took all her will just to bottle it in. She had wanted to blurt it out, to interrupt him in mid-sentence. She wanted to finally succumb to these feelings. Just one touch, one real kiss, one gesture of affection, and she would be satisfied. He would finally know, and once that happened...
It's not that simple, she said to herself, as a sudden chill washed over her and brought her back to reality.
She knew the difficulty that came after acting too rashly or aggressively. She'd heard enough stories from some of her older relatives, who--as they put it--"have been around the block, sweetie." She had been brought up to believe that it wasn't proper for the woman to make the first move, although it was okay to express affection without being too pushy.
She hadn't believed them. After all, this advice came from her aunts, whose last fiery relationship had occurred during the height of Super Mario's popularity. That may have been true for their generation, but surely things are different these days.
She was careless. Looking back, perhaps she should have been more cautious. She thought it was all right. He had seemed to want to be with her, so she had said things.
As it turned out, he hadn't wanted to be with her. She felt foolish for being so naive--but just like a fool, she never gave up. He had said "gomen"; that didn't necessarily mean he didn't like her. The time wasn't right, that's all. So she nurtured her love for him, all this time, hoping that another chance would come.
Ever since then, she restrained herself. She would be with him often, giving him innocent smiles, and friendly advice. If she was feeling really adventurous, she would say how much she likes being with him, and how good she makes him feel. However, not one of those things ever captured what had always been there.
A girl shouldn't reveal her feelings, because it would weaken her position in the relationship; this she could understand about Narusegawa's actions. It's unseemly for her to make advances first, because this would give him all the power. She might end up being used, her love abused.
He would never do such a thing, of course, but that line of thinking had been deeply ingrained. The many words of wisdom imparted to her by the "more-than-once-around-the-block" portion of the family rose up from the waters of memory. It was a lesson that had been repeated over and over again, like relentless, anti-male propaganda--so much so that no allowance could be made for any man, no matter how good he is.
On the other hand, being too forward would give the impression of being unable to commit. She goes wherever her heart takes her, and would therefore have no consideration for her partner. Instead of being attracted to her, he might avoid her altogether, as her independent nature convinces him to erase any possibility of a serious relationship.
Having decided that the risk far outweighs the reward, she contented herself with her current situation. She liked being around him, even though usually it's just as a study buddy. She liked being able to watch and listen to him, posing as a friend for him. As his friend, she would always be there, ready to help.
This was enough.
But sometimes, enough wasn't enough.
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At that time, sprawled across the couch in the living room, Konno Mitsune felt good.
She didn't usually feel anything, and usually felt that a bit of excitement is always a good thing. There was usually a lot of commotion around, what with Kaolla's weird toys and games and Motoko's almost continual use of her sword, but that stuff gets boring now and then. Whenever that happened, she'd just sit around, drink sake, and keep her eyes and ears peeled for the next exciting event. Kitsune had become known for her instincts, and when she started asking questions about something, you can bet that it was going to get interesting later on.
In any case, she had enough amusement living at Hinata Sou, where trouble seemed to come up every other day. It's not that she liked trouble. She was just one of those people who looked at peace and tranquility as optional features of everyday life, so living at Hinata Sou seemed like a good idea.
Things haven't been good lately. The others were all quiet and moody about the incident, and they weren't able to concentrate on anything. It wouldn't be right to play pranks to lighten the mood, and even if she did, it would be like kicking somebody when they're down. She liked the occasional cheap thrills, but she didn't like them that cheap.
Narusegawa hadn't gone out of her room, either. If she had a problem, she would almost invariably visit Kitsune's room, and she'd be fine the next day. Sometimes it would be more personal, and she'd deal with it on her own. After a few days, things would be back to normal.
It's been a week. This is something big, since Naru's dealing with it alone. But it's taking her so long.
What the heck, Kitsune said to herself. Long as this goes on, no one's going to have any fun.
So she had helped out. It had been a surprisingly heartfelt conversation between the two of them, and she saw a new side to her best friend. Something that she couldn't possibly have uncovered by messing with her head.
At the end, she had felt oddly happy. Proud of being a good friend, perhaps. Or maybe she was proud of being able to do so much for Naru just by listening and being honest for just a minute.
Anyway, things will be fine tomorrow. Provided Keitaro doesn't screw up.
From the corner of her eye, she saw the front door swing open. Speak of the devil...
"I'm home!"
She sat up. "You're also late. Looks like you had a lot of fun with Mutsumi this afternoon."
"I'll let that one slide," he said, as he made his way into the living room.
"Only joking. Geez, someone's a little touchy," she commented, as she motioned for him to sit beside her. "I did you a little favor," she added, wrapping her arm around his shoulder conspiratorially.
"What kind of favor?" he asked warily. He had been kanrinrin for some time, and knew what kind of favor to expect.
"I talked to Naru, and she's feeling better. In fact, she wants to talk to you tomorrow."
Keitaro relaxed. It was a normal kind of favor this time. "Really?"
Kitsune grinned. "Yep."
He jumped out of his seat, nearly knocking her over in the process. "That's perfect! I want to talk to her tomorrow, and I was afraid that she'd blow me off if I asked her if we could talk tomorrow..."
"Yeah, yeah, save your breath," she said. Seeing that Keitaro was on his feet, she lay down across the length of the couch. "You can talk to her tomorrow. It's definitely okay by her."
"This is great! Thanks!"
"No problem. She's my friend too, you know. Anyway, I was thinking that you could do something for me in return."
"Sure! Anything!"
"Can you take me to your room?"
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She had agonized about what she should do. Should she take a chance, seize the moment, and tell him how she really feels? Or should she wait patiently by his side, hoping and praying that someday he would grow to love her more than Narusegawa?
Mutsumi's previous neighbor, Amara Su, had been bothered by her behavior. She would sometimes come over to borrow some things. Meanwhile, Mutsumi would sit morosely by the phone, pick up the handset, dial two or three digits, and put the phone down. After a minute or so, she would pick it up again, and again she would hear the sad, tentative beeping of the keys chime out of the earpiece. Eventually she would put the phone down again, cursing herself under her breath.
After a while, Amara-san's curiosity would get piqued, and she'd ask what the problem was. Mutsumi, still reprimanding herself, would do her best to avoid the question, saying something like "it's just fun to press the buttons," or "it's amazing how this phone works, and I was just taking time to appreciate it for myself."
She hated lying to Amara-san, especially since her excuses were so transparent that they couldn't be considered deceptive or misleading in any way. But she couldn't tell her. She wouldn't let herself. Not before she told him, she vowed.
Amara-san had been very understanding. She always asked, but she never pried. Mutsumi had liked this about her, and wished that she could've gotten to know Amara-san better. Unfortunately, she left before the opportunity came up, leaving many things unsaid...and one particular question unanswered.
If only she had been more open with her.
If only she was more honest with him.
She shook herself from her reverie, and looked around. Her eyes chanced upon the clock that hung on the bathroom door. It had been two hours already? She scolded herself for being so distracted. She got out of the tub, her milky complexion illuminated in the dim light of the evening. She dried herself off, put on her pajamas, made her way to the bedroom, and sat down in front of her dresser mirror. Her face illuminated by the warm glow of the night lamp, she then proceeded to brush her long, chestnut brown hair.
Who knows? If she confessed now, he might decide to abandon the chase, to give up the unreciprocated affection he had so recklessly showered upon the other girl who's too afraid to be close to him.
It was inconceivable. How could anyone be afraid of him? His soft eyes, his boyish charms, his honesty and sincerity... such things are rare among people, and even rarer among men. How could Narusegawa not recognize it? How can she stay away?
And still he wants her. He's wasting his affections, and he's losing his self-confidence in the process. She's wasting his time, and refuses to let him into her heart. Fate has brought the two together, and has no apparent intention of undoing its folly just yet.
She brushed a little harder now. She had to, if she wanted to get all the little tangles out.
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"What do you mean, you don't have money?"
"I don't! I went to that cafe with Mutsumi, and now I'm flat broke!" he exclaimed. I should've expected this, he added mentally. I really should've.
"That's why I asked to come here," she replied calmly, her voice darkening. "Just get some from the inn account. I know the money's here somewhere, and you're the kanrinrin."
Keitaro stood there, his mouth agape. "Are you crazy? I can't do that!"
She then walked across the room, and looked out the window.
"Look," Keitaro said, "I appreciate the favor, I really do, but you can't seriously expect me to--"
"Favors can be so easily undone, you know," she said. Her voice was distant, in a way that was normally associated with people who wore suits, liked playing poker in smoke-filled rooms, and claimed to be simple waste disposal consultants trying to make an honest living.
"But...that's not fair..." The ronin mumbled.
He's so gullible, she thought, and burst out laughing. "You really fell for it!" she says, fighting for breath. "I was only joking about the money! Getting cash from you would be like drilling for oil in the toilet!"
"A joke!?"
"Which you totally fell for!" she said, turning around while still clutching her stomach.
"That was cheap, you know."
"Can't help it," she replied, rubbing the tears out of her eyes. "It's been pretty dull lately, and you're right there."
"Real nice of you," he said evenly.
"Oh, quit pouting. Look, I'm sorry, all right?"
He remained silent.
"You know, I really admire what you're doing," she says suddenly. "I'm usually not serious or honest, because I'm afraid that I'd say something I would regret."
This is new, Keitaro thinks. I've never seen Kitsune like this before.
"I envy other people who can say things openly and honestly," she went on, her eyes focused on some distant point, like someone lost in thought. "I know the weight of words, and I know what kind of pressure you must be feeling right now. Tomorrow's an important day, and the words between the two of you will be much heavier than usual."
She then walked up to him, and looked him squarely in the eye.
"You're going to speak with her tomorrow. As a favor to me... make sure of this."
He searched her face for something, anything, that indicated trickery. Not finding anything, he asked, "This isn't a joke, is it?"
"I'm serious."
"All right. What do you want me to do?"
Kitsune grinned, and started to walk away towards the door. "Whatever you end up saying to her tomorrow morning... make sure that you mean it."
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It was only ten o' clock. She didn't want to go to bed yet, and wasn't in the mood to study. There was nothing to do. Clearly, it would be improper for her to call at this point. She wasn't really a close friend of Kitsune's or Shinobu's, so it would be hard to talk with them. Kaolla's too easily distracted. Motoko was the lone wolf among them, and making small talk with the Kendo girl would be about as easy as squeezing blood from a stone.
She was closest to Keitaro and Narusegawa, who were currently at odds with each other. Calling Narusegawa wouldn't be appropriate; she couldn't talk to Narusegawa, who probably noticed her and Keitaro leaving the house that afternoon. Calling Keitaro would be unwise, as this would trigger feelings of jealousy from the other girl. She didn't want to intrude in their affairs; if she sincerely wanted his affections, she decided, then it would be wrong for her to meddle.
So she wasn't going to play the third wheel. She wasn't going to do anything to sabotage their relationship, because then he'd be choosing her for the wrong reasons. She wanted to win him totally, on her own terms. So she had advised him to talk with her, to figure things out.
Besides, what would happen if she tried taking him now? He'd leave Narusegawa behind, but he's still unsure of his feelings. If she did that now, then he'd surely spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, and asking himself "what if...?" He'd be with her physically, but emotionally, he'd find himself looking back, searching for the closure that he had never gotten.
She didn't want that. If he was going to be with her, then she wanted him to be ready.
But was she just going to sit around forever?
He had said that the saddest thing was to find something beautiful, to lose it, and to know that you'll never see it again. She had been thinking about it for a while now, and she knew that it was true.
Having completed her evening routine, she put her brush down and stood up. She lay down on the bed, switched off the light on the side table, and reflected deeply, staring at the darkness. After a while, the softness and the warmth of the mattress seeped through her, and she shut her eyes.
I'll rest early tonight, she thought. Maybe tomorrow will be a big day for me, too.
It's only recently that I've had time to do this. Not sure when the next updates gonna be. Anyway, as always, reader comments, reviews, and suggestions will be very helpful.
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Keitaro had been a real gentleman. He paid for both their orders, even though she had insisted in going dutch. Considering he was a ronin, this was a big sacrifice on his part. He had offered to walk her home , even though she insisted that she could go by herself. "It's okay," he had said. "I have worse things to do than take a pretty girl home."
She hadn't prepared herself for that. "Please don't make me blush," she said, although it was too late.
So they left the cafe together, and made their way back to her apartment. There were no words between them on the trip, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all. He would just look at her, she'd look at him, and they'd both smile. He'd even held her by the arm as they crossed the street.
On a whim, she pretended to trip as they got to the other side. He reacted quickly, and steadied her with his other hand.
"Are you all right, Mutsumi-chan?"
"H-hai. Domo," she replied, smiling inwardly as the young man's face reddened. She couldn't help herself.
"Thanks again for letting me vent," said Keitaro, veering desperately towards a safe avenue of conversation. "You've been a big help to me."
"It's nothing, really. I'm just happy to have been there for you."
"It's not nothing, Mutsumi! You're the best! You'll surely make someone the luckiest person on earth someday!"
"Don't say words so carelessly, Keitaro-san. You've already seen how dangerous it could be."
"Who says I'm being careless? I really meant what I said," he says. "You'd make a lovely wife, and--"
He stopped himself. What had he just said? He started to panic, suddenly remembering the consequences of saying things in the moment.
If he had just paid attention and listened carefully, he would have heard the her heart skip a beat.
"And?" she asked, carefully disguising her hopefulness.
"No... nothing."
"Oh."
They travelled the rest of the way in silence. The words were still hanging in the air as they reached the apartment.
"Well..." Mutsumi said, finally, "you'd better get going. I expect Narusegawa would be getting worried right about now."
"Yeah," he replied after a while. "Yeah. So... I'll see you tomorrow? We have a study session tomorrow, don't we?"
"Hai. Just get lots of rest. It's going to be a big day for you."
"Yes. It sure is," he said.
As he left, her eyes followed him. "So close," she whispered, as the door closed behind her.
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She sat in the tub, her body submerged in water, and her mind immersed in thoughts of love, tenderness, and affection.
No, she corrected herself. More accurately, they were just dreams and ambitions, visions of what might be, could be, and what very well should be, had the world been hers to design. If it were up to her, they would still be at the Rind. The setting sun, the Watermelon Washer, the deliberately accidental instances of eye contact, all of it--memories that she would fondly look back on and cherish.
That afternoon they spent together was the closest she had ever gotten to him. It was bliss, just being there while he poured out his innermost thoughts, feelings, and anxieties to her. He had never told anyone about this, and she felt a slight sense of self-satisfaction at being the first girl to have heard these things from him.
She was a good friend, he had said.
Sometimes she felt guilty about continuing this charade. The other girl was always there. The only way she could think of for them to be together was to be his friend, and as far as he knew, that was her only intention. She knew that it wasn't good to keep secrets, firmly believing that deception of any kind had no place in the world, even if no one gets hurt.
He had asked for her advice, and she gave it freely. After listening to his problems, she smiled at him, and encouraged him. She told him to have faith in his feelings, and to be strong...
It had been so easy for her to say that.
God knows what she felt for him. It was something so powerful, so irresistible, that it took all her will just to bottle it in. She had wanted to blurt it out, to interrupt him in mid-sentence. She wanted to finally succumb to these feelings. Just one touch, one real kiss, one gesture of affection, and she would be satisfied. He would finally know, and once that happened...
It's not that simple, she said to herself, as a sudden chill washed over her and brought her back to reality.
She knew the difficulty that came after acting too rashly or aggressively. She'd heard enough stories from some of her older relatives, who--as they put it--"have been around the block, sweetie." She had been brought up to believe that it wasn't proper for the woman to make the first move, although it was okay to express affection without being too pushy.
She hadn't believed them. After all, this advice came from her aunts, whose last fiery relationship had occurred during the height of Super Mario's popularity. That may have been true for their generation, but surely things are different these days.
She was careless. Looking back, perhaps she should have been more cautious. She thought it was all right. He had seemed to want to be with her, so she had said things.
As it turned out, he hadn't wanted to be with her. She felt foolish for being so naive--but just like a fool, she never gave up. He had said "gomen"; that didn't necessarily mean he didn't like her. The time wasn't right, that's all. So she nurtured her love for him, all this time, hoping that another chance would come.
Ever since then, she restrained herself. She would be with him often, giving him innocent smiles, and friendly advice. If she was feeling really adventurous, she would say how much she likes being with him, and how good she makes him feel. However, not one of those things ever captured what had always been there.
A girl shouldn't reveal her feelings, because it would weaken her position in the relationship; this she could understand about Narusegawa's actions. It's unseemly for her to make advances first, because this would give him all the power. She might end up being used, her love abused.
He would never do such a thing, of course, but that line of thinking had been deeply ingrained. The many words of wisdom imparted to her by the "more-than-once-around-the-block" portion of the family rose up from the waters of memory. It was a lesson that had been repeated over and over again, like relentless, anti-male propaganda--so much so that no allowance could be made for any man, no matter how good he is.
On the other hand, being too forward would give the impression of being unable to commit. She goes wherever her heart takes her, and would therefore have no consideration for her partner. Instead of being attracted to her, he might avoid her altogether, as her independent nature convinces him to erase any possibility of a serious relationship.
Having decided that the risk far outweighs the reward, she contented herself with her current situation. She liked being around him, even though usually it's just as a study buddy. She liked being able to watch and listen to him, posing as a friend for him. As his friend, she would always be there, ready to help.
This was enough.
But sometimes, enough wasn't enough.
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At that time, sprawled across the couch in the living room, Konno Mitsune felt good.
She didn't usually feel anything, and usually felt that a bit of excitement is always a good thing. There was usually a lot of commotion around, what with Kaolla's weird toys and games and Motoko's almost continual use of her sword, but that stuff gets boring now and then. Whenever that happened, she'd just sit around, drink sake, and keep her eyes and ears peeled for the next exciting event. Kitsune had become known for her instincts, and when she started asking questions about something, you can bet that it was going to get interesting later on.
In any case, she had enough amusement living at Hinata Sou, where trouble seemed to come up every other day. It's not that she liked trouble. She was just one of those people who looked at peace and tranquility as optional features of everyday life, so living at Hinata Sou seemed like a good idea.
Things haven't been good lately. The others were all quiet and moody about the incident, and they weren't able to concentrate on anything. It wouldn't be right to play pranks to lighten the mood, and even if she did, it would be like kicking somebody when they're down. She liked the occasional cheap thrills, but she didn't like them that cheap.
Narusegawa hadn't gone out of her room, either. If she had a problem, she would almost invariably visit Kitsune's room, and she'd be fine the next day. Sometimes it would be more personal, and she'd deal with it on her own. After a few days, things would be back to normal.
It's been a week. This is something big, since Naru's dealing with it alone. But it's taking her so long.
What the heck, Kitsune said to herself. Long as this goes on, no one's going to have any fun.
So she had helped out. It had been a surprisingly heartfelt conversation between the two of them, and she saw a new side to her best friend. Something that she couldn't possibly have uncovered by messing with her head.
At the end, she had felt oddly happy. Proud of being a good friend, perhaps. Or maybe she was proud of being able to do so much for Naru just by listening and being honest for just a minute.
Anyway, things will be fine tomorrow. Provided Keitaro doesn't screw up.
From the corner of her eye, she saw the front door swing open. Speak of the devil...
"I'm home!"
She sat up. "You're also late. Looks like you had a lot of fun with Mutsumi this afternoon."
"I'll let that one slide," he said, as he made his way into the living room.
"Only joking. Geez, someone's a little touchy," she commented, as she motioned for him to sit beside her. "I did you a little favor," she added, wrapping her arm around his shoulder conspiratorially.
"What kind of favor?" he asked warily. He had been kanrinrin for some time, and knew what kind of favor to expect.
"I talked to Naru, and she's feeling better. In fact, she wants to talk to you tomorrow."
Keitaro relaxed. It was a normal kind of favor this time. "Really?"
Kitsune grinned. "Yep."
He jumped out of his seat, nearly knocking her over in the process. "That's perfect! I want to talk to her tomorrow, and I was afraid that she'd blow me off if I asked her if we could talk tomorrow..."
"Yeah, yeah, save your breath," she said. Seeing that Keitaro was on his feet, she lay down across the length of the couch. "You can talk to her tomorrow. It's definitely okay by her."
"This is great! Thanks!"
"No problem. She's my friend too, you know. Anyway, I was thinking that you could do something for me in return."
"Sure! Anything!"
"Can you take me to your room?"
*************************************************************************************************
She had agonized about what she should do. Should she take a chance, seize the moment, and tell him how she really feels? Or should she wait patiently by his side, hoping and praying that someday he would grow to love her more than Narusegawa?
Mutsumi's previous neighbor, Amara Su, had been bothered by her behavior. She would sometimes come over to borrow some things. Meanwhile, Mutsumi would sit morosely by the phone, pick up the handset, dial two or three digits, and put the phone down. After a minute or so, she would pick it up again, and again she would hear the sad, tentative beeping of the keys chime out of the earpiece. Eventually she would put the phone down again, cursing herself under her breath.
After a while, Amara-san's curiosity would get piqued, and she'd ask what the problem was. Mutsumi, still reprimanding herself, would do her best to avoid the question, saying something like "it's just fun to press the buttons," or "it's amazing how this phone works, and I was just taking time to appreciate it for myself."
She hated lying to Amara-san, especially since her excuses were so transparent that they couldn't be considered deceptive or misleading in any way. But she couldn't tell her. She wouldn't let herself. Not before she told him, she vowed.
Amara-san had been very understanding. She always asked, but she never pried. Mutsumi had liked this about her, and wished that she could've gotten to know Amara-san better. Unfortunately, she left before the opportunity came up, leaving many things unsaid...and one particular question unanswered.
If only she had been more open with her.
If only she was more honest with him.
She shook herself from her reverie, and looked around. Her eyes chanced upon the clock that hung on the bathroom door. It had been two hours already? She scolded herself for being so distracted. She got out of the tub, her milky complexion illuminated in the dim light of the evening. She dried herself off, put on her pajamas, made her way to the bedroom, and sat down in front of her dresser mirror. Her face illuminated by the warm glow of the night lamp, she then proceeded to brush her long, chestnut brown hair.
Who knows? If she confessed now, he might decide to abandon the chase, to give up the unreciprocated affection he had so recklessly showered upon the other girl who's too afraid to be close to him.
It was inconceivable. How could anyone be afraid of him? His soft eyes, his boyish charms, his honesty and sincerity... such things are rare among people, and even rarer among men. How could Narusegawa not recognize it? How can she stay away?
And still he wants her. He's wasting his affections, and he's losing his self-confidence in the process. She's wasting his time, and refuses to let him into her heart. Fate has brought the two together, and has no apparent intention of undoing its folly just yet.
She brushed a little harder now. She had to, if she wanted to get all the little tangles out.
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"What do you mean, you don't have money?"
"I don't! I went to that cafe with Mutsumi, and now I'm flat broke!" he exclaimed. I should've expected this, he added mentally. I really should've.
"That's why I asked to come here," she replied calmly, her voice darkening. "Just get some from the inn account. I know the money's here somewhere, and you're the kanrinrin."
Keitaro stood there, his mouth agape. "Are you crazy? I can't do that!"
She then walked across the room, and looked out the window.
"Look," Keitaro said, "I appreciate the favor, I really do, but you can't seriously expect me to--"
"Favors can be so easily undone, you know," she said. Her voice was distant, in a way that was normally associated with people who wore suits, liked playing poker in smoke-filled rooms, and claimed to be simple waste disposal consultants trying to make an honest living.
"But...that's not fair..." The ronin mumbled.
He's so gullible, she thought, and burst out laughing. "You really fell for it!" she says, fighting for breath. "I was only joking about the money! Getting cash from you would be like drilling for oil in the toilet!"
"A joke!?"
"Which you totally fell for!" she said, turning around while still clutching her stomach.
"That was cheap, you know."
"Can't help it," she replied, rubbing the tears out of her eyes. "It's been pretty dull lately, and you're right there."
"Real nice of you," he said evenly.
"Oh, quit pouting. Look, I'm sorry, all right?"
He remained silent.
"You know, I really admire what you're doing," she says suddenly. "I'm usually not serious or honest, because I'm afraid that I'd say something I would regret."
This is new, Keitaro thinks. I've never seen Kitsune like this before.
"I envy other people who can say things openly and honestly," she went on, her eyes focused on some distant point, like someone lost in thought. "I know the weight of words, and I know what kind of pressure you must be feeling right now. Tomorrow's an important day, and the words between the two of you will be much heavier than usual."
She then walked up to him, and looked him squarely in the eye.
"You're going to speak with her tomorrow. As a favor to me... make sure of this."
He searched her face for something, anything, that indicated trickery. Not finding anything, he asked, "This isn't a joke, is it?"
"I'm serious."
"All right. What do you want me to do?"
Kitsune grinned, and started to walk away towards the door. "Whatever you end up saying to her tomorrow morning... make sure that you mean it."
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It was only ten o' clock. She didn't want to go to bed yet, and wasn't in the mood to study. There was nothing to do. Clearly, it would be improper for her to call at this point. She wasn't really a close friend of Kitsune's or Shinobu's, so it would be hard to talk with them. Kaolla's too easily distracted. Motoko was the lone wolf among them, and making small talk with the Kendo girl would be about as easy as squeezing blood from a stone.
She was closest to Keitaro and Narusegawa, who were currently at odds with each other. Calling Narusegawa wouldn't be appropriate; she couldn't talk to Narusegawa, who probably noticed her and Keitaro leaving the house that afternoon. Calling Keitaro would be unwise, as this would trigger feelings of jealousy from the other girl. She didn't want to intrude in their affairs; if she sincerely wanted his affections, she decided, then it would be wrong for her to meddle.
So she wasn't going to play the third wheel. She wasn't going to do anything to sabotage their relationship, because then he'd be choosing her for the wrong reasons. She wanted to win him totally, on her own terms. So she had advised him to talk with her, to figure things out.
Besides, what would happen if she tried taking him now? He'd leave Narusegawa behind, but he's still unsure of his feelings. If she did that now, then he'd surely spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, and asking himself "what if...?" He'd be with her physically, but emotionally, he'd find himself looking back, searching for the closure that he had never gotten.
She didn't want that. If he was going to be with her, then she wanted him to be ready.
But was she just going to sit around forever?
He had said that the saddest thing was to find something beautiful, to lose it, and to know that you'll never see it again. She had been thinking about it for a while now, and she knew that it was true.
Having completed her evening routine, she put her brush down and stood up. She lay down on the bed, switched off the light on the side table, and reflected deeply, staring at the darkness. After a while, the softness and the warmth of the mattress seeped through her, and she shut her eyes.
I'll rest early tonight, she thought. Maybe tomorrow will be a big day for me, too.